Songs where the singer/protagonist comes off as a serious dick without meaning to

there is something deeply wrong with every sentence in that explanation

If you can't feed your baby (yeah, yeah)
Then don't have a baby (yeah, yeah)
And don't think maybe (yeah, yeah)
If you can't feed your baby (yeah, yeah)
You'll be always tryin'
To stop that child from cryin'
Hustlin', stealin', lyin'
Now baby's slowly dyin'

Pretty Woman, in which Roy Orbison claims he 'needs' a woman he's only just seen, threatens to cry if she ignores him.

a classic trope, similarly employed by James Blunt in Beautiful

and then there's come live with me by heaven 17, where the 37 year old singer does seem to be terminating his relationship with a 17 year old, though not without regrets, and the chorus is entirely unrepentant.

(i heard all three of these on the radio this weekend)

Do They Know It's Christmas

Yeah lol Ethiopia had been predominantly Christian for more than a thousand years when that song was written

YACHT GUY: there's a world outside your window,

Song is obviously a metaphor for the cocaine business

"Gentle on My Mind" Glen Campbell ... actually about 20 of his 60s hits which were all about movin' on and the chicks dealing with it. "You're Young and You'll Forget" particularly sympathetic.

That's an old folk/country trope - the ramblin' man who can't be tied down.

yeah, but he goes pretty hard

Indeed, this put me in mind of Led Zep's "Ramble On", which fits the thread's premise rather well. The protagonist is making his excuses (after a "pleasant stay") and announces that he's actually on a mission to free his true love, who has been kidnapped by [checks notes] Gollum and Sauron.

On my way, I've been this way ten years to the day
I gotta ramble on, I gotta find the queen of all my dreams

So, this happened ten years ago, but he's no closer to rescuing her and has somehow found plenty of time to sit around boozing with his latest host (""Our health" we drank a thousand times"). What an asshole.

maybe he's an elf, they live for centuries so they see time differently

always thought it was something about "feet dragged a thousand times," which i guess doesn't help his case either.

Leslie Gore, “Judy's Turn to Cry”

She doesn’t sound too concerned about the poor “other guy” who got a knuckle sandwich!!

(plus, this song suxx)

(also, releasing an “answer song” to your own single feels thirsty AF)

I mean it's kind of a song cycle, if only she'd have written more songs re: Judy

(well, released, not written)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtFqzTcWTBE

I can't believe I never cited Leslie Gore itt! Both of the Judy songs are perfect examples. The protagonist comes off as somewhat of a sociopath, but also that was just kind of a thing in a lot of songs from the girl group era.

was listening to let's hear it for the boy and tbh the boy does not come off as a v nice person, he don't talk sweet, he ain't got much to say, he's no romeo, he's watching every dime... if it was a friend of mine I'd be like well maybe there's even better boys out there

singer seems ok though

! Relatedly, a friend of mine recently pointed out that in Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract," almost every attribute used to describe the dude is negative.

He's messy, he's broke, he steals the covers, he smokes, etc.

"Let's Hear it for the Boy" and "Opposites Attract" are interesting bookends, to be sure.

In 1958 Tom Lehrer had a prescient song, "She's My Girl," meant to be a kind of response to these two songs.

In the spoken intro here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfJiVwfoRkU

Lehrer notes that there was (even then) a trope of women singing about guys who they loved even though they were repulsive and unsanitary.

He thought "She's My Girl" would be a useful corrective from the other perspective.

Granted, Billy Joel was only 10 years old at the time and therefore had not yet written "She's Always a Woman."

(xpost) Very true, I always thought that her boyfriend actually doesn't sound like much of a catch. On a similar note, there's a song that was an inexplicably huge hit across Europe in 1996:

My love has got no money, he's got his strong beliefs
My love has got no power, he's got his strong beliefs
Freed from desire, mind and senses purified

I always think, (a) he must be great fun at parties, and (b) he'd fit in really well on ILE.

'Freed From Desire' has had a big resurgence in the last five years largely though being played at football matches - feels like the 'new' 'Seven Nation Army' in this respect.

How did that come about? You do still hear it on the radio, but I can't see any particular connection with football.

My wife, who's French, had a big "MIND BLOWN" moment hearing that on the radio recently and understanding the lyrics for the first time. Growing up, this and every other English song was of course sung along to with "nanananana" only.

How did that come about? You do still hear it on the radio, but I can't see any particular connection with football.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freed_from_Desire#Usage_in_football

re. 'Freed From Desire' being a football chant, the words can be easily changed to something football related, and then everyone can join in on the na na na bits. really started to take off when the Northern Ireland fans sang "Will Greg's on fire, your defence is terrified" during the Euro 2016 finals, other fans started copying it. I think the N Ireland fans were being a bit ironic as Will Greg didn't play much?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNf2l9SuHHA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOgJniA-2PE

The male in "Let's Hear It For the Boy" seems to be a shy guy who struggles to express himself but whose feelings are strong. If anything, the singer's attitude is a little patronizing.

Sounds like he’s good at fucking

Yeah, I think that's part of the implication (not sure why we're being asked to cheer that, though; seems like a private matter).

let's hear it for the dong

songs where the protagonist has a serious dick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJncHEZ3URs

“Banks of Sweet Primroses” qualifies, at least in the versions I know, but is also totally baffling. Narrator hits on a beautiful lady who appears to be weeping, promises that he’ll fix everything if she will grant him “one small relief.” Then she reveals that the narrator, who apparently didn’t recognize her, is in fact the cause of her weeping, and plans to go off to some lonesome valley. Final verse:

So come all young men who go a-sailing
Pray pay attention to what I say
For there's many a dark and a cloudy morning
Turns out to be a sunshiny day

I always thought "No Scrubs" was mean

dylan's don't think twice is a piece of self-justifying, smug, passive-aggressive, deep cuntography.

if dylan meant to be a dick with don't think twice, it's only because he knows no other mode of being.

to wit:

I once loved a woman, a child, I'm told
I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul

Goodbye's too good a word, babe
So I'll just say, "Fare thee well"
I ain't a-saying you treated me unkind
You could've done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time

"Don't Think Twice It's Alright" is one where I really have a hard time sympathizing with the speaker -- he sounds like such a mean and bitter person beneath all the maudlin self-pity.

― five six and (man alive), Thursday, August 27, 2015 9:10 AM (seven years ago)

I think Dylan totally means to be a dick though

― Ma$e-en-scène (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, August 27, 2015 9:17 AM (seven years ago)

(It may be true that Dylan "knows no other way of being," but that fact doesn't necessarily shoehorn a "purposefully dickish" song into qualifying for this thread...?)

my contention here is that dylan cannot be purposely dickish because he has no idea what being not-a-dick would mean.

I always thought "No Scrubs" was mean

― frogbs, Wednesday, June 28, 2023 12:28 AM (seven hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Agreed. Total classist bullshit. As a poor guy in 1999, it really stung.

When I first read about the Vardy's on fire chants as shared above, I briefly thought they were to the tune of Eno's "Baby's on Fire" and this then stuck in my brane for weeks, and still comes back when I see his gurning fizzog, or indeed his wife.

"Semi-Charmed Life"

Jamie Vardy of Leicester
Looked at the samples that we sent
And furrowed his brow

I always thought "No Scrubs" was mean

― frogbs, Wednesday, June 28, 2023 12:28 AM (seven hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Agreed. Total classist bullshit. As a poor guy in 1999, it really stung.

― peace, man, Wednesday, June 28, 2023 7:03 AM (seven hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

this can't be real

I took the song at knocking aggressive guys down a peg, overconfident dudes who want to do nothing but big-up themselves and talk about how badass they are, aggressively catcall/harass women *while they're driving*, and are completely full of shit.

I remember a friend of mine being really offended by this song back in 1999.