no boys allowed in the room!!!!

For me, June really brought it home just how much they fucking _hate_ women. I mean, I knew they hated _me_, but it's not just me, it's not just women _like_ me, it's _all of us_. That's what I took from June. Even though June wasn't, by and large, anything to do with me, it still changed me.

oh shit you were talking about a _different thread_ i see now

My ability to call out bullshit has improved — my detection has always been strong but when it came to calling it out I would often find myself too vulnerable/upset to say anything. I don’t care why (probably age) but idgaf anymore.

fwiw i really appreciate all of you on here who are still calling it out. my default response these days is eye roll, "close tab".

Apparently I missed something? Ah well, probably for the best.

I have lost a lot of tolerance for bloviating, which makes some posters just too much for me.

woke feminist dudes of ilx posting everything EXCEPT any interest in where the sixish women of ilx are in all of this

what was that even about?

This was when Roe v Wade was repealed.

figures

I think stuff like that is related to the way that marginalized groups have used social media to self-segregate ... as in, this thread, being an example ... and I feel like there is also a connection to factionalization of the Left, in that, when you have the benefit of a self-segregated group away from the dominant identity, going back to the larger group of "comrades" and having to often fight to be heard / seen / taken seriously is less appealing.

* should probably just be "the internet" and not just "social media" ... you can probably trace it back to usenet era

I am a fan of many ilxbros but man, as a collective their feminism feels quite performative.

also sarahell otm

I am a fan of many ilxbros but man, as a collective their feminism feels quite performative.

― mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Wednesday, November 9, 2022 11:12 AM (thirty-five minutes ago)

yeah! ... I think I tend to just "ignore and avoid" because the conversations/arguments are mainly for each other / with each other ... with non-bros as potential audience, as opposed to, uh, equal participants? idk. I guess I admire their confidence in a way.

I forget where we (and/or ILX in general) were discussing this, but it's like there's a default identity in threads.

There is a "subject position" (sorry for academic) that it is assumed the majority holds in a thread, and it will vary from thread to thread (e.g. regional threads will assume that the poster/reader lives in that area or is "from" there, though some assume that way more intensively than others). If you don't have that "default identity," it is common for people just not to post. Those that do, again depending on the thread, will either be welcomed and/or deferred to, or shot down/dismissed. But, it's a risk on the part of the poster, right? Is it worth taking?

Sorry Roz.

not at all, i knew it was going to get some folks riled up and that I prob wasn’t going to able to respond adequately as I’m on a whole different time zone to the rest of ilx

thank you though, I really appreciated your posts

It’s not even that, it’s like, I don’t think I even knew your background and I immediately got where you were coming from because I read your fucking post. But, you know. I was just really annoyed reading all that. So much bloviating.

lol yeah this is why I generally don’t post on film threads

I just couldn’t ignore it today because people were saying careless things about a film with a very careless ending

bracing myself for the response to me saying its not chill for a band to write only violently misogynistic rape anthems on the metal thread, but i know it, having been posted by me, is more likely to just be ignored :)

i do remember the last time i brought this up being condescended to by jd for not understanding trauma or whatever

Hey!

I am not in that thread but yeah. I totally feel you. It is bad, right? It’s not just me?

it is bad

Ps on an entirely different note, I need to know, do you still like classic Tim Lincecum?

about 10 years ago i brought up the fact that folks didn't respond to the things i said in there, that then someone else would say the same things and get a response, and someone said it (my sentiment) "felt like high school"

YES i still live for The Franchise lol

Yeah. I know most of the replies are probably not gendered per se but fuck me if the tendency to bloviate and talk over people isn’t so very male.

It didn’t even happen to me and I’m still angry a load of American men queued up to tell Roz the racism in Tár was explainable through increasingly convoluted explanations.

xp ok I am into him like a million years late, I have a thread in baseball that is about me getting into baseball and is strongly likely to be relevant to your interests

PS did you know he attended the women’s march????

PPS
https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/11573497/D4rn4kA.gif

(Suggest we take this part of the convo to my thread? Or email? Idk!)

about 10 years ago i brought up the fact that folks didn't respond to the things i said in there, that then someone else would say the same things and get a response, and someone said it (my sentiment) "felt like high school"

i did not know he attended the women's march but i love that!!

i know what you mean with the responses not being specifically gendered...but also its like, the context is heavily gendered, we live in a society!!! lol. to not consider that makes your message fucked up. you cant opt out

It’s also Quite The Thing for people to be like, oh you complain too much, like

do you want things to get worse? Clearly you would prefer my silence

Idk idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lol y'all talking about my "homeboy" ... Tim L is like Steph Curry ... he not only plays/played for the Bay, but reps the values the area is known for.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Let’s just say I understand those of you who stopped bothering a lot more today!

"young pussy" ...

i remember people making fun of momus (+ occasionally actually criticizing him) for fetishizing asian women, but did ILX ever come at momus for being a rapist / "dating" a 14 year old child when he was in his 30s

ew.

The old thread where this is discussed has some incredibly eyebrow-rasing defending going on in it too.

So yeah I guess some ppl did? (JW in particular)

I don’t remember that thread!

gross.

I didnt either, I googled Momus dating 14 yr old and an old ILX thread is one of the first hits lol

I didn’t encounter much first-hand momus back in the day (was he mostly on ilm?), and definitely wasn’t aware of this but i dunno, very much in character maybe? Fucking ugh just NO

Is this the thread where it’s discussed?

Britain's youngest mother

oof that whole thread :/

had no idea about this either. and he married her when she was 17? fucking hell

Shazna said: "I was only 14 and I had a crush on a boy who was a fan of Nick's music.

"But the relationship never got off the ground and I wrote a letter to Nick telling him. It was a kind of agony aunt letter.

"He wrote a very nice letter back to me and said that we should meet some time and talk.

"Months later we met and got on really well."

Sounds like….. grooming. I’m never ever going to believe there’s any reason a mid-30s man would be friends with a 14yr old girl.

Jesus this is horrible. I agree that there is no valid reason for a grown adult to “”””befriend””””” a 14 year old. I watched the final portion of Surviving R Kelly a few days ago and have no tolerance for enablers. I didn’t before watching it either but it’s so clear people had to create the space for him to do the revolting things he did. 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

I've actually thought about the lack of pushback on this a fair bit over the years, and it's definitely horrible. The narrative was that he married her to save her from forced marriage, and it was all very noble and honourable. It was all nicely packaged to not just be acceptable but to play into a white saviour complex. It's one of the many things that makes me question just how easy I find it to believe people when they confidently state that they have done nothing wrong - why did I, personally, not push back on this narrative harder? How often am I still accepting things that I should not, or making excuses for people who I should not be?

yah, 16 yrs ago i'm sure i'd've said stuff on that thread that would now sound horrifying as hell, and in the 90s? lord, teen me would have thought momus was a freaking hero & wld prob have tried to wrangle an underaged marriage for my own fool self. "woah how rebellious & romantic & glam & subversive! how do i shot matrimony w/ louche indie darling"

can't wait to look back in another 20-30 yrs and be aghast at all my current bad opinions (does that sound flippant? i mean it, actually, tho. i want to perpetually become a more kind & conscious cat)

i was always vaguely confused by the whole momus thing, but i remember thinking he sucked and was wildly offensive constantly when i encountered his posts. it was...bewildering how many otherwise smart and decent-seeming dudes on ilx had his back.

and i know what you mean, emil.y. particularly when i was first on ilx in my 20s there was so much ambient objectification and thoughtless sexism that confused me, and i was so ready to be like, but so many of these people are smart, so i must be missing something.

xp very much before my time but literally every time I read an old post in some old thread I’m like, seriously?

Yes — I remember trying to understand that thread that was about “girls on bikes in skirts with beers” or whatever it was. I remember thinking that in order to be attractive one must also be carefree & easygoing, which I was not bc I felt inflamed by the monolithic “girls”
I realize it’s not chill or cool to feel this but it always strikes me as informative at the very least when “girls” are invoked.