BIRDS SHITTING upon ye

Come to think of it there was a third time. A bird shat on the rucksack I was wearing while I was walking along under some trees. A fraction of a second earlier and it would have gone down the back of the neck of my shirt (and I'd have to have gone home, showered, changed my clothes, burnt the shirt, and been very late getting to work).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW792gNjyw0

this thread may have been the best thing that happened in my life today 🙏

Our neighbor used to have a thick stand of bamboo which birds turned into a condo complex; we used to park our car right next to said bamboo stand, which meant our car was regularly coated in birdshit. (Small, non-carnivorous birds, mercifully.) Eventually, we bought one of those high-pitched-noise-emitting machines and stuck it on a pole between the car and the bamboo, and the bird population thinned out considerably. A year or so later, the neighbors cut down the bamboo. Problem solved. Now the problem is the feral cats that sleep underneath our car (we don't drive it much) and generally occupy the building's parking lot. I've only ever run over one cat, but that was plenty.

Highschool typing class was in a long narrow room, I sat at the back farthest from the teacher.
One summer day jumped out the (ground floor) window with a friend, hung around outside for a while, then snuck back in unnoticed... thought we were pretty slick...
Teacher strolled over asked where we'd been, friend (thinking quickly) said just out to the washroom...
Teacher asked if there were seagulls in the washroom... friend and I confused... turns out he had a large birdyturd all down the back of his shirt...