Innocuous things that make you irrationally embarrassed

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a la the school of $4 drinks

sarahell, Saturday, 21 May 2022 04:26 (one month ago) link

I also figure it this way: the hairdresser probably has to gab with clients all day, whether they want to or not, since a perception of friendliness affects their tip. So maybe they’d appreciate a break where they can just focus on doing their job, rather than have a fifth variation of “got any plans this weekend". (A friend of mine was a waiter for years and would always tell me how she hated having to laugh at dumb jokes, flirts etc just to earn a tip.)

The woman who cuts my hair told me that this is indeed the case, and that keeping up a flow of conversation all day is really draining.

Lily Dale, Saturday, 21 May 2022 04:37 (one month ago) link

nickn and sarahell, yes. My life has included times when a haircut was $8 and times when a haircut was $18, presumably for this reason. Lately I'm seeing $21 and $22. So if I have two twenties in my pocket I have to stop and buy a soda or something so that I have small bills.

Doris Day and the Time (Ye Mad Puffin), Saturday, 21 May 2022 12:46 (one month ago) link

Tipping in general makes me embarrassed, but I think that's rational embarrassment, not irrational.

Lily Dale, Saturday, 21 May 2022 13:35 (one month ago) link

I've gone to the same stylist one and off for like 15 years, and we have enough in common that we've become friends (who don't see each other outside of haircuts, but that's partly because of geography). It's always nice to talk to her.

Otoh I went to a ridiculously baroque salon in Bath Beach, I think it might be Albanian-owned, has that Russian-but-make-it-spicy vibe. Leopard-print Rococo sofas and gilt mirrors, everyone is brusque and a little scary. I fell asleep during my cut and when I woke up I was basically a Marine. Should have stayed awake and been more specific/learned Russian.

Ima Gardener (in orbit), Saturday, 21 May 2022 15:25 (one month ago) link

getting your hair cut by someone else is a luxury imo, people who don't even think about it that way in 2022 are doing very well for themselves, just sayin.

the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Saturday, 21 May 2022 16:18 (one month ago) link

speaking from a male pov obv

the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Saturday, 21 May 2022 16:19 (one month ago) link

one of the reasons i have stayed w my hairdresser for so long is bc she is chill - we get along great & catch up but can go stretches w out talking & it’s totally nice

incessant probing small talk from makes me wary & defensive. i grew up in a small town & hairdressers were always the biggest gossips! (also in my town they usually started life as the meanest girls in school) i still hate that feeling of being mined for “juicy” info like they are feeding on yr life ugh yuk

not all hairdressers obv.

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 21 May 2022 16:21 (one month ago) link

I started going to a small-town men's barber bc it was only $30 as opposed to NYC prices ($100 is not "expensive" in NYC, shockingly), but if I'm being honest the cuts weren't as good. Then in 2020 I bought clippers & shears and have done all my own hair + my bf's since then. I'm ready for a real one though. My fades are a mess.

Ima Gardener (in orbit), Saturday, 21 May 2022 16:28 (one month ago) link

Making convo in the barber shop was combination innocuously embarrassing/infuriating, to return to topic. Chill dude vibes but also a surprise side of transphobia on one occasion.

Ima Gardener (in orbit), Saturday, 21 May 2022 16:30 (one month ago) link

if i encounter a chatty haircut person i definitely make a note to avoid that place. i'm so impolite about not wanting to talk that usually someone else gets the message unless they're really just wired that way.

i feel like part of what you pay for isn't just the quality of the cut but the comfort of the experience. i've been to a lot of barbers where there's a social persona to one degree or another usually a flavor of toxic masc & it's usually annoying to have to wade into. i went to a new place a month ago and it was male without being too gross, i got a great cut, but $$$. so i'm back to shaving my head.

i'm someone who likes the feeling of someone else cutting my hair so i have put up with kinda-gross-to-me vibes in order to get regular haircuts.

xp ugh at having to encounter casual transphobia it's soooooo enraging

the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Saturday, 21 May 2022 16:34 (one month ago) link

My preference would be to only go to LGBTQIA-friendly non-gender-specific places but there aren't a lot of them and they're usually $$. Just because that's what it costs to run a small business, I assume. I'm not saying they should be cheaper.

Ima Gardener (in orbit), Saturday, 21 May 2022 16:40 (one month ago) link

i have similar innocuously embarrassed feelings about haircut small talk. i would almost prefer to go to the dentist and i hate the dentist. my hairdresser story is that in 2009 i went to a guy for a few haircuts, called to schedule an appointment with him and was told very matter-of-factly that he died (i think overdose) but someone else was available. so i have been going to her now for 13 years, now at the *seventh* location she has been renting a booth at. she's very nice, not a -phobe of any kind, i just don't want to talk to her idk. it's not like a talking to a person who actually knows you but you have seen them so many times that they would, if you would actually talk to them? but i can't cut my own hair so.

towards fungal computer (harbl), Saturday, 21 May 2022 16:52 (one month ago) link

uh, irrationally embarrassed

towards fungal computer (harbl), Saturday, 21 May 2022 16:52 (one month ago) link

i convinced mr veg to try the local old-man barber after he had a run of unsatisfying cuts from a too-chatty/showy younger guy. he never looked back. the old guy does a good simple cut & is light on smalltalk, nothing showy.

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 21 May 2022 17:58 (one month ago) link

i grew up in a small town & hairdressers were always the biggest gossips! (also in my town they usually started life as the meanest girls in school)

for reals! yes, the one my mom went to when I was a kid was totally like this, and she had a daughter that was basically mean girl next gen.

sarahell, Saturday, 21 May 2022 18:01 (one month ago) link

My barbers went to appt only, and man, it has been a game-changer.

pplains, Saturday, 21 May 2022 18:55 (one month ago) link

I’m 48 and I still can’t describe the kind of haircut I like other than “uh, shorter please?”

DAMAGED by Black Flat (Boring, Maryland), Saturday, 21 May 2022 20:32 (one month ago) link

My dentist loves to chat while his fingers are in my mouth and his assistant is vacuuming up the excess saliva.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Saturday, 21 May 2022 20:34 (one month ago) link

i say "surprise me"

mark s, Saturday, 21 May 2022 20:35 (one month ago) link

tbh that’s not something I would say to my dentist

assert (matttkkkk), Saturday, 21 May 2022 21:59 (one month ago) link

My barber used to tell me stories about his time in prison. He still wears his Latin Kings beads though he's pretty much out of the gang. I miss that dude, but I spent most of the pandemic shaving my head once a month and now I've decided to grow it long (just in time for the hot weather, ha ha) so I haven't touched it since November.

but also fuck you (unperson), Saturday, 21 May 2022 22:06 (one month ago) link

I get a little put out with how specific they want you to be in describing your haircut. I'm fairly bald, so it's not like I have tons of options, but for some reason saying I just want it all shorter is too vague.

Muad'Doob (Moodles), Saturday, 21 May 2022 22:48 (one month ago) link

yeah i get caught up w this too. i wish my hairdresser just kept a logbook of my last cut & i could say - do that

but i only go like once a year so i have to kind of reinvent the wheel describing the same cut i have been getting forever

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 21 May 2022 22:59 (one month ago) link

I just say "Dana Scully circa 1998" every time, and it's never failed me.

Lily Dale, Saturday, 21 May 2022 23:18 (one month ago) link

hmm i guess “nineties butch lesbian” is my goto

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 21 May 2022 23:48 (one month ago) link

I’m a little confused by how confused some of you seem by getting a haircut.

we need outrage! we need dicks!! (the table is the table), Sunday, 22 May 2022 11:19 (one month ago) link

In fact it sort of makes me irrationally embarrassed for all of you.

we need outrage! we need dicks!! (the table is the table), Sunday, 22 May 2022 11:19 (one month ago) link

"When he wasn’t ranting on a public platform, Enoch Powell was a man of few words. Asked by Stephen, the notoriously gabby House of Commons barber, how he’d like to have his hair cut, the ice-cold Tory replied: “In silence.”"
― Let them eat Pfifferlinge an Schneckensauce (Tom D.), Thursday, 19 September 2019 14:15 (two years ago) bookmarkflaglink

Doodles Diamond (Tom D.), Sunday, 22 May 2022 11:32 (one month ago) link

... oops didn't mean to put all of that in quotes.

Doodles Diamond (Tom D.), Sunday, 22 May 2022 11:32 (one month ago) link

re haircuts.
Surely you can keep a log of what has worked for you before. Take a selfie or get a friend to. That and possibly add in any new developments you are interested in. Put it somewhere you can access from your phone or send to your phone. & show the hairdresser when you seen them. If something like that is going to influence your hairdresser which isn't necessarily guaranteed

Stevolende, Sunday, 22 May 2022 11:45 (one month ago) link

Haircuts and dentists are stressful and vulnerable situations if you're severely short-sighted and have to take your glasses off. Encounters with both are usually a reminder of how much I need to see the other person in order to properly 'hear' what they are saying.

Luna Schlosser, Sunday, 22 May 2022 12:13 (one month ago) link

yeah i have the same thing! once i take my glasses off my brain goes to sleep because i can't see 6 inches in front of me. i am also very bad at decisions and hate them so the first minute of "what are we doing" is agonizing. just do something i don't care let me get out of here.

towards fungal computer (harbl), Sunday, 22 May 2022 13:48 (one month ago) link

Slightly layered on top with a fade from a 1 on the sides, this lingo isn’t that hard to pick up, I also wear glasses?!? I legit have no idea what is embarrassing or difficult about this process, and nothing anyone is saying makes any sense— if you want to know how ti have your hair cut, the next time you go in, ask them what they’re doing. It doesn’t take long, and from my experience, many actually like showing you or telling you how they’re doing what they’re doing.

Tbh a lot of this seems to be about class anxiety and asking someone to do something “elemental” for you. But that’s their job, and as others have mentioned, it’s not like remuneration is poor for a lot of barbershops or salons.

we need outrage! we need dicks!! (the table is the table), Sunday, 22 May 2022 14:23 (one month ago) link

(taps the sign)

“irrational” is part of the thread title. it’s not supposed to make sense

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 22 May 2022 14:55 (one month ago) link

well i'm glad it's so easy for you. it's almost like not everyone on the irrationally embarrassed thread has difficulty with the same things.

towards fungal computer (harbl), Sunday, 22 May 2022 15:00 (one month ago) link

if you have all day i can tell you about all the other basic tasks i have difficulty with

towards fungal computer (harbl), Sunday, 22 May 2022 15:06 (one month ago) link

I also don’t like staring at my ugly mug in the mirror for a half hour. It’s like a conference call where I can’t hide the self portrait.

Jeff, Sunday, 22 May 2022 15:12 (one month ago) link

I legit have no idea what is embarrassing or difficult about this process, and nothing anyone is saying makes any sense

congratulations?

brimstead, Sunday, 22 May 2022 15:26 (one month ago) link

irrationally embarrassed by any well done haircut. taught myself to do it good enough to maintain a baseline scruffiness.

maf you one two (maffew12), Sunday, 22 May 2022 15:29 (one month ago) link

table's got some points. figuring out what "layered" and "tapered" means. knowing the difference between a 1/2" blade and a 1/4" blade.

Though I did go in last time and asked the guy what his shortest blade was going to be. When he answered "With a Two!", that kinda threw me.

pplains, Sunday, 22 May 2022 16:27 (one month ago) link

I mean, I guess that I totally understand why people get irrationally embarrassed, but the remedy for this embarrassment is pretty easy to implement imho.

we need outrage! we need dicks!! (the table is the table), Sunday, 22 May 2022 16:31 (one month ago) link

Pinterest is helpful for haircut examples to show your person.

Ima Gardener (in orbit), Sunday, 22 May 2022 16:36 (one month ago) link

The local community centre ran a hairdressing course that gave some info. Showed how to use a set of electric clippers and do basic fades and things. Not sure if UK would be similar. Kind of handy thing to have if you have the spare time.

Stevolende, Sunday, 22 May 2022 19:59 (one month ago) link

I hate haircuts bc of the human interaction. Once there is a reliable haircut self-service robot, I will absolutely use it (just as I use self-checkout at stores even if it means waiting longer).

I don’t like going to the same person every time, and I also don’t like going to different ones each time. Two different kinds of uncomfortable.

Someone told me her salon offered (optional) no-talking services!! If that were available in my area, that would be a good stopgap until they perfect the robots.

Je55e, Sunday, 22 May 2022 22:20 (one month ago) link

I get my hair cut every month. I go to a shop owned and operated by a brother and sister. The brother cuts my hair. He's fast, good and entertaining. Plus, he is awesomely good at washing hair. I look at it almost as a spa treatment.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Sunday, 22 May 2022 22:27 (one month ago) link

I just went to the dentist last week and I really like it bc it’s good maintenance and I like my dentist and his staff. I think the differences are: A) way less chatting and B)
the work is not a strictly subjective esthetic endeavor, the result of which, at best, is simply fine and inoffensive , but is sometimes pretty unsatisfactory. But I don’t complain about bc I don’t want to be there another second, so I go home and try to fix it up myself.

I want to get my hair cut every 4 weeks so I don’t look raggedy, but I usually go every 6-8 weeks bc I hate it so.

Je55e, Sunday, 22 May 2022 22:40 (one month ago) link

I have an iPhone notes log of every haircut going back to June 2011, with details about each. But it doesn’t help anybody.

I don’t know how to get an image on here anymore but here’s a taste

HAIRCUTS
3-3/4 guard on sides (1-3/4 on hairline) 1.25" in front top, 1" on back top

1/28/22 - Slades - Zoran

12/19/21 Elmer at Slades

10/??/21 somebody at Originals

[2020-2021 many buzz cuts at home]

2/5/20 Nicole at Originals

10/29/19 David

8/23/19 David 2” on top, fade up

5/21/19 David at Philip Di Ciminna Barber Shop buzz and fade at sides, 1.5” on top — left side close. $32

Je55e, Sunday, 22 May 2022 22:42 (one month ago) link

I always decline the free hot lather neck shave and scalp massage bc I want the fuck OUT OF THERE

Je55e, Sunday, 22 May 2022 22:43 (one month ago) link

In fact it sort of makes me irrationally embarrassed for all of you.

― we need outrage! we need dicks!! (the table is the table), Sunday, May 22, 2022 4:19 AM (twelve hours ago)

lol, go read some of your thousands of unread emails, T! <3

sarahell, Monday, 23 May 2022 00:10 (one month ago) link


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