Innocuous things that make you irrationally embarrassed

getting a haircut, especially at a new place:
* having to somehow explain in words what haircut you want "buh shorter on the sides and longer on the top?"
* being a captive audience for small talk with a stranger
* acting really impressed and appreciative when they show you the haircut, especially when they give you the little mirror that you have to figure out how to aim correctly to see the back of your own head "yeah that looks great! thanks! that looks good! uh huh ... looks good"

oh and then obviously having just gotten a haircut for the next few days. just call me mr. haircut i guess. "somebody got a haircut!"

lately, any time I open my stupid mouth and show any enthusiasm

<3 neanderthal, be kind to yourself!! <3

NA OTM.

"So what kind of work do you do?" or "Where do you work?" I mean, I do suppose I already know those answers about the guy who's asking, but still.

tbh this is part of the reason I have cut my own hair for the past 30 years ... though I think if I had to go get my hair cut by someone at a shop, I feel like I would want the same treatment as at the dentist ... give me something to knock me out temporarily, then wake me up when it's over.

I always feel awkward getting my hair cut, and am mostly silent during the experience unless I’m chatted with. Part of it is not being apt at small talk, but I also figure it this way: the hairdresser probably has to gab with clients all day, whether they want to or not, since a perception of friendliness affects their tip. So maybe they’d appreciate a break where they can just focus on doing their job, rather than have a fifth variation of “got any plans this weekend". (A friend of mine was a waiter for years and would always tell me how she hated having to laugh at dumb jokes, flirts etc just to earn a tip.)

na otm, I will say that having a barber that can naturally draw me into a conversation without the fake, forced small talk made me feel way less self-conscious and awkward during the cut

the hairdresser probably has to gab with clients all day, whether they want to or not, since a perception of friendliness affects their tip. So maybe they’d appreciate a break where they can just focus on doing their job, rather than have a fifth variation of “got any plans this weekend".

otm

this must be doubly awkward when they're working.. you know... down there

our dentist has a sign up that basically says "we understand that people get nervous at the dentist so if you don't want to chat just let us know," and basically i think that should be socially acceptable in all similar situations, to be able to say "look, i don't like small talk, you don't have to chat with me, it won't affect the tip." but this barber, obviously he was just chatting bc that's the normal thing to do to build a relationship and get a better tip, and i'd never used him before so i didn't feel like i could say "we don't have to talk" without seeming rude.

i do think some of those workers really enjoy the social aspect of it

I walk by the toenail parlors and it seems like most of the clients are just looking at their phones, while the aesthetician inhales noxious chemicals at their feet

* having to somehow explain in words what haircut you want "buh shorter on the sides and longer on the top?"

show them a photo instead

this must be doubly awkward when they're working.. you know... down there

― Andy the Grasshopper, Friday, May 20, 2022 3:37 PM (thirty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Andy the Grasshopper, what exactly do you think hairdressers do?

Giving you curtain bangs on your pubes obvs

You should just tell people if you don’t feel like talking whether they are braiding your pubes or not.

yeah, usually if you're looking for manscaping, you go to a place that does 'waxing' -- like they will advertise 'waxing' but they can also do trims. my friend has her "waxing lady" who is quite chatty, apparently, and told my friend that she has actually played matchmaker between clients based on "what they have done" -- she has female and male clients.

though, Andy, I would want to hear about what happened if you went into one those barber shops on like San Pablo Ave. or MLK or International that do fades and braids and asked for a blended haircut around your balls

I've been doing my own haircuts in the pandemic, but I'll let you know if I decide to try this

hhaaaa pretty sure they'd be looking at you like you were Mork from Ork

I have been getting haircuts for half a century and:

1. I have had basically the same haircut since 1976;

2. While many barbers CAN talk with you about sports, the weather, or whatever;

3. Pretty much every haircutting person I have encountered is totally okay with not talking.

Ymmv of course but I have had several hundred haircuts that weren't fraught in the slightest. A couple transactions in the early 80s that were a bit awkward, but that is mostly when I was young and didn't know how to conduct myself in the adult world.

For me rn the biggest anxiety is having the right mix of bills to both pay and tip in one smooth motion. It is ubersatisfying to just hand someone $26 and not even need to say "keep the change," because it is obvious. If I have overpaid it is because I want you to keep the change.

I like barbers who price the cut such that the next higher large bill combination makes for a decent tip.

a la the school of $4 drinks

I also figure it this way: the hairdresser probably has to gab with clients all day, whether they want to or not, since a perception of friendliness affects their tip. So maybe they’d appreciate a break where they can just focus on doing their job, rather than have a fifth variation of “got any plans this weekend". (A friend of mine was a waiter for years and would always tell me how she hated having to laugh at dumb jokes, flirts etc just to earn a tip.)

The woman who cuts my hair told me that this is indeed the case, and that keeping up a flow of conversation all day is really draining.

nickn and sarahell, yes. My life has included times when a haircut was $8 and times when a haircut was $18, presumably for this reason. Lately I'm seeing $21 and $22. So if I have two twenties in my pocket I have to stop and buy a soda or something so that I have small bills.

Tipping in general makes me embarrassed, but I think that's rational embarrassment, not irrational.

I've gone to the same stylist one and off for like 15 years, and we have enough in common that we've become friends (who don't see each other outside of haircuts, but that's partly because of geography). It's always nice to talk to her.

Otoh I went to a ridiculously baroque salon in Bath Beach, I think it might be Albanian-owned, has that Russian-but-make-it-spicy vibe. Leopard-print Rococo sofas and gilt mirrors, everyone is brusque and a little scary. I fell asleep during my cut and when I woke up I was basically a Marine. Should have stayed awake and been more specific/learned Russian.

getting your hair cut by someone else is a luxury imo, people who don't even think about it that way in 2022 are doing very well for themselves, just sayin.

speaking from a male pov obv

one of the reasons i have stayed w my hairdresser for so long is bc she is chill - we get along great & catch up but can go stretches w out talking & it’s totally nice

incessant probing small talk from makes me wary & defensive. i grew up in a small town & hairdressers were always the biggest gossips! (also in my town they usually started life as the meanest girls in school) i still hate that feeling of being mined for “juicy” info like they are feeding on yr life ugh yuk

not all hairdressers obv.

I started going to a small-town men's barber bc it was only $30 as opposed to NYC prices ($100 is not "expensive" in NYC, shockingly), but if I'm being honest the cuts weren't as good. Then in 2020 I bought clippers & shears and have done all my own hair + my bf's since then. I'm ready for a real one though. My fades are a mess.

Making convo in the barber shop was combination innocuously embarrassing/infuriating, to return to topic. Chill dude vibes but also a surprise side of transphobia on one occasion.

if i encounter a chatty haircut person i definitely make a note to avoid that place. i'm so impolite about not wanting to talk that usually someone else gets the message unless they're really just wired that way.

i feel like part of what you pay for isn't just the quality of the cut but the comfort of the experience. i've been to a lot of barbers where there's a social persona to one degree or another usually a flavor of toxic masc & it's usually annoying to have to wade into. i went to a new place a month ago and it was male without being too gross, i got a great cut, but $$$. so i'm back to shaving my head.

i'm someone who likes the feeling of someone else cutting my hair so i have put up with kinda-gross-to-me vibes in order to get regular haircuts.

xp ugh at having to encounter casual transphobia it's soooooo enraging

My preference would be to only go to LGBTQIA-friendly non-gender-specific places but there aren't a lot of them and they're usually $$. Just because that's what it costs to run a small business, I assume. I'm not saying they should be cheaper.

i have similar innocuously embarrassed feelings about haircut small talk. i would almost prefer to go to the dentist and i hate the dentist. my hairdresser story is that in 2009 i went to a guy for a few haircuts, called to schedule an appointment with him and was told very matter-of-factly that he died (i think overdose) but someone else was available. so i have been going to her now for 13 years, now at the *seventh* location she has been renting a booth at. she's very nice, not a -phobe of any kind, i just don't want to talk to her idk. it's not like a talking to a person who actually knows you but you have seen them so many times that they would, if you would actually talk to them? but i can't cut my own hair so.

uh, irrationally embarrassed

i convinced mr veg to try the local old-man barber after he had a run of unsatisfying cuts from a too-chatty/showy younger guy. he never looked back. the old guy does a good simple cut & is light on smalltalk, nothing showy.

i grew up in a small town & hairdressers were always the biggest gossips! (also in my town they usually started life as the meanest girls in school)

for reals! yes, the one my mom went to when I was a kid was totally like this, and she had a daughter that was basically mean girl next gen.

My barbers went to appt only, and man, it has been a game-changer.

I’m 48 and I still can’t describe the kind of haircut I like other than “uh, shorter please?”

My dentist loves to chat while his fingers are in my mouth and his assistant is vacuuming up the excess saliva.

i say "surprise me"

tbh that’s not something I would say to my dentist

My barber used to tell me stories about his time in prison. He still wears his Latin Kings beads though he's pretty much out of the gang. I miss that dude, but I spent most of the pandemic shaving my head once a month and now I've decided to grow it long (just in time for the hot weather, ha ha) so I haven't touched it since November.

I get a little put out with how specific they want you to be in describing your haircut. I'm fairly bald, so it's not like I have tons of options, but for some reason saying I just want it all shorter is too vague.

yeah i get caught up w this too. i wish my hairdresser just kept a logbook of my last cut & i could say - do that

but i only go like once a year so i have to kind of reinvent the wheel describing the same cut i have been getting forever

I just say "Dana Scully circa 1998" every time, and it's never failed me.

hmm i guess “nineties butch lesbian” is my goto

I’m a little confused by how confused some of you seem by getting a haircut.

In fact it sort of makes me irrationally embarrassed for all of you.