NFTs (thread now extremely NSFW)

voight-kampff test log, 2022.10.05

look at the image and do not blink.
https://i.imgur.com/Jno94DY.png
(ten seconds pass)
is this NFT or is this Gorillaz or is this NFT and Gorillaz?

yr all gonna look pretty stupid when your grandkids are the only ones in the post-apocalyptic hellscape without an heirloom zombie space monkey jpg

It all makes total sense now, how I’m Kranky King and I hate the children

It’s like, yes you do jump so high and do the ground pound and ride the Rhino. And your soundtrack is one of the best I’ve ever heard. And yet, the entire purpose, for more bananas, is both measurable and idiotic

Kranky K*ong

an evergreen proposal would be "let's figure out a way to auto-generate our creative output! we can be more like managers setting the initial parameters and shape of the system

I say this as a fan but… Autechre?

Yes! Same. And I feel that deeply with autechre. I can do extremely right, as well. But the tools of generative art can go extemely wrong in a capitalist’s hands

My laptop broke so permanent typos with me are a thing, sorry. Just guess

https://www.nme.com/news/music/madonna-readies-nft-collection-that-includes-her-avatar-giving-birth-to-a-tree-3221905

I find some the generative art aesthetically pleasing. I'm sure it is a very small percentage, but TBH for real art doesn't have a great hit rate either. And I wouldn't pay anything for it, unless I could flip it. But it makes for nice phone wallpaper, I like the way it looks in my capitalist hand.

Mr. Bean/Rowan Atkinson NFTs make sense when you realize that the 21st Century version of Blackadder would be totally be a CryptoBro.

I'm nominally on Parler, so I get emails like this.

Dear Reader,

Make no mistake– the MAGA movement remains popular across the country. Against the efforts of Big Tech and the leftist media, President Trump’s America First candidates went 22-0 in the Ohio and Indiana primaries -- but that's not the only red wave that MAGA patriots have been surfing….

That’s right– MAGA has taken over the crypto-verse, and we want YOU to join us!

The CryptoTRUMP Club, the recently-launched MAGA NFT Club, recently released 750 NEW one-of-a-kind Trump tokens… and we wanted to make sure you joined the movement that celebrates the unique, once-in-a-lifetime personality of President Trump.

BUY HERE
This isn't your basic NFT-- it's access to something even bigger.

CryptoTRUMP owners have exclusive access to a private discord channel where they can interact with MAGA world's biggest stars like DC Draino, Typical Liberal, Erin Elmore, BJ Baldwin and David Harris Jr.

While the dumpster fire that is CNN+ burns out and Twitter’s board of marxist tech oligarchs toy around with maybe allowing free speech, the CryptoTRUMP Club stands on principle.

CryptoTRUMPs can ONLY be found on DeepRedSky, the premium NFT marketplace powered by Parler, the premier global free speech platform.

Our first, limited-edition 250 token release is now sold out… but there’s still time to claim one of the 750 tokens from our second release.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to own a special and unique piece of our 45th President, Donald J. Trump.

Purchase your limited-edition NFT NOW.

Thanks,

The CryptoTRUMP Club Team

own a special and unique piece of our 45th President, Donald J. Trump

Quite the offer...

you know you're on the premier social media platform when it openly aligns itself with the single dumbest political movement in the history of humanity

https://cdn.deepredsky.io/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.deepredsky.io%2Fcover-picture%2F97a56ad2-8bf6-4192-9aed-4a36c9121095.png&w=3840&q=75

Why do I have an erection

because you watched so many erectile dysfunction commercials that one day you found yourself buying them and eating them so that when Roman Sr. and Jr. tell you to buy them you can know you already did

because you can't be a man unless you're rock hard while watching angry news

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-05-10/blue-chip-nft-collections-hit-harder-by-crypto-rout-than-bitcoin

"Blue Chip NFT Collections"

“There have been substantial portfolios of NFTs built in the last six months,” said Michael Bucella, a partner at BlockTower Capital Advisors

"substantial"

Let's get phygital, phygital

Who is DC Draino?

I don't know who a single person on that MAGA stars list is.

cmon, you know BJ Baldwin

I actually don't! Google tells me he's a "car racer."

‘DC Draino’ Rogan O’Handley Left A Lucrative Legal Career To Fight For Trump On Social Media

BJ Baldwin was a '70s gay porn pioneer IIRC, his pubes were trimmed to match the curve of his 'stache.

"Blue Chip NFT Collections"

every one is generatively unique

https://i.imgur.com/EaScMJb.jpg

this madonna x beeple garbage, at first i was like “lol, typical” and moved on with my life, but no, it sank its hooks into me. congratulation you turds, i’m engaged despite myself.

fuck this so much. a grift is a grift; fine, whatever, it’s [current year] so what else would you expect. but they’re dressing up this foul nonsense in perfectly unimpeachable charity clothes, and oh look here’s madonna’s avatar giving birth to a tree.

they give so huge a shit about these charities, auction off something real, sacrifice something of actual value, of any value whatsoever, not this gateway to/support of the crypto-scamosphere, which, hello again, madonna’s avatar giving birth to a tree, you’re gonna have to pump out a few billion more of those to offset the environmental wreckage caused by luring more marks onto the blockchain, goddamnit it’s so contradictory & incoherent it’s practically a koan, a singularity of assholish stupidity sucking in my brain and turning it into spaghetti, PLUS!

oh it’s a celebration of motherhood, so powerful and mystical — really? really???? right now, right at this exact time, “yay the power of giving birth” READ THE FUCKING ROOM AND ALSO GARGLE A BAG OF DICKS

reminds me of all the corporate "charity" ads that you see during any sports game. "if they hit a home run in the 6th inning, Hyundai will donate $1000 to the make a wish foundation!!!", knowing that over 162 games that will happen a very, very predictable amount of times, and that they could just fork over the money (and get their tax deduction, which no one i know makes enough money to be able to claim, which makes charity a project of the rich) ahead of time without having to demand that it be an advertisement for themselves which highlights how charitable they are, 162 different times every year

hi jeremy, i love you and i'm sorry you're dying of cancer. we could help make your dreams come true before you die, but there's gotta be a little something in it for me too, ok? so we need dylan carlson to hit a big fly here, ok? ooooooh...dylan wasn't able to do it today. dylan is very selfish"

somehow tying this back to madonna, beeple and nfts, i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'd muuuuuuuuch rather prefer that they just be straightforward that it's all about money, and that art is an afterthought. same with hyundai -- i get that you're a company that wants to make a bunch of money. "money: it's the thing you need to live! and it's the ONLY reason to live!" just make an ad like that, i'd respect them so much more

brutal

Do you own that monkey picture?

— Ryanair (@Ryanair) May 13, 2022

Madonna's pap smear, NFT edition

An NFT of the green Fetalini striped short-sleeve sweater that Cobain wore in the video is also up for auction, with an estimated value of $6,000 to $8,000. The auction house said Kurt gave the actual sweater to his mother.

oh brother, gimme a break

Let’s see, if Jack’s first tweet ended up being valued at $85, or wherever they landed, and we can all agree that Kurt Cobain’s sweater is at least one thousand times more interesting and valuable than anything to do with Jack and his first tweet, that does put the estimate value at around $85K, so this will probably be a worthwhile investment

how do you dry clean a NFT though

You know the washing machine cover, sonic youth? It’s still available...

I didn’t read this or anything but such a perfect headline

https://www.iflscience.com/technology/vastly-uneven-ratio-of-men-to-women-shuts-down-bored-ape-nft-dating-app/

i also saw that gamestop, as a company, is getting down with NFTs now (https://kotaku.com/gamestop-nft-crypto-blockchain-bitcoin-marketplace-meme-1848952829) and it reminded me of that whole thing with gamestop last year, which i tried to ignore but happened in the background and seemed to be all about people investing in gamestop even though it sucked, just to demonstrate that a large group of grunting people with too much money can make the world change (?) and it made me wonder, did the investbros end up buying out gamestop or something? or did gamestop leadership realize that their one, baffling group of supporters were these people who had so much extra money that they decided to throw it all on a dying gameseller? is this gamestop catering to their group of mouths that move in the same direction while having too much money?

we're in a recession pic.twitter.com/v26Em0RfB1

— nerve stapler (@gun_toucher) May 21, 2022

A corollary of sorts to the collapse of the Bored Ape dating club.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quqxaIpgKbA

oh nice, finally someone found a legitimate use case for NFTs!

Hotels are adopting an NFT-based system, in which stays are converted to NFTs, which the customer must sell to someone else if they decide to cancel.

The system benefits hotels—who don't have to refund cancellations—by putting the onus on customers. https://t.co/i5PG46VwaS

— maxwell (@maxwellstrachan) May 24, 2022

(i've been doomsaying this for what feels like centuries now - this shit is not something that stays limited to cryptobros - it sucks badly because they are trying to _integrate_ it into the rest of our lives. it's an NFT today, it's whatever tomorrow, but the basic idea is that anything and everything in your life is an object that has value and must be commodified, whether you want that or not

i am ex-christian but i think this is what happened when spirituality, faith, and real community are gradually removed from life, and replaced with only capitalism. this is complete emptiness

yeah, I showed up for a Covid test and the woman at the door points to a poster and tells me to scan the QR Code, and I thought "Oh, now I understand all that Barcode/Mark of the Beast bullshit."

Assuming everyone has smartphones is a sucky thing lately.

Hotels are adopting an NFT-based system, in which stays are converted to NFTs, which the customer must sell to someone else if they decide to cancel.

So just a game of hot potato like all other NFT schemes... cool

thank you for making a reservation at our esteemed hotel.

here is your turd. you may trade it with anyone except for us

*makes a gigantic, pointless, energy-intensive calculation in order to prove its a turd*

and remember - please save the environment by letting our staff know if you don't need your linen and towels washed.