"we'll change the things that need changing and that's all we'll change": the paSUKification of post-brexit politics 2021

He was always a wrong 'un. Labour Party desperately searching for a front bencher who didn't break lockdown rules.

imagine all those libel proofed Starmer exclusives the gutter press were saving for an election, they might let rip with them early if they sense the ham is definitely cooked.

Keir Starmer, looking intently at the biggest rake he's ever seen. https://t.co/WNzudodJHJ

— Marl Karx (@BareLeft) May 9, 2022

Isn't the real point to be made about all this 'beergate' stuff that the covid rules were ridiculous, unclear, ever-changing, contradictory, illogical, and not to mention a lot of the time pointless?

— Danielle (@dseddon91) May 9, 2022

Starmer is a classic Brewdog man

We are lost. Lost in a world of false idols.

— BrewDog (@BrewDog) May 9, 2022

The cops may actually get to decide who the LOTO is lol

Lots that some of us have said in past UK pol threads about Corbyn and his team lacking in competence on this or that issue, but this is really bad (also funny).

The absolute best case scenario for Starmer here is the police decide he didn't do anything wrong, he waltzes to parliament with "I said I'd quit if I were found guilty, I was not and the prime minister WAS, he should resign", Boris shrugs, life goes on as usual.

instead of br'er rabbit feigning fright at being thrown in the briar patch, it's br'er rabbit demanding to be thrown into the wood chipper

Honestly at this point the brownpilled part of me is like keep him in the job pls, if we can’t ever have nice things why not at least enjoy the pound shop version of the Theresa May stepping on rakes glory days

Why have Starmer when you can have Wes Streeting #accelerationismIsBackBaby

EXC: Sir Keir Starmer cancelled his attendance at James Brokenshire's memorial service this afternoon so he could attend crunch meetings on his political future, Telegraph can reveal.

Comes after he cancelled his appearance at the IfG: https://t.co/8f9vnX5Lck

— Tony Diver (@Tony_Diver) May 9, 2022

Can’t wait for Wes as leader

I'm so broken. I have to go to McDonalds.

— Wes Streeting MP (@wesstreeting) August 24, 2013

would like to clarify that rumours that he's wet his trousers are an unfortunate exaggeration...

— Wes Streeting MP (@wesstreeting) March 14, 2009

Can’t wait for Wes as leader

I'm so broken. I have to go to McDonalds.

— Wes Streeting MP (@wesstreeting) August 24, 2013

would like to clarify that rumours that he's wet his trousers are an unfortunate exaggeration...

— Wes Streeting MP (@wesstreeting) March 14, 2009

"The absolute best case scenario for Starmer here is the police decide he didn't do anything wrong"

the tories might be conflicted between accusing the police of double standards and political interference if they don't fine him and then concern that he's such a gift to them it might be a bad strategy to encourage his demise.

Ok..

💥Statement at 4pm - Starmer WILL pledge he will resign if found to have breached rules. Wording will be crucial

— Jessica Elgot (@jessicaelgot) May 9, 2022

Going down well in Starmer's target demographic pic.twitter.com/whzXKHo9YW

— Dr. Professor Sir Bane QC KCB MP PhD (@BaneNook) May 9, 2022

https://c.tenor.com/A2OWoemwcOEAAAAd/youre-not-a-clown-youre-the-entire-circus.gif

Lol

BREAKING- Starmer says he'll resign if he gets an FPN.

Starmer: "I believe in honour...intergity...I'm absolutely clear that no laws were broken...but if the police decide decide to issue me with a fixed penalty notice, I would of course do the right thing and step down."

— Lewis Goodall (@lewis_goodall) May 9, 2022

I cannot fucking stop laughing

BREAKING: Footballer Paul Gascoigne has arrived at press conference saying he is a friend of Keir Starmer

— Stan Account (@tristandross) May 9, 2022

Rayner could be fucking off too.

Breaking - Angela Rayner says she would also resign if fined

"We have a prime minister who has been found to have broken the rules, lied about it and then been fined. If I were issued with a fine, I would do the decent thing and step down"

— Eleni Courea (@EleniCourea) May 9, 2022

pic.twitter.com/mwuCmQ8ZXq

— wint MP (@parliawint) May 9, 2022

I think it’s unlikely he will be fined but it’s effectively now open season on any Labour MP who can be shown to have breached the rules, as almost all of them will have done at some point.

I’m sure some of them will be fine.

as someone off the borad just noted to me, the durham bobbies -- who already said they don't fine retospectively in ref dom cum -- may say something like "well we don't fine retospectively but if we'd known abt this at the time we WOULD have fined him"

just for spite like (i bet they too hate him)

The good news keeps coming

The Queen has been forced to pull out of the big State Opening of Parliament tomorrow.
Palace says: “The Queen continues to experience episodic mobility problems, and in consultation with her doctors has reluctantly decided that she will not attend the State Opening of Parliament

— Chris Ship (@chrisshipitv) May 9, 2022

Queen's corpse deemed to mouldy to open parliament

WEEKEND AT BRENDA’S (2022)

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FSVLRinWYAMvcDD?format=jpg&name=large

'if pinocchio had human parents' is a weird framing, pinocchio not having human parents is pretty central to the whole pinocchio story. Also looks anti-semitic even though it isn't.

missed opportunity to riff on Kieth wishing he was a real boy

the day these two lovebirds bury the hatchet and have procreational sex is so not going to happen!

pic.twitter.com/clgyibRUoL

— Jay (@jaycgallagher) May 9, 2022

From watching Tysky Sour I just learned a fact I didn't know:

16-year-olds can vote in (local only, I suppose, as yet) elections in Scotland and Wales!

To some people this must have been well known. But I have never heard it mentioned till now.

This is a big deal!

...whereas in England the new id requirements allow oap travel cards as id but exclude young people's Railcards

it's a cross party project: Labour making democratic participation seem like a waste of fucking time to young people, but still hopeful of getting their votes despite offering next to nothing to them. They are supposed be more of an existential threat to the Tories, but I really don't see why these days because I wouldn't want to meet an enthusiastic young Labour voter right now. It's not just young people, it's the poor and low income ethnic minorities amongst them who are a large self-interest group amongst the electorate with no party who will lift a fucking finger for them. Another case of Starmer being the perfect LOTO for a Tory govt.

i hate starmer even more, if it were possible, for making me aware of the existence of the phrase "fixed penalty notice" which even now i'm not really sure what it is

i'm going to wake up in a shiver with the phrase "fixed penalty notice" pulsating across my brain and a ghostly memory of being chased by a large sweaty ham

it's just a pointlessly prolix bit of legalise to use when "fine" does the same job.

It just means it'll cost you *this*, no more, no less.

where *this* is yr political aspirations 🤞🏽

Oh yes.

Captain Tom gin pulled from sale after ‘breach of charity law’

Michael Owen has got nothing on the Capt Tom family of grifters.

bahahahahaha

Westminster voting intention:

LAB: 36% (-3)
CON: 35% (+2)
LDEM: 10% (-1)
GRN: 8% (+2)
REF: 4% (+1)

via @YouGov, 05 - 06 Mayhttps://t.co/WCXPp19q7D

— Britain Elects (@BritainElects) May 10, 2022

any other curry would be 20 points ahead

bier korma must resign

Step aside for Lisa Nanbread.

Andy Bhuna for LOTO

you do realise Nandy is of Indian descent xp

Yes. I'm waiting for Rebecca Long Balti to make a comeback.

These are good gags!

I remembered RLB tonight, and the disgusting treatment of her, and thought: she hasn't commented on KS. Hope she's happy.