Songs where the singer/protagonist comes off as a serious dick without meaning to

“Have I Told You Lately that You Disappoint Me?”

Ok I am thinking about Wilson Phillips' song "Hold On," which is generally a supportive and caring message.

But then you get the line "You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness (no baby); you got yourself into your own mess."

Seriously? Fuck you, Carnie. You don't know anything about my life. For all you know, I'm unhappy because my parents were tortured and killed on the orders of Bashar Al-Assad. Then my few possessions were stolen by a crooked Turkish border agent. Pretty sure I've got people to blame.

Though imagine it’s directed at John and Brian.

Hmm. I would say that in the Wilson Phillips oeuvre, the best zing against their parents comes in "The Dream Is Still Alive," which starts out as "Hippies were cool," but throws this elegant bit of shade:

Not so long ago in a purple haze
People dreamed out loud they were not afraid
They stopped the war but not the dying
Some got a little bit lost along the way

But not quite right for this thread because that last bit is intentional.

It's about the only U2 song I can countenance, but "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For", I mean, "I went through hell and high water just to be with you, and for what?!"

Phil Oakey's bit in "Don't You Want Me," though the duet structure leavens it.

Maybe the character in Don't You Want Me isn't intentionally a dick, but surely Phil Oakey knew he was writing him that way.

It's about the only U2 song I can countenance, but "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For", I mean, "I went through hell and high water just to be with you, and for what?!"

A save for "I Still Haven't Found...": The "you" is God? Note that elsewhere, a romantic partner appears in the third person, as "her."

Xpost!

toxic divinity

A save for "I Still Haven't Found...": The "you" is God? Note that elsewhere, a romantic partner appears in the _third_ person, as "her."

Xpost!

_A save for "I Still Haven't Found...": The "you" is God? Note that elsewhere, a romantic partner appears in the _third_ person, as "her."

Xpost!_


I think the lyric is just about “not finding it” in erotic love.

-in-

Well, you have to think that Bono is a shitty lay, so that makes sense.

okay thanks for soiling my water

Well, you have to think that Bono is a shitty lay, so that makes sense.

No serious dicking, for sure.

Hasn't Bono had the same girlfriend/ wife since childhood? So I can imagine his grasp on wooing, romancing, and heartbreak is tenuous.

Perhaps because of that, for Bono, romantic love is a metaphor for religion, and his "love" songs are almost always religious in character. Cf. "She moves in mysterious ways," that's a little too on the nose. Some of the same for Al Green, who has said "You Ought to Be With Me" was never about a woman.

Some have suggested that for Marvin Gaye, sexual freedom and human freedom are metaphors for one another.

In actuality, romantic love is a metaphor for the Mexican Revolution. Which was itself a metaphor for pizza.

She Looks Like Me,With
Plastic Jewels,On Low Rent Crown,IN TACKY VERSION OF BOB’S (“THE DRESS” ) MACKIE…SINGING”STILL HAVENT FOUND WHAT IM LOOKING FOR” FLAT🤮

— Cher (@cher) June 11, 2022

https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/624-the-problem-with-ed-sheeran-and-nice-guys-like-him/

Maybe the character in Don't You Want Me isn't intentionally a dick, but surely Phil Oakey knew he was writing him that way.

Definitely. I remember an interview where he mentioned how bemused he is when people tell him it's one of the great love songs: "It's about coercion."

"I'll Be Doggone," an amazing composition/performance/recording, is unfortunately one of these:

I'll be doggone if you ain't a pretty thing
And I'll be doggone if you ain't warm as a breath of spring

And if we live to be a hundred years old
If you ever let that spring turn cold
Then I wouldn't be doggone
Hey, I'd be long gone

Like, okay buddy, we're both a hundred but sure, go play the field.

Well, every woman should try to be
Whatever her man wants her to be
And I don't want much
All I want from you
Is for you to be true to me

As well, all my life, I've thought Marvin Gaye then put the cherry on top by muttering "fetch me a drink" during the fade-out. But it's actually "catch me a train," which does admittedly fit the overall conceit better.

some low-hanging fruit here. I only just now heard this song for the first time - it was a US number one hit in 2000, and as such is covered today by Tom Breihan in his Stereogum column. someone in the comments called it “the ultimate incel power ballad”:

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

nice eh? but wait, Mr Vertical Horizon felt he hadn’t been enough of a serious dick without meaning to yet, so he thought he’d spell it out some more in the final chorus:

*I am* everything you want
*I am* everything you need
*I am* everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
*I say* all the right things
At exactly the right time
But *I* mean nothing to you and *I* don't know why
And *I* don't know why
Why
*I* don't know

excellent pick imo. also never actually noticed any of the words to the verses past the first line, and they really do compound the judging/patronizing jerk portrait. it's particularly striking since (at least based on their other two hits off that album), Mr. Vertical Horizon is otherwise an evasive and vague lyricist to the point of near-incoherence...

Even in the 70's this was a bit of an eye-roller, this lil' tidbit from "Summer Breeze":

And I come home from a hard day's work
And you're waiting there
Not a care in the world

I always thought Lou Bega came off like sort of a dick. Does Angela know about Pamela, Monica, Rita...?

I always kinda thought Adele came off like a dick in Hello, especially this line...

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore

Like leave the poor guy alone, you broke his heart and he's happy now and you're upset he isn't hurt anymore?

lol, the Vertical Horizon song basically described me in my late teens/early 20s. very much an incel anthem (I was v much an incel then myself), the whole "I am empirically the right match for you because I check off all of your imaginary boxes, ergo this proves you should be with me and are wronging me by choosing someone else!"

also, to me, "saying the right things at exactly the right time" isn't a synonym for "being a comforting person", I know it's a common turn of phrase, but to me it's always read so transactional. "I rehearsed the things that I've been told are the things i should say to you when you are upset, ergo now I should get something out of it in return, right?".

I thought that song was about Jesus?

Omg, the explanation from the band even worse

I was in love with this girl, and she was just a broken person. She kept turning to everyone except me for love and acceptance, and I wanted so much to help her. I wanted to be the one to give her everything she wanted, but I couldn't. She just couldn't accept it from me, and it was that pain, that led me to creating the song.

I have no words for how repulsive that song was and remains. Truly genuinely nauseating.
🤮 to infinity
He’s that guy with the poster boards in Love Actually but a little worse bc that was a character. This fool is real.

she just couldn't accept it from me

there is something deeply wrong with every sentence in that explanation

If you can't feed your baby (yeah, yeah)
Then don't have a baby (yeah, yeah)
And don't think maybe (yeah, yeah)
If you can't feed your baby (yeah, yeah)
You'll be always tryin'
To stop that child from cryin'
Hustlin', stealin', lyin'
Now baby's slowly dyin'

Pretty Woman, in which Roy Orbison claims he 'needs' a woman he's only just seen, threatens to cry if she ignores him.

a classic trope, similarly employed by James Blunt in Beautiful

and then there's come live with me by heaven 17, where the 37 year old singer does seem to be terminating his relationship with a 17 year old, though not without regrets, and the chorus is entirely unrepentant.

(i heard all three of these on the radio this weekend)

Do They Know It's Christmas

Yeah lol Ethiopia had been predominantly Christian for more than a thousand years when that song was written

YACHT GUY: there's a world outside your window,

Song is obviously a metaphor for the cocaine business

"Gentle on My Mind" Glen Campbell ... actually about 20 of his 60s hits which were all about movin' on and the chicks dealing with it. "You're Young and You'll Forget" particularly sympathetic.

That's an old folk/country trope - the ramblin' man who can't be tied down.

yeah, but he goes pretty hard

Indeed, this put me in mind of Led Zep's "Ramble On", which fits the thread's premise rather well. The protagonist is making his excuses (after a "pleasant stay") and announces that he's actually on a mission to free his true love, who has been kidnapped by [checks notes] Gollum and Sauron.

On my way, I've been this way ten years to the day
I gotta ramble on, I gotta find the queen of all my dreams

So, this happened ten years ago, but he's no closer to rescuing her and has somehow found plenty of time to sit around boozing with his latest host (""Our health" we drank a thousand times"). What an asshole.

maybe he's an elf, they live for centuries so they see time differently

always thought it was something about "feet dragged a thousand times," which i guess doesn't help his case either.

Leslie Gore, “Judy's Turn to Cry”

She doesn’t sound too concerned about the poor “other guy” who got a knuckle sandwich!!

(plus, this song suxx)

(also, releasing an “answer song” to your own single feels thirsty AF)