yes Stevie, that Ann4
― we need outrage! we need dicks!! (the table is the table), Tuesday, 22 March 2022 14:15 (two years ago) link
o boy what a life we lead really
― Swen, Wednesday, 23 March 2022 23:14 (two years ago) link
so I'm not sure when the next time I'll "meet" someone is, let's call it, due to extenuating circumstances
do i care?
will i ever go out to a bar and pick someone up again? i had occasional game. all of a sudden I'd love to meet someone younger than me. i usually don't gravitate to that realm. i wonder what that's about
― Swen, Wednesday, 23 March 2022 23:35 (two years ago) link
you will absolutely go out to a bar and pick someone up again, it is so inevitable
― Stevie D(eux), Saturday, 26 March 2022 16:53 (two years ago) link
Date tonight. At a (rooftop) bar. I shoulda asked if he's jabbed.
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 26 March 2022 18:22 (two years ago) link
first date? how did you meet? brown hair, big heart, bat eyelashes?
you know Stevie it's just at first it was pandemia, and then health stuff that's going to take another 6 months to settle. just didn't realize I'd be singing the same tune for the goddamn 3-year dark ages. but whatever i'm going to get so many beauty treatments when this is all through I plan on looking like Princess Jasmine meets Bella Hadid. mark my words.
also i quit smoking forever and it's truly something else. going on 6 months.
― Swen, Sunday, 27 March 2022 14:15 (two years ago) link
my new issue of BUTT just arrived!!!!!!!!!
― Stevie D(eux), Wednesday, 30 March 2022 21:57 (one year ago) link
omg i already read some of the poemshow is it at large?
― Swen, Thursday, 31 March 2022 17:23 (one year ago) link
is it large?
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 31 March 2022 17:23 (one year ago) link
C'mon Simone, let's talk about your big "but."
― Max Hamburgers (Eric H.), Thursday, 31 March 2022 17:28 (one year ago) link
I haven't read it yet bcz I got it at work and then *brag alert* went straight to my fuck buddy's house for a cute date and only just got home a few hours ago!!!
― Stevie D(eux), Thursday, 31 March 2022 18:58 (one year ago) link
butts all around
― the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Thursday, 31 March 2022 19:17 (one year ago) link
butts rule everything around me
OK SOI'm not a butt man and i keep feeling more and more alonelike American men are just obsessed with themi feel like there's something wrong with me
― Swen, Thursday, 31 March 2022 19:25 (one year ago) link
Stevo you're killin it these days
― Swen, Thursday, 31 March 2022 19:27 (one year ago) link
don't care about the outside, it's what's inside that counts imo
― the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Thursday, 31 March 2022 19:28 (one year ago) link
like the way it feels?
― Swen, Thursday, 31 March 2022 19:34 (one year ago) link
yeah! i mean not to get too tmi or too cliche i guess but i just think anuses are this incredible part of us lol and i really like experiencing them.
― the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Thursday, 31 March 2022 19:40 (one year ago) link
So! My Saturday night date sold me out. I suspected trouble when I had to text him 15 mins before meeting: he was running late thanks to a "minor emergency" at his parents', whatever that means (what's a "minor" emergency?). Luckily a friend kept me company at the bar.
An hour later, date texts: "On my way, send location address plz?" That's the last I heard of him. For a while I thought he died -- until I saw a an Instagram post Sunday morning.
He's 24, a former student who emailed me four years after class to ask about getting a beer or coffee. On determining he was queer he gushed: he praised my self-assurance, brains, looks, etc. We might've met that night had I not plans already. It's worth noting I barely remember this kid in summer 2018.
I wonder if simply not showing up is a phenomenon of the young?
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 31 March 2022 19:41 (one year ago) link
Anusii are a cliche?
― Max Hamburgers (Eric H.), Thursday, 31 March 2022 19:41 (one year ago) link
that sucks. definitely hit next. it's been a phenomenon of the young and old as long as i've been dating tbh. xp
― the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Thursday, 31 March 2022 19:44 (one year ago) link
Yeah, I wanted to avoid generational generalization, but a few viejos noted The Vanishing has been more prevalent in the last four years.
I've ghosted more than my share, I should note.
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 31 March 2022 19:47 (one year ago) link
I have never done this, to my knowledge?
― we need outrage! we need dicks!! (the table is the table), Thursday, 31 March 2022 22:30 (one year ago) link
me eiths it's dumbI'm too polite though
― Swen, Friday, 1 April 2022 01:32 (one year ago) link
wassup homieslice
― Swen, Saturday, 2 April 2022 18:01 (one year ago) link
good morning!
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 2 April 2022 18:02 (one year ago) link
Mornin' sunshine!What's on the platter?
― Swen, Saturday, 2 April 2022 18:03 (one year ago) link
I'm vegetarian tonight.
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 2 April 2022 18:21 (one year ago) link
sexually or culinarily?
― Swen, Sunday, 3 April 2022 00:00 (one year ago) link
Lady Bracknell : Well, both, if necessary, I presume!
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 3 April 2022 00:11 (one year ago) link
So, I’m in one of the only two gay bars in Marbella (southern coast of Spain) right now, and the thing here is that high heeled shoes are passed around, everyone tries them on, and then they take their turn swishing down what passes for a catwalk. Pleased to report that my boy got the loudest applause of the night. We make our own entertainment.The bar is filling up because at 4am they close the doors, bring out the ashtrays, and everyone can smoke indoors.We will be back tomorrow for drag queen bingo.
― mike t-diva, Sunday, 3 April 2022 00:30 (one year ago) link
omgggggg jealous
― the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Sunday, 3 April 2022 00:35 (one year ago) link
Oh I forgot to mention the seventy something naked woman who did her catwalk turn clutching a large stuffed teddy bear.
― mike t-diva, Sunday, 3 April 2022 00:39 (one year ago) link
stop
― Swen, Sunday, 3 April 2022 01:40 (one year ago) link
jealz to the max
Just ended a fabulous evening with j0rdan.
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 3 April 2022 04:15 (one year ago) link
yesss. what did y'all do?
― Swen, Sunday, 3 April 2022 19:35 (one year ago) link
we went to a sports bar so i could watch basketball while we talked about madonna
― J0rdan S., Sunday, 3 April 2022 21:57 (one year ago) link
...and Mariah Carey. And my terrible non-date last week.
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 3 April 2022 22:45 (one year ago) link
ok well that sounds ideal (sorry for the delay how the hell do three days go by?!)
― Swen, Wednesday, 6 April 2022 03:12 (one year ago) link
you know i saw Madonna's Mme X tourshe could still put on a show, i just wonder if it isn't time for her to maybe think about doing something else
― Swen, Wednesday, 6 April 2022 03:16 (one year ago) link
we had dinner with Stevie last night!! and then he came back to our place and we plied him with amaro and we talked about sheryl crow and natalie merchant and celine dion and it was just a total delight <3
― donna rouge, Saturday, 9 April 2022 18:49 (one year ago) link
Amaro! Sheryl Crow! Sounds like my kind of night.
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 9 April 2022 21:26 (one year ago) link
sounds like a blast
― the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Saturday, 9 April 2022 21:27 (one year ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHxbxAQSQMM
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 9 April 2022 21:39 (one year ago) link
uhhhhhh i had no idea wallace shawn was in a chaka khan video lol
― the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Saturday, 9 April 2022 21:54 (one year ago) link
he's in everything!also I'm pretty sure I've had that night before lol so fun xp ❤️
― Swen, Monday, 11 April 2022 00:58 (one year ago) link
wassup docs it's eighty goddamn degrees here todaytoo soon yo
― Swen, Thursday, 14 April 2022 15:14 (one year ago) link
lovely haiku
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 14 April 2022 15:19 (one year ago) link
it's only about 70 here. we've had some random bursts of heat over the past few weeks though.
next week i will be in seattle, where it's gonna be 50 and rainy no doubt. i forget, are any of y'all based there? would love recs on things and places to do/see/eat/drink there!
― donna rouge, Thursday, 14 April 2022 18:42 (one year ago) link
hahahahahahhahaha only if mad beers were involved would this be fun
― Swen, Tuesday, 19 March 2024 23:36 (one week ago) link
Negronis for everyone!
― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 19 March 2024 23:37 (one week ago) link
oh i don’t need beer sweetie
― butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Tuesday, 19 March 2024 23:37 (one week ago) link
hahahahha you don't NEED beer but you look good with a beer!! won't lie
― Swen, Tuesday, 19 March 2024 23:38 (one week ago) link
my abs disagree ;-)
― butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Tuesday, 19 March 2024 23:39 (one week ago) link
hence why I stick to liquor
― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 19 March 2024 23:42 (one week ago) link
I had an enormous crush on Joshua Jackson when he played Pacey on Dawsons
― butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Tuesday, March 19, 2024 4:50 PM (five hours ago) bookmarkflaglink
omg agree so hardthe only guy who could rock a tommy bahama shirt every day of the week and still be totally dreamy, like instead of awful it's endearingly awful
― Deflatormouse, Wednesday, 20 March 2024 02:34 (one week ago) link
hawaiian shirts are like tv shorthand for "loveable sidekick" right? but also they made him talk like george clooney
the thing with a lot of these tv heartthrob guys is they look great with their mouths closed but as soon as you hear them talk thr str8 dude energy is such a turn off... but josh is actually very quick witted and charming
― Deflatormouse, Wednesday, 20 March 2024 02:37 (one week ago) link
ugh he's almost a real one you're right
― Swen, Wednesday, 20 March 2024 06:58 (one week ago) link
so i might need to add a semi colon to this thread - at the beginning of the thread title - that ok with everyone?
― Swen, Wednesday, 20 March 2024 16:38 (one week ago) link
strike that it might not be necessary
― Swen, Wednesday, 20 March 2024 18:35 (one week ago) link
he went so deep it was semi colon
― he/him hoo-hah (map), Wednesday, 20 March 2024 21:51 (one week ago) link
oh jesus
― Swen, Wednesday, 20 March 2024 22:02 (one week ago) link
lol
― Cemetry Gaetz (DJP), Wednesday, 20 March 2024 23:23 (one week ago) link
:]
― he/him hoo-hah (map), Wednesday, 20 March 2024 23:57 (one week ago) link
err ;]
― he/him hoo-hah (map), Wednesday, 20 March 2024 23:58 (one week ago) link
i was complaining to my lesbian friends about there being no word that's equivalent to "sapphic" (a woman who's attracted to women)
and one of them was all "Surely there is a man who was living on a Greek island who wrote lots of poetry about loving men we can use for the word"
i'm not super knowledgeable about ancient greek history but the word "alexandric" came to mind
what are y'all's thoughts
― Kate (rushomancy), Thursday, 21 March 2024 19:16 (one week ago) link
The word is Uranian, but it’s historically associated with pederasty iirc, co-opted by some English poets
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uranians
― Premises, Premises (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 21 March 2024 20:34 (one week ago) link
yeah, uranian is... a complicated one. the pederasty thing particularly.
---
One of my friends was moving her old stuff out of storage and she came across some quarter-century old letters from her best friend at the time. He was bi, but mostly casually hooked up with other guys... in one of his letters he complained about "faggy divas on estrogen". (He's dead now, of course.) A couple of years ago I might have been offended at being described, by extension, as a "faggy diva". These days I mostly wish I'd been faggier. Before I started estrogen, I wasn't into guys the way I am now. I crushed on guys a lot, but I never knew what to do with those crushes. There was always this implicit expectation of sex.. which for me is something... like, I remember wishing when I was younger that fellatio was acceptable as a common courtesy, something one did to be polite. Like a handshake. I wasn't ever really involved in spaces where I was able to suck off guys in that way. Plus there was the whole comphet thing. Guys were into me and I wasn't able to admit to myself or communicate to them that I kinda liked them, I thought they were cute. In my head it was "Jeez, I wish I was gay, then I'd really be into this guy." On top of that there was the whole self-esteem thing, where I couldn't imagine anybody possibly finding me attractive.
-
That's the past, though... I got enough problems dating now. It's mostly the suicide thing. Like, I feel like I'm getting to a point where I'm able to manage my chronic suicidality better than I've ever been able to. My last bout of suicidality, I was able to manage that without, like, doing serious damage to any of my relationships. That's always been a sticking point in my relationships... what happens when I get suicidal? And I've finally reached a point where that fear isn't hanging like a shadow over every relationship I have, every relationship I consider. Nah, it's more that everybody in my dating pool is suicidal.
It just makes things rough. It just seems endemic. Like, not even as a queer thing. Even straight people I know are suicidal a lot of the time. I definitely get it. Things are pretty bad right now, very nearly hopeless, and everyone I know talks about... being determined to love in spite of that. It's brave, it's defiant, and it's just... fucking hard. When everybody is like that, hookups, hookups are possible. Casual sex. That's very doable. I'm also just really not into that. Serious long-term relationships...
My girlfriend keeps telling me that she's interested in doing things with me, that she's attracted to me, that she's looking forward to the BDSM, uh, thing we have tickets for next weekend. And also she hates her body, and she hates herself, and I'm not sure how intimacy beyond cuddling is going to happen while she feels that way about herself. For me to be attracted to her doesn't do anything to change that. We're both at a point where we know that other people finding a person attractive is no substitute for that person finding themselves attractive.
It just complicates a situation that's already pretty complicated. I can't make any plans with anyone. I've got the cold that's going around or they've got the cold that's going around or they have to take care of the kids or the real estate company is fucking them around, and if it's not that, then they're having a bout of SI.
I'm honestly thinking about getting into more long-distance stuff. Like, online only. Intimacy with another person... physical acts are a very small part of that. I get a rush from talking to people with similar kinks to mine online that I don't really get from dating people in person. Maybe a couple times a year they could visit or I could visit and we could do some hot stuff for a weekend and then go back to yearning. I really like yearning. I can't imagine being in a relationship that isn't bittersweet, in some sense, if only because the way I think about myself, about my own life, is bittersweet. I've been watching this anime based on an old dating sim called "Sentimental Journey", and it's really interesting. It doesn't follow the story of the visual novel at all - the protagonist isn't in the anime. Instead, it's just twelve self-contained stories of who I assume are the girls in the dating sim, each one talking about their first love, the person they loved before the protagonist of the dating sim came into their life. Those are the kinds of romance stories I like. The ones that don't end with "happily ever after".
Maybe that's part of why I have so much trouble dating. Even when things are just beginning, I'm always anticipating the ending.
― Kate (rushomancy), Friday, 22 March 2024 11:30 (six days ago) link
Kate, do you save these posts after cobbling them together over the course of a day, afternoon, or evening? Your pace astounds me.
― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 11:51 (six days ago) link
these days everything i write starts out as a journal entry
i started a journal around the beginning of '19, do something long enough and it sort of becomes second nature i guess. the dialectical behavior therapy thing i just finished has helped me a lot. i got a lot of shit to work through and writing helps me do it
a lot of the stuff i write doesn't wind up getting posted... i find that when journaling about my experiences writing for an audience helps me express myself better. the best way of learning something is to try and explain it to others, that's what i've found. and if i'm doing that, i figure, you know, if something interesting comes out of that, it's only fair to share what i come up with with the audience i have in mind, even if ultimately i'm writing for myself
i know it seems like a lot, but sam pepys did, like, a million words over the course of ten years... i'm not even close to that pace, even with the stuff i don't post
a lot of it is probably also that i do spend a lot of time by myself. i'm hardly a hikikomori, but i live by myself, i work from home, i don't drive... even with a reasonably full social schedule i probably don't spend more than about 10 hours a week in the social company of other people
writing helps fill the void, as it were. helps keep me comfortable in my own head.
― Kate (rushomancy), Friday, 22 March 2024 12:13 (six days ago) link
word
― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 12:54 (six days ago) link
one of my friends says the word is "achillean" btw
just makes me think of that bob dylan song lol
hungry like a man in drag
you know i want your lovin'honey, but you're so hard
but probably most people wouldn't have that reaction
― Kate (rushomancy), Friday, 22 March 2024 13:54 (six days ago) link
oo i like 'achillean'
― he/him hoo-hah (map), Monday, 25 March 2024 19:51 (three days ago) link
i finished a song!
― Swen, Thursday, 28 March 2024 05:27 (sixteen hours ago) link
tell us about it!
― butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Thursday, 28 March 2024 11:05 (ten hours ago) link
like i think it's not that bad. i'm going back to a light rock thing, which i left like in high school but am feeling much more than poppy sounds these days. i've been listening to a LOT of grunge (it's not a grunge song lol, just saying.) that's my story! what have you been listening to t3ddy
― Swen, Thursday, 28 March 2024 15:43 (five hours ago) link
that’s cool! i love grunge. i have been listening to Poco, Slikback, old goa trance mixes, and a lot of Karen Dalton
― butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Thursday, 28 March 2024 18:04 (three hours ago) link
spring makes my listening habits deeply weird, every year
― butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Thursday, 28 March 2024 18:05 (three hours ago) link