abysmal real names

Mordaunt Hall

(Constable) Grenville Bint

A young Italian tennis player who's just qualified for the main draw at Santa Margherita di Pula is named Benito Massacri.

Damian Eggs

J. David Sweatt

Tenille Arts

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tenille_Arts

Sounds like a small college focusing on 70s soft rock and muskrat biology.

Several years ago a family in the local area named their son Walt Disney Christmas:
https://www.dorsetecho.co.uk/news/5358651.disney-he-look-like-his-father/

Thus giving him the full name Walt Disney Christmas Pain (his dad's surname is Pain). "Dad Nicholas David, who celebrated his 40th birthday on New Year's Eve, is such a big fan of Disney, he had Snow White and all seven dwarves tattooed on his back at the age of 18." Imagine if that man had been a huge fan of early turbojet designs. He might have called his son Centrifugal Flow Jet Turbine Pain instead.

I used to know someone on Facebook called Lemon Otter, but that is of course a fantastic name:
http://www.lemonzingers.co.uk/about-lemon.html

Boris Johnson

Alexander is his real first name btw.

Yes, which makes his decision to go by "Boris" even more puzzling.

Also: Elon Musk.

More memorable. When you say Boris everybody knows who you're referring too. I'm not sure if it's true, but I've heard his family call him Alexander.

I always think of "Boris the Spider."

Orson Ossman, son of Firesign Theatre member David Ossman. Named after Orson Welles.

Petronella Wyatt came up yesterday

petronella? middle name Aspasia.

Sebastian Bear-McClard

https://drjohnnydrain.com/

Izzy Posen

Amanda Rock

Hatchet M. Speed

not so much abysmal but...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Bongo_Ondimba

mainly because of this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Bongo_(magician)

(drat, even {url} tags didn't fix the missing last ) problem)

Can it be fixed by putting it as text within URL quotes?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Bongo_(magician)

Nope!

i'm sure i have done it before maybe like this? - using the first example in the formatting

That worked on Zing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Topham_Beauclerk

Simultaneously awesome and odd:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roar_Strand

I found that name after reading about another Roar Strand, a fighter pilot:
https://www.i-f-s.nl/accidents-incidents-1980/

"During a ground controlled approach to Bodø Airbase, this F-104G suffered a substantial loss of engine power. The pilot, Roar Strand, realised he would not reach the runway and decided to eject. He landed with minor injuries in Valnesfjorden."

So there are or were at least two people in the world called Roar Strand. In fact Roar is apparently not all that unusual - it's the Norwegian equivalent of "Roger" - and there are a tonne of footballers with that name:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roar_(given_name)

Including Roar Christensen, Roar Hagen, Roar Johansen, a different Roar Johansen, and Roar Stokke.

Is Norway one of those places where there's a limited number of names, as in e.g. Iceland? I don't know much about Norway.

or e.g. Wales

Not really limited as such, but heavily subject to trends (as I'm sure is the case elsewhere). To see the popularity of e.g. "Roar", visit the homepage of Statistics Norway, look for "Navnesøk", enter "Roar" and click the button, and you will find that out of Norway's 2,737,332 males, 6,581 have Roar as their first forename. Click the "Historisk utvikling" dropdown, and you'll see that it was particularly popular from about the end of WWII to the early 1970s – with a quite spectacular drop from 1973 to 1974. Intriguing.

(Btw, a less-used, Old Norse-inflected variant, is Hroar; 81 men as of now.)

d3m4rr g4rdn3r

bl4ne l0gan

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5XBNh_5_y1A/maxresdefault.jpg

When they Indigo, I Rumblelow

The name's more twee than abysmal but the association with the Just Stop Oil movement is unfortunate as it fits the media stereotype of a Just Stop Oil activist a bit too neatly.

that's a great name imo

i agree honestly, except think the 'oh' sounds are awkwardly situated. abysmal names to me are like hard white consonants and vowels mashed up together. parents who should have known better, somehow they missed that the full name was objectively ugly. mr. and mrs. gardner thinking that 'demarr' is fab just because grandpa was named that or w/e. when you say demarr gardner you sound like a yorkie barking at a passing car imo. that is probably way too much thought about what an abysmal real name is that no one asked for.

indigo is a lovely name but i'm a hippie so *shrugs*

It does sound like a refrain from an English folk song/ sea shanty

Young Boozer https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=/m/0dgpy28&hl=en-AU&q=Young+Boozer&kgs=93908d333ac907d9&shndl=17&source=sh/x/kp/osrp/4&entrypoint=sh/x/kp/osrp

legit thought that was a rapper

Is the Onion's head writer *really* called 'Chad Nackers'... Because, that.

let us not forget
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0ATPKgadF4

one of my mom's friends just had a grandson whose middle name is "Hercules". his first name? Milton!!!!!

xp featuring a starkly serious CBC interview of Lewis Lapham! Canadians are funny.

xp so sad just name your kid hercules, you can call him herc, great name imo

Hey Herc! Hey Herc!

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BYzdhMzIwMmQtNGIxMS00M2ExLWI1M2MtMDQ4YTcwODZmNzJjXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNDcwNDI2MTk@._V1_.jpg

Two from the realms of football coaches:
Jeff Saturday
Hugh Freeze

speaking of I saw an NFL coach (iirc?) named D3an Pees

I would change my last name if I were named Pees