Real England

Turned on Radio 2 for 30 seconds. Vine read out a message from a listener saying, "I have no family. When I die it'll be weeks, months or years until anyone notices." Then he played the KLF.

— Lucie Tobin (@msloobylou) February 24, 2022

Only in Tipton pic.twitter.com/DMaHp4JcKJ

— Tat (@faulknerwolves) February 26, 2022

Bingo grans BAN Putin drag queen lookalike over war in Ukraine. Only in @thesundaysport pic.twitter.com/tMVZy7rYl6

— Sunday Sport (@thesundaysport) March 5, 2022

pic.twitter.com/6pDm00YhZJ

— Luke Bailey (@lukebailey90) March 10, 2022

no match day footy scran and a pint>>>tino anjorin gone to southampton on a free transfer>>>thermonuclear holocaust

British ex-Army soldier/merc goes to war in Ukraine, gets hit with rockets/helicopter fire, runs scared into the woods, gets picked up by Ukraine Territorial Defense who torture him thinking he's a Russian spy, gets released, immediately goes back home to the UK. pic.twitter.com/sDpYNr7LYv

— Roberto, Your Friend (@j_bigboote) March 10, 2022

it seems that this "British Lion" had previous experience of some kind of professional army/mercenary thuggery, but it just hadn't prepared him for the type of warfare where armed forces shoot at you with an array of devastating mounted helicopter guns and artillery. The movie adaptation with Sean Bean already cancelled.

a woebegone prince of wales scanning the front pages every morning to see if THIS is a good news day for the momentous announcement

it is not

soon it will be ten years

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b7/Bolon_Yokte%27_K%27uh.jpg

It has to be this thread, doesn’t it

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/money/katie-investigates/jailed-paedophile-premier-inn-denied-107-refund/
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FOXjpxmWYAEm4AE?format=png&name=360x360

Unfortunately for the writer, the journalist he was writing to googled him. All the same though, ugh.

Dear Katie,

In 2019 I booked to stay at a Premier Inn for six nights, paying in full on arrival. I was standing trial at a Crown Court following a false accusation dating back 30 years.

I had no idea how long the trial might go on. It lasted just four days and the verdict did not go my way (juries sometimes get it wrong). I was sent down for four years.

As it was not possible to ring the Premier Inn from my prison cell to cancel the two remaining nights, I had my solicitor do this for me. It was too late for the first unused night to be refunded, but a refund for the second night for £107.50 was expected. I was released from prison on probation two years later, and for the past six months I have been attempting to extract a refund from the Premier Inn, but without success.

It claims it has no trace of the call from my solicitor and argues the call should have been made by me personally within seven days of the booking.

It was galling enough to serve time for a crime I had not committed without Premier Inn trying to profit from my misfortune.

SE, Wiltshire

Personally I just love making false accusations so that a mere 30 years later a dude can simply be sent to prison for no reason at all

It’s crazy, right? Zero shame and he got such a short period in jail!

i'd've thought Rolf Harris could afford not to worry about 100 quid tbh

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/mar/23/king-of-sheffield-willy-collins-memorial-built-without-permission-council-says

A row has reportedly broken out between a bereaved family and a council after a 37-tonne marble memorial to a former bare-knuckle boxer featuring a solar-powered jukebox was erected in a cemetery in Sheffield.

Sheffield City council said the family of Willy Collins, who died aged 49 in July 2020 after collapsing while on holiday in Majorca, did not seek permission to build the tribute, according to the Sheffield Star.

But the family of Collins, known to many as “Big Willy” Collins and the “King of Sheffield”, have disputed this claim and insist they had permission for the monument, which is adorned with four Irish flags and flanked by two lifesize statues of the late boxer.

It also features images of Jesus Christ and biblical scenes, while the jukebox plays Collins’ favourite tracks.

https://i2-prod.examinerlive.co.uk/incoming/article23435587.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/1_PT_HDE_180322_5.jpg

https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2020/06/ac-comp-rip-king-of-sheffield.jpg

More Real Ireland I guess

This is the worst car I've ever seen in my life pic.twitter.com/DdJsOyP7zp

— Queen is dead (@CansForCastro) April 5, 2022

that it's apparently for a design and graphics firm pushes it firmly into the 'based' category tbh

do we think there's a support ukraine element or nah

my hunch is nah and that the owner has a highly open mind re claims on facebook about ukr bio-warfare labs

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/offensive-adverts-by-burger-van-23728773

A tweet posted on March 27 this year stated 'burgers for dinner?' Below was an image of missing Madeleine and her mother, Kate, alongside text which stated 'with burgers this good, you'll leave your kids at home. What's the worst that could happen?'

In the background, a man was shown running with a smaller image of Madeleine in his hands, said watchdog the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA). Text at the bottom of the post stated 'Happy Mother's Day to all the mums out there'.

this is the set-up (tl;dr):

Lord Judge’s speech highlights the contradictory nature of the assurances offered by the government. Either the Commission is independent, or it is not. A ministerial statement cannot both direct the Commission and at the same time not fetter it. Else what’s it for? pic.twitter.com/xXmyTpjb5j

— James B (@piercepenniless) April 28, 2022

this is the reveal:
his proper name and title is igor judge, baron judge

pic.twitter.com/nLWM0wDImH

— North Norfolk Police (@NorthNorfPolice) May 2, 2022

another light-hearted local tradition is it?

Is.... is that St. John Paul II??? pic.twitter.com/gUKTuEPkhX

— Timothy H.J. Nerozzi 庭夢 (@TimothyNerozzi) May 2, 2022

I think it's spelled 'potpourri', yeah?

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FSFzBE7XIAEhem1?format=jpg&name=900x900

CAPTAIN TOM® Seafood Restaurant. Some lovely prints of British Malayan concentration camps on the wall from his old photo album I hear. I presume his grasping family are behind this odious enterprise.

There is one in Hornchurch as well.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-61412523

The show at the Conservative Club in Seaham, County Durham, on 29 April saw blood-soaked performers attack each other with a garden strimmer and glass.

The Colliery Championship Wrestling (CCW) event did not advertise it would be a so-called death match and had offered discounted family tickets.

James Barrass of CCW apologised but said the audience had enjoyed it.

From the Guardian story covering the same event.

A video of the event, circulated online, shows children watching a blood-covered wrestler in his underpants using an electric lawn strimmer to cut his opponent, Ronnie Thatcher. Someone watching says: “A strimmer is for cutting grass, not Ronnie Thatcher.”

https://i.imgur.com/CtEEUlU.png

is that a cave painting

is real england a cave? (ans: yes, yes it is)

like Plato's Cave?

morbo's cave

courtroom sketch artist adding Dan Dare eyebrows just unfortunately makes him look a bit like Gary Glitter

this one goes out to calz

pic.twitter.com/MZq3PhvVKu

— No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits) May 19, 2022

lol that story made all the national press, quite right as well.

he could have capitalised on his brief moment of fame, Gerald Stratford style .. cheers

a kid in my class was in the sheffield star because his dad grew bananas in their yard

Snuck past the cashier. pic.twitter.com/Ycqr80Gs5K

— Neil (@_Enanem_) May 20, 2022

somebody on my work slack just called somebody else a "dirty stop-out"!!

mere light-hearted banter

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/may/20/john-shuttleworth-gig-abandoned-in-derbyshire-after-man-falls-into-cavern

must be worth a new song

think you were missing a trick not to post that the place was called Devil's Arse tbh

come, friendly bombs

WWII veteran John Pearce is releasing a single to honour the Queen's Platinum Jubilee.

“She was a real inspiration during the war and has continued to lead by example."

Thank You Your Majesty is a reworking of Go West by The Village People.

📺 Freeview 237, Sky 526, Virgin 627 pic.twitter.com/ZHjqZn0qEX

— TalkTV (@TalkTV) May 20, 2022

"in british english, the primary meaning of to go west is to die; this phrase later came to also mean: – to be lost, to be destroyed; – to disappear, to vanish; – to end in failure, to come to grief"

nothing left but symptom: showing this to a stunned and for-once silent zizek

remind me not to retune my Freeview box

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FTX0Q5sXoAArEtK?format=jpg&name=900x900