Football Chants

"One decent Lester, there's only one decent Lester."

And top marks to Spurs for this Guardian reader-baiting and highly topical effort:

"Sol, Sol, wherever you may be
You're on the verge of lunacy
And we don't give a fcuk if you're hanging from a tree
You Judas cnute with HIV"

HARK NOW HEAR
THE CITY SING
UNITED RAAAN AWAY
AND WE WILL FIGHT
FOREVERMORE
BECAUSE OF DERBY DAAAY!

'We are not, we're not really here....'comes from when we were down in Division 2, and none too proud.

What else? Oh yes the good old mocking of Mourinho:

'That Coats from Matalan, that coats from Matalan'

"If they stop chanting but start rioting out of frustration, then you're worse off."

Section B WANK WANK WANK

In yer Maryhill slums, you rake through the bin for something to eat, ye find a deid rat and ye think its a treat, in yer Maryhill slums

I'm watching the play-off semi between Brystal Palace and Cristol City at the moment and I can hear a chant to the tune of Sloop John B (the bit which goes "I feel so broke up, I wanna go home"), but I can't make out the words. As far as I know, Man Utd started using this tune for chants about 5 years ago, and over the last few years it's spread to several clubs, but with different words every time.

First up United sang about City's new stadium:
We paid for their home, We paid for their hoooooome, What a waste of council tax, We paid for their home

Then midway through the 04/05 season this one took off:
He plays on the left, He plays on the riiiiiight, that boy Ronaldo, makes Beckham look shite

Then after Liverpool won the European Cup they started singing:
We won it five times, we won it five tiiiiiimes, in Istanbul*, we won it five times
*this doesn't seem to scan, so there might be another word or two which I've missed out

To which United responded by playing the Heysel card:
We won it two times, we won it two tiiiiiimes, without killing anyone, we won it two times

Then, in the wake of the 06 World Cup, the Ronaldo song was changed so that it was England instead of Beckham (and some people sang 'winks' instead of 'plays').

Then earlier this season Arsenal started singing:
Adebayor, Adebayooooooor, give him the ball, and he will score

To which Spurs responded with:
Adebayor, Adebayooooooor, his Dad washes elephants and his Mum is a whore

Then just recently I've heard Chelsea singing (in response to Liverpool's jibes):
We're going to Moscow, we're going to Moscoooooow, fuck your history, we're going to Moscow

one for the New England Revolution

Oh, Tay-lor Twellman has a cold sore,
Has a cold sore,
Has a COLD SORE!
Now Ste-vie Ralston has a cold sore,
Has a cold sore,
Has a COLD SORE!
Now Shir-ly Joseph has a cold sore,
Has a cold sore,
Has a COLD SORE!
Now Ste-vie Nichol has a cold sore,
Has a cold sore,
Has a COLD SORE!
Now Jayyy Heaps has a cold sore,
Has a cold sore,
Has a COLD SORE!
And Maaatt Ries has a cold sore,
From suck-ing off his mom!

"We've got Novak, we've got Novaa-ak.
"Our carpets are filthy, we've got Novak."
Huddersfield Town supporters show their love for Lee Novak.

"When the City are playing frightful,
"We've got our Dutchman so delightful,
"And even though he's just on loan,
"Evander Sno, Evander Sno, Evander Sno!"

Bristol City supporters to the tune of Let It Snow - about the on-loan Ajax midfield maestro.

Bollocks does that work.

"Who did you support before?"
Leeds fans question the football fidelity of the MK Dons support.

Who *did* they support before?

Also "Where were you when you were shit?" to a packed Ewood Park watching Walker's millions winning them the league.

"Boom boom boom, let me hear you say Bale, Ba-le!"

delicious

Not least because Bale! Bale! Bale! was kinda rubbish

Surprised there's no mention of the Gary Neville song, to the tune of Rebel Rebel (it really is the name of his father at the end, of course)
Neville, Neville, you play in defence,
Neville, Neville, your play is immense,
Neville, Neville, like Jacko you’re bad,
Neville Neville is the name of your dad

Went to the 98 World Cup final, and on the way back on the train, we taught the defeated Brazilian fans in our carriage to sing "He's fat/ He's shit/ He's never fucking fit/ Ronaldo/ Ronaldo." Which is not that funny in and of itself, but was when sung by 200 Brazilians in yellow shirts.

neville nevilles a classic alright

UEFA Cup Final 2003, shuttle bus to the stadium from the centre of Seville was spent teaching some bemused Portugeezers (to the tune of "she'll be coming round the mountain")

"they'll be jumping out the windaes when we win, they'll be jumping out the windaes when we win, they'll be jumping out the windaes, jumping out the windaes, jumping out the windaes when we win"

"and we hope it's spikey railings when they land..."

"and we hope the paramedics are on strike..."

and various other verses of increasing unpleasantness

Also, on the Sloop John B tip, last year at a Celtic v Rangers reserve game at Ibrox, when Rangers goalie Allan McGregor's tabloid-friendly lovelife was in full swing:

"The baby's not yours, the baby's not yours, Allan McGregor, the baby's not yours"

*pause*

"It's Paddy McCourt's, it's Paddy McCourt's, Allan McGregor, it's Paddy McCourt's"

(it's not Paddy McCourt's, AFAIK, btw)

two andy gorams ftw tho

catchy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-tagn3lB3I&feature=player_embedded

total shite

He's big, he's bad, he's Wesley Brown,
He's the hardest man in all the town.
With orange hair beware.
Come and have a go if you dare...

What you on about? That one was always great!

NO ONE LIKES US, NO ONE LIKES US
NO ONE LIKES US, WE DON'T CARE!

WE ARE MILLWALL, SUPER MILLWALL
WE ARE MILWALL FROM THE DEN!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coUd-AaLkjQ