The Righteous Gemstones

i did find it funny every time they chased the motorcycle gang, only to face a hail of bullets, like they didn't anticipate they would shoot at them.

lol at Gideon using the underside of the motorcycle as a shield.

and throwing star in BJ's head, lol.

fwiw I feel like if you were on a moving motorcycle and started firing an automatic weapon like that the recoil would throw you off the bike pretty much instantaneously

lotta plot threads to wrap up in these final two episodes, seems clear that the bikers were sent by the Lissons and that Junior probably knows Eli likely had something to do with his Dad's disappearance but its still pretty unclear what happened to Schwartzman's character. thinking one of these eps is going to show that whole scene

There has to be at least one episode in every Hill/McBride show where you finish an episode and wonder, “what the fuck did I just watch?”

this one definitely had some of that energy

I understand they want to delay the reveal payoff a little longer, but it was driving me nuts that neither Jesse nor Gideon walked over and yanked off the bikers' helmet.

Poor Keefe gettin' poked in the eye.

totally called that right before it happened

xp The way this season has been, they probably all shook it off and got a move on before they had a chance.

This was bizarre. Loved it.

totally called that right before it happened

I did too, but I can't say I anticipated the particular, er, angle we'd get on what happened.

This was some quality ridiculously awesomely bad (so, awesome) television. All the barfing, the well telegraphed glory hole telescope to the eye, the ninja star in the head, the cattle prod holster ... basically next level fucking around what-the -fuckery.

They did have that close-up (misdirect?) of a long-haired blonde guy in the audience at their sermon, then you see long blonde hair sticking out of a guy's helmet. The only long haired blonde guy I recall (besides Keef) is the wrestler that was sent to threaten Eli. But this show ... none of that shit really matters. This show is the kind of goof-off where you can clearly see a guy's long blonde hair sticking out from under a helmet, but when they go to unmask him it'll turn out to be Eric Andre. There's got to be something liberating about introducing a plot-heavy melodrama that has no interest in logic or reason or anything, just a hilariously indulgent goof, including all the stuff that's not funny. In that sense it kind of reminds me of "Arrested Development," and if "AD" hadn't done it first (?) "Gemstones" is the kind of show that I could have seen ending each episode with a "next week" preview of stuff that never happens.

MacCaulay CULKIN!!!!

for a show that has pretty short episodes, and short seasons, I really feel like they've been milking things since episode 5.

not that it wasn't 'good' per se, but there's been a lot of wheel spinning ever since episode 5.

Yeah with only two episodes left I was surprised a lot more didn’t happen there but the finale oughta be pretty good

Alright now I think Amber is behind everything.

well she did shoot one of them so

Not fatally

I haven’t charted out how it makes sense or anything, just have a feeling that’s where they’re going with it.

it still doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me since Eli was supposed to be on that bus and unless I'm forgetting something Amber didn't seem to put up much of a fight getting on it herself. also the Lissons are definitely involved, didn't they mention early on that they ran some charity for troubled teens or something? so that's who the cycle ninjas were. the idea that they would go through all this for just a $10m investment is kinda nuts so there's likely a bit more to the story. and it's still unclear what happened to the reporter and the two other people at his place. obviously the implication is that Junior did it but it kinda seems that he's just a low level goon? were any of those guys ever shown actually killing anyone?

reporter was killed by Baby Billy for not letting him use his HBO Max password anymore

wait I forgot they were orphans. which explains why they had "no records"?

the reporter said he had dirt on Eli's wife and we never found out what that was?

now she's yukkin it up with Uncle Baby Billy

MacCaulay was all, "fucking no way is my little brother going to be the only one with that premium cable show shine".

I don't think that was anything, just poking around to see if Eli would reveal anything. Junior did say that he came by to talk to him so I'm guessing the story was actually about Eli's wrestling goon past

I don't think Eli murdered anyone but I would guess that next week we're gonna find out that the story about why he had blood on his pants was not exactly true

yeah I think the dirt on Eli's wife was basically the reporter trying to 'relieve' Eli into thinking he didn't know anything about the REAL shit he was up to in his past, and that he'd be more willing to give a softball interview about his wife's rudeness and as a side benefit, could show he didn't duck teh reporter. but Eli don't roll that way.

Eli killed the reporter.

the reporter secretly sent back a video to his family back home and said IF I'M NOT HOME IN ONE WEEK, CALL THESE PEOPLE.

which were his motorcycle mafia friends. who he also bought drugs from.

I don't think Eli or any of the other Gemstones are murderers. besides Tiffany of course

maybe it's Torsten trying to get all da houses

eli got the blood on him cause hes a damn vampire, he became a vampire

i was thinking Amber maaaybe but reporter theory seems more “plausible”… not that anything is really actually plausible lol

how good was Macaulay tho
love a Culkin!

right Amber willingly stepping into a bus she knew Eli was going to be murdered in doesn't make sense BUT I did think the Gemstones maybe had their own drivers so the motorcycle crew knowing where they'd be was kind of odd. idk this show stretches reality quite a bit so I'm expecting something crazy

that said the one thing that really bothers me is that "Eli Gemstone" is his actual name, even when he was a goon slumming it in Memphis.

and yeah Macaulay Culkin was great, perfect casting

What a weird, goofy, bizarre show.

The signs at the rollercoaster were all time. "Thou Shalt Hold On," "Thou Shalt Have Fun," "Thou Shalt Loop the Loop" ...

You missed the best one “Thou shalt not be sick”

moving company in recent episode was called “Smooth Move”

s/out to the exlax commercial

Almost forgot the other gag, their warm-up vocalizing. "Children of the Corn," "Dane Cook" ...

the fake restaurants that seem real!

i cant remember if it was this ep or the one before it but i really liked when baby billy tried to peel out & trashed his trailer of health elixir

the chicken restaurant having a gravy version of the coca-cola freestyle machine kills me

one weird thing someone noticed is if you freeze frame the receipt of Baby Billy's purchases you find out the show is set in October 2022

maybe we’ll get the gravy machine by then

yeah there's a covid joke too, he claims his elixir heals it, which i totally believe

Saw a good theory that Kelvin might actually be the only one with real god-fueled powers. He prayed his father back to life, he bore the cross, he converted Satanist Keefe (more than once) and rescued him from the Goth rave tank, and so on.

interesting. yeah i was surprised to see him succeed this time at bearing the cross and have it not be explained beyond just that he was even madder than before (i guess?)

same, i expected a reveal of him rigging it somehow. it doesn't seem like the show's style to include actual supernatural elements but i guess anything's possible

ha i was gonna say the opposite honestly, i can totally imagine some kind of gonzo finale that includes someone ascending to heaven or an angel beating someones ass or something

(although i can just as easily imagine a nonspiritual finale that reveals he cheated somehow)

i just attributed Kelvin's feat to cinematic adrenaline, similar to how there have been IRL anecdotes of people of average build lifting a car or doing other impossible feats of strength in times of danger.

i am coming around to Amber doing it, in a way. esp since they didn't reveal the Lissons AND, Eli's dad comes around to giving them the money for the Lissons, but he only tells Jesse and not Amber, and Amber is still frustrated that he's not been elevated to his position.

perhaps she thought the heroism would ward Eli off if he heard his own kid got shot at.

idk

also she knew about Junior, and knew he could be an easy fall guy

she could easily shoot the motorcycle gang, too, they probably don't know who hired them

ha i was gonna say the opposite honestly, i can totally imagine some kind of gonzo finale that includes someone ascending to heaven or an angel beating someones ass or something

Given this show, I can imagine it concluding with Kelvin beating Satan in a rap battle.

well Baby Billy did have an NDE and in the last episode its revealed that he believes himself to be communicating with Aimee-Leigh from beyond the grave

Amber's involvement does make sense but I still don't feel she would willingly get on the bus if she knew Eli was gonna get murdered in it. either way it seems like the goal is beyond that $10,000,000 investment now