A rolling thread where we are teachers

hi horseshoeeeeeee!!!!

<3 hope you and your fam are weathering this nonsense okay, m bise

likewise friend!!

That's a really important message to hear again and again m. bison and I have to keep telling myself that. I'm pretty close to burnout myself. I have only been doing it for five years and have lost sight of 'normal' if indeed I have ever really had it.

Someone unthinkingly offered me a job over Christmas. The job is irrelevant (marketing!) but my readiness to say yes to him (actually, cuddle him, chew his arm off) made me realise just how close to the edge I was. I honestly think I'd jump now, given the chance.

Lily, you're in a shitty organisation there, and not getting the right messages or support. I'd say hang in there and keep looking for ways out. And as m.bison says, although it doesn't feel like it now, the job is worth fighting for.

Thanks everyone. Honestly I think a lot of it is coming from me. There are some weeks where I feel like I know how to do a good job for my students, and then weeks like this one where I feel like I don't have it in me to give them the level of teaching they deserve. I don't feel like I'm getting extraordinary pressure from admin - as a part-time teacher in an elective subject, early in my career, I think I actually get a lot of slack. But I have expectations for myself and I haven't figured out how to deal with the times when I don't meet them.

Anyway, lots of sympathy and solidarity to everyone who's teaching right now. It's good to hear from all of you.

weeks like this one where I feel like I don't have it in me to give them the level of teaching they deserve

The absolute worst feeling, the one time--when I switched grades and our school moved into another building temporarily--where I sought outside help/medication. Either it or just time worked; after a couple months, that feeling went away.

Looks like we're headed back to in-person on Monday.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/ontario-students-in-person-learning-monday-january-17-1.6310451

"We need staff in order to continue providing live teacher-led remote learning and safely operate our schools when students return to in-person learning," Lecce's statement read. "That is why we have now secured an agreement with the Ontario Teachers' Federation that will deliver access to thousands of teacher-qualified educators that will help keep schools open and safe."

Part of that is that they lifted the 50-day supply limit on retired teachers like me and pushed it back up to 95 days, like last year. My head is room-sized right now; I feel like I single-handedly saved the whole school year.

Next week is the start of the new semester. Usually we get a day off between semesters (today), but since they had to cancel school the Friday after Veterans' Day, they made it a makeup day, so it's a regular week of school and we don't have any work time for grading.

Despite that, I was planning on going to Chicago this weekend to see the Vulgar Boatmen - leaving Saturday, getting back Sunday. I was worried about whether I could manage that because I've been exhausted lately, but was planning on doing it anyway because I haven't gone on a trip or heard live music since the start of the pandemic.

But two days ago the directive came down from admin that next week is Black Lives Matter Week and we have to create content-specific BLM-related lessons for every day of the week. It's a fine idea in itself but there is NO TIME. They sent out some material and pre-designed lessons for a range of content areas; I don't know how useful those are, but it's moot because none of them are for my content area.

I don't think I can go to Chicago now. I want to and I haven't completely given up hope, but - how??? I'm exhausted and I don't even know what I'm doing for class tomorrow, so the idea that I'm going to come up with five days of culturally sensitive material on issues of race in the Francophone world without working through the weekend seems nuts.

And these are the admin who will lecture us about the importance of self-care and not letting yourself burn out.

I used to love it when we'd devote a staff meeting to self-care and avoiding burn out. "If you want to help me, let me go home right after school--being here an extra hour-plus is not helping my mental outlook."

Meanwhile, I was in a K class the other day where there was a kid who screamed, full throttle, for 30% of the day, which they told me was normal. The rest of the time he played fine. There were two EAs in the room, and they spend most of their day, every day, with him. I'm guessing it costs the province an additional ~$75,000 to attend to this one student. What else can you do?

this week has really sucked.

One of my French 1 classes has discipline and morale issues, and while I do my best to keep redirecting kids and addressing issues as they come up, I haven't been good about calling parents and emailing counselors and actually making sure there are hard consequences for being disruptive in class. As a result, students are dispirited and negative about the class and their own progress, and about me as a teacher. It's a big class - 32 kids - in a tiny room, and a lot of them would really enjoy the class given a smaller class size, a different group of kids, or even a bigger room, but they don't know that.

It's the week that students sign up for classes for next year, and so I'm in the shitty position of trying to convince them to sign up for French 2, and I've got a bunch of them telling me they don't want to, with the implication that I suck at my job and I've made them not like French.

And I know it's really just that class that's negative and I'll probably have quite a few signing up from my first period. So I'll probably have enough for one French 2 class, which is what we had this year, which is pretty much to be expected. But it's depressing and makes me feel like shit about my abilities.

I mean this in the best possible way, not glibly: "Take it easy, Jake--it's COVID." These last two years are complete write-offs. They say nothing about what kind of teacher you are, or what kind of teacher you'll be when things return to some semblance of normal. You have to get through it day-to-day, I know, but don't draw any conclusions about what they think about you as a teacher.

(I should follow my own advice--I got down last spring when it was like former students didn't even know me.)

Had a grade 6/7 class today. The day plan alerted me anger issues this one guy had, and not to engage if he went off.

He had a good morning, and he was fine in gym too, even playing dodgeball, which can be highly competitive. (Not my choice by the way--dodgeball from a supply teacher is a long-standing cliche. I wanted to do basketball, they wanted dodgeball.) Right at the end, though, this guy got hit with a (nerf) ball that someone was tossing into mesh bag. And he indeed went off. The transformation is hard to describe, but if he'd had access to a knife, I think he would have cut me up right there. Thankfully, he just stood there in the middle of the guy, shaking, while another student retrieved the VP. He was back in class 20 minutes later, settled down.

I don't really get this, from either a medical or psychological standpoint. Is it an overload of neurons firing off? It was scary, and it was over nothing.

Um…

That doesn't really tell me anything.

You don't have any framework with which to understand anger issues or you don't understand this particular kid's behavior?

I don't understand what causes a 12-year-old kid to experience murderous rage over getting nicked by a nerf ball. I sincerely don't, else I wouldn't be asking. (Is my memory of my own classmates at that age selective enough that I don't remember going to school with such kids? Because I don't.)

I mean I understand anger issues up to a point, obviously, I have them myself. This is something different.

Anything in the file about that kid's home life?

There's a good chance that it's neurological. Frontal lobe damage can cause this.

I'm a supply these days--I'm sure there is, but nothing I would have access to.

When I taught full-time, I had any number of kids who had difficult home lives for all sorts of reasons. In 20 years, I don't think I ever encountered in my own classes what I saw yesterday--maybe I just got lucky.

(CGLDI: thanks, that makes sense.)

I know someone who occasionally explodes over very minor issues, like screaming violent threats over a minor slight. Its quite scary in the moment. The next day they will be remorseful. No idea what causes it.

I spoke to him briefly about 15 minutes after he returned to class, said something like "I'm pretty sure that was an accident," and he was calm. Before he returned, I spoke to the class and said if you know _______ can be set off like that, you have to be extra careful about tossing stuff around when putting away equipment. They were really good about handling the situation, but I guess they need periodic reminders about that.

This is purely anecdotal, but I've taken care of both people with mental issues/deficiencies and people with neurological issues, and I've noticed a kind of eerie calm that accompanies behavior incidents by the latter that doesn't happen with meltdowns/triggerings from the former. It's like their soul leaves their body temporarily.

If I had to guess, that would be mine, the second--he really did look like this was beyond his control (and that trying to talk to him in the moment, which I did initially--very calmly--was pointless and even counter-productive). He did seem to have acquired one coping mechanism: he just stood in the middle of the gym until the VP arrived.

I go to this school regularly. It occurred to me later that this particular student was probably the reason for many of the lockdowns the school has initiated while I've been there (which just means classroom doors are closed for 10-15 minutes and no one can leave the room).

A retired teacher in Ontario is allowed 50 supply/substitute days. During the pandemic, that was bumped to 95. I thought that was a hard cap, but because my 95th day will fall right at the beginning of May, I can continue working for the rest of the month. Which means by the end of the year, I'll have done ~110 days--almost 2/3 of a full school year. (I really got hit at tax time for teaching ~85 days last year.)

I'm happy about this--I still like being in the classroom--but I really hope I don't get too many calls for intermediate the rest of the way. It feels like the pandemic has affected them much worse than young kids--there's this real us-vs.-you thing right now, worse than what you normally get with intermediates. (And it doesn't seem to be reserved for supply teachers, either.)

The affect on young kids won't be known for a few years; it'll probably be worse, either socially or academically or both.

Effect, that is. Teacher here.

I'm a terrible ILX poster these days; I only seem to post when I have some mildly shitty life event to bitch about. Sorry everyone.

But basically I got laid off AGAIN a month or two ago because my school decided to phase out the French program. I just had my first interview for an English position, at a school I really wanted to teach at, and I was so nervous I completely bombed it. This sucks and I'm really tempted to take this as a sign that I should just get out of this damn profession but I don't know what else I can do.

<3 i dont have advice, just a fellow teacher offering my support from across the internet

Thank you!

Sorry to hear all that. So different here...They can't fill the jobs that are open. I get e-mail every night with anywhere from five to 20 LTOs open (two boards).

Especially French, I think.

i'm sorry, Lily, and i completely understand if you want to move on to another profession, but you'd make a great English teacher!

Agreed, Lily!

It seems I might be back to adjuncting uni again in the fall, at a local arts college’s creative writing program.

I realized that while I worked hard hard and made some good money last year doing medical editing, my most potent creative moments were when I had more time to myself. With the workshops and other work I do on the side, I should be fine— sometimes I just need to remind myself that there isn’t one path, and I’m not trying to build a career, just support my other pursuits.

Thank you, everyone! I don't think I'm being hired this round of interviews, though I got a friendly "we liked your interview and encourage you to reapply if there's another opening" rejection call today, which is slightly encouraging.

What this is all telling me is that it's time to start saying no to the French jobs, which just keep demanding a ton of prep time and taking me further away from teaching English. That might mean a year of subbing or adjuncting, but after pandemic teaching I wouldn't mind a more low-key year to recharge.

Table, I know exactly what you mean, and that's about where I am too. Sometimes you just need a job that doesn't soak up all your energy. Adjuncting creative writing sounds fun - do you like it? I've only taught composition classes.

Are teachers in a perpetual discussion about 'leaving the profession'? It certainly feels that way sometimes.

I'm considering my position at the moment - mainly because of what Lily said about needing a 'job that doesn't soak up all your energy'. I've always found it exhausting - physically, emotionally - but since I had covid back in October, I'm dragging my sorry arse through the week; by Friday, I'm running on empty and my weekends are a write-off. This Friday was kind of humiliating, really - one of those days when you have nothing in the tank, the kids sense it and walk all over you. Cue a weekend of introspection and blah blah blah.

Anyway, that's me at the moment. This probably feels like a luxury when you're looking for a job, so apologies there. All the best with your search Lily. Don't lose heart!

In the upcoming Ontario election, one of the parties is promising to reinstate grade 13, which would require an additional 10,000 teachers. When asked where they'd find them, the response was that there are currently 70 or 80 thousand teachers who are certified but not teaching, many of them because they've been ill-treated by the current government and have left the profession; they'll be able to get 10,000 to return.

My sympathies, Chinaski, and I hope the fatigue lessens soon. I'm in much the same state, really. I don't know if what I had a couple months ago was covid or not, but it was followed by some pretty severe fatigue that's better but not gone. Teaching has always felt a bit like being two people - Teaching Persona and Me - but it now feels like there's only enough energy for one of them and Teaching Persona gets all of it.

So if anything, it feels like a luxury to have the potential prospect of a doing a year of something else and then coming back, without having to sacrifice an established position in order to do it.

Yeah, Lily and Chinaski, it really is about energy and also engagement for me— when I’m reading tons of poetry and student work, I am also much more interested in pursuing my own work. When I’m doing other kinds of work, poetry feels more like a funny hobby.

I love facilitating creative writing workshops. I venture to say it is what I am best at as an educator— creating an environment where students feel free to make the things they want to make, as well as giving them permission to push boundaries.

Yeah that's a really good point, and it's one thing I've been missing since I switched from teaching English to French. I don't write for publication, or write very much by the standards of anyone who is writing for publication, but I do write, and it's important to me, and teaching French seems to divert that particular creative channel.

Yeah that balance is important to me, and as I try to recover from the grief and loss of being laid off, it's important for me to be able to make money without the emotional investment of teaching.
Today/tomorrow I am grading my final project podcasts (that I have 72 hours to complete/turn in final grades) and have to take a break to go work at my other job waiting tables, where I have no prep work or any work outside working hours whatsoever. It's neither good nor bad, it just is the way it is.

*being laid off from my longtime FT teaching job

Collected field-trip forms for a teacher today, and the students had to fill out a Google Form pertaining to an upcoming dance; tomorrow I'm with a class that's doing Jump Rope for Heart. Actually feels like school.

Next week I start what will hopefully be a long term gig, instructing a few 1-hr classes in creative writing to young teens (middle school aged). Mostly 2nd or 3rd gen Chinese students living in the Bay. Seems like the parental terrain might be a little fraught, but judging from the sample classes I watched, the kids are pretty all right and into what’s going on.

Le table, if this sounds like a ballache no probs at all, but I'm shit at teaching the creative writing element of our Language GCSE - do you have any useful tips/places to look/texts etc?

I mostly know poetry. One book that contains a lot of different prompts and ideas re: poetry is this volume: http://www.matthewjohnburgess.com/new-page

It also does a good job of mixing contemporary poetry with older poems, which is essential when teaching poetry— can't have students thinking there are no poets any longer.

As far as my own strategies, so much isn't taught any longer, so that I often spend an hour-long session going through basics like euphony and cacophony, another session going through metaphor, another going through parataxis, etc. We also read a lot of poems aloud and listen to/watch poets read their poems so that the kids feel they're more alive.

Another good strategy for getting things started is picking a quote that might be related to the lesson of the day, even if the quote is from someone who isn't a poet or fiction writer or whatever. Having kids talk about what they think the quote means and how it means what it means gets their brains moving in a creative direction, so that the segue into talking about poems— whether their own or someone else's— is easier.

I have some other strategies, too, but I should mention that one of my big things from the beginning of *any* class is to inform students that it is an okay space to get weird and really be *creative* with language...good poetry isn't staid or stuffy!

I forgot to say thank you for this, Tabes! Some really interesting ideas. So much is about trying to get people to 'forget themselves' in some way - get past the barrier that they're awful at it etc and a lot of these techniques are about making the process exploratory or whatever. Thanks again.

Telling sign that your math text may be out of date: the one in front of me, in the data unit, has a graph of the year's top-selling albums:

1. Rockinghorse, Alannah Myles
2. Reckless, Bryan Adams
3. Greatest Hits, Anne Murray
4. Boy in the Box, Corey Hart
5. The Thin Red Line, Glass Tiger

(Also a telling sign the school may be in Canada.)

I detect some dissimulation on the part of the publishers: there's no way Corey Hart's 1985 album was still selling that well in 1992, when the Alannah Myles album came out.
Just find 2023 versions of those artists to enlighten your students: e.g. Bryan Adams = Drake.

Mathpower Eight--the front page with the copyright has been ripped out. Does sound suspect (though I don't doubt the Anne Murray album might still be hanging around).