I would EXCELSIOR, but I haven't got a ZING to LOL

My bf watches movies like this all the time. Starts one, then stops it partway thru to play a game or watch TV instead. LIke... why? Drives me mad.

As Whiney says, that is very much a "we" in quotes that has nothing to do with me or anyone I know irl?

i'm not going to defend my impulsive c&p really but i thought it was just a low-stakes gripe and that masturbating about the amazon delivery driver was at least a little funny.

i read it the other day and went on with other things in my life. and then, last night, out of nowhere i remembered this idea of masturbating to the amazon delivery person and it was such an absurd intrusion in my head

that's basically Scott Pilgrim iirc

FTR I have never actually seen an Amazon delivery person so I don't know what they look like - just trying to evoke a generally fuzzy state of mind and an assortment of weird habits born of isolation and boredom, and exaggerating for effect.

I do feel like I'm sleepwalking a bit, and slipping from paths of righteousness and healthy community-oriented living into dissolution and decay. Many people I know are expressing similar sentiments, though they would definitely not choose the same specifics.

okay, never having seen an Amazon delivery person is some next level "I don't even own a television" shit

unless you're blind ... sorry ... that was ableist of me

idk I mean I usually saw the Amazon trucks but rarely saw the people emerge from them until recently, because we have a hub where they drop packages in our apartment complex.

as opposed to UPS drivers, who I have been seeing run like they have hemorrhoids to drop off packages since childhood.

Okay. I mean, I look out on the porch and there's a package there. I didn't see it arrive, so I don't know who brought it.

Of course I see people delivering things out in the world. I just don't know who brought my specific things to my specific doorstep; I don't see any humblebrag or elitism in that.

https://twistity.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/delivery.jpg

you were imagining a faceless amazon delivery person delivering a big box that says 'horny sex' on the side

I don't see drivers, I just see packages

well Sufjan's post on top of mine just made things a lil awkward

when my amazon deliveries arrive i open the door and say "place the box in my hands please", and i never stop looking them in the eye until they're down the street

the irony of Karl Malone *having* something delivered.

sometimes i take time off to work on slam dunks

Amazon driver is not the Mailman

not with THAT attitude

the amazon driver is dave grohl

Okay. I mean, I look out on the porch and there's a package there. I didn't see it arrive, so I don't know who brought it.

Of course I see people delivering things out in the world. I just don't know who brought my specific things to my specific doorstep; I don't see any humblebrag or elitism in that.

― nonsensei (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, January 7, 2022 8:46 AM (fourteen minutes ago)

I was mostly joking but ...

1. you have a porch
2. you live somewhere where packages can be left and you don't have to worry about security/theft
3. you have a significant amount of space between other dwellings such that the frequency of deliveries to your neighbors isn't obvious to you

john stockton obvs

Feel like I have seen more Amazon delivery people in the past two years than ever before because I've gone on a lot of walks around my (urban) neighborhood. They're everywhere.

could be some regional variation here if "Amazon delivery person" specifically means Prime delivery not just UPS/FedEx/some other contractor. When I was in Chicago in November I was shocked at how many Prime vans there were, I would often see them in twos or even threes (xp with jaymc!)--it felt mildly dystopian since I also ended up going to Whole Foods a couple of times. They are much rarer in Montreal; I only really noticed them on the street in the immediate run-up to christmas.

One of the ways I feel very Canadian is that I am very fond of my regular Canada Post worker (among other reasons: she delivers govt weed to my door), though um not in a creepy way I swear

does Canada Post still handle Amazon in your area? they lost the contract a while ago.

i remember once this summer i saw an amazon driver using his own pickup truck to delivery (he had one of those roll-top bed covers)

When I was in Chicago in November I was shocked at how many Prime vans there were, I would often see them in twos or even threes

yes, in my US city they are equally omnipresent

yes. yes. keep going. kill excelsior forever

yall would enjoy Ken Loach's "Sorry We Missed You"

xpost Is that what the she said when you rested the computer on her back?

does Canada Post still handle Amazon in your area? they lost the contract a while ago.

― maf you one two (maffew12), Friday, January 7, 2022 12:13 PM (one minute ago)

No, we don't use it much, but when we do it tends to be Purolator that handles delivery (often arriving at insane even undesirable times like Sunday 9am). Not sure if that company exists outside of QC?

Maybe worth mentioning that Amazon is simply less useful in Canada, or at least it was when I moved here in 2014 and dropped Prime. I try not to use it because I hate them so bad, but sometimes you are basically forced to, like right now I need replacement filters for the de-lead-ing water filter the city gave me (lmao) and they are only available on Amazon afaict

yes. yes. keep going. kill excelsior forever

― imago, Friday, January 7, 2022 12:17 PM (two minutes ago)

happy to be of service!

was it a Dyson?

fwiw Canada Post owns Purolator! Which filter? I'm good at playing Anything But Amazon.

I did not know that! Now I feel less Canadian: how does CP even own other companies? I guess they're a Crown Corp? Seems weird though, does HydroQuebec own a coal company?

The filter is Zero Water. Tbh I didn't look that hard for alternatives because it's not like some cool, local boutique is going to have them lol but if you know an option, I'm all ear

It's time for the Purolator

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8KZ0wspws0

lol thank you, I was trying to parse that post unsuccessfully

ah cmon those filters are all over the place

the boutiquiest thing might be ebay.ca and filter results Canada Only. some fellow patriots have some open box ones they could send by Canada Post. failing local kijiji (a subsidiary of eBay) business of course

Alright well buying open-box water filters off ebay might be the limit to my anti-amazon feelings, I also don't avoid every website that uses AWS

you're into some fancy boutiques

ok

I plead guilty to having a porch and living in a safe neighborhood - but I don't really masturbate thinking about any delivery people, that was a joek, hope that clears things up

let's get back to joeks plz

but i want to talk about masturbating to amazon delivery workers more. what is it about them that would turn a person on, i wonder.

most of them tend to be young?

there's a tuomas joke I'm not going to make

well now you've made us think of it so you essentially did :)

a dude i know had a song about 20 years ago about wanting to have sex with the Fed Ex Lady. there might be a youtube video

https://briankenneyfresno.bandcamp.com/track/fedexy

Perhaps it's something to do with novelty, like, "I don't go anywhere or do anything or see anyone (except the people I see all the goddamn time) and no one visits except sometimes there's a mysterious stranger who delivers the toner cartridges and boxed risotto and paper towels and cat litter"?

Joek thoroughly dead from overexplanation now