How do you help a friend who's in an abusive relationship?

i hope she's able to get far away from him asap, cut off all contact, new phone, etc.

this is absolutely the best advice possible. women are murdered by their abusive ex-husbands with tragic frequency. in earlier posts you said she wasn't ready to cut him completely out of her life, yet. i hope to god she's more than ready to now, because without that willingness there's little that anyone else can do to remove her from mortal danger.

Thanks, everyone. I didn't post here for a day or so because nothing was happening and it was so dispiriting realizing that the fire marshal and the cops were determined not to do their jobs. As in, the fire marshal had decided it wasn't arson without even looking at the place, and the cops were like, "well, she didn't have a restraining order so there's no evidence of abuse." Luckily we have an uncle who's a (mostly retired) judge in the state, so he's doing his best to make some calls and talk them into taking it seriously. Seems like he may be making some progress, but it's all moving very slowly at best.

She is safe, though; she's been away, staying sometimes with me, sometimes with other people, since the summer. But since she left very quickly, she wasn't able to rescue any valuables or even bring her winter clothing with her, so she's really got nothing.

I had a stalker once and had to move several times to get away from him.

I got a phone call one afternoon at work from the landlord saying they were moving me to a new place. They took me seriously.

But the cops wanted me to come up with an address for him and I couldn't and they were pressuring me to name this other guy who I knew was innocent.

A few weeks into my stay in the new building, I came down to the lobby to find glass all over the floor.

Every window in the lobby had been smashed in and the landlord's office was ransacked. We knew it was him, but he never got arrested. The cops wanted to treat it as "one of those things", a simple burglary.

After that, I lived with my sister until my lease was up, then I moved into the upstairs at my parents' old house. Since the phone and bills weren't in my name, the situation died down.

It is so demeaning to have to beg social services for help. There just aren't enough resources, and people often treat victims like they are lying, "crazy" or exaggerating.

I had a friend who slept IN A CHURCH after someone broke into her trailer and kidnapped and murdered her daughter.

You would think no one who suffered such a loss would have to spend one night in a church. She lived there for TWO MONTHS until people from church found her a place and bought furniture for her. I gave her a bunch of my old clothes. I wish I had more to give.

But no one should have to go through this. We are barbaric as a society that anyone living in fear of someone should have this burden.

I wish I could help your friend. I will pray, in my own way, for strength for both of you.

Thank you so much for that post, I M Losted, and I'm sorry for taking so long to reply. I'm so sorry you went through that, and it's just infuriating how little there is for survivors of something like that. My cousin loses everything she has, and the Red Cross throws her a few hundred dollars and the local women's shelter sends her a self-care wheel telling her to get acupuncture.

I haven't posted on this thread in a few days just because there's nothing to add; no updates, no progress. Hopefully we get some kind of news soon.