Pitch your dark, gritty reboot

I love the suggestion I saw someone make that the proper sequel would have starred Will Smith's spoiled California kids who are forced to go back to West Philly.

https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_450,pg_1,q_80,w_800/3bcfd579172c2f704be3a390394bc233.jpg

US homebuyers are increasingly turning to adjustable-rate mortgages as overall borrowing costs soar https://t.co/uZWS0kgoff

— Bloomberg (@business) May 11, 2022

You've Got Mail, except Meg Ryan doesn't own a folksy children's bookstore and is instead a tour manager for GG Allin

the dark origins of nermal as garfield's nemesis

lol milo

Garfield retold from Nermal's point of view is a genuinely good idea. Should be a graphic novel.

Frasier, only Martin sexually abused Frasier and Niles when they were young and, now that he is older and infirm, the sons move him out of his house and into Frasier's penthouse so they can exact revenge upon him through ongoing, hidden torture that they pass off as a series of unfortunate accidents and misunderstandings to increasingly suspicious friends and coworkers.

― Hello Nice FBI Lady (DJP), Friday, February 12, 2021 2:00 PM (one year ago) bookmarkflaglink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOoqnhn_6I0

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that someone went there.

god i was worried there for a moment

Frozen 2, except Elsa doesn't save Anna in the first film and now she lives with that guilt along with discovering her parents died at sea looking for a cure for her.

Terminator 8, where instead of sending a Terminator back through time, the machines send a virus back through time and John Connor dies of Explosive Diarrhea syndrome,which causes diarrhea so severe that the patient literally combusts and catches flames.

The machines completely exterminate humanity but due to their machine learning and time spent emulating humans, they begin to squabble just like humans and then separate factions emerge and a machine Civil War occurs and

Oh wait this is just Battlestar Galactica I'm going back to bed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRNKt3rWKzY

^ Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

Just head this discussed on the What A Day podcast. Winnie The Pooh having slipped out of copyright now open to other treatment.
I assume Disney's interpretation has a different copyright

Dad's Army but it's winter 2022 and a bunch of senile old Tories are preparing to stem a Russian invasion amidst food shortages and fuel shortages

titled "Keep Calm and Come and See"

beautiful

> I assume Disney's interpretation has a different copyright

someone on twitter saying that disney still own the copyright on their version but as long as he's not wearing a red shirt you're good to go.

Small Wonder, still a shitty sitcom, but final episode, Vicki kills her host family

jesus I DID THIS ONE ALREADY A YEAR AGO

ok scratch that uhh...

umm....

Perfect Strangers but Balki isn't really Balki, he's a random, non-Meepos guy who murdered the real Balki so he can get closer to Cousin Larry and steal his identity and access the secret Appleton fortune, that even Larry knows not about.

50% of the show is footage from Step by Step

she was programmed to reward funny things and punish the unhumorous. by the end of the series, she had simply no choice

Growing Pains, featuring a grown-up Leo Dicaprio, and the entire series is Leo calling Mike Seaver and saying blasphemous things, until Kirk breaks the fourth wall and flips out and screams about how his Christmas movie was actually Citizen Kane.

oh, wait, dark gritty? hmm....uh - Boner is a hard-boiled detective and he spends the whole series solving the murder of a John Doe and the dead person turns out to be...him.

Antiques Roadshow, only it’s Friday the 13th: The Series

X-Files but now they follow QAnon

The Great British Bake-Off, where one contestant is killing the losing baker each week and incorporating their remains into their weekly showstopper challenge unbeknownst to the other contestants or the judges, but the production staff knows and is helping with the murders

Hereditary but gritty is in it

― Yelp for gyros (wins), Thursday, February 4, 2021 12:48 PM (one year ago) bookmarkflaglink

Dark: the German Netflix series that's like an amalgamation of Twin Peaks, Back to the Future, and X-Files but gritty is in it

DJP’s contributions to this thread are killing me

SNL but they let the hosts freely spout anti-semitic tropes.

Arthur, a true crime miniseries where the adult animals put their heads together to solve the disappearance of Francine. Arthur is voiced by Richard Kind, Francine is found dismembered in a ritual killing, Binky is revealed in the penultimate episode to have been the cult-leader culprit. The "heart" of the series however revolves around the changing relationship between Arthur and his cop sister DW, who is attempting to assist in the investigation while covering up evidence of her own corruption and cartel ties.

ER, but each episode is from a new patient's pov as they show up to the ER, wait, then die.

Each episode ends with Clooney, drenched in blood, staring at the camera, intoning "We lost another one."

Scooby Doo, where Scooby isn't a dog, but a man seen together to look like one. Which is why he talks the way he does

Night Court: SVU

Which 1980s rapper is available to play the prosecutor

The Jetsons, in which George and family live in a cyberpunk dystopia, an environmentally degraded Earth inhabited by impoverished masses toiling for a ruling global elite that includes the Spacely family. The technology in the Jetson home is either surveillance equipment installed by the government or black-market, usually dangerous tech that Judy and Elroy have managed to scrounge from the vast waste dumps surrounding the now ironically-named Orbit City.

Xpost Kool Keith

Donkey Kong Country as a FromSoft/Soulslike open world

You know how on Scooby Doo, they always run away from the monster even if the monster turns out to be fake every single time? A 'year one' Scooby Doo prequel would be good. From the classic characters, it starts with just Shaggy and Scoob, along with maybe four or five others, who obviously won't make it to the end as the monsters actually catch them and show what happens when they do. Some monsters are real, but not all. Velma, Daphne and Freddie should eventually be introduced along with some friends or relatives who also get killed, so they are also properly traumatized and have good reason to be afraid in all the other series.

An A-Team reboot wherein people actually hit their targets in shootouts & with self-built tanks.

There's a Smurf story wherein Papa Smurf wants to organize the dance of the 100 Smurfs and is one Smurf short. It's solved in the story by Vanity Smurf accidentally cloning himself when his mirror is struck by lightning. But this story leads me to wonder if and how the Smurfs normally keep their population to exactly one hundred. These details need to be explored!

there is already a scooby doo film which is them becoming the scooby gang. not sure about all the deaths though.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1258157/?ref_=ttls_li_tt

Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins (2009)

thankful it wasn't called Rise of the Scoobs or some shit like that

I'm pretty sure that dark, gritty comic book versions exist

There’s also real-life, in-continuity Smurf book Le Schtroumpfissime/King Smurf, where Brainy becomes a fascist dictator when Papa Smurf goes on holiday, and Jokey Smurf leads an insurgent bombing campaign

Then iirc Jokey Smurf gets sentenced to death

wow

The latest Scooby Doo series with Mindy Kaling as the eponymous "Velma" is a prequel where the characters are not yet a gang, popular girls at the school are graphically lobotmized, Velma suffers from anxiety attacks which manifest as insane visions, and Scooby isn't even in it. Neither is the Mystery Machine. It's not as bad as it sounds.

There’s also real-life, in-continuity Smurf book Le Schtroumpfissime/King Smurf, where Brainy becomes a fascist dictator when Papa Smurf goes on holiday, and Jokey Smurf leads an insurgent bombing campaign

You are describing the gritty reboot version of it, but you're close. Brainy becomes King Smurf in the cartoon, not in the book (which is called 'De Smurfführer' in Dutch!). Papa Smurf needs to go away to find a special herb for his experiments. The other Smurfs get into arguments and decide that they need someone in charge, however since everybody wants to be the one in charge they go for elections. One Smurf discovers that he can get his fellow Smurfs on his side by making them promises that greatly appeal to them - promises which he may not even intend to uphold. Brainy expects to be elected but only gets one accidental vote besides his own. Once elected, the King goes on a power trip, Hefty wants to beat him up but the King appoints him leader of the guard which facilitates his dictatorship. Jokey pulls his typical exploding package prank on the King and gets thrown in jail. A rebellion is formed and frees Jokey, Brainy is jailed instead and expects to be similarly rescued but nobody cares. The rebels retreat to the forest. Raids from the King fails. The King reinforces the village and the rebels attack it in an all-out civil war. Then Papa returns, everyone's ashamed, the King picks up a broom to start cleaning up the mess but the others tell him that they like him and the fault is not his, but everybody's, and everything's well again.

I repeatedly read all of the Peyo Smurf books to my daughter a couple of years ago so I'm well-versed. The above story is a very good one, but does seem to take forever. I prefer the one wherein they have a civil war because the north and south sides of the village have different takes on compound nouns, ie 'Corksmurf' versus 'Smurfscrew'.
The notorious first story, 'the Black Smurfs', features Smurfs getting stung by a certain mosquito and turning into zombie-like creatures. It's not bad but the chosen colour makes it somewhat problematic. For the cartoon version they understandably went with 'the Purple Smurfs'.
Far more problematic is the Smurfette story, which has Gargamel create Smurfette by infusing blue clay with a shitload of annoying personality features, and this is then the only female character. Ah, here it is: https://www.lambiek.net/artists/image/p/peyo/peyo_smurfin.jpg

Wow.. who hurt you bud?

Lol, thanks for correcting my precis. It's such a good book, and it really works on both levels -- as a colorful adventure for a six-year-old who likes Smurfs, and as a dark parable for adults (or teenagers who've read their first Orwell)

Brainy's misapprehension that he's going to be rescued by a grateful public is totally classic