The Fast and the Furious franchise films

oh forgot Hobbes and Shaw, lol

i think I saw thirty minutes of that at a friend's and then just didn't enjoy it because I barely knew who the characters were at the time.

hobbs & shaw was ok but i liked all of the hobbs & shaw content of f8 more than anything in the actual hobbs & shaw movie. big fan of the bit with statham & the baby on the plane, and whole bit with them in jail together & breaking out

my thing with this franchise is that most of the movies have at least one and sometimes 3-4 really fun setpieces, but that 6, 7, 8 and 9 have become shockingly interchangeable with regard to everything else that happens. like if you ask which one had the tank, or the safe, or the arctic ice thing, i can answer that. but ask me which one had michelle rodriguez regain her memories, or who was the villain in 6 vs 7, i have no idea. the character relationships have all gotten flattened out, just a bunch of action-adventure teammates rolling out to play the hits again. might as well be watching Superfriends or something.

without Paul Walker, these have become Vin Diesel plus a claustrophobic caricature poster ensemble, and it's just not as compelling as it was when these two co-leads were testing each other, trying to win each other's trust and respect, overcome their past beef, etc. even the flashback stuff in F9, despite obnoxiously quadrupling down on this being the Toretto Saga, was welcome because it was character melodrama stuff that i could actually kinda think about. the actors were attempting to display real emotions and conflicts, in a fairly relatable real-world situation where the stakes and risks and consequences were clear. please more of that and less "but look - they went to space, omg lol!"

my other quick fixes:

* no more superhacking, no more superhacker villains, no more superhacker device macguffins. it's been what, four straight movies of this and it's NEVER INTERESTING. and if the heroes have to be a super-team going on missions, instead of rogues trying to steal stuff, why can't they just be on a mission to catch somebody who's stolen a supercar and is going to use it to steal a bunch of diamonds or something?

* no more "Mr. Nobody" --- never thought i would have wanted Kurt Russell to NOT be in a movie but he adds nothing and subtracts a lot.

* no more Theron. should be clear enough. i like her fine as an actress, love her in Fury Road, but this character STINKS.

* no more secondary and tertiary villains who are just interchangeable evil European guys with no memorable faces or tics or interesting goals. it's like the summer sleepaway camp for kids whose parents want them to get into a good Bond Villain College. zzzz.

* no more sticking the three Black characters on comic relief duty together. Ludacris and Tyrese have had some great scenes, but try writing something where they're paired up with other people, get some new character dynamics going, let them play some other notes. maybe they could even be, idk, central to the story?

* no more bringing back OR killing off characters unless there's a really good idea for it. Han's much-awaited return was about as lame in its own way as the horrible fridging of Elsa Pataky a couple movies ago (maybe the worst moment of the whole series).

* and in conclusion, bring back Drift King and Ja Rule and give them their own spinoff movie and eight video games together

post-5, i honestly dgaf about any of the characters or relationships & am only interested in the efficient delivery of setpieces and car stunts. i dont really care to watch any of these goofs trying to act any more than the bare minimum thats necessary to set up the next car chase. my ideal F10 would be dialogue-free. or better yet, upload their consciousnesses into the cars and have it be human-free.

but all those other quick fixes are resoundingly otm to me espec "no more superhacking", which i was nearly yelling at the screen during stretches of f9. it is weird that theyve gone this long without ever encountering a villain with some kind of faster-than-fast supercar.

or like a ghost car with a cloaking device.... i'm not picky

and i'm in the same boat insofar as i also no longer care about the characters or their relationships. but i'm sure i would dig the movies more if i did, and i think it's mostly the movies' fault that i don't.

yeah tbf i guess its a chicken and egg thing, i stopped seeking it bc the movies stopped providing it

upload their consciousnesses into the cars and have it be human-free.

omg this would rule

Hobbs & Shaw sucks bcz The Rock has control over the script to such a degree that his character cannot face a setback and then overcome it, only fist-fight to a draw (against killer robots) repeatedly until he can finally chain enough trucks together - through the power of fambly - to punch a helicopter out of the sky. And 98% of his dialogue is ~witty banter~ about how big and tough and smart and accomplished and unstoppable he is.

Jason Statham, a man who has starred in the first two Transporters and the Cranks and Safe and The Bank Job and Spy, knows that audiences enjoy seeing a protagonist show vulnerability, or struggle and overcome obstacles, or be clowned on for a ludicrously overblown self-image, or to actually engage in clearly-filmed fight choreography. But he can’t do any of those against this version of The Rock, so his best value is rolling his eyes and making wanker / jerkoff hand motions in response to Rock braggadocio.

(nb: he is very funny doing this, but weighed against the “jokes” that don’t land…)

And 98% of his dialogue is ~witty banter~ about how big and tough and smart and accomplished and unstoppable he is.

so desiring an F&F film without braggadocio?

(I kid....but honestly I'm less interested in this movie anyway because I don't know that I need F&F side stories)

tbf there is an ideal amount of Mr Nobody in #9. if they made a film every 13 months then rostering characters in and out like that would give more room for everyone to breathe (and Luda to interact with more non-Tyrese ppl)

obv they do a lot of rostering already, just that the rep company gets bigger every flick anyway

tbh if Mr Nobody is a cipher in the film he's kind of lived up to his character iirc

I've never seen these. If I want to skip through the dross and the almost-good-ones, I should watch Five first, right?

yes

Hobbs and Shaw was worth if only for this incredible line:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GItw0IcfHHg

Worth IT

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL this movie omg

thoughts: I liked it better than 8. it was dumber than usual. brother feeling snubbed so he becomes a super terrorist felt false as hell, absolutely zero reason for Cipher to be back, and the space thing was completely cornball. and the hamhanded family shit started to get really annoying, esp with Dom's life passing before his eyes as he was about to drown.

but it was still enjoyable, mostly due to:

-magnets (the gift that kept on giving)
-Otto being pathetic
-the opening car chase/introduction to Jacob
-Ramsey's destructive drive through Edinburgh
-Tyrese actually getting to be a badass a few times rather than just being comic relief
-every scene where Elle got to kick ass
-Michael Rooker!
-Cena's 'break out of prison' scene

really wish they'd go back to something a tiny bit less ridiculous like Fast 5 though, where the shit's still over the top but it's like, ya know,something simpler like robbing a drug lord, not SAVING THE WORLD lol

also mad props that they are still keeping Brian alive while knowing they can't ever show him on screen again

can I also say the Han plot point is hilarious for how convoluted it makes what was originally a straightforward death after the second retcon.

it goes from

dude is being chased by Yakuza guy he stole from, and in the chase, gets t-boned by a random vehicle, resulting in his death

TO

dude is being chased by Yakuza guy he stole from, and temporarily escapes, only to coincidentally be murdered moments later by Deckard Shaw, who was ALSO pursuing him as revenge for his brother

TO

dude is being chased by Yakuza guy he stole from, and temporarily escapes, only to t-boned by Deckard Shaw, who is trying to murder him as revenge for his brother, and despite the fact that you see Deckard igniting the fire, apparently this was orchestrated by Mr Nobody, who pulled Han out seconds later and...idk, pulled Han out of the car, with nobody seeing it happen despite everybody watching?

like it's so ridiculous it's hilarious and I accept it.

^ gets it

join us Chuck

giving ramsey something to to other than speed-read exposition was a good move.

i love the fact that there is literally zero explanation for how john cena went about becoming an elite international supervillain, and no one is even curious about it. in the world of F&F that is just a completely normal life path.

can I also say the Han plot point is hilarious for how convoluted it makes what was originally a straightforward death after the second retcon.

i understand where each of doc casino's notes upthread are coming from, but the han retcon is totally in keeping with the ridiculous and pointless ff house style and i loved it

it does make tokyo drift a more worthless movie, which i'm also cool with

my beef with the Han retcon was that it was just kinda boring and generic as-presented. like okay he adopts a kid.... idk, felt like maybe those flashbacks originally had more charming Han energy and got cut for time.

also re: the magnet-car stuff: this was often fun, but --- this maybe says more about where i'm at than the movies --- i'm also really really distracted these days by sequences where it seems patently obvious that dozens of bystanders are being killed amidst the mayhem, and in order to keep the tone light this is just never ever mentioned. feel like it's been a problem since the series ramped up to Mission Impossible level setpieces, but really stood out to me in the magnet-car street chases, where the people dying (or having their stores destroyed, etc.) aren't yknow paramilitary mercenaries actively trying to kill the heroes, as in the wilderness chase sequence.

like at the LEAST, give me a quick "before" moment where the store owner is really snotty to someone, and then an "after" shot where we see them alive and well but looking! at their ruined store and it's like, that's what you get you snob!!!

oh i totally think of that any time I see these movies, actually. like your little reckless escapade probably paralyzed or killed a buncha people who were smashed into by a military vehicle but HEY YOU PRESERVED YOUR FAMILY.

I was thinking of it last night and it seemed my brain wasn't going to let it go so I just pretended not to notice. like they turn the magnet on and a bunch of cars parked on side road are basically crushed into the side of the military car and I'm like....I mean, isn't it possible that some of them were occupied with people who just parked, or were getting ready to leave? you can't just ASSUME THEY'RE ALL EMPTY because they're parked!

same thing in the Black Widow movie, where they basically lead the villain on a car chase that probably iced at least 20 civilians

my brother gave the best review of Batman Begins, which at the very end, he shouted in the movie theatre "Thanks, Batman, for saving Gotham by destroying it!"

innocent bystanders never die in the F+F movie universe, they come close and walk away unscathed with an interesting story to tell about Our Heroes
except in fast 6 when the bad guy was running over civilian cars with his tank, which was the only time a bad guy seemed truly irredeemable (except he sort of gets redeemed, of course)

I was also disappointed at the reveal as to how Dom was convinced to go turncoat. i thought maybe he'd done something heinous in his past that was going to get exposed, not...that he had a secret baby.

― making splashes at Dan Flashes (Neanderthal), Tuesday, July 20, 2021 11:26 AM (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink

nah i loved this - what's the one thing that could get dom to turn on his family? a second, secret family

my complaints about every movie:

1. they didn't do enough races

2. the races in these movies are fucking terrible, it's the same thing every time, the loser presses the button to make their car go fast, dom smirks and says "too soon" and then presses the button that makes his car go fast right before the finish line. sometimes, there's a second button that makes the car go fast a second time. apparently the only factor that separates bad racers from good racers is when they decide to press the button that makes their car go fast.

3. they didn't do enough races. these are movies about racecar drivers!! they should race!!!!!

TOO SOON

1. they didn't do enough races

1. they didn't do enough races

1. they didn't do enough races

1. they didn't do enough races

1. they didn't do enough races

1. they didn't do enough races

my complaints about every movie:

1. they didn't do enough races

2. the races in these movies are fucking terrible, it's the same thing every time, the loser presses the button to make their car go fast, dom smirks and says "too soon" and then presses the button that makes his car go fast right before the finish line. sometimes, there's a second button that makes the car go fast a second time. apparently the only factor that separates bad racers from good racers is when they decide to press the button that makes their car go fast.

3. they didn't do enough races. these are movies about racecar drivers!! they should race!!!!!

― ✖, Thursday, July 22, 2021 11:49 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

Don't hate the racer, hate the race.

that's racist

No Fast and Furious (1927); no credibility.

Just started the first one. Keep getting the Room vibes from the dialog and delivery

Paul Walker as Mark
Vin Diesel as Johnny

2fast 2furious seems underwhelming

it's one of the worst, a kind of parallel universe easy breezy sequel that's easy to conceptualize if the other 50 movies never happened.

and then tokyo drift is basically a spinoff but also my favorite

Yeah 2 fast 2 furious is awful. Tokyo drift is a fan favourite