A Big Bowl of Polish Candy

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in ascending order:

Червоний Мак: “Red Poppy” (indeed)

Кара-Кум: “Karakum” (the Central Asian desert, so yes, camels - the sesame in particular makes this one sound very promising)

Korivka: “Cow”

Зефир - сладкие истории (зефир ванильный с орешками с шоколадной глазури):
“Marshmallow - Sweet Stories (vanilla marshmallows with nuts in chocolate glaze)”

this post was sponsored by G**gle Translate

ten man poland chasing this means hamsik feasts (breastcrawl), Thursday, 15 July 2021 18:31 (two years ago) link

I like how accurately forks’ descriptions match the candy’s name in some cases. I mean:

a bit more subtlety would likely make this more palatable but it's the sort of thing you could split with a kindred spirit and share a moment <<iow>> “Sweet Stories>>

ten man poland chasing this means hamsik feasts (breastcrawl), Thursday, 15 July 2021 18:39 (two years ago) link

lol, you would think i work in marketing or something

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 15 July 2021 19:00 (two years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/WYBwNcC.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/j0kNdN3.jpg
Chocolate covered apricot filled with a dense marshmallow. The apricot is sour, the marshmallow is a bit sickly and the overall impression is of spoiled fruit. Gah!
1/10, now I am dying.

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 17 July 2021 18:04 (two years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/CMi22UB.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/NnDpH5F.jpg
Frying pan to fire: this swan sweet is thin chocolate over a block of marshmallow with the consistency and wan resistance of pork fat. Not much flavor and what's there is pretty poor. Ended up spitting this one out too.
1/10, perhaps the local butcher doesn't like me?

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 17 July 2021 18:08 (two years ago) link

wrong image:
http://i.imgur.com/oe1w5ki.jpg

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 17 July 2021 18:08 (two years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/Spa4UnZ.jpg
Another marshmallow bar but this one has better quality chocolate and filling and a bit more snap to the coating. There's a mix of graham cracker and coconut aftertaste. Following the prior two gutter candies, this is a vast improvement but not much to write home about.
4/10, distinctly okay at best.

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 17 July 2021 18:10 (two years ago) link

Леди Ночь: “Lady Night”

order more here

ten man poland chasing this means hamsik feasts (breastcrawl), Saturday, 17 July 2021 18:11 (two years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/vuXlgdr.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/aIJ2C1D.jpg
Brown wad of presumable caramel, uncuttable by knife and resistant to chewing. Best I could do was scrape off the sides like a lump of wax. Flavor is used sugar. Not a good day of exploration.
1/10, better as a building material than a candy.

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 17 July 2021 18:15 (two years ago) link

lady night has been canceled

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 17 July 2021 18:15 (two years ago) link

tough showing for polish marshmallow

The whole ‘ptichye moloko’ (birds’ milk) genre of chocolate-coated ‘milk soufflé’ is not great, tbh.

Scampo di tutti i Scampi (ShariVari), Sunday, 18 July 2021 08:31 (two years ago) link

say more? that's a thing?

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 18 July 2021 19:48 (two years ago) link

Yes, it’s a famous Polish sweet that has copycat versions across Eastern Europe. It’s generally lighter and less chewy than classic marshmallow.

The 4/10 one has the Bird’s Milk name and the 1/10 one, I’d guess, doesn’t have the trademark in Russia so it’s called something like Marvellous Bird, but they’re essentially the same thing.

I don’t like them at all but had a colleague who was absolutely addicted to them.

Scampo di tutti i Scampi (ShariVari), Sunday, 18 July 2021 19:57 (two years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/0v70T1j.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/gyBBjzz.jpg
A thin chocolate covered finger of extremely creamy hazelnut nougat, studded with orts of ground hazelnut. Delicious but flavorful to the point of overdoing it, coats the throat with a sugary residue.
7/10, sort of like freebasing Nutella.

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:30 (two years ago) link

http://
http://i.imgur.com/1y92t9B.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/ZrpmKAp.jpg
These Roshen Mont Blanc chocolates appear to have different fillings based by color but I only ate the one. As you can see, the design is a mountain in miniature, tipped by a white chocolate snowbank atop a milk chocolate base, studded with ground nuts and filled with a somewhat indeterminately flavored chocolate cream center. I gather this is the brand's upscale option; it's one of the only chocolates I've had from this bunch that isn't overpoweringly sweet or fatty on the tongue. It's a lot closer to mid-upper end American chocolate.
7/10, definitely the choice if you're bringing a gift home to Grandma.

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:36 (two years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/iF1dxDb.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/9QaSTAx.jpg
Biting into this ivory button reveals a quarter-inch thick waxy shell surrounding a grainy lump of citrusy sugar paste. It tastes a bit better than it sounds but not by much. This may be past its sell by date.
3/10, probably worth avoiding.

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:39 (two years ago) link

Uh, dude, not sure if you noticed this, but that writing does not appear to be Polish

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:41 (two years ago) link

this has been gone over multiple times including the OP

《Myst1kOblivi0n》 (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:42 (two years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/2OqarkM.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/66U1tKc.jpg
Chocolate coating over a generous dollop of macaroon-style shredded coconut with a core of the dreaded "bird's milk" marshmallow. Surprisingly that dubious treat in the center didn't do much to dissuade my enjoyment and only served to amplify the sugary flavor. Coconut covers a host of sins.
6/10; if you think Mounds aren't sweet enough, this is your candy

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:43 (two years ago) link

Now I have A Big Bowl of Polish Candy. That's probably not right. Much of it is not Polish, it hails from Moldova or Spain or other places whose name doesn't appear on the label. But for the sake of this exercise, I'm going to consider it A Big Bowl of Polish Candy.

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:44 (two years ago) link

xp - lol goddamnit, I don't read anymore!
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:45 (two years ago) link

some of that non-Polish for the first one:

ліщина lishchyna = hazel
цукерки tsukerki = sweets

tean mean poleand cheaseang theas means hamseak feasts (breastcrawl), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:45 (two years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/l7aCwUv.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/YCyszYJ.jpg
Well, I knew before I bit it what I was getting into: chocolate coated "bird's milk" marshmallow in strawberry and vanilla flavors, which is not unlike gnawing on a lump of sweet congealed pork fat.
1/10, this marshmallow stuff is very much for the birds.

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:48 (two years ago) link

oh lol, i did the hazelnut one already. Same score too!

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:49 (two years ago) link

All the ones I think look good you hate :(

Carlos Santana & Mahavishnu Rob Thomas (PBKR), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:50 (two years ago) link

Though I guess on some level they all look good to me.

Carlos Santana & Mahavishnu Rob Thomas (PBKR), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:50 (two years ago) link

🖼
🖼
Biting into this ivory button reveals a quarter-inch thick waxy shell surrounding a grainy lump of citrusy sugar paste. It tastes a bit better than it sounds but not by much. This may be past its sell by date.
3/10, probably worth avoiding.

мечта mechta: sweet dream or beautiful nightmare?

tean mean poleand cheaseang theas means hamseak feasts (breastcrawl), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:54 (two years ago) link

fun thread! forks, what's a 10/10 candy iyo? I'm curious what your base of comparison is

rob, Wednesday, 28 July 2021 18:56 (two years ago) link

10/10 over the counter chocolate candy for me might be skor, three musketeers, mounds? It's not great candy but it consistently hits the spot and that's more the scale I'm grading on, not gourmet chocolate.

I really do think a lot of these are stale as fuck, so bear that in mind and bump up the score accordingly if you find them on sale fresh in the wild! Would love this to be the rolling "i tried unfamiliar candy" picture thread for comparison scoring.

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 19:06 (two years ago) link

(every day i do this, i get a slight stomach ache... even though I'm only eating half the candy at this point!)

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 19:07 (two years ago) link

second showing for Леди Ночь/Lady Night, second 1/10

let’s declare a marshmallow moratorium

tean mean poleand cheaseang theas means hamseak feasts (breastcrawl), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 19:08 (two years ago) link

I would support that!

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 19:09 (two years ago) link

Look, I really don't know what your point is, and I'm not going to bother to "read" your "replies," but I know the Cyrillic alphabet when I see it.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 19:35 (two years ago) link

ЛОЛ

rob, Wednesday, 28 July 2021 19:41 (two years ago) link

O'ryllic?

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 19:42 (two years ago) link

Look, I really don't know what your point is, and I'm not going to bother to "read" your "replies," but I know the Cyrillic alphabet when I see it.

― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Wednesday, July 28, 2021 3:35 PM (twenty-four minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Is this a serious post?

I can't tell anymore around here.

Carlos Santana & Mahavishnu Rob Thomas (PBKR), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 20:04 (two years ago) link

skor, three musketeers, mounds

is this a serious post?!

what over the counter US mass-produced chocolate candy is your 10/10?
i would add reese's to that list

NB: it's a steep grading curve for that stuff; i am not out here heavily stanning 3 musketeers! But it's what I buy if I get chocolate craving at a cvs.

I haven't had a 3 musketeers in years maybe decades, but Skor def punches above its weight iirc

rob, Wednesday, 28 July 2021 20:33 (two years ago) link

adding reese's makes it more relatable. feel like none of the other 3 will crack the top 3 as 10/10 standbys when steve harvey throws it to the board.

selection of mounds over almond joy and 3 musketeers over snickers does help us calibrate our levels, though

'select 3 items from A Big Bowl of Polish Candy' will be a new branch of psychoanalysis

I think there's a widesoread belief over here that American chocolate is weird and terrible.

Wouldn't disgrace a Michael Jackson (Tom D.), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 20:52 (two years ago) link

Well…

pomenitul, Wednesday, 28 July 2021 20:53 (two years ago) link

I'm wondering if these 'Polish' candies might be a little sweet for American tastebuds.

Wouldn't disgrace a Michael Jackson (Tom D.), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 20:54 (two years ago) link

If there's one thing your average American chocolate lacks, it certainly isn't sugar.

pomenitul, Wednesday, 28 July 2021 20:55 (two years ago) link

these are all WAY sweeter than I'm used to!


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