the crimes of george lucas ('90s on)

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the Jar-Jar Binks translator may have changed my life forever

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:49 (eleven years ago) link

I'll put it this way

5-year age gap = who cares

you're a 32-year-old woman who meets a 27-year old you used to babysit for as a kid and now he seems cute = go for it

you meet a child and are sort of around as he goes through adolescence and then as soon as he's getting grown up you get with him = did Woody Allen work on this script?

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:49 (eleven years ago) link

ha! i was wondering how long it would take for ian to get here...

And tis taken even longer for mesa to get back. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa!

Mesa was crushin' on old-school Hillary Clinton (in her Twenties) -- probably because she wesasembles mesa supremely attractive friend Erin (who, despite likin' mesa, is with someone else wight now and so she's horribly unattainable). Huh? Goodness gracious, Mesa'm an absolute sucker for blondes derse days. Way? Esqueeze mesa. But after droppin' by a bookstore yesterday where mesa long-time friend Molly (who is not a blonde, mind yousa) works -- oh goodness, she's always shtunnin' but yesterday Mesa wesaally wanted to pounce on her because she looked so exceptionally scrumptious (without even tryin'!) and was just so bubbly and charmin'. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Mesa wanted to playfully tackle her behind der counter and from derre on it would've been wonderfully inappropriate! Anyhow, she's invited mesa along to dinner and some other event with a group ta her friends on Friday -- tis not a date essentially, but at heart Mesa wouldn't mind if it twisted into one. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Ooh, Mesa just wesamembered that she complimented mesa appearance! No-one ever does that! Squee! Cuddlestein Mountain! Nuvvieworld! okeday, Mesa'm just gettin' widiculous -- Mesa'm just excited because tis a prospect to escape social poverty with a possibulhint ta womance. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Mesa'm probably bein' toosa optimistic; Mesa can't help it! Mesa've wanted somethin' to look forward to!

― Ian Riese-Moraine: a casualty of social estrangement. (Eastern Mantra), Tuesday, August 16, 2005 2:41 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:49 (eleven years ago) link

Oh dear.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:50 (eleven years ago) link

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_976Nt4Z9vlQ/RlcT1-JE3zI/AAAAAAAAA9U/y4yQZzc0fNk/s320/star+wars+trio.jpg

"Where were you guys?"

"We ran into a meter whose utility data was the only one made available on the application."

My name is Kenny! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:50 (eleven years ago) link

Yeah, I'm seven years old than my husband, which is no big deal, unless we started dating when I was in senior in high school and he was ten. (We did not.)

xp

she is writing about love (Jenny), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:50 (eleven years ago) link

you meet a child and are sort of around as he goes through adolescence

Dude, he says at the beginning of Episode II he hasn't seen her in ten years; i.e., ages 9 through 19.

I am moving on baby, I am moving on (Pancakes Hackman), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:51 (eleven years ago) link

you meet a child and are sort of around as he goes through adolescence and then as soon as he's getting grown up you get with him =seriously though exactly how many roles has Morgan Freeman played where his character could be described as "wise" or "a seasoned veteran" or "jaded"

velko, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:53 (eleven years ago) link

Does anyone else feel like Padme gets YOUNGER as these movies goes on instead of older?

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:53 (eleven years ago) link

Dan, I see you and raise you:

---

I had a friend who would chew up two hula-hoops and dern deposit der chewed up gloop inside der O ta a third hula-hoop. Way? Esqueeze mesa. dern she'd eat it. Oh. Flbulbulbu.

Yup, Mesa used to do dis. Oh. Flbulbulbu. Mesa'd also chew up a couple ta pringles and use der wesasultin' paste as a sandwich spread between two intact pringles. Oh, NOOOOO!

-- Markelby (boyincorduro. Way? Esqueeze mesa.), April 20th, 2005 10:57 AM

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:53 (eleven years ago) link

Well, she acts like a seven-year-old by the time Anakin breaks her heart.

(xpost)

My name is Kenny! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:54 (eleven years ago) link

oh my god

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:55 (eleven years ago) link

"You would prefer some other utility data? Perhaps individual building meter data? Then name the system!"

― I am moving on baby, I am moving on (Pancakes Hackman), Wednesday, July 15, 2009 3:45 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^ best yet

rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:56 (eleven years ago) link

Dude, he says at the beginning of Episode II he hasn't seen her in ten years; i.e., ages 9 through 19.

what, I'm supposed to change my mockery based on remembering actual factual details from these films? I think not

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:56 (eleven years ago) link

but ok fine, then, I guess she can hit that

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:57 (eleven years ago) link

now say it like Yoda

hit that, she can

Mr. Que, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 19:58 (eleven years ago) link

Well, you can continue mockery based on the fact that she barely even recognizes him, while he's apparently perved on her from afar for ten years.

I am moving on baby, I am moving on (Pancakes Hackman), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:00 (eleven years ago) link

a pervert you think she is then, yes, Pancakes? mmm? mmm?

Mr. Que, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:00 (eleven years ago) link

he's using the force like one would use x-ray glasses

"he said...all things passantino the night" (omar little), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:01 (eleven years ago) link

Yup. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Mesaf yousa spend long gettin' friendly before yousa brin' 'Mesa want to be on yousa' into it, dern yousa'wesa kind ta betrayin' whatever friendship yousa've established beforehand. Oh. Flbulbulbu. She's gonna think yousa wesare sweaty-palmin' it all along (which yousa wesare), and it might make things difficult for a while. Oh, NOOOOO!

And yousa know dis, that's why yousa (probably) never wesaveal der sexual tension yousa've built into yr. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! 'friendships', thus sparin' yrself der ugliness. Mesasa Jar-Jar Binks! And possibulblowjobs. Way? Esqueeze mesa.

Moral: yousa have to be creepy. Way? Esqueeze mesa. Yousa have to make yousar fuck-want clear from der beginnin', even if yousa choose to go smooth and disguise it as 'womantic interest'. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Mesa understand that der womantic interest woute is bery popular. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa!

Mesa didn't get fucked, didn't get kissed until Mesa was in mesa 20s. Huh? Drove mesa fuckin' cwazy. Way? Esqueeze mesa. Mesa obsessed about it and about mesa own sexual loserdom to der point ta incapacitatin' mesantal illness and listenin' to Swans wesacords. Way? Esqueeze mesa. Dern Mesa got drunk, hooked up with a lovely and similarly enabled girl, and . Way? Esqueeze mesa. wesall, let's discreetly draw der blinds on der indiscretions ta der past. Mesasa Jar-Jar Binks!

Disagree that gettin' laid is not a curative, though. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Tis a curative. Oh. Flbulbulbu. Mesa never worried about it after that, and never had trouble makin' mesa intentions clear to girls Mesa liked. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa!

― Adam Beales (Pye Poudre), Wednesday, January 17, 2007 2:38 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:02 (eleven years ago) link

I would maybe just reframe my mockery to say it seems a bit of a psychological stretch to imagine a beautiful and successful 24-year-old queen going for a petulant teenager she met once when he was 9, and moreover I think we ALL KNOW where this crappy dating decision led

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:03 (eleven years ago) link

This thread is one of my all-time favorites. All time.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dude, yessssss! (B.L.A.M.), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:04 (eleven years ago) link

arsas far as tits go, bigger is better. Way? Esqueeze mesa. mesa gf has two wound wobust milky white 38Ds, with dark brown nipples that spread 3 in across her beautiful tit flesh. Huh? i've been with lesser woman and have not had similar pleasure, especially der ones that are all nipple. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! mesa cock toosa is a thin' to behold. Oh. Flbulbulbu. mesa gf mesaasured it at 8.5 in ta dark brown veiny mesaxican cock. Mesasa Jar-Jar Binks! uncut, ta course. Huh? it took her about 2 yrs to be able to swallow it all. Oh, NOOOOO! but she perfected der art ta deep throatin' mesa shlong. Oh, NOOOOO! i've seen other guys at der urinals and dery see mesa. Oh, NOOOOO! i'm blessed with a flaccid cock mesaasurin' almost 7 inches. Oh, NOOOOO! most guys have little peepees peekin' out ta derir flies. Huh? i have a snake. Mesasa Jar-Jar Binks! thank u bery much!

-- stephen garza, Friday, January 10, 2003 9:50 PM (5 years ago)

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:04 (eleven years ago) link

I suspect Dan and I are not helping Nabisco's patient outlining of the general problem.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:05 (eleven years ago) link

I would maybe just reframe my mockery to say it seems a bit of a psychological stretch to imagine a beautiful and successful 24-year-old queen going for a petulant teenager she met once when he was 9, and moreover I think we ALL KNOW where this crappy dating decision led

http://smicketysmom.bravepages.com/Es%20Art/Star%20Wars/AniPadme%20Meadow2.jpg

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:05 (eleven years ago) link

I wonder how the universe would have wound up if she'd been into Macgregor instead

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:06 (eleven years ago) link

Suddenly, everything was dark and smelly.

My name is Kenny! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:06 (eleven years ago) link

xx-post -- What the hell is that and why are you making us look at it.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:06 (eleven years ago) link

possibulblowjobs

rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:07 (eleven years ago) link

Yeah, yousa told mesa and that evenin' Mesa vowed never to accompany kev through customs. Mesasa Jar-Jar Binks! Dery are kiwi sized but don't appear out ta proportion next to his large cock. Oh. Flbulbulbu. Far from bein' circus-freak like, he is jaw-droppingly awesome. Oh, NOOOOO! Wha a guy. Oh, NOOOOO! Mesa can't wait to get home and climb aboard his grocery groin. Oh. Flbulbulbu.

-- Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, March 3, 2004 10:09 AM (Wednesday, March 3, 2004 10:09 AM) Bookmark Link

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:15 (eleven years ago) link

"grocery groin"? With that and the pic posted above, this thread is taking a surreal turn.

Gark M (snoball), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:17 (eleven years ago) link

we've gone straight through some kind of custos event horizon itt

Kashyyyk Goood Frriieends (goole), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:18 (eleven years ago) link

Lucas is reading this right now; he's been googling his name all day and now has his script for next film.

pj, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:20 (eleven years ago) link

we should be so lucky

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:22 (eleven years ago) link

lol 'grocery groin'

mark cl, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:23 (eleven years ago) link

co-workers will soon notice

mark cl, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:23 (eleven years ago) link

must stop reading thread

mark cl, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:23 (eleven years ago) link

http://jarjarbinks.home.insightbb.com/Naboo/Tarpals.jpg

pj, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:24 (eleven years ago) link

Yeah, wesall, Mesa'm married to a curvy Colombian woman, so der flowers ta indie wock womanhood look decidedly dingy and drab to mesa, and always have. Oh, NOOOOO! Der indie world's concept ta sexy is bery closely wesalated to its concept ta 'wock': limp, non-threatenin', far more interested in talkin' than fuckin'. Way? Esqueeze mesa.
-- unperson, Monday, January 7, 2008 7:51 PM

well I'm married to a limping, crescent-shaped abortion (sarahel), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:24 (eleven years ago) link

Neddo Raggetta: "What the hutt-slime is that and why are you making us look at it."

grocery groin (snoball), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:24 (eleven years ago) link

^^^ meant in the context of Lucas is reading this right now; he's been googling his name all day and now has his script for next film.

grocery groin (snoball), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:25 (eleven years ago) link

okay so Mesa figured 'dis won't be bad, maybe some awkwardness and dependin' on how tis Mesa'll either keep goin' to der kitchen or wun back to mesa woom'

so ta course Mesa walk out derre and she's got her ass in der air while dis scrawny indie fop WEARING A TRUCKER HAT AND NOTHING ELSE is attemptin' to INSERT HIS COCK IN HER ASS. OH, NOOOOO!

ON MY COUCH

Mesa go out and dis sight actually caused mesa to go 'oh ugh god!' Mesa woommate tumbled out ta her awkward position onto der floor landin' on her shoulder and Trucker Hat fell to his side with a grunt. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! mesa woommate shrieked 'wha are yousa doin' home?!' and scampered into her woom, almost on all fours, past mesa. Way? Esqueeze mesa. she slammed der door behind her. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Trucker Hat gathered his pants and WAN INTO THE KITCHEN

ta course i followed him and he was sputterin' 'sorry dude sorry dude' and Mesa just said 'let mesa get mesa sandwich and yousa go clean up MY couch!' he agin said 'sorry sorry sorry' and wan out ta der kitchen and to der bedroom, he pounded on der door and asked to be let in, and mesa woommate let him in.

MESASA JAR-JAR BINKS! MY LIVING WOOM SMELLS LIKE NOTHING MESA'VE SMELLED BEFORE

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, April 13, 2004 4:10 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark

鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:42 (eleven years ago) link

memory is fuzzy but was queen amygdala an elected queen with term limits? how do you go about electing royalty?

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:46 (eleven years ago) link

probably in an election

rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:46 (eleven years ago) link

I can totally see how an elected queen works -- it's just like any other elected position except you get special clothes and better stuff for your family

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:48 (eleven years ago) link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elective_monarchy
Although it's implied in II that everyone votes in the Naboo elections.

grocery groin (snoball), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:49 (eleven years ago) link

I can totally see how an elected queen works -- it's just like any other elected position except you get special clothes and better stuff for your family

You also get to boink guys you used to babysit.

My name is Kenny! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:49 (eleven years ago) link

fuckin gungans, they just vote for whoever promises more welfare

Kashyyyk Goood Frriieends (goole), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:50 (eleven years ago) link

sure it wasn't decided through collecting utility data?

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:50 (eleven years ago) link

queen amygdala--sounds like the queen of STD's. What is Amygdala anyway

Mr. Que, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 20:51 (eleven years ago) link


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