I would EXCELSIOR, but I haven't got a ZING to LOL

It's fair, I'm absolutely terrible with Florida geography and fully admit to seeing "Miami" in anything and thinking it's the same general vicinity. Still, glad you are safe.

― a superficial sheeb of intelligence (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Thursday, June 24, 2021 6:48 PM (eleven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

which is the one that's underwater

― Clara Lemlich stan account (silby), Thursday, June 24, 2021 6:53 PM (seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

your mom

― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, June 24, 2021 6:55 PM (five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

you're thinking of your mom beach

― the mai tai quinn (voodoo chili), Thursday, June 24, 2021 6:58 PM (two minutes ago)

Beautiful

kitties gotta hydrate because they'd normally get most of their water from their prey and consequently haven't got the urge to drink as much as they need. wet food + many dishes of fresh water throughout yr space can help, and maybe a fountain

if food & water are kept next to each other the water will get gnarly little chunks of food in it

a plastic food dish can cause chin acne

it's best to have a food dish with low sides, like a plate or saucer, to avoid whisker fatigue

research any houseplants to make sure they aren't toxic because they gonna get chewed

get her used to having her paws and mouth fiddled with (lots of praise, affection, & treats) so it's easier later on when you trim her claws/give her meds

same with car trips and her carrier, if she only associates them with the vet they'll be a source of dread. take her out for little drives and make them fun for her

careful of her cuticles when trimming her claws, and you won't need to trim the back claws unless they're catching on things

get her used to being brushed

have plenty of (easy to clean) rugs or carpet so she can dash around without slipping on smooth floors, and i'd recommend patterns instead of solid colors since they tend to be better at hiding the stains of accidents past

teach her to come when you call: choose a cue (her name in a particular pitch, a short series of whistled notes, a set of finger snaps or whatever -- something recognizable to a critter with no use for spoken language) and make her associate that cue with everything good in the world, like treats and catnip (when she's old enough for catnip, and if she's sensitive to it). keep reinforcing the link between her cue and the things she loves in perpetuity

take care of her dental health, veterinary dentistry is expensive as balls

if she brings you dead things, praise her! cats cannot conceive of hunting as a thing they should not do. if she gets scolded for hunting and gets her prize taken away, she'll think there must be a famine on and try to catch more

give her lots of private little bolt holes where she can hide and feel safe (but which you can access if needed)

vertical spaces are important, too, because she is very short and on the floor everything looms around her like skyscrapers and it can be intimidating sometimes. tall cat trees, wall shelves, furniture arranged in graduating heights are all good

breakaway collar so she doesn't accidentally choke herself (cats have soft throats compared to dogs)

always speak kindly to her

be careful where you step!

and finally,

if you have the space/resources/inclination, maybe consider getting another kitten for her to play with so she's not 100% focused on you and won't be lonesome when you're away

or you know whatever. as long as you love her she's gonna have a grand life!!!!!

― cat, Thursday, July 1, 2021 3:55 PM

I've been writing something about the Cocteau Twins recently so have been amused by many of the lyrics sites attempts at transcription, but the songmeanings.com attempt at the middle 8 of HoLV may be worst:

Carnivals are bluster loud
I'm dizzy so I go under the 'Big Dipper'
Cum fantasy for a carnival
How fitting before a wedding

― Piedie Gimbel, Wednesday, July 7, 2021 4:54 AM

Can't help but read it in the voice of some dapper old gent, adjusting his monocle: 'A cum fantasy? Before a wedding? Ah, how fitting!"

― Piedie Gimbel, Wednesday, July 7, 2021 5:00 AM

Dyyyying

Goatse is great. "Somebody That I Used to Know"

― not up to Aerosmith standards (Neanderthal), Friday, July 9, 2021 10:11 PM bookmarkflaglink

hahahaha

Every act is essentially on hiatus between recording and touring. And there's no such thing as a legally binding breakup, though sometimes I wish there was.

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 14 July 2021 19:23 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

Supreme Court case #666: The People vs Motley Crue

― chr1sb3singer, Wednesday, 14 July 2021 19:39 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

frogbs, on a scale of a mormon tabernacle choir concert with your grandma to having your stomach pumped while you slam back some four lokos, how drunk are you right now

xxp

― class project pat (m bison), Wednesday, July 21, 2021 1:38 AM bookmarkflaglink

6

― frogbs, Wednesday, July 21, 2021 1:48 AM bookmarkflaglink

Out of 6

― frogbs, Wednesday, July 21, 2021 1:48 AM bookmarkflaglink

My grandma actually goes pretty hard I don’t understand the question

― frogbs, Wednesday, July 21, 2021 1:49 AM bookmarkflaglink

is there pizza on maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaars?!?

Mostly sad but kinda LOL

The lack of consequences should be everyone's takeaway from the Trump era - his followers certainly get it.

― Captain Beefart (PBKR), Wednesday, August 11, 2021 12:25 PM (thirty-two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

It's depressingly true.

― a superficial sheeb of intelligence (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Wednesday, August 11, 2021 12:26 PM (thirty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

the lack of consequences if you're white and cis

― heyy nineteen, that's john belushi (the table is the table), Wednesday, August 11, 2021 12:30 PM (twenty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

very sneaky, cis

― there's too much fucking shit on me (Neanderthal), Wednesday, August 11, 2021 12:31 PM (twenty-five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

worst wedding I ever went to was when my auntie married this guy known as Yellow Eddie (he worked in a dye factory and looked like a yellow corpse) and I can't remember which stupid religion she'd converted to but the strongest drink there was appletiser.

― calzino, Friday, August 13, 2021 1:18 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

lmao @ yellow eddie

― brimstead, Friday, August 13, 2021 1:30 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

Eddie Yeller, worst pearl jam cover bandember ever

― fix up luke shawp (darraghmac), Friday, August 13, 2021 2:03 PM (forty-four minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

yellow edbetter

― STOCK FIST-PUMPER BRAD (BradNelson), Friday, August 13, 2021 2:20 PM (twenty-seven minutes ago)

the Lawrence of Arabia cosplayer has called Biden "continuity Trump"

hadn't pegged him as a trenchant ILX politics poster

― in a bar, under the (seandalai), Thursday, 19 August 2021 09:40 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

What does he roleplay when you peg him

― since you are a big fan of adult websites (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 19 August 2021 10:00 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

if steve harvey was the next jeopardy host:

---

How're you gonna ANSWER. Without PUTTIN it. In the form of a QUESTION! I mean DANG, Jason; you damn sure been watching this show since... since when?
"...like... the 80's..."
And you still gonna come on here and - you know what, I ain't even gon' stress, any of you other big brain baddies want some of this one?

― think “Gypsy-Pixie” and misspelled. (We are a white family.) (forksclovetofu), Friday, 27 August 2021 04:44 (nine hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

I just encountered the word "glocal" and may need to lie down for a while

― and after eel, you're my Wonder Wheel (Ye Mad Puffin)

was it written by thomas friedman y/n

― mookieproof

it’s how birds have oral sex

― Tracer Hand

for sure, some of the best engineers on the planet are probably working for Tesla and SpaceX, Elon himself on the other hand seems to have no good car ideas at all. maybe I'm wrong!!

here's a fun story, my little brother owns a Tesla and something got messed up with the security system, idk if he hit the wrong button or something but the car just started freaking out, like honking and flashing lights and all that. apparently when it thinks its getting "broken into" the stereo system also starts playing Trans-Siberian Orchestra at max volume, which you can't turn off. the problem was my brother's wife and his 1-year old son were trapped in the car, and now there's this deafening music playing while my brother literally has to Google how to turn the shit off, and you just know fucking Elon Musk brought that up at some meeting, "ha ha, here is funny idea, also very smart because it disorient the thief, ha ha" and everyone around him is afraid to tell him no so they just start working 90 hour weeks instead of 80 to make it happen, and now my nephew might have hearing damage

― frogbs, Sunday, 29 August 2021 16:28 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

…

This week I learned mom knows who Brian Jones is. Sort of.

― The 25 Best Songs Ever Ranked In Order (Deflatormouse), Saturday, August 28, 2021 2:09 AM (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink

She phoned a couple of days ago and mentioned that the drummer for the Rolling Stones died "again".

― The 25 Best Songs Ever Ranked In Order (Deflatormouse), Saturday, August 28, 2021 2:11 AM (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink

I said, no, this is the first time a drummer for the Rolling Stones has died, are you maybe thinking of the drummer for the Who?

And she said no, his name was Barry, who is Barry?

― The 25 Best Songs Ever Ranked In Order (Deflatormouse), Saturday, August 28, 2021 2:13 AM (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink

"You mean the guy from the Bee Gees?"

"No, the Rolling Stones."

Eventually we figured out that she was thinking of Brian Jones, but she thought he was the drummer and that his name was Barry.

"You don't know who Brian Jones is."

"Yes, I remember he wore yellow corduroy pants. Mustard yellow."

"OMG, you know who Brian Jones is."

― The 25 Best Songs Ever Ranked In Order (Deflatormouse), Saturday, August 28, 2021 2:17 AM (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink

Ha! Plus the Rutles stuff afterwards.

that was cool, glad they did the whole song and not just part. What was that from?

― akm, Monday, September 13, 2021 3:54 PM bookmarkflaglink

that was my question too. apparently maya rudolph had a show with martin short?? it lasted 6 episodes.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, September 13, 2021 5:26 PM bookmarkflaglink

That sounds like plenty.

― a hallan shaker loon (dowd), Wednesday, September 15, 2021 10:22 AM bookmarkflaglink

simple. elegant. excelsior.

maybe he's born with it?

maybe it's excelsior

I wore a Dead Milkmen shirt and a fellow student ran out crying because her dad was a milkman who was dead

― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Monday, September 20, 2021 5:54 PM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Lmfao

yeah that was great

Must be a problem for any punks going to college with the Kennedy kids.

Well it soured it somewhat

imo people are going to need to adjust their expectations about when and how they put energy into their cars. like, it mainly happens at home, and if you’re going far enough that you need to do it on the road then you’ll need to combine that with a bit of a break. a meal. watch something on your ipad. yes that feels less convenient than spending 5 minutes pumping poison into a tank but one of the tradeoffs is that you never have to pay $1000 to replace a $50 HVAC sensor or deal with a main seal or whatever.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, September 20, 2021 5:03 PM bookmarkflaglink

I'm fairly sure my uncle got an EV just to have an excuse to stop for a burger wherever he goes

― kinder, Monday, September 20, 2021 5:50 PM bookmarkflaglink

fair play

― Tracer Hand, Monday, September 20, 2021 5:51 PM bookmarkflaglink

You know that someone is going to have beef with electric cars

― fix up luke shawp (darraghmac), Monday, September 20, 2021 6:11 PM bookmarkflaglink

(I'm a simple man)

I think we should always keep a baseline yknow

Henceforth known as the beefline.

Anything below it will be considered unbeefhitting

i get my kicks above the waistline, bovine

https://i.imgur.com/z0qFlW1.gif

I have no idea why this made me just lose it so badly:
---

Fans of Sonic onion rings will know that they have a particular sweetness -- I found out yesterday it's because they soak the cut onions in their ice cream mix, or at least a variation on it, before breading.

― Profiles in Liquid Courage (WmC), Thursday, October 7, 2021 12:26 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

that also explains their peculiarly oniony ice cream

― hundreds of millions of (cat), Thursday, October 7, 2021 12:31 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

lol

mystery solved

I imagining some alternate universe where people complain "Man, I can't believe Hendrix went from Electric Ladyland to this bland Babyface shit! I bet Clapton wouldn't have done this had he survived that heroin overdose."

― birdistheword, Monday, October 11, 2021 5:45 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

Tweet: Colin Powell dies from Covid complications

The chemical weapons finally got him

― St. Twel'mo, or the Cuneiform Cyclopedist of Chattanooga (President Keyes), Monday, October 18, 2021 10:24 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

in the MCU, dr strange scans an incomprehensibly large number of possible futures for music consumption, desperately searching for timelines that restrain Hot Hot Heat to obscurity -- there's only one.

― John Lakeman gives pipe lecture (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, October 18, 2021 12:29 PM bookmarkflaglink

I feel like there hasn’t been a lot of funny lately, what with all the creeping horror and impending doom in the world, but this got me good:

Can we be shown cool white evangelicals + Mike Love?

― John Stockton buying a used car from (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 20 October 2021 17:47 (two hours ago) link

FTR this predated Nirvana. I first noticed it at a Red Hot Chili Peppers show in 1990

Yeah I meant more like They Might Be Giants where I saw slamming and crowd-surfing in the era

― chr1sb3singer, Tuesday, October 19, 2021 5:06 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

the height of this for me was watching some concert on MTV and people were crowdsurfing to "Linger" by the Cranberries

― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, October 20, 2021 6:36 AM (ten hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

do u have to
do u have to
do u have to mosh to "linger"

― STOCK FIST-PUMPER BRAD (BradNelson)

every time i tell my son i love him or that he did a good job he rolls his eyes and goes yeah yeah that’s what every dad says

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, October 26, 2021 3:31 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

thats when u reply with "ok fuck u then"

― class project pat (m bison), Tuesday, October 26, 2021 3:36 PM (fifty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

you don't know what you got till it's gone

― Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Tuesday, October 26, 2021 3:37 PM (fifty-six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

you don't miss your water 'til dad's "fuck you, guy"

look if you’re not going to engage with the different facets of ChAdOx1 nCoV-19 or BNT162b2 vaccination then i don’t know what you’re posting on this forum for tbh

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 26 October 2021 22:35 (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

ChAdOx1 is my name on counterstrike

― certified juice therapist (harbl), Tuesday, 26 October 2021 22:37 (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

I've seen clips on Pornhub that are designed to be watched while wearing VR goggles and they're fucking bizarre to look at, like footage of conjoined twins shot through the world's most warped fisheye lens.

― but also fuck you (unperson), Friday, October 29, 2021 12:01 AM (sixteen hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Thank you for your sacrifice

― maf you one two (maffew12), Friday, October 29, 2021 12:24 AM (sixteen hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

like tears in rain

^lol

my dewey youthfulness is due, in part, to never having seen forrest gump

― mookieproof, Sunday, October 31, 2021 5:00 AM (ten hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

I was forced to watch it five years ago as a DYING MAN’S LAST(ish) WISH and I am still pissed about it

― mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Sunday, October 31, 2021 2:40 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

On the bright side, he's dead now ...

― Milm & Foovies (Eric H.), Sunday, October 31, 2021 2:48 PM (fifty-eight minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FCZwmJ_X0AYYtpP?format=jpg&name=small

robert plant jus thinkin baout his new song, in my time of djing

― o shit the sheriff (NickB), Sunday, October 31, 2021 9:29 AM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Oh, I also bought a standing desk when I couldn't sit for about a month (long story lol), but I now stand while WFH and let me tell you, I feel so much better about working. Back, shoulders, everything.

― I'm a sovereign jizz citizen (the table is the table), Thursday, November 4, 2021 2:59 PM (one minute ago) bookmarkflaglink

Donald Rumsfeld's greatest legacy.

― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, November 4, 2021 3:00 PM (fifty-two seconds ago) bookmarkflaglink