i know like dick-all about napoleon

Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - couldn�t escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - finally facing my waterloo

My my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight
And how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose

Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - couldn�t escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - knowing my fate is to be with you

And how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose

Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - couldn�t escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - finally facing my waterloo

had a Napoleon complex

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060929588/qid=1104119150/sr=5-3/ref=cm_lm_asin/102-7156102-7130559?v=glance

Regarding Boney's dick:

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/040102.html

When Napoleon Bonaparte to Moscow he went, with all his troops and all his men his mind was heavy bent. To take the Russian country now they were full employed, but the Russians fought against them and they soon did them destroy

T'was in a little while that the Russians did attack, against Bonaparte and all his men they fought them and they drove them back. The action being so hot left and right and front and rear, oh damn you all says Bonaparte I'll stay no longer here.

Chorus
Those warlike lads of Russia they fought all in one mind, made Bonaparte to run and leave his troops behind. Those warlike lads of Russia they fought all in one mind, made Bonaparte to run and leave his troops behind.

Away then went poor Bonaparte as fast as he could run. The poor Frenchmen looked after him he left horses, cannon, guns. His boxes and his matches, amunition wagons too, he left them all behind him well what could poor Boney do?

Away then went poor Bonaparte as fast as he could ride, the poor Frenchmen looked after him saying oh its very hard. To think he'd take us all out here to leave us to our fate, you'd think he'd ride along with us to help up in our state

Chorus

Here's twenty thousand men that they have killed and they have taken, likewise ten thousand horses and two hundred bits of cannon. No more to Paris, Lyon or French Flanders I'll advance, for if I do I'm sure to know they'll teach me how to dance

And its now to conclude and to finish up this song, the poor Frenchmen in Russia they wish they had a hold of him. The cruelest death they'd put him through to e're a man befall. Oh damn you all says Bonaparte I'm clear of you all!

Chorus

-- teeny (teen...), December 27th, 2004.

was it vertically-challenged, like the rest of him?

-- s1ocki

jesus christ this is like the perfect roffle. i think you're hustling us.

A Russian couple who were impersonating Spanish aristocrats once tried to assassinate him, but only managed to kill one of Napoleon's doubles.

Napolean was 5'6 which was average for France at that time. Man boobs can afflict anyone regardless of chromosomal status.

Was? Anyway you slice it,

http://www.tomecat.com/emily/napoleon1M.jpg

he's a little sweety.

THE GREEN LINNET (Trad)
Curiosity led a young native of Erin
For to view the lone banks of the Rhine
Where an empress he saw and the robe that she was wearing
All over with diamonds did shine
No goddess in splendour was ever yet seen
To equal this fair maid so mild and serene
In soft murmers she cried, "Oh, my linnet so green
Sweet Boney, will I ne'er see you more"

The cold frosty Alps you did freely pass over
Which nature had placed in your way
At Maringo, Beltona around you did hover
All Paris rejoiced the next day
It grieved me the hardships you did undergo
The mountains that you travelled all covered with snow
But the balance of power your courage laid low
Sweet Boney, will I ne'er see you more

The crowned heads of Europe they were in great splendour
And they swore they would have you submit
But the goddess of freedom soon had them surrender
And they lowered their standards to your wit
Old Frederik's colours to France he did bring
His offspring found shelter under your wing
That year at Vienna you so sweetly did sing
Sweet Boney, will I ne'er see you more

What numbers of men there were eager to slay you
Their malice you viewed with a smile
Their gold through all Europe was found to betray you
They joined with the Mamelukes on the Nile
Like ravenous vultures their vile passions did burn
The orphan they slew and caused the widow to mourn
But my linnet he is gone and he never will return
Sweet Boney, will I ne'er see you more

I have roamed through the deserts of wild Abyssinia
And could yet find no cure for my pain
I will go and enquire at the isle of Saint Helena
But soft whispers murmer " 'tis vain "
Come tell me ye muses, come tell me in time
What nations I must rove my green linnet to find
Was he slain at Waterloo in France or on the Rhine?
No - he's dead on St Helena's bleak shore

True enough.

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http://dynamic.images.indigo.ca/ProductImage.aspx?sale=9&width=140&pid=1416913912&cat=books&quality=85

Dude, the 18th Brumaire is about Napoleon's nephew.

why was it such a big deal that he killed louis antoine? was nobility really shocked at that pt about execution of nobility even on spurious charges? or had napolean somehow earned a reputation as being somewhat favorable or at least not hostile towards nobility at that pt? was he dissociated enough from the revolution that it would've been a new hostility - or just that there had been a period of quiet?

this is great https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-age-of-napoleon-podcast/id1223795973?mt=2

Yeah, very much agreed. It's a long haul commitment of a listen at this point but I appreciate how deep he's already laid the groundwork on a number of interrelated issues as well as wider developments providing further context. The last bio I read of Napoleon's was some years ago -- thorough, very much looking at him with a (well-deserved) angry eye at all his destruction and loss of life. This so far seems to be taking a good neutral stance that won't ignore that, or so I trust.

does it have an answer for my antoine question above?

Hasn't gotten there yet.

Armor of a soldier wounded by a cannonball at the battle of Waterloo in 1815.pic.twitter.com/ynp8qmW43I

— Figen (@TheFigen) January 3, 2022

'wounded'

tis but a scratch

also: napoleon wasn't *unusually* short, he was probably c.5'7"

myth set in bcz (a) the french pre-metric inch was a little longer that the imperial inch and (b) the brits liked to fvck around w/hilarious lies

the short lived Napoleon II was 6 foot tall by the time he was 17. But it didn't get him anywhere!

Horrible Histories is the source of most my knowledge about Napoleon - including the bit about him actually being not that short.

Also the possible reason he lost Waterloo being an especially painful bout(?) of piles.

"nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a bout (?) of piles"

must've been a distressing end for him

even the combined forces of Britain and Prussia couldn't hurt him as much as those grapes

the wince of grapes hot

https://www.rct.uk/sites/default/files/styles/rctr-scale-1300-500/public/collection-online/5/a/184651-1409668411.jpg?itok=lNGBLLz7

this was Boney's Sun Ra like cloak that was taken from his luggage after Waterloo, apparently he'd wore it during the Egyptian campaign. If twitter had been about in the early 19th century he'd have wore it for a selfie with a "LOL. I'm living in your heads rent free, so called Great Britain" post.

His love for Josephine when she didn't wash before sex.

His popularity around Europe which sin't the way he was portrayed in England.

HIm getting arsenic poisoning from the wallpaper in his exiled room

Him not being as short as some people liked to portray him.

Him being part responsible for teh fate of Haiti once it liberated itself which like sucks to high heaven

Him being Corsican.

Him looking a lot like Rod Steiger

Especially popular in Ireland, of course.

Yes, he re-introduced slavery after the Revolution, although Robespierre et al had hummed and hawed about abolishing it for a long time.

Also he was so palsy-walsy with Robespierre's brother that he was under considerable suspicion post 10 Thermidor.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FINS9BWWUAwPiq4?format=png

keep expecting this to be a Ridley Scott revive

it's a "wounded by a cannonball" revive

"wounded followed very shortly after by death" is still wounded imo

robespierre screaming fleshwound ten minutes after his head was cut off

Not possible with his bad jaw.

Another thing, "Where can we put Napoleon where we can be sure he can't cause any more harm?" "Oh, I know, how about an island 6 miles off the coast of Italy?" "Yes, that'll do!". Duh.

this twitter-thread is a wee bit "hi! cavalryman expert here, cavalrymen only do this when they’re in extreme distress" (and also promoting a book) but it's reasonably interesting so:

Thanks to social media this is one of the most famous battlefield relics from Napoleonic era. It captures the moment of a man's death. It is not a joke or a Monty Python sketch about a scratch. It might not seem so funny if we knew more about the man and his death. 1/10 pic.twitter.com/ZAzAmuAw6Z

— Tony Pollard (@ProfTonyPollard) January 5, 2022

Over next 10 days bodies stripped & then buried or burned. Every item of hardware & clothing was recycled or sold & the field became a tourist attraction

Long before the bone merchants moved in, many bodies at Waterloo were stripped of their teeth. This was such a bonanza for Britain’s denture industry that all false sets made from human teeth were known as ‘Waterloo teeth’ for years after

And also decades later the mineral rich death soil was being shipped to farmers in Yorkshire and Somerset

unlike this cannonball i see my fleshwound joke sailed safely over tom d's head

Wearing corpse dentures would really creep me out but I guess it's just one of things you got used to in the old days.

this is great https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-age-of-napoleon-podcast/id1223795973?mt=2

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Tuesday, October 17, 2017 11:42 PM (four years ago) bookmarkflaglink

Still going after ninety-one episodes. I'm afraid to ask if anyone has made it through them all, I'd be fine with one greatest hits episode.

i actually beached in the napoleon stretch of the revolutions podcast (he just invaded egypt) but that's mainly bcz i'm so busy at the moment that i realised i was putting episodes on and then not taking in a single word

Wearing corpse dentures would really creep me out but I guess it's just one of things you got used to in the old days.

this is great https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-age-of-napoleon-podcast/id1223795973?mt=2

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Tuesday, October 17, 2017 11:42 PM (four years ago) bookmarkflaglink

Still going after ninety-one episodes. I'm afraid to ask if anyone has made it through them all, I'd be fine with one greatest hits episode.

― recovering internet addict/shitposter (viborg), Wednesday, January 5, 2022 2:00 PM (thirty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

im not a huge podcast listener and stopped after 20 or so but was just thinking about getting back into this because I very much enjoyed it. very thorough.

unlike this cannonball i see my fleshwound joke sailed safely over tom d's head

It did not.

hm

Actually you're right, I C what U did there.

i absolutely love that podcast and have learned a ton. he just finished the battle of austerlitz

Always guaranteed to bring a tear to my eye, sorry, my ee.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfbNX9p9-BE

Still happily sticking with The Age of Napoleon podcast as mentioned a few years back. It's been a truly marvelous achievement -- the 'side' stories over several episodes on Nelson and L'Ouverture alone were essential.