Innocuous things that make you irrationally embarrassed

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If you're ever asked to write a bio in third-person, just say "XXX is a writer who lives in blahblah. In his spare time, he enjoys tennis." Don't even think about using the term "brain-crush".

Even if you don't play tennis.

― pplains, Thursday, June 14, 2012 8:59 AM

pplains, Tuesday, 25 May 2021 12:55 (eleven months ago) link

they make us do that for theatre bios. I hate them. i usually write something self-deprecating and then thank a random celebrity

Feta Van Cheese (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 25 May 2021 12:56 (eleven months ago) link

"Neanderthal has acted in 21 plays at the ~theater~ and has been a performer in central Florida for over 20 years. In his spare time, he enjoys tennis."

There. Just add to the numbers and you don't have to worry about it anymore.

pplains, Tuesday, 25 May 2021 12:58 (eleven months ago) link

also said I was ranked #1 globally, I think I went a bridge too far.

Feta Van Cheese (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 25 May 2021 13:01 (eleven months ago) link

Well yeah. I've never even seen you at Wimbledon.

pplains, Tuesday, 25 May 2021 13:02 (eleven months ago) link

Yes. Plain fact bios in the third person are fine, but "quirky" ones make me wanna die from embarrassment

just1n3, Wednesday, 26 May 2021 00:44 (eleven months ago) link

Wasn’t it Tim Rice who never changed his, in the more contemporary programme for Evita, whereas ALW updated and lengthened his?

Mark G, Wednesday, 26 May 2021 06:43 (eleven months ago) link

four months pass...

when the local weather service says "on tap," as in "another cold night on tap." it's such a silly metaphor!

Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Thursday, 14 October 2021 21:09 (seven months ago) link

the heat’s gonna tap out on Wednesday

brimstead, Thursday, 14 October 2021 22:08 (seven months ago) link

two months pass...

people going "LET'S GOOOOO" in social media comments. you're posting online, it isn't a fucking action movie.

Nedlene Grendel as Basenji Holmo (map), Wednesday, 22 December 2021 22:53 (five months ago) link

i feel like it's time to call this thread what it deserves to be called -- thread for cringe

weird woman in a bar (La Lechera), Wednesday, 22 December 2021 23:02 (five months ago) link

mid- and post-credits scenes

STOCK FIST-PUMPER BRAD (BradNelson), Thursday, 23 December 2021 02:55 (five months ago) link

LL otm

sarahell, Saturday, 25 December 2021 03:15 (four months ago) link

saying "let's gooooo" in the fashion implied here is a terrible thing that's happened to the english language

i cannot help if you made yourself not funny (forksclovetofu), Monday, 27 December 2021 01:13 (four months ago) link

kamala harris

towards fungal computer (harbl), Monday, 27 December 2021 14:09 (four months ago) link

I don't really get embarrassed by music instructional videos

There is only one music instructional video that I need in my life and it is this one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_8iD5xS1hI

; (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 27 December 2021 15:02 (four months ago) link

lol lol lol lol / lol lol lol lol lol / lol lol lol lol

I actually was seriously thinking about this, like, is he gonna suggest you subdivide into three measures - 4, 5, 4 or 4, 4, 5 or ... years back I was in this experimental rock orchestra piece where the composer (who was self-taught) had a movement in 11/4 and it didn't really work out the way he intended. It was actually hilarious tbh ... because musicians in different sections cleverly suggested that we subdivide into 3, 4, and 4 ... but then couldn't agree whether it should be 3, 4, 4 or 4, 3, 4 ... based on how their section's part was written.

sarahell, Monday, 27 December 2021 18:48 (four months ago) link

Yeah, realistically, if given a piece like that I won't be counting, I will just be memorizing the tune and playing something that goes with it.

Back when I played jazz, people would give me advice about how to count a five or seven or thirteen or whatever and I'd nod sagely, say "yeah, got it." When the music started I would just do some amorphous brushing until the pulse became clear, then suss out some kind of ostinato that worked.

My college band played "Take Five" for years and I confess I never once counted to five. I'd just be singing "doo doot-doot-doodly-doodly doo doo" silently in my head the whole time.

; (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 27 December 2021 20:15 (four months ago) link

yeah, I think that's the smart way to go with those jazz gigs tbh ... I got nerdy enough about it to be able to count to five if needed, but musically, it would often sound stronger and tighter if I broke 5 out into 3 and 2. ... unless the piece was something where it would go from 6/8 to 5/8 ... but that was really just 1-and-2-and-3-and so ...

sarahell, Monday, 27 December 2021 20:19 (four months ago) link

I bow to your superior nerdery, sarahell.

Nowadays I am mostly on mandolin; everything's a multiple of four. When I try to break it down and explain it to someone, it just gets mushy. It is mostly a matter of finding the pulse, then putting accents where they make sense. If you're counting, you're probably lost.

; (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 27 December 2021 20:29 (four months ago) link

I'm so cringey I got hospitalised for it. I was put on the awk ward

Urbandn hope all ye who enter here (dog latin), Monday, 27 December 2021 21:28 (four months ago) link

three weeks pass...

the phrase "you got this!" / "i got this!" makes me want to commit seppuku

Nedlene Grendel as Basenji Holmo (map), Tuesday, 18 January 2022 02:43 (four months ago) link

agree

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 18 January 2022 03:21 (four months ago) link

i see my embarrassment at this language use as entirely rational tbh ... the people whose use of it tends to make me cringe have "personas" that seem fake in other ways, like they are afraid to be authentic and use words and phrases that are what they are actually thinking

sarahell, Tuesday, 18 January 2022 21:38 (four months ago) link

https://i.imgur.com/A73jWyA.gif

pplains, Tuesday, 18 January 2022 23:31 (four months ago) link

ads that mention The Big Game because they’re not licensed to use the term Super Bowl

mookieproof, Monday, 31 January 2022 18:02 (three months ago) link

agred, also "superb owl" was funny exactly once, like 8 years ago, and repeating it does not help

Bill Kristol Meth (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 31 January 2022 19:53 (three months ago) link

wasn't even funny once

he's very big in the region of my butthole (Neanderthal), Monday, 31 January 2022 19:55 (three months ago) link

my dad always calls it the Stupor Bowl and i laugh every time

Tracer Hand, Monday, 31 January 2022 19:58 (three months ago) link

Superduper Bowl needs to make a comeback

i cannot help if you made yourself not funny (forksclovetofu), Monday, 31 January 2022 22:31 (three months ago) link

"The commercials are the best part!"

nickn, Monday, 31 January 2022 22:42 (three months ago) link

They should put the Puppy Bowl on network television!

pplains, Monday, 31 January 2022 23:18 (three months ago) link

the phrase "you got this!" / "i got this!" makes me want to commit seppuku

― Nedlene Grendel as Basenji Holmo (map), Tuesday, 18 January 2022 02:43 (two weeks ago) link

agree

― terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 18 January 2022 03:21 (two weeks ago) link

If you do, I will be there mouthing *you got this* as you do it

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Tuesday, 1 February 2022 13:22 (three months ago) link

one month passes...

lol

"first world problems"

Nedlene Grendel as Basenji Holmo (map), Saturday, 5 March 2022 13:50 (two months ago) link

two months pass...

getting a haircut, especially at a new place:
* having to somehow explain in words what haircut you want "buh shorter on the sides and longer on the top?"
* being a captive audience for small talk with a stranger
* acting really impressed and appreciative when they show you the haircut, especially when they give you the little mirror that you have to figure out how to aim correctly to see the back of your own head "yeah that looks great! thanks! that looks good! uh huh ... looks good"

na (NA), Friday, 20 May 2022 13:16 (four days ago) link

oh and then obviously having just gotten a haircut for the next few days. just call me mr. haircut i guess. "somebody got a haircut!"

na (NA), Friday, 20 May 2022 13:17 (four days ago) link

lately, any time I open my stupid mouth and show any enthusiasm

mookie wilson shaggin balls (Neanderthal), Friday, 20 May 2022 13:19 (four days ago) link

<3 neanderthal, be kind to yourself!! <3

we need outrage! we need dicks!! (the table is the table), Friday, 20 May 2022 13:31 (four days ago) link

NA OTM.

"So what kind of work do you do?" or "Where do you work?" I mean, I do suppose I already know those answers about the guy who's asking, but still.

pplains, Friday, 20 May 2022 16:21 (four days ago) link

tbh this is part of the reason I have cut my own hair for the past 30 years ... though I think if I had to go get my hair cut by someone at a shop, I feel like I would want the same treatment as at the dentist ... give me something to knock me out temporarily, then wake me up when it's over.

sarahell, Friday, 20 May 2022 18:57 (four days ago) link

I always feel awkward getting my hair cut, and am mostly silent during the experience unless I’m chatted with. Part of it is not being apt at small talk, but I also figure it this way: the hairdresser probably has to gab with clients all day, whether they want to or not, since a perception of friendliness affects their tip. So maybe they’d appreciate a break where they can just focus on doing their job, rather than have a fifth variation of “got any plans this weekend". (A friend of mine was a waiter for years and would always tell me how she hated having to laugh at dumb jokes, flirts etc just to earn a tip.)

blatherskite, Friday, 20 May 2022 19:14 (four days ago) link

na otm, I will say that having a barber that can naturally draw me into a conversation without the fake, forced small talk made me feel way less self-conscious and awkward during the cut

a superficial sheeb of intelligence (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 20 May 2022 19:17 (four days ago) link

the hairdresser probably has to gab with clients all day, whether they want to or not, since a perception of friendliness affects their tip. So maybe they’d appreciate a break where they can just focus on doing their job, rather than have a fifth variation of “got any plans this weekend".

otm

sarahell, Friday, 20 May 2022 19:17 (four days ago) link

this must be doubly awkward when they're working.. you know... down there

Andy the Grasshopper, Friday, 20 May 2022 19:37 (four days ago) link

our dentist has a sign up that basically says "we understand that people get nervous at the dentist so if you don't want to chat just let us know," and basically i think that should be socially acceptable in all similar situations, to be able to say "look, i don't like small talk, you don't have to chat with me, it won't affect the tip." but this barber, obviously he was just chatting bc that's the normal thing to do to build a relationship and get a better tip, and i'd never used him before so i didn't feel like i could say "we don't have to talk" without seeming rude.

na (NA), Friday, 20 May 2022 19:39 (four days ago) link

i do think some of those workers really enjoy the social aspect of it

na (NA), Friday, 20 May 2022 19:40 (four days ago) link

I walk by the toenail parlors and it seems like most of the clients are just looking at their phones, while the aesthetician inhales noxious chemicals at their feet

Andy the Grasshopper, Friday, 20 May 2022 19:44 (four days ago) link

* having to somehow explain in words what haircut you want "buh shorter on the sides and longer on the top?"

show them a photo instead

brimstead, Friday, 20 May 2022 19:44 (four days ago) link

this must be doubly awkward when they're working.. you know... down there

― Andy the Grasshopper, Friday, May 20, 2022 3:37 PM (thirty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Andy the Grasshopper, what exactly do you think hairdressers do?

Whiney G. Weingarten, Friday, 20 May 2022 20:14 (four days ago) link

Giving you curtain bangs on your pubes obvs

You should just tell people if you don’t feel like talking whether they are braiding your pubes or not.

Piggy Lepton (La Lechera), Friday, 20 May 2022 20:26 (four days ago) link


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