L@@K! Photos from Real Estate Listings (see remarks)

so you're saying we need to carpet bomb the whole area? makes sense.

I'm on board with that plan, but can we wait till he moves there?

Jesus will still got almost two more years of the Hoog.

Boss Hoog

https://i.imgur.com/EdJExa6.jpg

One lesson I've learned is if your first reaction to a feature is "Ooh, the cats will love this!" it will become one of the most useless areas of the house.

he got it for like 250k below asking, i'm sure for very innocent reasons (no i won't give him the benefit of the doubt because i fucking hate him). there are more photos here. so many carpets! https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/3415-Timberlake-Farm-Rd-Davidsonville-MD-21035/117513358_zpid/?

Suddenly realizing how some of these new fangled "McMansions" that should be going out of style at any moment now ... are getting to be about 30-35 years old.

They're not going to age well.

The oppressive blandness of that property would make being there at, say, dusk on a gloomy winter day feel unbearably suffocating. Imagine! It has all the sensibilities of a corporate office property (including the uninviting purgatory of a lawn that nobody will venture onto except to periodically mow; a stagnant arbitrarily framed backdrop for one to watch snow slowly accumulate and then melt over endless monotonous days and for nothing else) that was furnished in 2002 mixed with a dentist office waiting room in an middle class suburb (likely even complete with the echoes of never-ending HGTV episodes that follow such a strict template you would swear that a computer is merely randomizing the humanoids each time in an otherwise repeated artificial simulation). That's the general vibe I get from it.

I hate those little cocktail sinks that are popping up in the living areas.

i think "oppressive blandness 2024" is larry hogan's presidential campaign slogan

the uninviting purgatory of a lawn that nobody will venture onto except to periodically mow

They have people for that

I was listening to this podcast about the lumber industry/current lumber price spikes, and one of the things I learned is that lumber yards sell homebuilders pre-arranged "framing packages" of the various types of lumber you need to frame a house, and it made me think about how there's probably a strong economic incentive to build mcmansions, because the relative standardization cuts costs and simplifies things for the builders. At the same time, you'd think that these goliath national builders could have paid for better standard designs.

Well yeah.

yeah, along the same lines i often think of the sears catalog houses people used to build, they're still standing all over the place and are generally pretty nice looking. but now you need to have at least 8 gables to look successful.

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/150-N-74th-St_Kansas-City_KS_66111_M70735-09751#photo3

19000 sq ft????

lmao

some times this is the best thread on ilx tbh

Property listing photos recovered from GoPro feed of unknown person's final moments.

"And that's where it cuts off?"
"Yeah. The last one is right about where we found the camera and the glasses."
"Dammit... who were you running from? Who were you looking for?"
"Sir?"
"Sorry- it's this damn case. Nothing makes sense.
"...What do we do now?"
"Hmm? Err-sweep the perimeter again, I'll check... the house."

now that you mention it, i'm surprised there hasn't been a gimmicky "Internet browser window found-footage" horror movie specifically based around real estate websites.

why is the garage door so tall

Guys...

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1204-S-18th-St-Saint-Louis-MO-63104/2934915_zpid/?fbclid=IwAR2huu7sKv2Nmv8_SlWQEMhBhgzXeA3vHCO6jtixvdTBS2gcioM6cK6Qw_8

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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise, what is, it wouldn't be and what it wouldn't be, it would, you see. This is entirely bonkers but I'll tell you a secret, all the best houses are. Sunken conversations rise to incredible heights. Tables that clearly show the wonders of the deep. Waterfalls and rooftop gardens. Outside/inside and angles of peculiar destinations. Mirrors that reflect upside down. Bridges that lead to spaces with no faces. Closed windows with light from unexpected places. Somethings real, somethings created - all things coming together to form an unexpected adventure through the mind of a visionary man. This could be your dream and you could decide where it goes from here. Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.
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Listing courtesy of:

Fritz McAvoy

McAvoy Realty

fbclid=IwAR2huu7sKv2Nmv8_SlWQEMhBhgzXeA3vHCO6jtixvdTBS2gcioM6cK6Qw_8

A child kept calling my name while I was looking through that slideshow, but I was never able to find them.

The use of the word "bonkers" made me think of a writer -- George Saunders? Pynchon?

Would be $1.1 million in my neighborhood, just sayin

that kansas city one is just two groverhauses stacked on top of each other

eyes baked solid by caustic HDR images

i know, i couldn't even see what was going on and didn't finish the slideshow

Didn't even notice that the Groverhaus was in KC while the Crowdhouse was in StL.

Never going to ask a realtor to "show me" a listing again.

The use of the word "bonkers" made me think of a writer -- George Saunders? Pynchon?

The first few sentences are a legit Lewis Carroll quote, then there are a bunch of misattributed ones scattered throughout the rest of that blurb. That bonkers sentence is a paraphrase of a Johnny Depp line from the Burton Alice in Wonderland movie. (I did some googling)

we are at Johnny Depth

internet says "Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality" is Jules de Gaultier

putting in an offer on the St Louis one

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise, what is, it wouldn't be and what it wouldn't be, it would, you see. This is entirely bonkers but I'll tell you a secret, all the best houses are. Sunken conversations rise to incredible heights. Tables that clearly show the wonders of the deep. Waterfalls and rooftop gardens. Outside/inside and angles of peculiar destinations. Mirrors that reflect upside down. Bridges that lead to spaces with no faces. Closed windows with light from unexpected places. Somethings real, somethings created - all things coming together to form an unexpected adventure through the mind of a visionary man. This could be your dream and you could decide where it goes from here. Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.

--Bob Marley

"this house, which is clearly shit, is actually good. more mess and gak when we come back!"
- marc summers

lol

that St. Louis one would look like a very intentional architectural essay in historical eclecticism, maximalist postmodernism, or something of the sort.... if not for the godawful real-estate photo lighting and "clarity" settings applied to the images. realistically it's probably the obsessive personal project of some tinkering eccentric/collector/salvage-rummager/bricoleur. which is also pretty cool IMHO but would also benefit tremendously from a different photographic aesthetic.

Looking at those pictures felt like:

https://images.hindustantimes.com/rf/image_size_960x540/HT/p2/2019/04/25/Pictures/_5183fa28-6760-11e9-b8c7-d9ea8f4e8ad0.jpg

just a lil plug

itt stomach-churning hdr photos

a bit of a fixer upper
https://www.redfin.com/CO/Colorado-Springs/4525-Churchill-Ct-80906/home/34515765

I love how most of the pictures are understandably showing the layout despite the damage, except for one photo that focuses on a specific patch of carpet with the words "THE SHIT".

After teasing the deck like that the least they could have done was have a photo. (I didn’t watch the video.)

i wanted to see the basement meat

ok i watched the video. the deck isn't in it. i don't understand how they're asking that much. they should just knock it down imo.

"Oh, and did I mention it’s in the pink of a geological landslide area?"

Nice way to sneak that in.

Ha ha we fucked up your house.

The music hah

Um, do you not see this is a "Hot Home"? Your loss.