Free as a Dodo: UK Politics Welcomes 2021

"I couldn't possibly have deleted any incoming WhatsApps" says the brain.

That said, it was staggeringly weird of no 10 to use him as the diversion this morning. It works with other Tories because they don't want to wreck their own house, but how often does this guy need to show he'll happily watch it all burn?

fascist party https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EzpSVspXsAE-8NJ.jpg

"Thermonuclear brilliance from the incomparable ¯\_( ͡ಥᴥ ͡ಥ)_/¯ 💩💩💩💩."

"Every time ¯\_( ͡ಥᴥ ͡ಥ)_/¯ 💩💩💩💩 writes something, I think 'THIS' is the best thing she has ever written. I wish I had that super power."

"¯\_( ͡ಥᴥ ͡ಥ)_/¯ 💩💩💩💩 delightfully comparing Boris Johnson’s phone to the containment reactor in Ghostbusters is my spirit animal."

"No one makes me laugh harder by speaking the unadorned truth than the brilliant (and perennially pissed off) ¯\_( ͡ಥᴥ ͡ಥ)_/¯ 💩💩💩💩"

Lynn, idea for a short story... Dr Jekyll and Marina Hyde, a thoughtful and knowledgeable newspaper opinion columnist discovers a serum that can transform her into a vapid wisecracker. Eventually commits suicide in horror that during one of her transformations into Hyde she knobbed piers morgan.

got to hand it to MI5 and the Graun - their collaborative ¯\_( ͡ಥᴥ ͡ಥ)_/¯ 💩💩💩💩 mind control project has been a huge success - hundreds of thousands of simps convinced that a third rate wit and establishment hack is both hilarious and anti-establishment

Jeremy Corbyn on Keir Starmer pub visit:

‘It’s a bit odd to be going into pubs, when we are supposed to be enjoying them outside’

lol! and the fucking blundering dickhead was posing with a pint (for the novelty of it) in Wales, where the pubs are all still closed

Did Calzino make those comments up? They're very good if so!

JC spoke out on KS? That's impressive. JC usually just lets people publish malicious, poisonous slanders about him and responds by smiling wryly and going to the allotment to grow a marrow.

It says much about JC, in a way, that you almost literally can't imagine him attacking KS, even though KS's treatment of JC has revealed KS to be a stinking pile of human garbage.

No I just saw the weekly ¯\_( ͡ಥᴥ ͡ಥ)_/¯ 💩💩💩💩 trending on twitter and copied them for the annals of ilx posterity

So they're real ??!

I know it reads like some malfunctioning bots or parody, but yep, all real!

Laura K doing quite a lot of anti-Boris legwork these days.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-56890714

[COMMENT CENSORED]

Never interrupt your opponent while they are doing a killspree

Westminster voting intention:

CON: 40% (-5)
LAB: 37% (-1)
LDEM: 8% (+2)
GRN: 5% (-)

via @IpsosMORI, 16 - 22 Apr
Chgs. w/ Marhttps://t.co/RJJjJqA3VW

— Britain Elects (@BritainElects) April 26, 2021

Kieth gets an extra point for every 15 pints he drinks

but he got deducted a point after getting caught returning his pint of Guinness to the bar and necking loads of hard liquor shots once the photographers had finished.

Amazingly the 'cronyism' plan seems to be working due to the extraordinary stupidity of Boris Johnson and No. 10.

Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe jailed for another year and banned from leaving Iran

remember when Boris was FS and because of his blundering verbal incontinence a British citizen already in peril faced further charges in Iran. Well it just got even worse for her.

Wonder how/if the Telegraph are reporting that.

"I know why you’ve got to focus on this sort of stuff, but I really think, I really think that that is not where the public are, I’m talking to, today."

Johnson and others increasingly replying on 'people don't care about this' to excuse themselves. Doesn't seem like you would need to do that if the allegations were false.

Gove not denying it

The idea that he would say any such thing, I find incredible.

it seems Kieth unconvincingly drilled a hole into some wood with an auger bit today, at least it made a change from his downing pints in every boring looking whiter than white pub in England campaign. But still Bosch is a drill for melts mate, qualified people in the trades use Makita, DeWalt, Milwaukee - Bosch is a pure shit overrated brand for amateur DIY dabblers!

it's very hard to internalise that so many people who were killed by covid were set up to die from it years before the pandemic emerged, by austerity, privatisation, nhs 'efficiency' savings, by labour precarity. but there's no proper accountability without facing that imo

— michael wave (@SzMarsupial) April 26, 2021

yep, Starmer Labour are trembling on very shaky ground whenever they attack the Tories, which is mainly why can't do it with any conviction or authority.

Johnson increasingly isolated is it
https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2021/apr/26/boris-johnson-isolated-and-at-risk-of-becoming-uncontrollable

it seems Kieth unconvincingly drilled a hole into some wood with an auger bit today, at least it made a change from his downing pints in every boring looking whiter than white pub in England campaign. But still Bosch is a drill for melts mate, qualified people in the trades use Makita, DeWalt, Milwaukee - Bosch is a pure shit overrated brand for amateur DIY dabblers!

― calzino, Monday, 26 April 2021 18:23 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

lol this is so rude, makita and dewalt are too expensive for diy stuff but significantly better than other home job brands. im v pro bosch take it back.

true melts hire someone to put up shelves i think you have lost perspective

your hatred of keith is warping u

I had a very bad experience with a Bosch drill, at a time when I was on shit apprenticeship wages it cost me a lot of money at the time and it spent more time at the drill doctor's surgery than actually of any use to me. Never letting that go!

but I was just having a hate, it doesn't always make sense and any offence caused to people with wobbly shelves on-the-piss was absolutely unintentional!

well be careful

If Kieth was power tool brand ...

the bottom of the range 110 volt hammer drill by Bosch is good for chasing out walls tbf, no point getting expensive brands when you burn the motor out in 9 months. Will that do plax?

it was more about Kieth looking like a normie chump!

When you see stupid melty pols doing photo ops with power tools you never see them sweating like fuck and covered in plaster dust, black lime and asbestos. it really triggers me.

don't who that was that they trotted out for the 8:40 interview on radio 4 but it wasn't pretty. young kid parroting the tory party line, trying to talk about the good things the government are doing but having to answer the corruption allegations re johnson's redecortation, mostly with 'i don't have that information'.

but when asked about cummings and whether what he was believable he mentioned that rose garden speech and said that people could make their minds up based on that. y'know, the one the government was 100% behind at the time but which they are now suggesting was bullshit.

(don't know who that was)

xp to Plax

we all know why Kieth suffers from "white finger" and it ain't from pulling pints or using power tools for long periods

Thérèse Coffey seems to have turned into Benny Hill since her tenure in the Butthole Surfers, still politics will do that to a person I guess

can i blame the cheap radio and bathroom acoustics? because it did sound to me (both the voice and the content) like a very junior minister that had been pushed forward as cannon fodder.

Junior not in terms of age though.

maybe Robert Jenrick is on holiday. I heard about 10 minutes of it this morning and wasn't taking anything in.

it seems there is a court of appeal hearing at 10.30 am, a libel case with some twitterbloke vs Rachel Riley

When I was a lad I used to get confused about what is known as Junior Football in Scotland, which is (sort of) the equivalent of non-league football in England. I imagined it was all young lads until I saw a Junior Football Cup Final - these used to get shown live every year - and found it was all bruisers from Ayrshire, aged from 16 to 40, kicking lumps out of each other.

"If that's Junior Baiano I wouldn't like to meet Senior Baiano!"

plenty of old seasoned sex-offenders like Charlie Elphicke and Mark Francois were junior ministers in recent years

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tgYKdcwmzQ

this livestream of the Riley vs Sivier hearing is riveting stuff, a courtroom in complete silence but the tension is palpable!

the bottom of the range 110 volt hammer drill by Bosch is good for chasing out walls tbf, no point getting expensive brands when you burn the motor out in 9 months. Will that do plax?

― calzino, Tuesday, 27 April 2021 08:03 (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

lol this is my most recent acquisition and i wish i had bought one years ago. hammer drill necessary bc i live in a solid block building after spending years living in crumbly victorian flats where the issue was usually trying to find a piece of wall that wouldn't fall apart when you look at it rather than something that laughs at my drill

I still have my Makita 24 volt rechargeable, lol the batteries are practically dysfunctional from a decade of barely using them. I need to spend about three days charging and discharging them before they will good enough for one simple job!

uh

What is the name of this aesthetic? pic.twitter.com/Mw9GgotMAt

— Hannah Rose Woods (@hannahrosewoods) April 27, 2021