Pick your favorite new Heinz mashup sauce

hot ranch
barely 21
hot ranch
looking for big fun

I guess this is an object lesson in finding that sweet spot between pouring too much time + money into focus testing a new product and giving your burnout teenage nephew a multimillion dollar budget to invent and name an entire product line for you.

tar and ketchup, together at last

Someone in that Twitter thread said "so Heinz, if you combine tartar sauce with baby back barbecue sauce, are you going to call the result TarBaby" and I haven't recovered yet

The stink of desperation hangs all around these products.

idk these just seem like when old navy starts putting out last years styles... like aren’t these all just sauces they serve with calamari and stuff at “gastropubs” and places called Twine & Hay? they have wacky names yes

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

I have never been more nauseous than the day I found out that Hair Mayonnaise is a thing.

https://images.heb.com/is/image/HEBGrocery/prd-small/organics-hair-mayonnaise-000481163.jpg

Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it. It's made from very high-quality hair. Delicious.

It's the blend of sink drain and shower drain you've been dreaming of!

Tarchup sounds like something you use to fix your roof

shoulda mixed Ranch and Honey Mustard and sell it as Runny Mustard

I still haven't figured out where Wasabioli fits into the Wario/Waluigi canon

https://uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/mr-show-sketch-heinz-mayomust-jpg.jpeg

those kids will expire if they eat it

I do love these 'innovations' which are just like lazily mixing two existing things together in a way your kids have probably already done.

I remember, when I was young, accidentally discovering that mixing ketchup with honey (I believe it was) actually made for a passable sweet and sour sauce. Heinz, plz give me money for my new disgusting Ketchney/Honchup concoction.

is Coke going to partner with other soda brands and market Coca-Cola Suicide?

(note, where did that name come from, anyway?)

Ha, it never occurred to me to wonder. I guess it's because of all the kids who died horribly after chugging a Big Red/Mr. Pibb blend.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

They're not supposed to tell you that the "secret sauce" is just ketchup and mustard mixed together.

HANCH WINS

Never in doubt

Winner & still champion

Hanchalanche!

Out to Hanch.

Down the hanch!

I desperately want the advertising for these things to feature people just full-on shotgunning bottles of the stuff.

did any of you actually try any of these? Wasabioli seems like the only one I could stomach.

Waiting patiently for TÁRcup