How many times is Godzilla going to be rebooted? 2014 edition

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May I add that Millie Bobby Brownie is dead weight on the screen as well? Absolutely no charisma. The little girl from Kong's island stole the movie and she just blinked a lot and shed a tear.

SQUIRREL MEAT!! (Capitaine Jay Vee), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 07:43 (one month ago) link

how in the fuck are you gonna put lance reddick in a movie and give him like four seconds of screen time


I completely enjoyed the movie for what it was but there is no denying they fucked this up.

Larry Elleison (rogermexico.), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 11:10 (one month ago) link

I assumed they did that partly so that the grisly stuff (monsters beheaded, brains sucked out, creatures getting ripped in half, etc.) wouldn't get the movie an R.

This gives me another prompt to praise Skull Island again - the violence in that movie pushes the boundaries of PG-13 more than any recent one I can think of.

intern at pepe le pew research (Simon H.), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 11:58 (one month ago) link

Millie Bobby Brownie is dead weight

Holy crap is this otm. I didn't see the last Godzilla, but did see the first ("first") nu-Godzilla and "Skull Island," and not only did I not know her character, she and her crew were bad and had nothing to do. Even my daughter, a big Stranger Things fan, kept saying "oh, I forgot these people were in it" every time it cut back to them and their "story." I did appreciate it on a nostalgia level, since a lot of the bad classic Godzilla films are bogged down with boring children of dubious motives scampering around these behemoth battlegrounds like mice, too.

I had literally no idea what Kyle Chandler (let alone Lance Riddick) was doing, where they were or who they were. Also, at one point toward the end I got up to use the bathroom, came back a minute later, and Mechagodzilla was destroying everything. I asked my kid, wait, what did I miss? (This is not a movie worth pausing.) And she just shrugged and said "oh, Mechagodzilla went rogue." At times it felt like Wingard had found a whole bunch of unused footage from other movies of actors delivering ridiculous lines ("if we reverse the polarity of the gravitational field then maybe we can create a nuclear-genesis event that will fuel the primal flex line! Otherwise, we will be stranded in hollow Earth until evolution concedes its wrestling match with these mortal enemy titans!"), had his team create 90 minutes of Godzilla and Kong doing their respective thing, then just inserted the people and their scenes in seemingly random spots.

godzilla/kong/mechazilla's respective body count

Seriously, in fact I thought at first they were going to lean into it even harder (no pun intended). That is, when Godzilla first appears in Hong Kong (iirc?) I could have sworn it was just going to level every skyscraper at once with one big sweep of its tail, which would have been pretty audacious and funny. Or when Kong picked up that plane to throw at Godzilla, at first I figured it was empty, then I realized Kong did not gaf that there was still a pilot in there, but then they wimped out and had the pilot eject.

I've definitely seen worse than this movie, but that did not make it good. In fact, I kept expecting kind of a reverse of "The Guest," which started out serious and then shifted into totally garish ott neon goofiness by the end. I figured Wingard was starting this one all slick and silly and neon and then was going to do something with the last third, too, but no, it stayed slick and silly and neon, only Kong also had a magic rechargeable axe.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 12:57 (one month ago) link

call me square but I'm sort of uncomfortable with the "hollow earth" aspect of these movies because real-world "alternate-shape" earth conspiracy nuts are pretty much all anti-semites and half are pedophiles

intern at pepe le pew research (Simon H.), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:01 (one month ago) link

All the conspiracy theory stuff, btw, and the hand sanitizer, the bleach, apparently it was baked in years ago (the movie wrapped April 2019), so a total weird coincidence.

Speaking of pedophiles and tunnels, is this the first on-screen depiction of a Musk-y hyperloop?

Anyway, where's Brad to declare "this the best movie I've ever seen!"?

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:06 (one month ago) link

The "hollow earth" aspect has been baked in since at least Skull Island. maybe kong or zilla scholars will tell me it actually goes much further back idk

intern at pepe le pew research (Simon H.), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:08 (one month ago) link

Tbf, I think contemporary crazies have forgotten all about hollow earth theory, since a lot of them have regressed even further to flat earth theory and as we know, the earth cannot be both flat and hollow because that would be illogical and a total fantasy.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:10 (one month ago) link

i mostly enjoyed this movie for what it was, if anything i think it could’ve been a bit more brazenly dumb instead of apathetically dumb

there was that part where kong takes that one wing lizard by the tail and uses it like a baseball bat to smack another winged lizard out of the air, then does a little bat flip with the first monster’s tail. more of that, please

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:11 (one month ago) link

I didn't understand why the girl, fluent in sign language, still felt the need to sign to Kong in caveman talk. "Kong go home. Kong find family." Kong probably thought she was a moron.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:12 (one month ago) link

maybe she saw a youtube documentary about koko the gorilla

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:15 (one month ago) link

That's probably what Kong was thinking. "Wait, does this girl think I'm Koko? Um, OK, I guess I'll play along. "Kong happy." (giggles) "Kong want hug."

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:18 (one month ago) link

I'm honestly surprised they did not make him literally talk, like the Gorilla in "Congo."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxhXJGA32YI

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:20 (one month ago) link

I was really not into how humanlike Kong was in this tbh, I thought Skull Island gave him enough character without going too far in that direction

intern at pepe le pew research (Simon H.), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:32 (one month ago) link

i'm still reeling from the part in the zoller seitz review where he raves about the "no muss no fuss story"... like did he just watch an effects demo reel or what

nobody like my rap (One Eye Open), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:43 (one month ago) link

gotta admit i'm a little at sea trying to make sense of the "its dumb but GLORIOUSLY dumb, they really lean into the CRAZY" reactions bc idk the monster fighting was good but didnt seem exceptionally nuts to me, like kong isnt firing a tommy gun or breakdancing or anything. some of these raves sell it like its Kaiju Kung Fu Hustle or something, which id love to see but this wasnt that

nobody like my rap (One Eye Open), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 13:58 (one month ago) link

Anyway, where's Brad to declare "this the best movie I've ever seen!"?

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, April 6, 2021 6:06 AM (fifty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

little to no interest in the current iteration of the monsterverse, tho i do wanna see kong: skull island

mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 14:04 (one month ago) link

Brad, I think you'd like this! See Skull Island first, though.

I haven't read any reviews but I assumed they meant that the people stuff was gloriously dumb, because giant ape vs Godzilla is innately dumb (and awesome). I could see how the people stuff and plot (as such) could be read as gloriously dumb, because it was definitely more than just merely dumb, imo.

how humanlike Kong was in this

I dunno, maybe it explains why, for all the "Kong bows to no one" nonsense, Kong was constantly getting his ass kicked.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 14:06 (one month ago) link

a good 75% of the human interactions (including that line) were just fodder so they’d have something to put in the trailer

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 14:10 (one month ago) link

*rebecca hall looks directly into the camera*

“kong bows to no one!”

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 14:10 (one month ago) link

Lol ok wiki:

Skarsgård called Nathan an homage to 1980s films like Indiana Jones, Romancing the Stone, Lethal Weapon, and Die Hard. Skarsgård prepped for the film by researching the Hollow Earth.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 14:13 (one month ago) link

little to no interest in the current iteration of the monsterverse, tho i do wanna see kong: skull island

you will not regret watching kong: skull island imo

intern at pepe le pew research (Simon H.), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 14:18 (one month ago) link

skarsgard had to teach himself how to play a character that wasn't an enormous creep

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 14:20 (one month ago) link

The Godzilla one with Cranston has some good moments, Skull Island is probably my favorite of all of these and actually fun in a way the recent Godzilla movies never are, because they’re positioned as being more about loss and human drama.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters has a handful of fun moments, mostly contained in the monster battles, and a very thin selection of interesting human moments. Ken Watanabe and Vera Farmiga get some good bits, and don’t appear in GvK for (no spoilers) plot reasons from that movie. I have no idea why they shoehorned in MBB and Kyle Chandler into this new one, because the former has motivations that could have been any stock character and Chandler’s given absolutely zero to work with and his scenes just exist to suck the air out of the room. Brian Tyree Henry’s character seems like they wanted to cast Craig Robison and have him ad lib half the lines. All the material he has to work with his kind of boilerplate

For some reason, the bit that bugged me the most was the big evil corporation having all this highly advanced technology when this seems to take place in the present or at most the near future. The other ones didn’t really do that, and. now we’ve got these electromagnetic antigravity ships?

mh, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 16:08 (one month ago) link

What do they have against gravity, anyway?

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 16:11 (one month ago) link

why do I suddenly feel like I’m drinking coffee in a car

mh, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 16:13 (one month ago) link

the (hopefully) best thing about watching GZvK is that it has motivated me to have a go at Shin Godzilla now

G.A.G.S. (Gophers Against Getting Stuffed) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 16:18 (one month ago) link

Shin Godzilla is great, but also a completely different type of movie than this run of new big budget Godzilla films. It's basically a drama about government bureaucracy with incidental Godzilla mayhem.

Mr. Cacciatore (Moodles), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 16:23 (one month ago) link

Where did Tyree, MBB and Julian sneak onto the maglev subway? Florida? I could handle the giant monsters fine, but given that Seattle took 6 years to bore out the two mile Highway 99 tunnel, my brain tangented to "when/how did they build a FL to Hong Kong subway?" If there are secret societies amongst us, they are excellent at construction projects.

the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 16:27 (one month ago) link

one of the constant brain breakers about this film for me was the juxtaposition of an international super-science team that has the wherewithal to figure out how to basically lift the Ever Given with a big net and a fleet of jumbo helicopters in the space of a few hours but can't keep a seven year old from wandering on to the deck of an airplane carrieer
or the amoral capitalist tesla (basically just tesla) company that creates an underground maglev supertrain from Florida to Hong Kong but doesn't take the time to check the cargo in its monster egg transports
etc ad infinitum

G.A.G.S. (Gophers Against Getting Stuffed) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 16:38 (one month ago) link

basically everyone sees the tech for the first time when they start using it, no one has a user's manual but everyone knows where the seatbelts are

evil capitalist guy and his evil capitalist daughter are incredibly unnecessarily stupid in the approach and execution of their goals and both die for laughs in the same stupid kind of "UH OH" sequences

i dunno, i think i'll remember this film much more than mank (and it's not much worse!) but i wish i hadn't bothered

G.A.G.S. (Gophers Against Getting Stuffed) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 16:41 (one month ago) link

I literally have no memory of an evil capitalist guy death scene. The daughter (who we kept calling Khloe Kardashian), what a stupid pointless drama free death that was, even for a stupid pointless character.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 17:02 (one month ago) link

that guy’s death scene was one of the few times I laughed, not because of the highly choreographed death, but because of another character saying “I really wanted to hear the rest of his speech!”

mh, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 17:08 (one month ago) link

the role of The Other Kid played by Julian Dennison was really the most memorable character outside of the monsters

mh, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 17:12 (one month ago) link

the cute deaf girl might lead him a little in plot relevance and screen time, though

mh, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 17:13 (one month ago) link

biggest wtf plot thing for me was the business with ghidorah's skull having psychic powers? why not have it be his brain? was very confused by all that until i realized they were just positing that the skull also works like a brain (i guess?)

nobody like my rap (One Eye Open), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 17:37 (one month ago) link

by far the best "i wanted to hear the rest of his speech" death scene in movie history is this one, everything else is just copying the master
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BS8I9H07wKw

G.A.G.S. (Gophers Against Getting Stuffed) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 6 April 2021 19:32 (one month ago) link

Elon Musk dude must have died when I was in the bathroom during that same minute that Mechagodzilla went rogue.

Question: if Musk could have made a giant robot, why did he decide on the form of a robot Godzilla? Lack of creativity, imo.

Meanwhile, how are they going to fill and plug the giant Kong-sized (plot) hole that runs from the center of the earth to Hong Kong?

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 6 April 2021 20:01 (one month ago) link

thoughts thoughts thoughts
• forks otm, no question that is the GOAT of unfinished speeches
• much like recent star wars, the first thing I thought on seeing the cybernetics office park with its own nuclear reactor was "okay where are they getting the money? let's talk cash flows..."
• this had the unexpected effect of inoculating me from disbelief by the time we got to the Florida to HK tunnel bc sure lol why not nothing matters
• feel like no one here is giving sufficient weight to the sheer edgar rice burroughs-ass majesty of the GODDAMN THRONE

Larry Elleison (rogermexico.), Wednesday, 7 April 2021 00:53 (one month ago) link

the throne (and the throneroom) in particular is one of the places where i felt like the design was tastefully lazy. they basically went for brown fortress of solitude.

G.A.G.S. (Gophers Against Getting Stuffed) (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 7 April 2021 01:14 (one month ago) link

Who built those stairs?

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 7 April 2021 02:21 (one month ago) link

serf kong

voodoo chili, Wednesday, 7 April 2021 16:02 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

watching this at the request of kids, I have no interest at all in action movies / sequences, but have do say that the dialogue is fucking appalling here. maybe all of these films are like this though, idk

Camaraderie at Arms Length, Sunday, 25 April 2021 17:10 (two weeks ago) link

Man, tough crowd. What did you even expect a giant monkey or fire-breathing lizard to say, anyway?

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 25 April 2021 17:29 (two weeks ago) link

something about supply-side economics

Filibuster Poindexter (Neanderthal), Sunday, 25 April 2021 17:41 (two weeks ago) link

someone was spouting stuff about mind control via fluoride in the water, don't think it was one of the monsters

Camaraderie at Arms Length, Sunday, 25 April 2021 17:47 (two weeks ago) link

GODZILLA IS HURTING PEOPLE AND WE DON'T KNOW WHY

Draymond is "Mr Dumpy" (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 25 April 2021 22:33 (two weeks ago) link

Monkeys have tails, apes don't. Kong is an ape fwiw.

Okay, I'll shut up now.

Johnny Fever, Monday, 26 April 2021 04:01 (one week ago) link

If Kong can be a one-off ape the size of a skyscraper then he can also be a one-off giant monkey without a tail. That's just science.

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 26 April 2021 12:35 (one week ago) link


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