one month passes...
two months pass...
Boaby is busy signing complementary copies of "Tenement Kid" when the phone rings, it is Thurston Moore with a proposition.
Boab: Fuckin' aye?
Thurston: Bob?
Boab: Who the fuck's this?
Thurston: It's, uh, Thurston Moore?
Boab: Sorry pal, no' ringin' any fuckin' bells.
Thurston: Thurston Moore, um, from Sonic Youth... back in the day...
Boab: Thurston Moore! Big man! How's it fuckin' hangin' mate? Whit can ah do ye for?
Thurston: Um, what it is, is I've been asked to contribute to an all-star version of the first Velvet Underground album...
Boab: ... sweet, big yin, sweet .... (*quizzically*) but how come naebody asked me?
Thurston: ... uh, that, that I don't know. As I was saying, I've been asked to contribute to this album and I'd like to ask you to...
Boab: ... say no more, big yin, say no more! Nae mair waitin' fer yer man, ah UM yer fuckin' man!
Thurston: ... yeah, well, um, I'd like us to do Heroin.
Boab (soberly): Come again?
Thurston: Heroin, I'd really like us to do Heroin.
Boab (sotto voce): Here, keep it doon, mate, the wife might be listenin'.
Thurston; Um, I want to do Heroin and I really want you to do Heroin with me.
Boab: Jesus, does mah fuckin' reputation proceed me or whit? Listen, man, ah'm no really intae that scene anymair, ah'm a respectable husband, father and soon to be published author. Talkin' o' which, wid ye be interested in readin' "Tenement Kid", my vivid and evocative memoir which is fizzing with an infectious passion for the magic of rock music...
Thurston: ... well...
Boab: ... haud oan, ah'm no feenished yet... It begins in the district of Springburn, soon to be evacuated in Edward Heath's brutal slum clearances. Leaving school at 16 and going to work as a printers' apprentice, Bobby's rock n roll epiphany arrives like a bolt of lightning shining from Phil Lynott's mirrored pickguard at his first gig at the Apollo in Glasgow. Filled with 'the holy spirit of rock n roll' his destiny is sealed with the arrival of the Sex Pistols and punk rock which to Bobby, represents an iconoclastic vision of class rebellion and would ultimately lead to him becoming an artist initially in the Jesus and Mary Chain then in Primal Scream....
Thurston: ... if I may interject...
Boab: Interject away, big yin, interject away! Ah think ye'll have goat the gist o' it by noo anyway.
Thurston: About Heroin...
Boab: ... here, ah'm no' sure aboot that.
Thurston: Don't you like Heroin?
Boab (brightly): Like it? (singing) I love it ah!
*pause*
Boab: D'ye get it? (repeating) I love it ah!
Thurston: ... um...
Boab: Ah suppose "Dreadlock Holiday" might no' huv been a hit in the States. (conspiratorily) Here, ye know how ah tell fuckin' journalists and the like that ah'm like this massive roots reggae and dub fan and ah was listenin' tae fuckin' Augustus Pablo or whoever when ah wis in short troosers? It's aw fuckin' pish, man, "Dreadlock Hole-i-day" is mah favourite reggae number tae this fuckin' day. Pure fuckin' class so it is!
Thurston: Uh, yeah, if we could get back to the album and the track I was discussing. Here's what I'll do, I'll record the backing track...
Boab (suddenly serious, nodding vigorously): ... mmm-hmm mmm-hmm...
Thurston: ... and I'll send it off to you...
Boab: ... mmm-hmm mmm-hmm...
Thurston: ... and you can add your vocals and...
Boab: ... Boab's yer uncle! Here, ah'm oan fuckin' fire the day! Though ah say so masel!
Thurston: Yeah, so, um, I'll be in touch about that.
Boab: Here's this is a fuckin' good line this!
Thurston: What?
Boab: Ah mean, it's a good line fae the States, clear as a fuckin' bell!
Thurston: Um, I'm in London, I mean I live in London.
Boab: Nae fuckin' way, ya cunt!
Thurston: Um, yes, I live in Stoke Newington.
Boab: Stokey? Get tae fuck! And how does Kim like it?
Thurston: Pardon me?
Boab: How does Kim like livin' in Stokey?
Thurston: Um, I, I really wouldn't know, listen I gotta...
Boab: Here we should meet up some time, wance this pandemic shite is oot the wey.
Thurston: Yeah, maybe...
Boab: Maybe a fuckin' foursome, you and Kim and me and the missus, ah hear the Rose & Crown does a fuckin' great Sunday roast..
Thurston: No, I, I don't see that happening.
Boab: How no'?
Thurston: I don't think you will be meeting with me and, um, Kim.
Boab: Well, jist the two o' us then, a proper lads night oot, a few swallies, the Shakespeare, Rose & Crown, Ryan's, end up in The Auld Shillelagh then a fuckin' doner.
Thurston: Well, maybe.
Boab: Here, huv you goat a wee burd oan the go that ye don't wahnt Kim tae find oot aboot, is that it?
Thurston: Now listen, I really have to go....
Boab; Nae bother, big yin, mum's the fuckin' word! Ah'm nae clipe!
Thurston: Yeah, OK, I'll be in touch.
Boab: No' if ah see you first! Naw, that disnae really work... ah said that disnae really work... oh, he's gone.
*turns to shout to wife*
Boab: Here, doll, ye'll never guess who that fuckin' wis!
― Wouldn't disgrace a Michael Jackson (Tom D.), Wednesday, 14 July 2021 21:22 (two years ago) link
two months pass...