Belonging

family issues aside, i never really put too much weight on the fact that i hang out or spend time with various groups, some of which would probably not hang out with each other.

i do have a small tight-knit circle of friends i've known for twenty years or so now. they're probably the people i can relax with the most and be more honest with. but we're also, for the most part, more "like-minded," which sounds hippy-dippy, but it's true!

having said all that, it's all pushed me to compartmentalize my thoughts and life more than i'd want. so when another circle of acquaintances finds out something about me that seems left of centre for that group, they become intrigued. but given the context, it's hard to really gauge whether this is something that i should share more of, because some human interaction is just plain difficult and some people are just hard to read. i'd rather keep it to what brings us together when in these circles.

xp I think it's more for a lot of people they didn't realise how impactful their words etc had been and didn't like the idea of someone harbouring bitterness towards them.

1. I grew up in an evangelical christian church that thought the end times were nigh and the world was corrupt. This drove strong feelings of division: belonging within the church and isolation from the outside world. The sense of community was amazing but also like a cult.

2. My father was culturally jewish and despite #1, we also went to synagogue on high holidays, kept kosher at passover, etc. There were not that many jews where I grew up, so this heightened the sense of isolation from the general community and even from others in our church.

― perhaps I myself was the object of my search (PBKR), Friday, March 5, 2021 7:29 AM (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink

I am absolutely serious when I say you could sell a book proposal about this in about half a second.