if chiles wrote every non-guest column in that paper it would be an improvement
― no (Left), Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:52 (three years ago) link
has it really been more than a year since he didn't want brits to have to resort to fanny?
― no (Left), Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:53 (three years ago) link
i was thinking about the impossible platonic perfection of our Adrian's blokeishness only this morning when i heard him on the radio for a minute, and can only conclude that somehow, in some sense, he has become a bit, destroyer of worlds
― The Scampo Fell to Earth (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:19 (three years ago) link
He wont end well
― beware the ídes of mairt (darraghmac), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:21 (three years ago) link
he's already beyond ending, he's the universal unconscious
― The Scampo Fell to Earth (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:22 (three years ago) link
These all each perfectly map to an "and thats ok/and heres why" entry
Chilesbot grows
― beware the ídes of mairt (darraghmac), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:24 (three years ago) link
It's gotta be 'My idea of happiness? A strimmer and a bramble-choked path.' One for the Real England thread.
― pomenitul, Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:26 (three years ago) link
My first drive in an electric car was going swimmingly - my dad would be world champion.I'm glad to be back in church - and I should know.The perfect vegan sausages from a dry mix - is it because they are unpronounceable?You’re never too old to climb a tree - And all it took was wire wool and elbow grease.The secret of my hard-won mindfulness - And all it took was wire wool and elbow grease.I'm pruning and planting, but one gardening mystery remains - grow a lemon tree.It doesn't matter how clever you are - but printers I hate from the bottom of my heart.I've decided what to do with the rest of my life - grow a lemon tree.I've started listening to my friends' music recommendations - A bargain bag of beauty.I panic-bought a dartboard - even if there's hand sanitiser instead of holy water.You’re never too old to climb a tree - So why can't I spare two minutes to clean my teeth?I have finally mastered the dark art of sourdough baking - I found it in a chore I used to hate.Searching for solace in lockdown - luckily I've discovered the perfect bread-free sandwich.With the kids locked down and not on the town - is it because they are unpronounceable?Seven weeks in - A bargain bag of beauty.It doesn't matter how clever you are - A strimmer and a bramble-choked path.Never mind machines getting cleverer - what other meat-free joys of the 70s did I miss?Searching for solace in lockdown - Here's how to do it.What will I do when travel restrictions lift - until the warning light flashed.My first drive in an electric car was going swimmingly - but printers I hate from the bottom of my heart.Lockdown has slowed me down - but in an SUV I am treated like a pariah.Searching for solace in lockdown - but lockdown has made my life much simpler.I am the world's nicest driver - And all it took was wire wool and elbow grease.
― ledge, Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:44 (three years ago) link
make your own here:
https://codepen.io/ledgr/full/rNWreeM
― I don't want to have a barbecue - is it because they are unpronounceable (ledge), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:48 (three years ago) link
Hooray, football is starting again! But hang on - turns out I am a shockingly mediocre player.
― I don't want to have a barbecue - is it because they are unpronounceable (ledge), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:51 (three years ago) link
Ah looks like a Ross Barkley one got in there by mistake
― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:12 (three years ago) link
omg ledge
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:16 (three years ago) link
Dishwasher Dad all day long for me, Clive
― ukania west (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:18 (three years ago) link
Chileswriter is oddly addictive, thanx ledge.
― mike t-diva, Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:28 (three years ago) link
It makes a handy display name generator.
― Ranch dressing improves everything - I'm dreading it... (ledge), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:42 (three years ago) link
I'm pruning and planting, but one gardening mystery remains - luckily I've discovered the perfect bread-free sandwich.
― The Scampo Fell to Earth (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:43 (three years ago) link
What is it like to be a Adrian Chiles
― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:44 (three years ago) link
Looool
― The Scampo Fell to Earth (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:45 (three years ago) link
One must imagine Adrian Chiles happy
― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits), Thursday, 4 March 2021 16:00 (three years ago) link
lol
another vote for the dishwasher here
― imago, Thursday, 4 March 2021 16:12 (three years ago) link
he should post on ILMhttps://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVrYsq1XYAIFYyc?format=png&name=small
― no (Left), Thursday, 4 March 2021 16:50 (three years ago) link
flashback to when some of us had a silent track called AAA by aaaa on our ipods.
― Cocteau Twinks (jed_), Thursday, 4 March 2021 18:47 (three years ago) link
A Toby jug full of piss - Stewart Lee
― mahb, Thursday, 4 March 2021 20:50 (three years ago) link
I've beefed up the chileswriter with graphics and all new genuine Chiles content.
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Friday, 5 March 2021 11:53 (three years ago) link
Huge
― beware the ídes of mairt (darraghmac), Friday, 5 March 2021 11:54 (three years ago) link
You see, the lockdown has its good points.
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 11:56 (three years ago) link
"Croatia has enchanting words for genitalia. Shame no one's asked for mine."
So many quotable though.
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 11:57 (three years ago) link
It doesn't matter how clever you are - That’s why I love Birmingham
― mike t-diva, Friday, 5 March 2021 11:57 (three years ago) link
“I’ve started listening to my friends' music recommendations – is it because they are unpronounceable?”
― Scamp Granada (gyac), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:09 (three years ago) link
My idea of happiness? There’s still racism in English football
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:11 (three years ago) link
https://i.postimg.cc/mZJqtkkc/DD530-FF0-109-F-4477-BB05-D4813192-DBBF.jpg
― Scamp Granada (gyac), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:12 (three years ago) link
I'm expecting ledge to end up being interviewed by Adrian Chiles about this.
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:14 (three years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/hZgoUQ1.jpg
lock thread
― grab bag cum trash bag (sic), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:18 (three years ago) link
I am the world's nicest driver - is this terrifying mask the only answer?
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:20 (three years ago) link
I like it when you get one where the only reason you know it's fake is over exposure to all the genuine variants.
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:26 (three years ago) link
Looking forward to the article where he muses about how socks go missing in the washing.
― Dan Worsley, Friday, 5 March 2021 12:33 (three years ago) link
ledge that is amazing.
― Fizzles, Friday, 5 March 2021 12:56 (three years ago) link
On the eve of my 52nd birthday, I’m targeted by a site for attractive, 52-year-old singles. End their anonymity
― Fizzles, Friday, 5 March 2021 12:58 (three years ago) link
My idea of happiness? You’ll never get a good night’s sleep again.
― Fizzles, Friday, 5 March 2021 13:02 (three years ago) link
anyway i’ll stop this now but it’s giving me a great deal of pleasure. (that’s me not voodoo chiles)
― Fizzles, Friday, 5 March 2021 13:03 (three years ago) link
Music is a shortcut to joy. And it hurts
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Friday, 5 March 2021 14:13 (three years ago) link
I think it's useful to categorize the columns.
The Adventures of Adrian Chiles, aged 53¾ I put my own makeup on for the first time - and saw my face in a whole new light.I've decided what to do with the rest of my life: grow a lemon tree.I have finally mastered the dark art of sourdough baking. Here's how to do it.I panic-bought a dartboard – turns out I am a shockingly mediocre player.I've started listening to my friends' music recommendations – shame no one's asked for mine.You’re never too old to climb a tree – and I should know.Seven weeks in, what have I learned from my new life as a dog person?My first drive in an electric car was going swimmingly – until the warning light flashed.I have made a thing of great beauty. And all it took was wire wool and elbow grease.I'm pruning and planting, but one gardening mystery remains. How do snails get up to the fourth floor?My lockdown baking obsession got out of control – luckily I've discovered the perfect bread-free sandwich.Could sitting in a salt cave cure my nasal congestion?Ranch dressing improves everything. So I tried to improve ranch dressingWhat will I do when travel restrictions lift? Complete my odyssey to all 270 London tube stations.
Watercooler ChilesHave you seen Tatler's new rules of poshness? I don't know whether to laugh or cry.There are two new Covid-fighting drugs I haven't heard much about - is it because they are unpronounceable?Video games are good for your mental health? Not if you play like me.
That's nice, AdrianWith the kids locked down and not on the town, I've never slept so soundly.My idea of happiness? A strimmer and a bramble-choked path.Searching for solace in lockdown? I found it in a chore I used to hate.What speed reading has taught me about taking my time.The secret of my hard-won mindfulness? A bargain bag of beauty.The perfect vegan sausages from a dry mix: what other meat-free joys of the 70s did I miss?I used to hate it when businesses got too chummy. Then I met Alan the delivery driver.I'm glad to be back in church – even if there's hand sanitiser instead of holy water.I’ve always been hot on hand hygiene – I even dried them in the oven.I know I’ve been lucky, but lockdown has made my life much simpler.
I think this has may have been said before, AdrianComputers I can live with, but printers I hate from the bottom of my heart.Shopping is a whole new world now I have to wear a mask.If dishwasher-loading was a sport, my dad would be world champion.Never mind machines getting cleverer - is technology making me stupider?
Introspective AdrianNever mind machines getting cleverer - is technology making me stupider?My obsession with West Brom has gone too farIt doesn't matter how clever you are - talk for more than a minute and you've lost me.I am the world's nicest driver - but in an SUV I am treated like a pariah.Hooray, football is starting again! But hang on, I'm dreading it...Lockdown has slowed me down. So why can't I spare two minutes to clean my teeth?First it was sourdough, now it's a puppy - I am a lockdown cliché.
Angry AdrianI don't want to have a barbecue. Not even a lockdown one.
― Alba, Friday, 5 March 2021 17:51 (three years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.
― System, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 00:01 (three years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.
― System, Thursday, 11 March 2021 00:01 (three years ago) link
In honour of the winner, I read the full the column.“I have now embarked on a structured new regime. I resolved to try to hit every number from one to 20 in fewer than 60 darts. I am proud to tell you that in less than two weeks I have managed to do it using a mere 54 darts.”
― mike t-diva, Thursday, 11 March 2021 00:08 (three years ago) link
An Olympic champion at dishwasher loading, but only silver in the Pooterish column race
― ukania west (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 11 March 2021 12:35 (three years ago) link
World champion, rather
I have a lung condition that means actual belly laughs make me have coughing fits.
Chileswriter near killed me.
― Punk's Daft (onimo), Thursday, 11 March 2021 13:50 (three years ago) link
omg i am exceedingly sorry!
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Thursday, 11 March 2021 14:40 (three years ago) link
Feel like they bured the lede here: 'I have been idly wondering what the difference is between shallots and onions for a good 30 years' would have been a great headline.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/mar/17/hamlet-small-village-grandad-generation-google-lockdown
― Alba, Wednesday, 17 March 2021 14:51 (three years ago) link
i like these columns.
― treeship., Thursday, 30 March 2023 15:04 (one year ago) link
Fake
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jun/05/pet-ill-never-forget-sea-monkeys-orgies
― Chuck_Tatum, Monday, 5 June 2023 14:04 (ten months ago) link
The mere mention of some of the people on this podcast will make some people spontaneously combust but, there's no doubt about it, Adrian Chiles gives a great interview: https://www.anotherslice.com/quicklykevin/dc181a49-e557-4e4b-8e13-706976ce6632
(It's the Quickly Kevin 90s football podcast. Chiles is on to talk about West Brom obviously, but he talks a lot about his time hosting BBC/ITV football coverage.)
― Stars of the Lidl (Chinaski), Monday, 5 June 2023 15:18 (ten months ago) link
Quick let's do ten incredible and super-British Adrian Chiles columns in a row one pic.twitter.com/wtOvto1bBP— BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL (@edsbs) June 15, 2023
― a man often referred to in the news media as the Duke of Saxony (tipsy mothra), Friday, 16 June 2023 02:31 (ten months ago) link
the most beautiful phrase in the English language is not "cellar door" it's "I panic-bought a dart board"
― frogbs, Friday, 16 June 2023 02:39 (ten months ago) link
Some even need to be seen in context to be even funnierhttps://t.co/FgddxIiAG0— The 984 (@The_984) June 15, 2023
― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 16 June 2023 16:59 (ten months ago) link
That's easily the best column, you don't even need to read it.
― xyzzzz__, Friday, 16 June 2023 17:23 (ten months ago) link
You don’t need to read any of them, that would be doing it wrong
― Grandall Flange (wins), Friday, 16 June 2023 17:26 (ten months ago) link
Ok Chile's has competition
I'm not sure what the Daily Mail thought they were getting for their six-figure Boris Johnson column, but I doubt 1,000 rambling words on why he took appetite suppressants for a bit, but gave them up after they made him feel a bit sick, was it. pic.twitter.com/naN1B3q4yy— Adam Bienkov (@AdamBienkov) June 16, 2023
― xyzzzz__, Friday, 16 June 2023 19:02 (ten months ago) link
I want the follow-up where he tries meth instead.
― a man often referred to in the news media as the Duke of Saxony (tipsy mothra), Friday, 16 June 2023 19:30 (ten months ago) link
Ha, my first thought when reading Johnson's column (yes, I went there) was "he's no Adrian Chiles". It's surprisingly poorly executed, and does nothing for his alleged reputation as an eloquent and witty columnist.
― mike t-diva, Saturday, 17 June 2023 12:14 (ten months ago) link
I had a torrid time with some pitiful, dried-out geraniums on a three-for-£5 offer. They just wouldn’t scan. I got them for nothing in the end, but they all died anyway.
https://www.theguardian.com/business/commentisfree/2023/aug/02/want-a-glimpse-of-dystopia-visit-the-self-service-checkouts
― Alba, Wednesday, 2 August 2023 18:37 (eight months ago) link
he's our Larkin
― rob, Wednesday, 2 August 2023 18:53 (eight months ago) link
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/aug/30/have-i-told-you-about-the-time-i-split-my-trousers
Haven't read beyond the headline because I don't need to, and neither do you
― look i'm not sally fucking rooney (Matt #2), Wednesday, 30 August 2023 14:19 (seven months ago) link
i'll wait for have-i-told-you-about-the-time-i-shat-meself
― da elephant in daruma (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 30 August 2023 14:20 (seven months ago) link
This is actually very well done
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/02/the-left-lane-on-a-motorway-is-for-the-virtuous-and-the-good-thats-why-i-love-it
― Alba, Thursday, 2 November 2023 07:26 (five months ago) link
Sublime
― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Thursday, 2 November 2023 08:04 (five months ago) link
When the dog shook its head I lost it
― Humanitarian Pause (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 2 November 2023 08:37 (five months ago) link
ITV Sport Presenter Adrian Chiles eats a banana during the second half of the FIFA World Cup Qualifier - Group H - Ukraine v England (2013) pic.twitter.com/29yzrJ6OGJ— Great British Getty Images (@shitbritishpics) January 14, 2024
― nashwan, Sunday, 14 January 2024 20:38 (three months ago) link
Actually felt quite emotional after reading this.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/feb/14/i-was-injured-miserable-and-lost-then-steve-wright-saved-me
― Dan Worsley, Thursday, 15 February 2024 07:38 (two months ago) link
And even more so reading this. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/mar/20/ive-spent-a-lifetime-dreading-the-loss-of-a-parent-and-now-its-finally-happened
― Dan Worsley, Wednesday, 20 March 2024 20:40 (one month ago) link
My god
― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Thursday, 21 March 2024 01:14 (one month ago) link
that was very moving.
― goole, Thursday, 21 March 2024 02:46 (one month ago) link
A stunning piece. My wife's father passed two years ago, this story matches that one in many ways.
― Mark G, Thursday, 21 March 2024 07:58 (one month ago) link
i think its all the better because there's still the odd hint of pooterishness
― close encounters of the third knid (darraghmac), Thursday, 21 March 2024 11:03 (one month ago) link
It'll be a bit jarring when next week he's back to how he folds his underpants or whatever...
― Zelda Zonk, Thursday, 21 March 2024 11:10 (one month ago) link
that's kind of life though isn't it? you suffer some tragedy but the laundry still has to be done
― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 21 March 2024 12:46 (one month ago) link
That's a terrific articulation. My dad died at the same age as Chiles' father when I was in my late 40s, and this all seems tremendously familiar to me.
― ailsa, Thursday, 21 March 2024 13:20 (one month ago) link