There Will Not Be Blood: What Menopause Means to You

omg how terrible (re IUD)!

also, how old is Ivy now?

Le ultimate oeuf at least deserves a fruit basket for making it to the last train out of town.

It is kind of weird that it's such a huge event in your life and you can only really see it in the rearview mirror.

I successfully had an IUD for years before it was babby time! So that was a terrible surprise.

Ivy is 7 years old, but has the sass levels of a teen.

ie Jeff accidentally turned off all the lights via an Alexa mishap, and Ivy yelled "What the FUCK just happened?" Cue conversation about curse words and how to navigate a world that is not ready to hear a seven year old drop F bombs, and the importance of never saying "fuck" at school or in front of her grandparents. About a week later, I pissed her off because I told her to brush her teeth (smdh) and she held steady eye contact with me and said, "F." And I said, "What was that again?" And she said, more emphatically, "F."

At which point I just said, "You know what, fair enough. Now go brush your teeth."

I sometimes wonder if I should have had a kid or two. Maybe I would have actually ended up as a functioning adult if I did. Oh, well. I don't think it would have really mattered in the long run.

It is kind of weird that it's such a huge event in your life and you can only really see it in the rearview mirror.

― trishyb, Thursday, February 25, 2021 5:41 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

This is really striking a chord with me. We're supposed to anticipate menstruation, anticipate pregnancy (with a huge industry built up around preparation and publicity) and then menopause is kind of the hidden, shameful transition? I mean I trust that I and my fellow gleeful crones itt and irl reject this framing but the big blank spot on the map is definitely there.

* I guess it only merits attention if someone can sell us HRT or something to mimic youth & fertility for as long as possible.

haha yeah ... as much as we like to trash baby boomers, I am definitely appreciative of the women of that generation pushing for (even just on a consumer level) options and technological and scientific improvements for dealing with menopause in an empowering way.

Omg Ivy <3 I can’t believe she’s 7 she sounds awesome!

F story made me giggle :D

Dry eyes huh? That would explain so much.

Yes I'm glad others are sayig they have it, I was going insane.

I am 48 and I started having perimenopausal symptoms maybe two years ago, but I didn't realize that's what it was. I thought I was just incredibly depressed and also not able to sleep anymore. I addressed these problems through mental health meds, but at some point I realized perimenopause could be contributing. I didn't get my period for about a year and then the past few months it has returned again. Things calmed down for awhile but then I noticed a few months ago that my hair was falling out. I wasn't sure if it was covid stress or menopause. My joints also hurt and they crack all the time. I am also incredibly out of it now. My brain is like full of air. I'm not sure if this is menopause or a side effect of medication. I went on reddit one day and learned things that I probably shouldn't have. Every possible symptom is covered there. Doctors insist I am not in menopause because I haven't gone one full year without a period. I don't think I have hot flashes but I run much warmer than I used to. Everyone at work will be freezing and I will be so comfortable. The hard thing for me is always wondering if what I am experiencing is perimenopausal related or just some other fucked up health thing. I think we're lucky though that there is so much more information out there now and it's not really taboo anymore. I don't know how women went through this on their own. Solidarity!

Doctors insist I am not in menopause because I haven't gone one full year without a period

I hope they are helping you, though, and not shrugging off your symptoms.

I was very lucky, in a way, because my perimenopause presented itself quite clearly as a painful, month-long period. When i went to my GP for my regular blood tests, I told her about it. She just threw in the blood test for perimenopause and confirmed that's what it was. I only had a couple of years of it before it was all over.

The scary thing about menopause symptoms is that so many of them can be symptoms of something so much worse, and they happen during the night when you can't really call anyone. Nothing more fun than standing in your kitchen at 3am with a racing heart and sweat pouring off every bit of you, with your mind going "is this cancer? Am I dying?" while everyone else in the house is asleep.

That sort of happened to me one night about six months ago when I woke up at 3am with an intense stabbing pain in what felt like my upper abdomen and back. I assumed and hoped it was just bad gas and just endured it alone for about 30 or 40 mins, alone in the family bathroom - to not inconvenience or wake anyone else of course. But deep down I was a little scared. Like, was it my heart? It subsided after a while and later I did follow up with a doctor. Still have some more tests to do, but now seems most likely it was actually a gall bladder attack. wtfffff

https://www.guernicamag.com/darcey-steinke-how-to-be-in-a-body/

Steinke: At the beginning, I struggled. I was disoriented. I was like, outside of cycling, who am I? I was having hot flashes; I was having trouble sleeping. And then when you look around, when you Google it, the list of symptoms is unbelievably depressing. Occasionally you’ll hear somebody in the press talk about it, or some celebrity, but it was hard for me to find something positive that I could admire and latch on to. So, when I found the whales, that was the first positive thing about menopause I had found—which is weird, that I had to go away from the human world and find an animal.

I got obsessed with these animals, and the matriarchs helped me move through my own menopause. The way that the fifty-plus-year-old females lead is just so inspiring. That to me was the first really purely joyful, positive thing that I had been able to latch on to about menopause. Being a writer, I was trying to read all these books about it—there are two I like: The Change by Germaine Greer and Break of Day by Colette—but so many books I found misogynist, either internalized misogyny or outright misogyny. So that was another thing that turned me inward. What am I going to do? How am I going to figure this out? It was like, you’re on your own if you want to go through this in a positive way. You’re completely on your own.

hello, just wanted to say thanks for starting this thread. I feel like most of the last year has been "is that bad thing or feeling COVID or anxiety or perimenopause?" which is a fun game for sure.

We're supposed to anticipate menstruation, anticipate pregnancy (with a huge industry built up around preparation and publicity) and then menopause is kind of the hidden, shameful transition?

What would the Judy Blume of menopause read like?

According to my GYN exam last week, my private parts do not show any sign of estrogen withdrawal. The doctor suggested my periods rebounding so significantly after endometrial ablation several years means my fibroids were not completely removed, or also have regenerated. Right now I'm planning several months of watchful waiting--I'd prefer NOT to do another pelvic ultrasound scan, if possible.

Thank you apoemabouteverything for linking to this elsewhere:
https://chicagoreader.com/arts-culture/youre-not-allowed-to-just-be-old-and-embrace-it/

Very informative -- from earlier this year. The URL is deceiving because it's not about that question as much as it's straight up informative https://www.npr.org/2021/08/05/1025184743/why-does-menopause-give-us-pause

only 31 min and you will know more about menopause than many other people you know. the experts are good too.

Definitely worth a listen, thanks! I can also recommend Dr. Jen Gunter's book (she's one of the podcast experts) The Menopause Manifesto. I wish I had been able to read it 15 years ago when in the throes of the menopause transition. I also read Deborah Copaken's Ladyparts recently - while not specifically about only menopause (and a memoir of someone who has led a VERY exciting life) it had info I wish I had known about MHT (menopause hormone therapy, preferred term over HRT now).

I can also recommend Dr. Jen Gunter's book (she's one of the podcast experts) The Menopause Manifesto.

Just put this on my shopping list--my last full-on period was in February but since then I've had almost continuous spotting. Tell me to make a gynecologist appointment NOW.

Several years ago I was hoping to phase off of Prozac. Then the world I know it went to hell and I increased my dosage. At the time the nurse practitioner claimed there were indications that it helped with menopause symptoms. Has anyone heard of RELIABLE findings supporting that?

Good news: I have an appointment with a gynecologist on Friday.

Bad news: My "almost continuous spotting" has become almost continuous soaking through the heaviest tampons in 60-90 minutes, during the last couple of days. My body image has been shitty as long as I have been aware of such things, but I'm plumbing new depths right now.

I was hoping to have sex at least once again before my mother's health takes a turn for the worse and I'm trapped in full-time caregiving. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the only men who notice me want money more than anything else.

has anyone experimented with prempro (a combo pill) or a progesterone pill or a patch (estriadol)? a few friends have reported really good results and i am interested in more anecdata so i can be informed when i finally get to talk to a gyn

I finally got a couple pairs of "period underwear" for those days when

soaking through the heaviest tampons in 60-90 minutes

i had never experienced a heavy flow THAT heavy until last week - i was changing tampons every two hours, it was crazy!

my whole cycle has been a crazy rollercoaster since feb, no flow, late flow, light flow, insane flow, and cycles from 14 days all the way to 48 days
i’m seeing ob/gyn in a couple of weeks, i assume it’s all premenopause wackiness but just in case

if its gonna stop just stop ffs, all this wild unpredictability is really a drag

my rollercoaster began last year ... I used to have my "mynstrual calendar" (yes, that is what my anarchist dayplanner calls it) look very tidy with a minor shift here and there in the columns of "x"s ... now it looks a bit more like "things cats type" or something ... if the cat could hit the down arrow and have blank rows.

My particular variety of (early stage) breast cancer is exquisitely estrogen sensitive, which means I am about to be tossed abruptly into chemically-induced menopause courtesy of tamoxifen. I already feel like my brain power has taken a noticeable dive in recent years; definitely feeling concerned about the cognitive impacts of being estrogen-deprived.

:(

had some abnormal bleeding over the past few months & am on factfinding journey for what we think is just regular old menopause.

had endometrial biopsy today … technically straightforward and it was over lightning-fast but jesus literally everything about that superfast procedure was deeply unpleasant. yuk no thank you dnw.

if results come back normal i think i’m just going to opt for a do-nothing/monitor for now. i could do iud or birth control if i needed to but i dont really need it yet i dont think? i dont have much other menopausal hormonal craziness so far luckily

plus i’m on like 75 other meds for other things and appointments galore lately and adding another feels like too much even for me

we’ll see

Perimenopausal brain fog, or not giving a fuck any more?

"why not both?" ... i had my period last week for the first time in 3 months ... also apparently another "great" symptom is the onset of lactose intolerance! I'm not that intolerant, like, I'm not bloating and puking but ... if I ever go back to seeing movies in the theater, I should not have ice cream otherwise I will be the annoying person climbing over everyone in the race to the bathroom

Went to a new GP last week and mentioned how the last one I saw immediately dismissed the very idea of HRT without even asking my symptoms. The new GP was horrified. She says HRT is fine. She gave me a symptom checklist. I checked almost every single one lol.

Still have brain fog, dry eyes, insane hot flashes which frequently wake me at night (not with sweating - just SO HOT). Things feel compounded right now by the recent head injury I had, my bad knees, and the dread I could have Type 2 Diabetes but havent been tested for it

Uuuugh why do so many things have to be wrong. I'm just exhausted.

my anxiety has been off the scale recently - i don't feel overly anxious but my body goes into overdrive, heart racing etc at the mildest of "triggers" if that makes sense? since December. I'm wondering if it's peri. I'm only 41 tho.

stupid man chiming in to say I am glad you guys have this thread.
my wife is past the menopause now, but when she was going through it she really did not have anyone she felt she could talk to about it, and trying to understand what was happening was a real challenge for us at first.

Yeah I think I’m starting peri menopause. My period has been a bit weird - due to an IUD I’ve been mostly having invisible periods the last couple years (symptoms but no bleeding) but I had an invisible period then 2 weeks later starting bleeding a lot and it’s gone on for like 10 days at this point. It’s very annoying.

Yea Justine I had the same issue - I was on Implanon so no periods anyway. It was all the other shit that made me notice. PMTesque moodswings/anger, overheated, sweaty, clumsy. Remembering what my ma was like when she was my age (she became a bit of a psycho hosebeast til she got on HRT).

And I know we dont all need reminding but always advocate for yourselves with doctors! Fuck that last GP telling me I couldnt go on HRT.

Went to a new GP last week and mentioned how the last one I saw immediately dismissed the very idea of HRT without even asking my symptoms. The new GP was horrified. She says HRT is fine. She gave me a symptom checklist. I checked almost every single one lol.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce)

i'm not surprised but it's... probably one of the more shocking things to me, the extent to which a lot of doctors just don't listen to or respect women. since my body doesn't make T anymore, if i'm not getting hormones my body does go into menopause - i switched my hrt to patches earlier this year and for whatever reason it didn't work, and i sort of had a lot going on and didn't notice for a couple months, so i've had the privilege of experiencing the symptoms firsthand, and menopause is some fucking bullshit. not as much bullshit as some asshole doctor dismissing you out of hand when you brought up the topic, but bullshit, for sure.

anyway hope you get on hrt soon, if you haven't started yet. i feel guilty about asking this because i could just google it, but what are the typical administration methods for hrt in cis women? and is it just estrogen, or do y'all take like progesterone sometimes as well? i know sometimes menopausal cis women will microdose testosterone, which seems weird to me but the ones who do it seem to like it ok?

Playing a fun game atm of "what is causing the brain fog today?"
Could it be depression, anaemia, trauma, thyroid, or the onset of perimenopause?

haha i know that game! occasionally i think, "what about thermonuclear war?" ... speaking of games you don't win

have had two heavy periods in one month ... at first the brain fog was like, "oh, maybe it just feels like it was two weeks ago since you had the last one?" ... for the last couple years I have actually been tracking them on a calendar and I could verify, no, actually, it was just two weeks ago ... so I guess, before there is no blood, there is a lot of blood at random times.

yeah my last one was a two-week cycle, it had been normal for about 6 months, but yeah not looking forward to these starting up again

also the shorter cycles are WAY heavier
makes me feel like i’m 14 again having to stash pads & tampons in every bag/purse/backpack

like i used to be under the misapprehension that menopause meant NO period, not fuckin MORE periods
biology sucks i hate it

hating biology rn for sure

also I forgot if I mentioned this upthread but I sing "night sweats" to the tune of "Night Shift" by Siouxsie ... eventually I will cram all my annoying menopause symptoms into alternate lyrics for that song, and it will be my menopause anthem

i think i literally just had my first hot flash
while i was standing in the kitchen making coffee

my review: yuk, hated it

but it also might have been hypoglycemia
so yay thats fun

This is the problem I am having! Is it a menopause thing or a diabetes thing? I wake up every single night feeling hot and crappy.

I'm going to a film festival this weekend--will I once again be dashing to the restroom between each film because I've soaked through yet another tampon?

I've still never experienced anything that I would recognize as a hot flash. I may be lucky, but my doctors are always weirded out when I tell them this.

After I get back from NYS, I need to make a gynecologist appointment.

today i burst into tears in the middle of a zoom meeting (luckily mostly passive companywide monthly thing)
they were playing taylor swift cruel summer over a photo slide show & i had to turn my camera off bc i was fucking SOBBING for no reason like i like tswift but i have no personal connection to the song or the slideshow

like my hormones were like LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

wee