There Will Not Be Blood: What Menopause Means to You

omg congrats horseshoe!!

Sarahel - yeah I had no idea but I’ve seen it mentioned since this came up with her. Apparently it’s a real thing!

See I know my mom took HRT and that it helped but she also got post menopausal breast cancer which I think had a link to HRT? This is what I need to research.

A paternal aunt was the only immediate family member of mine to go through non-surgical menopause - my mom and her 3 sisters all had hysterectomies while in their late 30s. She was thankfully easy to talk to about it. I've tried to be open with my daughter so hopefully it won't all be a surprise.

I wouldnt know if I had meno related itching, I have such bad eczema... which hang on, started flaring up about 18 months ago. hm.

Sarahell's ref to monistat reminded me - the thinning hair for me turned out to be related to seborrheic dermatitis caused by an overgrowth of some scalp-loving yeast. This resolved by using shampoo containing ketoconazole, which is similar to another azole found in monistat etc. And in addition to killing yeasts, azoles also make hair grow.

I guess I've been peri for a couple of years now and...is there any diagnosable or physical marker of when you're "done"? Aiui medically you're considered "menopausal" when you simply haven't had a period for a year, which seems like quite a backward way to ascertain what's happening inside our bodies??

actually according to my medical provider -- yes, it is pretty much backwards in just that way

Yeah same. Maybe an egg count? My last was during an internal ultrasound and I was told I had "2 left, but some might be hiding" (!? I assume he just meant the scan cant always see everything)

Dont know if that is a medically viable approach though.

Enbb inspired me to ask my mum some questions - she was around 50 and it was uneventful, just much heavier bleeding. The dr wanted to get her a mirena iud to help with that but then it stopped before the appointment was arranged. This has turned out to be very helpful info bc I was considering getting a tubal ligation after my iud is due to come out at the end of this year but now I think I’ll just get another one put in.

Congrats horseshoe!

No one has ever offered or tried to measure my remaining eggs. I mean I never asked either but it would be cool to know?

I feel like maybe the last one deserves a going-away party? That is what I would do if I had that information.

thanks kinder and just1n3!

I find the idea of a last egg going away party delightful!

Is the egg count an invasive test? I’d be curious to know mine too, just for the sake of it

omg last egg bon voyage party!! ... now I'm thinking about the thematic menu for said party ...

this is a great idea, it's like the antithesis of gender reveals

Husband is diabetic and wanted to try a Whole30 and paleo eating, so we did that. And the hot flashes stopped and no outbreaks for multiple months.

Oh I also wanted to say, in relation to Jaq's post, that my hot flashes also seemed stress-affected. I was having them way more while I was working but since I got out of that job they're negligible & infrequent. More likely to be me throwing off the duvet if it gets too warm than "need to stand literally in a freezer to compensate."

xp haha I know! I was just pondering how many eggs it would be healthy to consume on one occasion.

Le ultimate oeuf at least deserves a fruit basket for making it to the last train out of town.

And deviled eggs. There should definitely be deviled eggs.

omg yes!

That reminds me: I need to make a gynecologist appointment. My sister just had a hysterectomy for fibroids and I'm almost envious of her. I had endometrial ablation a couple years ago to cope with fibroids and really heavy flows, but my endometrium grew back like a weed. Our mother didn't complete menopause until 58; I could be in for several more years of this.

The one i had (and I didnt know they'd count them either! it was a more general gyno checkup) was an internal US and those are... quite invasive and unpleasant. Not painful, but embarrasing for sure.

Eh I have to get that type of ultrasound when I get an iud put in anyway. Maybe I’ll ask about it then.

Justine - there are non-invasive ways to test egg reserve. The levels of AMH (anti-mullerian hormone) indicate the size of your egg reserve. It measures quantity not quality but it can be added to any blood panels and is a good thing to know imo. I want to get it done again soon.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/rmanetwork.com/blog/anti-mullerian-hormone-amh-testing-of-ovarian-reserve/amp/

Thanks E! I’m def on the no-kids side of the fence now and have been for a couple years so quality isn’t an issue now.

Now that recreational weed is legal, I don't miss it (much). But yeah.

― Jaq, Monday, February 22, 2021 11:56 PM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

OTM. I just... stopped drinking when lockdown started (but to be fair, it was in the works for a bit because hangovers became untenable (depression/anxiety hangovers - wtf)) but I have definitely appreciated legal weed. Ivy asked me this morning about "the medicine" we keep in the orange (Sunnyside Dispensary) bag on top of the cabinet. Unfortunately she won't take, "It's 8 am and I'm not ready for this conversation" as an answer.

Anyway, as I'm reading/thinking I've realized that my hot flashes have decreased which could be as a result of not drinking or stress reduction (different job, better meds, better president) or maybe I'm heading towards the end of it.

I did try to get a Mirena IUD for period control when my period came back with such a vengeance but I literally bled for 10 weeks straight and then the fucking thing just fell out.

omg how terrible (re IUD)!

also, how old is Ivy now?

Le ultimate oeuf at least deserves a fruit basket for making it to the last train out of town.

It is kind of weird that it's such a huge event in your life and you can only really see it in the rearview mirror.

I successfully had an IUD for years before it was babby time! So that was a terrible surprise.

Ivy is 7 years old, but has the sass levels of a teen.

ie Jeff accidentally turned off all the lights via an Alexa mishap, and Ivy yelled "What the FUCK just happened?" Cue conversation about curse words and how to navigate a world that is not ready to hear a seven year old drop F bombs, and the importance of never saying "fuck" at school or in front of her grandparents. About a week later, I pissed her off because I told her to brush her teeth (smdh) and she held steady eye contact with me and said, "F." And I said, "What was that again?" And she said, more emphatically, "F."

At which point I just said, "You know what, fair enough. Now go brush your teeth."

I sometimes wonder if I should have had a kid or two. Maybe I would have actually ended up as a functioning adult if I did. Oh, well. I don't think it would have really mattered in the long run.

It is kind of weird that it's such a huge event in your life and you can only really see it in the rearview mirror.

― trishyb, Thursday, February 25, 2021 5:41 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

This is really striking a chord with me. We're supposed to anticipate menstruation, anticipate pregnancy (with a huge industry built up around preparation and publicity) and then menopause is kind of the hidden, shameful transition? I mean I trust that I and my fellow gleeful crones itt and irl reject this framing but the big blank spot on the map is definitely there.

* I guess it only merits attention if someone can sell us HRT or something to mimic youth & fertility for as long as possible.

haha yeah ... as much as we like to trash baby boomers, I am definitely appreciative of the women of that generation pushing for (even just on a consumer level) options and technological and scientific improvements for dealing with menopause in an empowering way.

Omg Ivy <3 I can’t believe she’s 7 she sounds awesome!

F story made me giggle :D

Dry eyes huh? That would explain so much.

Yes I'm glad others are sayig they have it, I was going insane.

I am 48 and I started having perimenopausal symptoms maybe two years ago, but I didn't realize that's what it was. I thought I was just incredibly depressed and also not able to sleep anymore. I addressed these problems through mental health meds, but at some point I realized perimenopause could be contributing. I didn't get my period for about a year and then the past few months it has returned again. Things calmed down for awhile but then I noticed a few months ago that my hair was falling out. I wasn't sure if it was covid stress or menopause. My joints also hurt and they crack all the time. I am also incredibly out of it now. My brain is like full of air. I'm not sure if this is menopause or a side effect of medication. I went on reddit one day and learned things that I probably shouldn't have. Every possible symptom is covered there. Doctors insist I am not in menopause because I haven't gone one full year without a period. I don't think I have hot flashes but I run much warmer than I used to. Everyone at work will be freezing and I will be so comfortable. The hard thing for me is always wondering if what I am experiencing is perimenopausal related or just some other fucked up health thing. I think we're lucky though that there is so much more information out there now and it's not really taboo anymore. I don't know how women went through this on their own. Solidarity!

Doctors insist I am not in menopause because I haven't gone one full year without a period

I hope they are helping you, though, and not shrugging off your symptoms.

I was very lucky, in a way, because my perimenopause presented itself quite clearly as a painful, month-long period. When i went to my GP for my regular blood tests, I told her about it. She just threw in the blood test for perimenopause and confirmed that's what it was. I only had a couple of years of it before it was all over.

The scary thing about menopause symptoms is that so many of them can be symptoms of something so much worse, and they happen during the night when you can't really call anyone. Nothing more fun than standing in your kitchen at 3am with a racing heart and sweat pouring off every bit of you, with your mind going "is this cancer? Am I dying?" while everyone else in the house is asleep.

That sort of happened to me one night about six months ago when I woke up at 3am with an intense stabbing pain in what felt like my upper abdomen and back. I assumed and hoped it was just bad gas and just endured it alone for about 30 or 40 mins, alone in the family bathroom - to not inconvenience or wake anyone else of course. But deep down I was a little scared. Like, was it my heart? It subsided after a while and later I did follow up with a doctor. Still have some more tests to do, but now seems most likely it was actually a gall bladder attack. wtfffff

https://www.guernicamag.com/darcey-steinke-how-to-be-in-a-body/

Steinke: At the beginning, I struggled. I was disoriented. I was like, outside of cycling, who am I? I was having hot flashes; I was having trouble sleeping. And then when you look around, when you Google it, the list of symptoms is unbelievably depressing. Occasionally you’ll hear somebody in the press talk about it, or some celebrity, but it was hard for me to find something positive that I could admire and latch on to. So, when I found the whales, that was the first positive thing about menopause I had found—which is weird, that I had to go away from the human world and find an animal.

I got obsessed with these animals, and the matriarchs helped me move through my own menopause. The way that the fifty-plus-year-old females lead is just so inspiring. That to me was the first really purely joyful, positive thing that I had been able to latch on to about menopause. Being a writer, I was trying to read all these books about it—there are two I like: The Change by Germaine Greer and Break of Day by Colette—but so many books I found misogynist, either internalized misogyny or outright misogyny. So that was another thing that turned me inward. What am I going to do? How am I going to figure this out? It was like, you’re on your own if you want to go through this in a positive way. You’re completely on your own.

hello, just wanted to say thanks for starting this thread. I feel like most of the last year has been "is that bad thing or feeling COVID or anxiety or perimenopause?" which is a fun game for sure.

We're supposed to anticipate menstruation, anticipate pregnancy (with a huge industry built up around preparation and publicity) and then menopause is kind of the hidden, shameful transition?

What would the Judy Blume of menopause read like?

According to my GYN exam last week, my private parts do not show any sign of estrogen withdrawal. The doctor suggested my periods rebounding so significantly after endometrial ablation several years means my fibroids were not completely removed, or also have regenerated. Right now I'm planning several months of watchful waiting--I'd prefer NOT to do another pelvic ultrasound scan, if possible.

Thank you apoemabouteverything for linking to this elsewhere:
https://chicagoreader.com/arts-culture/youre-not-allowed-to-just-be-old-and-embrace-it/

Very informative -- from earlier this year. The URL is deceiving because it's not about that question as much as it's straight up informative https://www.npr.org/2021/08/05/1025184743/why-does-menopause-give-us-pause

only 31 min and you will know more about menopause than many other people you know. the experts are good too.

Definitely worth a listen, thanks! I can also recommend Dr. Jen Gunter's book (she's one of the podcast experts) The Menopause Manifesto. I wish I had been able to read it 15 years ago when in the throes of the menopause transition. I also read Deborah Copaken's Ladyparts recently - while not specifically about only menopause (and a memoir of someone who has led a VERY exciting life) it had info I wish I had known about MHT (menopause hormone therapy, preferred term over HRT now).

I can also recommend Dr. Jen Gunter's book (she's one of the podcast experts) The Menopause Manifesto.

Just put this on my shopping list--my last full-on period was in February but since then I've had almost continuous spotting. Tell me to make a gynecologist appointment NOW.

Several years ago I was hoping to phase off of Prozac. Then the world I know it went to hell and I increased my dosage. At the time the nurse practitioner claimed there were indications that it helped with menopause symptoms. Has anyone heard of RELIABLE findings supporting that?

Good news: I have an appointment with a gynecologist on Friday.

Bad news: My "almost continuous spotting" has become almost continuous soaking through the heaviest tampons in 60-90 minutes, during the last couple of days. My body image has been shitty as long as I have been aware of such things, but I'm plumbing new depths right now.

I was hoping to have sex at least once again before my mother's health takes a turn for the worse and I'm trapped in full-time caregiving. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the only men who notice me want money more than anything else.

has anyone experimented with prempro (a combo pill) or a progesterone pill or a patch (estriadol)? a few friends have reported really good results and i am interested in more anecdata so i can be informed when i finally get to talk to a gyn