There Will Not Be Blood: What Menopause Means to You

Same LL. I was 15 when I got my period. And because of some tv show I saw I was convinced I was secret balls but that’s another sorry.

Even though I don’t think I’m peri yet I find all of this really interesting and I want to be prepared for when I am! It’s crazy how little this is talked about. Thank you for making this thread IO.

When I turned 43 my mom said oh you might start menopause because that’s when I did. Thanks for the heads up!!!

I really haven’t noticed anything different except my arms ache a lot a day or two before.

i was 9 when i first got my period (though it was really just one day before my 10th birthday ... pretty sure this anecdote is on the no boys thread somewhere).

just finishing a period that came early -- and was fairly normal -- but I did have the two months without a period in the fall, followed by the period that lasted 12 days. Over the summer, I had a backyard hang with a friend and his wife -- they're in their mid-50s and live in the suburbs. I mentioned that I needed to go Walgreens and get tampons, and A. (the wife) was like, "you need tampons? I have a large bag of them that I don't need anymore. Do you want them? Please take them? Do they have a shelf life? I think they should still be good." ...Anyway, on day 8 of the 12 day period, I was so immensely grateful for A's tampon stash.

I only know mine was 50 when she started because I asked!

i asked my mom a couple months back about it -- and she was like, "I don't remember. It was so long ago." ... so I guess, if I make it to 75 like my mom, my menopause experience might be as untraumatic as hers, considering otherwise her memory is quite good.

yeah my mom hasn't brought it up at all. i think she forgets i have a body

my mom generally only thinks of bodies in terms of food and pregnant y or n?

*raises hand*

(That's strange. I was just discussing menopause with a bunch of British sixtysomethings on FB.)

My period has been stopping and starting for about seven months now. This is the first full (but light) period I've had in three months--the last few ones were just a little bit of dried blood. I think I've been having hot flashes--I get hot a few times an hour, but it's not all that uncomfortable, and it doesn't make me sweat.

Oh hi. I think I probably started up the perimenopause train in my late 30s, early 40s (no wonder getting pregnant was such a challenge). I breast fed for 16 months, maybe, and that kept my period at bay. I remember the first one I had when it returned was a nice, short manageable cycle and I was like "NICE having a baby fixed everything." HA HA NO. After that, it was blood, everywhere blood, ten day periods every two weeks, can't leave the house, have to sit on a towel, two of those Always super overnight pads back to back when I slept so I basically had a pad that extended from my belly button to the top of my butt crack. Then hot flashes and night sweats and my favorite, major depressive symptoms/suicidal ideation the week before my period started! Which was happening every two weeks!

Anyway, I have a great OB/GYN and she was like, "This is not a normal way to feel. We can do something about this." Cue massive emotional breakdown in the exam room. But I take Lo Loestrin birth control pills (with no breaks - fuck you period!), and a big old dose of Zoloft and that makes it relatively manageable.

My mom started menopause at around 40 and was done with it by 50, so fingers crossed I only have two more years of this bullshit.

I have temporarily put this off by getting pregnant, but I should find out when my mom had it...

those extended periods, guys, I’m so sorry. that is some bullshit.

Pregnant, you say?

wait, it lasts TEN YEARS? i'm not kidding i thought it was like 6 months. i'm not gonna think about it anymore.
xp congrats?!

I've never used hormonal birth control, and I don't know if that will change my experience or not.

Oh, and congratulations.

haha thanks guys. yes, I am knocked up, but don’t let that distract from the topic at hand.

PMDD is the absolute total WORST
I can't wait to get rid of it. Hormonal bc helps a little bit, only enough to allow me to not detonate every 3 weeks

congrats horseshoe!

(thanks, LL!)

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

I am obviously excited about this news.

horseshoe that is so exciting! How are you feeling?

Thank you! To keep on topic, it took a few years of fertility treatments, and I did wonder vaguely if I was racing menopause toward the end.

Horseshoe I totally saw that on fb and flipped the fuck out inside because I was so happy for you but then I wasn’t sure if I should say anything but omgiamsohappyforyou!

Thanks for running with this in orbit - love the title <3

So yeah, dry eyes is the one I never knew, dear god it is irritating esp because I already have frequently blurry vision anyway from not getting used to my multifocal glasses.

My last period was *thinks*.. maybe August last year? So yeah I'm well on the way at this point, as far as I can tell.

Am seriously considering HRT. It isnt dangerous anymore, right?

Carl, hi! I feel really good tbh; second trimester has been chill! I hope you and Ivy and Jeff are doing well!

fertility treatment high five. Ivy is the product of the best reproductive technology (our) money could buy. We are good! I'm so happy about baby horseshoe.

Oh and congrats horseshoe! Gah Im working cant keep up

And yeah I haven’t ruled out having a kid. I had my AMA tested two years ago because I was curious and my egg reserve was very good but I know at this point it is depleting every day. But that’s another good example - I didn’t even know that was just a test you can ask for!

Wait AMH

(thanks, E!) I have been weird about announcing bc it was so hard to get pregnant and I was scared of stuff going wrong, and also because being publicly pregnant is so fraught, and because I know people who want to get pregnant can’t always and it’s just annoying being a woman fin.

Luckily I never wanted kids, though my partner keeps jokingly demanding "GIVE ME A BABY GIRL" (he has 2 teen boys, he is joking)

But it is happy news and fertility treatment high five back at you, carl

It’s wonderful. The world needs more moms like you tbh. That’s a lucky kiddo right there. :)

re: the birth control pills and the PMDD, last hear at around the time of the Cavanaugh confirmation hearings (aka that week when everything was a trauma trigger), my GP took me off the birth control because of blood pressure concerns and my whole mental health state spiraled. I probably only got more or less back to baseline last August maybe? I do feel much more stable now, but I will not be coming off the pill to see if I'm done with this process any time soon.

year not hear

Aw, thanks!

But back to the thread topic - one of my colleagues was out a lot last year because of really bad menopause symptoms and the management was not happy. That’s actually one of the things that made me interested in it - she was suffering so badly and I was like oh wait? Can it be that rough? And it looks like it can and it should absolutely be talked about more often.

That was an xpost to E; I’m so sorry that PMDD was such a bear, Carl, but I’m glad the pill is working!

ugh it sucks so much when women’s health things affect attendance at work bc the workplace sucks about it, as it does about so many things

Here’s another symptom I didn’t know was a thing - itching! My boss was itching like crazy last year. She is 47 so went to the doc and the itching was hormonal! She’s perimenopausal but she thought she was too young and was shocked.

sadly the kavanaugh shit was fall 2018! i completely lost it around then too and went back on the HBC shortly afterward. i don't plan to ever stop taking it bc the PMDD is still there it's just not as bad. i am actually quite worried about what menopause will do to my emotional state.

She went out after work with girlfriends for a drink and mentioned that her dry skin was driving her nuts and they were all like oh uh . . .

xp esp as i am trying to rebuild life after losing my longtime job that i felt very strongly about
i guess we'll see!

i do have a weird itch on my head that won't go away!!!

Thankfully that’s one factor I won’t have to wonder about. I’ve had a copper IUD since 2006 and haven’t been on hormonal birth control since college.

Good grief, so that took two years (there were other complicating factors, so it wasn't just menopause). I do remember us losing it together. <3 xp

My mom was really good about prepping me for it because she felt rough through hers, and I had really bad fibroids starting in my late 30s which were so awful/huge I had to have a hysterectomy three years ago (kept the ovaries though, for the hormones).

I was dreading menopause because my aunt got such bad hot flashes she steamed up the windows of any car she was in when it happened. Even after the hysterectomy I would have ridiculous hot flashes but they seem to have stopped.

Symptoms I have known:

- CONSTANT fatigue and something I learned is called "crashing fatigue" where I have to just go lie down because I'm overwhelmed to the point of feeling drugged
- hot flushes/being overly hot esp at night
- copious, heavy sweating (i suspect alcohol aggravates that)
- dry eyes to the point they feel like there is grit in them
- phantom cramps
- really sore boobs
- occasional flashes of irrational, uncontrollable anger and/or upsetness a la PMT
- aching joints (this one might just be general poor fitness/too much drinking heh)

All too timely a threadbump. WHY AM I STILL GETTING PERIODS AT MY ADVANCED AGE?

I am finding helpful to wear light PJs (top and bottom) so I can strip them off if they get damp. And I keep a large beach towel by the bed and put that down if the sheets are also damp.

I have an appointment at a specialized menopause clinic, but it is not until July. In the meantime I am simply losing my mind.

Hey I went on HRT and I recommend it!! I'm taking estrogen via a patch (so, so helpful--it hasn't reversed everything but it's making a difference in some uh very personal things that are useful), and supposed to be taking progesterone to balance out uterine tissue something something, but I noticed a slight correlation in nights that I took the progesterone + having some stomach issues, so I've been skipping it most days so basically I'm only taking the estrogen part of my Rx.

Since the start of this thread I completely finished going thru it all by the age of like 46! Pretty early. Apparently average age in American women is 51, or so my doc said. I'm reasonably sure that my height of psychological symptoms was 2020-2021 and indistinguishable from covid anxiety and frustration around other things that were happening? For instance, that was not a good time for my boyfriend to decide to have his kitchen renovated so we lacked cooking facilities for 3 months while his boorish friend came stayed over!!! In retrospect.

Anyway. Welcome to the other side!

I didn't go anywhere specialized, I just asked my regular gyn for HRT and she did an assessment and prescribed it to me.

Apart from the sweating and fatigue and muscle aches … I am actually not that bad? Except for i am becoming mildly lactose intolerant maybe?

My mynstrual tracking calendar is completely blank for 2024 so far

I mean if you got to your big age without being lactose intolerant, you've had like 30 good years post-childhood that many of us didn't get! lol

I can’t/shouldn’t have HRT thanks to good old estrogen/progesterone positive breast cancer. Though I might beg for it because I do not want to live this way.

My brain has turned into I don’t even know what. Doesn’t feel like me anymore

I'm so sorry.

Thanks IO. Good to have you back around these parts :)

Glad for both of you being around

I have one of these on my pillow, but once the gel shifts, you can't shift it back, so don't roll it up and put it in the freezer, like I did!

The sweating drives me bonkers. I mean ffs yesterday I was sweating even though it was not warm in my room and my feet were cold. Also, because of this, BO control has beocme really difficult, I end up only being able to wear every top once only, or else I stink :(

My GP has been so occupied with my T2D, I havent got round to asking about/getting onto HRT. I mus remember to mention it.

I thought about trying black cohosh/vitamin supplements, but the bottle I bought gives the indication I shouldnt take it if there's liver issues - which I have to watch cos of my cholestorol meds and drinking, so I DONT KNOW.

Trayce, if you’re not already doing so, use a cleanser like Hibiclens or Panoxyl (not all over, as they’re both drying, but in your main sweat areas). It’ll minimize the smell.

I shall indeed try that thanks for the tip!

Oh yes, I have been using hibiclens (generic version) followed by glycolic acid solution from The Ordinary, followed by by a WIDE (like, up my arms and down my sides) swath of antiperspirant/deoderant, followed by a sprinkle of antibacterial foot powder. Definitely helping.

I wonder how menopause brain compares to pregnancy brain? I've never experienced pregnancy at all, and I didn't have that kind of menopause experience. The, like...plasticity? of women's bodies throughout our lives is truly wild, we really are like 3 or 4 different people at different times. The whole "maiden/mother/crone" thing is way more literal than I ever realized.(Duh, stupid, say several millennia of women before me.)

I wonder how menopause brain compares to pregnancy brain? I've never experienced pregnancy at all, and I didn't have that kind of menopause experience. The, like...plasticity? of women's bodies throughout our lives is truly wild, we really are like 3 or 4 different people at different times. The whole "maiden/mother/crone" thing is way more literal than I ever realized.(Duh, stupid, say several millennia of women before me.)

I meet all of the criteria for PPD and PMDD, except for the pregnancy and period parts. So I would say there can be much in common!

The sweating drives me bonkers. I mean ffs yesterday I was sweating even though it was not warm in my room and my feet were cold. Also, because of this, BO control has beocme really difficult, I end up only being able to wear every top once only, or else I stink.

Important to note that I fall on the extreme end of the perimenopausal symptom spectrum, and don’t want others to think this severity is typical. Also the gold standard treatment (HRT) is complicated because of my cancer status.

I definitely notice the differences between BO severity and different fabrics… though maybe it’s just me idk but polyester increases the stink, and cotton doesn’t

Also I definitely prefer menopause symptoms to cancer.

While I know there are some Ilx women who have reproduced (I can think of at least 5) this website is the largest collection of nulliparous women I’ve ever encountered and for that I’m extremely grateful.

I actually taught some coworkers about the maiden/mother/crone thing bc I had to explain what a crone is. Because I was trying to make cronecore happen lol. Hasn’t happened yet but I’m not done trying!!

Ugh, the sweats. I get them every so often but nothing like as horrible as when fibroids hijacked my body (I had a hysterectomy because they were huge and embedded in the uterine walls). You won’t want to wear wool unless it’s a coat/really cold. I wear a lot of cotton and almost no polyester/viscose.

Family lore says my aunt’s hot flashes were so bad, if she got them while driving, the windows of her car would fog up. Compared to that, I’m not having a hard time.

Reading posts by Rushomancy and other trans women also really puts the whole thing in perspective even more

My roommate is a trans man and said he and his mom went through essentially menopause at the same time when he started taking T! Which is funny. Sadly for him they were not on speaking terms (and still kind of aren't). Our links to the knowledge that we need get broken in so many ways.

_ Our links to the knowledge that we need get broken in so many ways.

In my experience, pregnancy brain and menopause brain were very similar, this weird dullness and recognition that my thoughts were just so slow, not enough attention to learn new things or take in a large amount of info. I'm 10 years post menopause now and things are good. But I skipped MHT when it could have helped a lot, due to the scary study that had come out.

Did y'all see the new Vagenda from Jen Gunther about very low doses of gabapentin for hot flashes?

Ugh, the sweats. You won’t want to wear wool unless it’s a coat/really cold. I wear a lot of cotton and almost no polyester/viscose. .

I actually take gabapentin for anxiety and I don’t get hot flashes so maybe that’s what’s going on with me?

Haven’t really tried either (I think Muji incorporate bamboo into some of their fabrics) but I like some of the Airism things from Uniqlo, which are supposed to be ‘wicky’.

Good to know! It definitely reinforces the fact that so much of women’s fashion is focused on youth … though I do see more brands having more prominent fabric information and the option to filter by fabric. … of course in my 20s I wore tons of polyester and rayon, so many cute vintage dresses that were polyester and rayon … now I just think of the sweating from menopause and smell and will only buy something in those fabrics if it’s really awesome

Polyester not only can be less breathable but also PROVEN BY SCIENCE holds odors more than natural fibers!

Rayon is pretty breathable compared to polyester.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that I almost never wear tights anymore because of the overheating potential.

I always always always wear a tank top under whatever other shirt I'm wearing (generally a v-neck tee) because at some point in the day everything is going to have to come off except for the tank. I no longer wear a bra because I no longer have breasts (flat closure), which is a mercy because that would have been even worse with DDs to house.

My cancer experience was that it was easier to navigate than menopause. It's well understood, there is a straightforward protocol to fixing it (at least in early stages, such as mine), you get tons of support from friends and family and health care providers and support groups and even strangers. Insurance covered a lot of what was needed.

None of this has come with my menopause experience.

I was writing something in the pandemic lookback thread and I remembered signing up for shifts in 2020 to answer phones and take requests and give out assignments for a community group, and I had SO MUCH ANXIETY and brain fog, and there were so many chapters of documentation in Google docs that we were supposed to retain and I just felt confused ALL THE TIME. So maybe it wasn't as easy as I thought. Hard to say because the person who created those docs also thinks totally differently to me, as I know now.

I always always always wear a tank top under whatever other shirt I'm wearing (generally a v-neck tee) because at some point in the day everything is going to have to come off except for the tank. I no longer wear a bra because I no longer have breasts (flat closure), which is a mercy because that would have been even worse with DDs .

Xps linen is expensive but really good for keeping cool

I have one linen dress. It comes out in high summer, at the exact point that I’m too damn hot to care about it being heavily creased the second I sit down.

Since we’re talking about boobs, I’m an A and resent the extra layering required purely to prevent comments about peanut smuggling.

Xps linen is expensive but really good for keeping cool

Hmm I haven’t heard of it causing itchiness (that’s usually wool). Does it feel like an allergy type of itchy or is it more sensory?

Sensory. I have the same thing with some types of wool.

Maybe look for cotton-linen blends, they’ll probably feel a little softer/smoother

Thank you! Yes! I have a few and love them, also in re blankets