Artist-specific music jokes

Lol Hideous

Q: Why was Richard D. James fired from his gig as cinematographer of the Pearl Jam tour?
A: He couldn't keep Stone in focus.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Philip
Philip who?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Glass_Buys_a_Loaf_of_Bread

Q: How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to do it, one to tell the world why they're doing it, and two to stand in the background.

Q: How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just watch it burn out and then follow it around for twenty years.

Q: What do you call a guitarist whose signature is playing arpeggios at 17.8 nps?
A: Peter Buckethead

I'd listen to that album

Could stand to work an XTC reference into the Q, but I still lol'd.

Q: What do you call it when Crosby, Stills and Nash get together with the lead singer from Chicago?
A: Crosby, Stills, Nash et Cetera.

I’m gonna apologize for this awful bit of homebrew in advance. I just think he deserves a bit of relief from the ableist/racist shit. Anyhow.

Q: Why did Stevie Wonder fail his commercial truck driver’s exam in 1984?

A: Apparently he totally aced it, right up till the end when he kept shifting gears up and up and up for NO FUCKING GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER

Lol, I'm never sure if he does that in golden lady or it's a shepard tone style illusion.

Could work for Beyonce / Love On Top

OMG, he totally does it in Golden Lady too. The above joke was specifically a complaint about “I Just Called To Say I Love You” but apparently it’s a bigger thing.

hey he was just trying to reach the higher ground

Q: What does Eric Clapton and coffee have in common?

Only good with Cream?

Ah, beat me to this post, but yes...

https://imgflip.com/i/60uks8

Also I found that Mr. Show sketch mentioned upthread:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCD-F81iptk

Q: why did Eric Clapton cross the road?
A: because he's a cunt

Q: How does Ian Astbury's wife know when breakfast has been served?
A: When she smells Frankenberries.

I once read a dialogue in the Megg and Mogg comics something like, "Dude, you just pulled a Thurston Moore!" And I thought that was kinda funny I think.

Q: Why don't Stereolab go on any long pub crawls?
A: Because they just go back and forth between the first two bars.

Good one

Courtesy of my sister:

Q: Who is the most accommodating R&B singer?
A: Mary J. Oblige

Who is the most soothing hip-hop artist?

Succor MC

Ha ha ha

Which prog rock band were the biggest dicks?

Genital Giant

I was robbed at a gas station in NJ last night. After my hands stopped trembling..I managed to call the cops and they were quick to respond and calmed me down..... My money is gone.. the police asked me if I knew who did it..I said yes.. it was pump number 9…

— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) March 24, 2022

if ice-t bought an electric vehicle would he have to change his name?

which gay pop band sucks the best?! raw blow featuring kneel and bob!

Q. Who's the house band for the You Tube interview show Hots Ones?

A. The Red Hot Chili Poopers

What appetizer did Phoenix always ask for on their tour rider?

Hot wings.

One I made up:

When Judas Priest went acoustic, people shouted 'JESUS!'

What special treatment to disco stars get in hospital?

A neater ward

Lol dl

How do you know when Lars Ulrich is at your door?

Your Enter Sandman download is at 95%

a+ dog latin!

yes! a+

...I liked the neater ward one too...

Yeah that was a good in!

What takes care of business and drives cats CRAZY?


Bachmann Tuna Overdrive

Did you know Andy McCluskey has taken up falconry? He also has a love for cleaning houses with the lights off.

Yes, that's right: old kestrel man hoovers in the dark.

that's good shit

tears

The version I'm used to is where he has a hawk and a kestrel on each shoulder

So I hear Thom Yorke has a new band. What’s it called, OK Boomer?

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar. The barman goes "Oh no, not U2 again."

Lol

Jacques Brel walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?"

Why couldn’t Jimmy Page make a phone call?

Because he had No Quarter

Not a verbal joke, but a one-panel sight gag: a modern-day descendent of the California Raisins named Lana Del Raisin.

First music journalist: I hear you’re going to interview Steve Reich?
Second music journalist: Yeah, that’s right.
First music journalist: Cool, but whatever you do, don't ask him about the bloody weather, you'll never hear the end of it.