The ILE bar is now open..............

Surely guiness and black ==> goth chic

Guinness & Black = Purple People Eater, no? (Or was that guiness, cider and black?) Whatever, it = Ashton-Under Lyne mentalist chic in my experience.

Mummy I went on the internet and interacted with mentalists who have 'virtual bars'.

The virtual hangover is when you wake up and realise you've been fired and have no mates.

God, aren't you the life and soul this morning?

My monkey grows bored, entertain it.

Yes!

(not yes to entertaining the monkey, sorry)

Ronan
Entertain the fucking monkey

anthony! they found NU-MONKEYS!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/americas/newsid_2064000/2064216 .stm

Does the relationship that Nu-Monkeys have to monkeys parallel the relationship between nu-metal and metal and New Labour and Labour?

I rather fancy a Gin FIzz when you get back CJ.

Blue Blazers all round.

Lunchtime greetings, CJ. Mine’s a pint of Orkney Dark Island. Unless you serve it in gallons, of course.

What? Oh, I’m in the UK too: Leith, to be exact. I am the person who discovered the Ask A Drunk forum and kicked it into its present state of corrupt feverish life, so well exemplified by Aimless. That is my only claim to fame in – hang on, let me count how many years it is – cor, I’m even older than Momus! On the other hand I’m less talented, so you see how nature balances itself.

Hate to ask, but do you actually mind if I suck the sawdust?

I'll take a belvedere on the rocks with a lemon wedge please. Make it a double, I was up half the night.

Now it's lunch time I could really do with a pint of London Pride, please CJ. Then I can sit at the bar and introduce myself to you properly (sits down on bar stool). I'm Mark, 31, I live in Oxford and I work as an Electronic Content Quality Controller, putting journal articles on the web. At the moment I'm working on an article about the primeval forests in the Babia Göra National Park in Southern Poland. I might wander over the jukebox later to see if you have "Party Fears Two" by the Associates.

Whoo, I can't hold my booze anymore these days...one lemonade cassis last night and...oh, Misu, thank you for the coffee -- just what I needed.

*holds hand out for Misu to smell. He sniffs it, and finding no scent of another cat, rubs up against it*

As long as you're up, Misu, I'd love a croissant, and do you have any Nutella? In the meantime, I'm in Washington, DC, and I work as an editor (this week I'm working on medical stuff). I'll probably return for a drink this evening; it's hard enough to keep the subscripts and superscripts straight when I'm sober.

*Misu returns with croissants and Nutella*

What a sweet cat. I think CJ and Misu will fit right in here. :^}

excuse me barkeep, im thirsty. still waiting for my belvedere.

Misu is a very fine cat indeed, from the sound of it. Right now all I need is some orange juice, but then again I've just woken up.

I'm on my break, and could murder a glass of Chablis.

Well, looky here at all these people! I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for this barkeep to return - I told Misu he was in charge, but he appears to just be snoozing gently on that sunny window sill.

Here's your orange juice Ned - did you finish reading The Bell Jar last night? I've not read that particular Plath, so maybe I could borrow it after you?

I'm actually reading something nice and lightweight today - due to work stress cannot cope with anything that I need to think about - so I've just started Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Excellent book, very funny. Less than 300 pages so should have finished it by tonight.

Here you are Chris - a double Belvedere on the rocks with a lemon wedge. Sorry to keep you waiting!

Good morning Julia - here's a nice warm croissant and Nutella for you. *refills coffee cup too*.

A pint of Orkney Dark Island for you Rex....... I had to travel to the Orkneys specially to get that, but nothing's too much trouble in this bar. I don't mind at all if you suck the sawdust, just be careful because Misu's still being house-trained, and I really wouldn't be able to vouch for the content of the damp patches on the floor. Enjoy!

Gin Fizz for Pete .........Blue Blazer for Ed ........*huge* glass of chilled Chablis for Matt ....... and a pint of London Pride for MarkH.

*C J waves at MarkH, her Oxfordshire neighbour*

Did anybody entertain Anthony's monkey? I might give Misu a bath in the jacuzzi later - that's usually quite entertaining. Especially when trying to remove Misu from my scalp.

I doubt I shall get much done on the computer this afternoon now - ILE is too damned distracting.

Nice to see you all (again)

C J

- who really can't believe that she actually wrote down all those drinks orders like a real waitress, to make sure she didn't miss anyone out......lol! -

ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY IS FANTASTIC. HOPEFULLY YOU'VE READ NAKED AS WELL BY SEDARIS, EQUALLY ENTERTAINING. THANKS FOR THE BELVEDERE, COULD USE SOME TEQUILA SHOTS RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

Pardon? I couldn't quite catch that. Could you speak up? :)

I haven't read Naked yet - the only other one I've read is the Santaland Diaries.

I would like to nominate Sedaris as Comic Genius of the Week, please.

Thank you

CJ (snorrrrrrrrrrrt) - fuckin woah, man, i feel like river phoenix...

can you tell anthony's monkey if he shits one more time in the jacuzzi I am putting his photo on the FBI terrorist list, and that means no more monkey fellatio

WELL ITS LOUD IN THE BAR.....SO I HAVE TO YELL. ;)

*breaks out the crayons and the poster-board and starts making "No Pets Allowed in the Jacuzzi" signs*

Chris is indulging in his bachelor party a bit too early. ;-) I could loan ya the Plath, certainly, but as it's the library copy around here, they might protest if Misu got around to appreciating it, since I hear claws are murder on pages. *sips juice with thanks*

And yup, I did end up finishing it. Good book!

This being a virtual bar, I think I will have a Cider Armadillo, please. It's been well over a year since my last armadillo IRL. Pauvre me.

ITS ALWAYS A BACHELOR PARTY HERE.

Drunk.

honey, bachelor's just one more word for someone waiting for a cocksucking...now bend over the pool table and let's get started...oh, can someone stop the goat from eating my cock - what is it with these bloddy animals?

Uh-oh........Queen of the Porches Leaving Their Men Club G appears to have a certain part of his anatomy stuck in one of the pockets of the pool table.

Well, I'm not going to try and get that out. Da Management are not responsible if their clientele's shenanigins get out of hand.

*C J calls Misu over and whispers into his ear*

Misu winks, and saunters over towards the pool table........

thanks ned! :)

did you whisper "mousey", CJ?

Hey CJ, welcome barkeep. Mine's a nice bison-grass vodka on the rocks.

Dubrowka!! Sure-fire hangover cure. And cause.

Hey Suzy ..... here's your wodka!

Yep, Misu's a vicious little mouser. He has no regard for life (human or otherwise) at all in fact and will, without any hesitation or remorse, tear eyeballs out and/or remove all the skin from a person's body upon my command.

He seems to have dealt with the appendage which was wedged in the pool table quite nicely, don't you think? Shame it looks like something which people cook for dinner now. Ah well.

Well, I'm on the neat vodka 'cos of too many WHITE RUSSIAN MILKSHAKES. This is my Barkeep Test, can you make this?

White Russian Milkshakes, eh?

*C J mixes Kahlua, Vodka and ice-cold milk together in the blender, pours carefully into a glass for Suzy, and really really hopes she has got this one right*

Sorry I'm tough, my dad and sis are both bartenders and that's a standard white russian you've made there. You are English, you think milk is a primary milkshake ingredient when in fact you need at least 4 big scoops of vanilla Haagen-dasz and only a tiny bit of milk as lube for the ice cream. Ideally you must be able to stand a straw up in the milkshake and then fall over after drinking one.

Suzy is Badass, and this is why we love her so.

the green tea scream shake is HD, green tea powder, and the bison grass stuff. Mwahahaha.

Could I have a glass of lemonade please?

sambuca on the rocks please. followed by a boilermaker.

OK, Suzy........one *proper* White Russian Milkshake coming right up. Mmmmmm.......Haagen-dasz........heaven!!

Just a lemonade DG? Are you sure? I'm glad one of us is staying sober. There are a lot of very squiffy people in here and I'm afraid it's all going to go a bit downhill soon. I hope it doesn't degenerate into one of those riotous evenings where we all lurch about singing "Barnacle Bill The Sailor" and other such tasteful rugby songs!

*hands a sambuca to Chris* A Boilermaker too, eh? Beer and whisky sounds a lethal concoction, but here goes .........

C J helps herself to a glass of white wine, kicks off her shoes, and finally starts to unwind after a dismal day at work.

Anyone watch any tennis today?

"Wanna buy some Death Sticks?"

what is barnacle bill the sailor.

*hic*

Sorry about that, already had a few tonight.

Anyway, a pint of best and bag of pork scratchings please.

Oh, and my names Richard, I'm an old man round these parts and I like ale, badgers, DFW and Throwing Muses.