picking up this waitress

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SHIT I WAS BEING HELPFUL (before). and it's all true.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:06 (nineteen years ago) link

mark, tell her about this message board you've posted about her and then show her this funny thread!
she'll love it!

-- cutty

worked for ian johnsoning!

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:08 (nineteen years ago) link

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:09 (nineteen years ago) link

i doubt this waitress would find the humor in this thread in any way amusing. if she did, mark would have to marry her.

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:09 (nineteen years ago) link

yes, i'd have to.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:10 (nineteen years ago) link

yeah that would be like the raddest girl ever. but:

girls = far away from this thread

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:10 (nineteen years ago) link

ask her if ebaumsworld or collegehumor.com is more her speed...

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:10 (nineteen years ago) link

blurgh "internet humor sites"

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:11 (nineteen years ago) link

i am single, not retarded

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:12 (nineteen years ago) link

or if she's the type to go for something like jaypinkerton.com...

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:12 (nineteen years ago) link

there's a personal ad right there! xpost

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:12 (nineteen years ago) link

kingfish, she's hot. so.... no.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:13 (nineteen years ago) link

"would you like another drink--hey, what are you laughing at on that computer?"

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:13 (nineteen years ago) link

kingfish, she's hot. so.... no.

right then. hot lunch it is.

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:14 (nineteen years ago) link

hot pockets?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:15 (nineteen years ago) link

i don't think i have ever felt worse about myself. clearly i should order another drink?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:15 (nineteen years ago) link

somehow i seriously doubt a waitress would be impressed by a dude on a laptop at her restaurant. HANG OUT AT ONE STARBUCKS, HAWTIN.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:16 (nineteen years ago) link

do you have to drive?

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:16 (nineteen years ago) link

collegehumor.com is run by douchebags from my fucking doucheaversity

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:17 (nineteen years ago) link

oh wait no. you can bike.

drink up then, homie

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:17 (nineteen years ago) link

this thread rocks

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:17 (nineteen years ago) link

mark i think yr doin fine. noizboiz ain't pick up shit.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:18 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.hawking.org.uk/about/images/swh.jpg

MAY I HAVE THE TUNA MELT?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:18 (nineteen years ago) link

GIRLS ARE NOT FAR AWAY FROM THIS THREAD, JOEL

I WOULD LIKE TO THINK THAT I AM MORE HO THAN BRO, DUDER.

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:18 (nineteen years ago) link

put your ~~duck butter~~phone number on the check, stupid!!!

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:18 (nineteen years ago) link

HAWKING vs. HAWTIN - at least steven's got an excuse!

xpost you are spoken

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:19 (nineteen years ago) link

(obviously i don't have an excuse)

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:19 (nineteen years ago) link

hawking looks kinda bashful there

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:20 (nineteen years ago) link

the bashful approach never works

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:21 (nineteen years ago) link

he's vicious, don't be fooled

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:21 (nineteen years ago) link

he looks kinda sunburned there, too. out in the garden too long?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:21 (nineteen years ago) link

true fact: stephen hawking was on the computer when he met his future wife

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:22 (nineteen years ago) link

he's ALWAYS ON THE COMPUTER.

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:22 (nineteen years ago) link

his head's kinda off, too

they musta not put him all back together again right the last time his assistant pushed him down the stairs for being "mouthy"

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:22 (nineteen years ago) link

i wish i'd have thought of that when i made that joke.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:23 (nineteen years ago) link

fuck all that noize look at that HAIR and those EYES

*SWOON*

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:24 (nineteen years ago) link

(xpost)

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:24 (nineteen years ago) link

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Mata ah-oo hima de
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Himitsu wo shiri tai

You're wondering who I am-machine or mannequin
With parts made in Japan, I am the mod-ren man

I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised
I'm just a man who needed someone, and somewhere to hide
To keep me alive-just keep me alive
Somewhere to hide to keep me alive

I'm not a robot without emotions-I'm not what you see
I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free
I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour, forget what you know
I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control
Beyond my control-we all need control
I need control-we all need control

I am the modren man, who hides behind a mask
So no one else can see my true identity

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo
Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For doing the jobs that nobody wants to
And thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For helping me escape just when I needed to
Thank you-thank you, thank you
I want to thank you, please, thank you

The problem's plain to see: too much technology
Machines to save our lives. Machines dehumanize.

The time has come at last
To throw away this mask
So everyone can see
My true identity...
I'm Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy!

http://www.jeffbots.com/styxkilroy.jpg

this web site needs to be more extensive: http://www.jeffbots.com/musicbots.html

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:25 (nineteen years ago) link

picking up this waitress (115 new answers)

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:25 (nineteen years ago) link

dean, moveon.org buddy

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:25 (nineteen years ago) link

okay wait i think she's flirting here. game on!

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:26 (nineteen years ago) link

how to pick up girls, for real, a primer:

1) act v. polite for approximately 1hr 45min
2) then get incredibly, incredibly drunk and start telling "jokes" that make no sense and have no punchline
3) sit on girl's lap, uninvited. when someone insists on taking a picture--and they will--suddenly slur "KISS ME!" and plant one on her (closed lips). Confusion tactics are your best offence
4) then grab all of your empty glasses and throw them on the floor, breaking them
5) grab girl's tits, blatantly and out of the blue. Like tune in tokyo/honk honk style
6) vomit in the vicinity of Jams Murphy and be hurled forcefully into a cab

if she's anything like me, she'll find this intriguing and eventually will agree to MARRY you. if she doesn't, well she's a fucking cunt and you shouldn't even bother. JUST TRUST ME OK?

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:26 (nineteen years ago) link

we're all coming to your wedding.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:26 (nineteen years ago) link

set up one webcam

xpost

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:26 (nineteen years ago) link

i started with five, is that okay? i like to mix it up.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:27 (nineteen years ago) link

roffles, allyzay

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:27 (nineteen years ago) link

xpost, not yours

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:27 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.cutty.org/swh.jpg

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:29 (nineteen years ago) link

mixing it up is ok as long as you eventually get to step 6, yanc3y likes vomit!

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:29 (nineteen years ago) link

i ordered more wine. different waitress. that makes seven glasses of wine. the ride home will be something.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:29 (nineteen years ago) link

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