Pitch your dark, gritty reboot

Mork and Mindy, if it was The Americans

ALF, with Alf being an ex-pimp

OK ok we get it.

Cheers. A documentary series following the dark lives of a bunch of severe alcholics and their road to recovey.

Lassie, where the show is exactly the same except that they've shaved the word 'TITS' into Lassie's fur

Silver Spoons, with Ricky Stratton being abducted from his home and being reprogrammed by a cult until he's age 10. he returns to his affluent house years later and is extremely violent and threatens his family members and the butlers. then someone in the family accidentally says the secret word and he becomes docile, but everybody fears the moment he'll go back to his violent self.

what about ALF but it's like a Norma Lear sitcom and Alf is a racist xenophobic blowhard who crashes into a working class latino family's garage

Instead of eating cats he just believes in a conspiracy where they secretly control the world.

ALF no longer stands for "alien life form", it stands for "All Lives Flatter", because he's not just anti-BLM and Thin Blue Line, he's a flat earth society dude.

also he keeps DAvid Lee Roth chained up in a cage

The Brady Bunch only the kids are all fucking each other

Wasnt this what was happening anyway

greg def got down w the mom iirc

they broke Marcia's nose with a football when she threatened to squeal to the cops

A succession of different wild animals worry at Steve Irwin's corpse

Facts of Life except instead of a school it's a convent full of pregnant teens

Reading Rainbow but if you misread a word or sentence wolves maul you

Leave it to Beaver: The Cleaver family appears to be as American as apple pie, however Ward, June, Walter (Wally) and their youngest, Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver are actually more like strudel. Relocated from their native Germany after World War 2, as a result of Operation Paper Clip, the Cleaver family needs to blend in with their new neighbors. Things are going well for them until young Beaver gets in a bicycle accident and begins having strange dreams where his name is not Beaver Cleaver, but Wernher Messerschmitt (named after family friend, Wernher von Braun) and his brother was named Walter after another friend of his father's, Walter Dornberger. While dealing with the struggles of being a stay-at-home mother, and her son's mental health, June is faced with her past. While grocery shopping at the local supermarket, a new teacher at Wally's school, Anna Unger, formerly a prisoner of the Mittelbau-Dora concentration camp, looks shocked to see June and falls dead of a heart attack in the middle of the cereal aisle.

Go on this is just getting good

Flight of the Conchords but the guys are detained indefinitely in an ICE facility and come up with fanciful "songs" to escape the reality of their situation.

Theme: life is rebootiful

Sex and the City but they are all suffering from late stage syphilis.

Sons of Anarchy after the state of California imposes draconian emissions restrictions on motorcycles.

The Late Late Show With Tom Snyder but Tom Snyder is bleeding profusely from every orifice

sounds like Eric Andre is involved

Mary Tyler Moore works for InfoWars

Wasnt this what was happening anyway

That was the joke, yes

xp - June Cleaver was a nurse in the camp who dealt with "female issues" of the prisoners. Being a housewife is a big change for her. ... In season 2, Beaver learns that he was actually adopted due to his parents inability to conceive due to the effects of living and working in the V2 facility, and he speculates wildly as to who he really is. Was he Anna Unger's son with a prominent Nazi scientist? Was his father even higher up in the Nazi command? Was his father, in fact, Adolf Hitler himself?

Kids Incorporated only it’s set in a suburban basement and the kids are all undocumented and spend their time sewing fashion knockoffs for the people who own the house

Hill Street Blues but all the detectives have teamed up as a human centipede, starring Dennis Franz as Detective Andy Sipowicz/The Head and David Caruso as John Kelly "bringing up the rear"

Or even say, NYPD Blue

xxpost very week the songs they perform contain coded messages asking for home viewers to rescue them because the home owners are abusive

ok guys human centipede has been invoked, everybody out of the thread for a short decontamination

Sister Sister but every episode a tooth falls out of one twin’s mouth

Friends only it’s Rent

xpost the same twin's mouth every ep or does it alternate

was gonna say Dilbert but I forgot it already exists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flWuvkNWuS4

Eddie Haskell, Wally's best friend, is the bad influence he was in the original series. In this new version, Eddie is a motorcycle enthusiast and sometime drug mule for an older group of motorcycle enthusiasts who sell drugs and are affiliated with the KKK. Eddie learns who his buddy, Wally, really is, and wants to use Wally's real identity to impress his biker buddies and move up in their organization. Will Wally help his pal, or will he be loyal to his family and keep their secret.

Simpsons but Homer's obvious intellectual disability/substance problems/emotional inaccessibility are treated with appropriate care and sensitivity

Will June use her medical knowledge and prevent Eddie from further endangering her family?

Kojak, where now instead of constantly sucking on a lollipop he's always smelling his fingers. It's weird and it makes everyone uncomfortable.

Full House but it's the house from Hellraiser

I really think this Leave It To Beaver reboot has legs

Oh and then there's the storyline with Ward's secretary, Grace. Grace starts dating a nice man who works as an installer/repairman for the telephone company. He is black, but "one of the good ones" a phrase that keeps getting repeated throughout the office and then at home. Then Grace, the only daughter of strict (and also racist) Catholic parents, gets pregnant. It's definitely June to the rescue, but what will be the solution?

seinfeld but the entire series takes place after they go to prison

Use the entire cast of Oz

George has to bunk with Vern Schillinger

Kramer accidentally shanks Said and becomes head of the Muslims

Batman - Alfred kills Bruce’s parents so he can raise the boy as his own

The Apprentice

Breaking Bad but he's kind of terrible at science and dies.

Holy for shit, I forgot there was an A Team movie with Liam Neeson. Doubt it was dark and gritty, but I bet it was grim.

I quite liked that A-Team movie. It has an amazing over-the-top scene where they crash land a tank from a plane into a lake.
Parts of it work less well. There is a strong focus on the development of Faceman from an impulsive screwup to a controlled reliance and that means the ultimately, the main plan comes from him and not from Hannibal - who should really be the devious mastermind. Also, there's a whole thing about B.A. turning non-violent and then having a moment where he 'comes back' from that mindset in a very brutal manner. But overall, I would have liked to see more of this incarnation of the team.

But this story leads me to wonder if and how the Smurfs normally keep their population to exactly one hundred.

Soylent Blue

When Jay Leno was set on fire by one of his cars, I immediately thought of a Cars reboot set in a vintage car collection where the cars - tired, corroded with rust, and riddled with metal fatigue - see their owner as a demonic zombie master who totally against their wishes for eternal sleep, keeps them alive and running. Eventually, they turn on him.

a man, meek and down on his luck, is at the end of his rope. as he hitchhikes at one last ditch effort to start over again, he keels over in pain as he hears a ringing in his ear. it gives way to a piercing voice that speaks only one word at a time. "Hope". "Peace". "Salvation".

Soon, coordinates are beamed to his phone, and he goes on a long, arduous mission to meet the source of the voice in his head. he faces death many times, and by the end of the movie he reaches his destination. he finds a glowing light and as he draws near he falls to his knees upon what he sees:

Hologram George Burns. the film goes to black and the film's title appears for the first and only time

"Oh, God! Book One"