Great Real Names

Xerxes Mazda

With pick #60, @ChicagoFire select midfielder Mitch Guitar from @BadgerMSoccer. #SuperDraft pic.twitter.com/UCHdpCnPqS

— Major League Soccer (@MLS) January 21, 2021

Parents shoulda named him Max.

That photo adds a lot to the Mitch Guitar experience

Huge load of goals for FC Den Bosch today from… Jizz Hornkamp

🇳🇱 FOUR goals in a crazy game for Jizz Hornkamp. pic.twitter.com/E7a3WjAWoe

— FotMob (@FotMob) January 30, 2021

not a clean sheet in sight

Actual LOL.

Amazing.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but 'Jizz' doesn't appear to be a common name or diminutive in the Netherlands, so I can't even begin to imagine what his parents were thinking.

I have never heard of it as a name before, but Mr Hornkamp appears not to be the only one. Meet Jizzy-Joy (who's not a witch):

https://jeugdjournaal.nl/artikel/531804-jizzy-joy-is-geen-heks.html

oh, and here is Jizz H. himself, literally complaining about his "dry spell" less than three weeks ago:

https://www.bd.nl/fc-den-bosch/fc-den-bosch-spits-jizz-hornkamp-snakt-naar-nieuwe-doelpunten~a731e108/?referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F

(well, to be completely honest with you, it's the newspaper that's referring to that dry spell, but why ruin a good story. can't tell if they're using it in a wink-wink nudge-nudge kind of way, it's completely possible that they're playing it straight. think most of the readership wouldn't have picked up on it either way)

SCOOP: Biden has picked CHIQUITA BROOKS-LaSURE to run the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, the sweeping $1 trillion agency that also oversees the Affordable Care Act, say three people with knowledge of decision. https://t.co/9cKKxGqmQv

— Dan Diamond (@ddiamond) February 17, 2021

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faustin-Archange_Touad%C3%A9ra

Sorry if I missed it, but I did a ctrl+F to see if anyone mentioned this one:

Sean Biggerstaff, who played Oliver Wood. A two for one, if you will.

Notker Balbulus, aka Notker the Stammerer

He was contemporary with the fellow monks Tuotilo and Ratpert.[3][4][5]

loved the strip where Ratpert gave Dilbert murine typhus

From a link in the lawyer cat thread:

The British geneticist Oliphant Jackson demonstrated this unequivocally in a most elegant series of classic genetic and radiological experiments in a hospital basement in the 1970s.

I learned about this guy while watching the Netflix documentary about the Challenger shuttle disaster:

https://www.c-span.org/person/?judsonlovingood

Winthrop Cashdollar

so, so close to the right syllables for a "Winchester Cathedral" riff

Velvet Beard

Fartato Olsen
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm11354979/

Fashion Sakala

Océane Babel

Benedict Hollerbach

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Dickshot

that's Ugly Johnny Dickshot to you

Michael Majestic

Susan Spain-Dunk

There is someone at work with the first name of Sword (and also someone with the last name Swords). Very strong.

French Tickner

https://tugs.fandom.com/wiki/French_Tickner

Someone found a credit card in my neighbourhood and posted it to the local Facebook group:

Mr J@y @ Blunt

Puts me in mind of a terrible terrible pun ala that "Late Arrivals" final round that sometimes appears on BBC Radio 4's 'I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue'...

"Please welcome to the Smokers' Ball, Mr. Iain Nigel Alistair Blunt and Mrs. Joy Blunt and their son, I. N. Joy A. Blunt II."

Sorry.

Perhaps Mr. Blunt's folks were fans

Zaila Avant-garde

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jul/09/scripps-national-spelling-bee-2021-zaila-avant-garde-becomes-first-african-american-winner

awesome name

So I've known about this girl for years and it's for being an absolute hoooooper. Already a huge fan and to now see she won the National Spelling Bee?! Incredible. Check out her IG: https://t.co/cgWMA16Y3n

Will probably be our President someday. https://t.co/r1NVxIz23n pic.twitter.com/iU5IKRcd8s

— C.J. Toledano (@CJToledano) July 9, 2021

Many of top Scripps spellers start competing as young as kindergarten. Zaila started only a few years ago, after her father, Jawara Spacetime, watched the bee on TV and realized his daughter's affinity for doing complicated math in her head could translate well to spelling.

Something tells me these are not their birth names.

Forget their names, she is incredible. Her basketball skills are crazy good as well, already. Spelling is like her summer project

I saw in one of the articles about her that her dad changed her last name to Avant-garde as a tribute to John Coltrane

zaila's juggling time sounds are the first asmr videos i get

https://www.discogs.com/artist/3587850-Rubby-Haddock

Innocent Bonke, midfielder for Malmö.

Adonis Stalin Preciado striker for Barcelona, Ecuador also with a powerful energy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Felipe_Drugovich

A guy in my local paper’s police blotter with the name “Marquis Desade Scotl@and”.

Didn’t know whether to put this in the great or abysmal category so I went with both:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penda_Hair

Stunt double Dick Warlock