Blue Saturday

Up for Cambridge FAP too. Good thought in dark times.

Lawks a lawd a lads
Save me from the comedown
The universe is infinitely blue
Bluetiful

Drink water before bed, lad

^^^

Well yeah sure but

I’ll post Keir to the thread unless you get up and get some right now

Look I've drunk loads of fluid today and it's not helping

Bluetered

The wust of it is I'm not as pished as I ought

Wustfil drinking

OK when I'm listening to "Sex Weed" on a loop that's bed time

Playing SAW I in bed as a John Harris tribute

that thing inside you
it were outside you
malavarice eats us up

the urge to sneak into saturnonymity

and that's what makes my life so fucking fantastic

Don't have time to be fanciful, just noting how sweet the sadness is of gazing into the shifting shades of blue at a slight remove

Which is just a way of being pointlessly always a bit sad I guess, always missing some little object, eh?

The difference between melancholy and gloom? Perhaps I’ve misinterpreted that first one.

It is, also it's a soft melancholy, like when you're tapped into the universal blue.

Lots of defrosted feelings at my end, tho I believe in the collective blue of the universe

Just needed to whitter and jot it down here, lol havent felt the urge for ages for some reason.

twhitter nest pas

Well now.

I never really know how to define melancholy. Instinctively i think of it as sort of sadness tinting everything, diluted but pervasive? Sadness itself is almost a pain (at least for someone who feels all their negative emotions physically it is too), stronger and harder to ignore.

Melancholy = there is a fundamental sadness underpinning existence and it's beautiful so that's ok

(nb there is also a fundamental joy underpinning existence probably but joy feels much more atomised/personal)

I can bask in melancholy but joy is more unsettling idk

melancholy is the pretty rainbow colours shifting across the surface of the dark petrol gloop of sadness

That’s a great way of putting it

A little bubble of black nihilism stuck in my lungs today for no obvious reason.

It's good to observe this stuff calmly until I can cough it up

There's a feeling I get sometimes when the sun's coming out, it's very nebulous and complicated and of course blue, it has wistfulness and hope and nostalgia for hope and possibility in it, unfocused memory maybe, awareness of the seasons changing in time, I get it in the Persona games sometimes too, it's like being 18 somehow or wishing I was

Lockdown spoils it tho

I'm living in a sleepy fog of netflix and biscuits.
Sometimes the biscuits are good.

there isn't much good to say about netflix, apart from that it has all 7 seasons of Voyager!

New last chance u dropped tbf

Having a bacon

Yet another curfew Friday night before Blue Saturday #419432490.

I thought about trying to sketch my blueness but fuck it, silence and diversion is easier.

I'm here to listen and nod along to all of youse tho

This probably isn't the place for it but I drank far too much on Saturday night. It was with good company, round a fire in a garden; there were cigars and glorious peaty whisky. But I didn't eat enough and had an appalling hangover and jesus do I still feel wobbly today. This always manifests, particularly when the end of the night is hazy (to say the least), as me thinking I was probably a prick and have offended people/changed their view of me. I know it's ego and guilt and booze (a heady mix) and I've checked and everyone seems fine but I can't shake it and mostly I think 'just give this shit up already' or 'why can't I have some self-control?'.

feeling that. be gentle with yourself imo.

"the fear" is a real thing the few days after exactly that situation and i used to think i knew what it was when i was in my twenties but at some stage over the last few years its an absolutely predictable mood that lingers after im out with a group and have had more than is good for me- and its never related to anything ive done (unlike, say, in my twenties)

I have that all the time after social events, even (especially?) ones I was completely sober for.

Oh yeah, hate that fear, though a reprieve from it has been one of those rare pros of the pandemic. I too get it even after big social events where I'm sober, but if I do imbibe that just adds an extra layer of "what dumb things did I possibly say" anxiety to the mix. And, yeah, as I've aged it's never really anything I did do, it's more just stuff like "damn, did I really talk about to that guy about Sopranos for as long as it seems like I did? that must have been insufferable".

i have this fear about ilx often enough

its never related to anything ive done (unlike, say, in my twenties)

This is key. My hangovers are predictably longer than they used to be, but they're nowhere near as panic attack-inducing.

Solidarity! Mine is more 'stuff I did in my 30s' rather than anything I do now but yeah it's very much part of any social occasion, pissed-up or otherwise. And I totally get that 'god, did I talk to them for 2 hours about...?!' cringe thing. Awkward bastard.

I know those heebie-jeebies, crawling-in-my-skin fear, and as I've aged I've learned they can be managed somewhat: less or no whisky/rum/gin/etc., stick to milder (sub 7%) beers. Even if I drink eleven of them, I can still remember most everything and don't feel as godawful

there is no dignified death

Hope you’re ok…

I’m kind of hoping for it to be reasonably peaceful and pain free, with someone quietly chanting:

[

] O nobly-born, that which is called death hath now come. Thou art departing from this world, but thou art not the only one; death cometh to all. Do not cling, in fondness and weakness, to this life. Even though thou clingest out of weakness, thou hast not the power to remain here. Thou wilt gain nothing more than wandering in this Samsara. [

❤️

coke and booze and tiredness

I'm ok

Still time for wandering in samsara

Take me - my little pastry mother take me
There's a pie shop in the sky

(Phil Collins plays double-time on overdubbed 2nd drum kit)

:D <3

and why not

gloomy day getting nothing done -- one paragraph tinkered with, knowing there's something off abt the whole long piece -- but mostly stuck feeling the best is past and the good ones are gone

― mark s, Saturday, 15 September 2018 18:42 (two years ago) bookmarkflaglink

back here again tbh: i've done better than just one paragraph 2day but the news abt dawn foster has honestly floored me -- i never met her myself but i know several ppl who knew her well and are devastated :(

I think a lot of people who never met Dawn will have shed some tears over her death, it was terrible - even if a lot of us fans knew she had serious health problems - it didn't diminish the shock of it.