Blue Saturday

I never do dry january or new year's resolutions so last year I made a point of going to the pub on Jan 1 but after that I didn't drink for the first quarter of the year - until lockdown basically

(plus gyac).

fwiw I am not doing Dry January. I just drank way too much over xmas/new year and felt like I was going to have kidney failure. they only stopped hurting yesterday after being sober for a week. it may end up being Dry January anyway although I drank all day on the 1st so have already broken it tbf

Oh I also drank on the 1st but fuck that, let's not make it more onerous for ourselves than it already is.

I am pro drinking on the 1st, i) it is a good day to drink ii) it makes not drinking in the rest of jan/the year less of A Thing

I have had the throbbing kidney feeling too many times, sometimes I tell myself it's just backache but yeah giving it a rest a good idea

Look I worded it weird earlier cos pom is a slack denier also I was talking to gyac

You bunch of cunts

I am deliriously happy this week and I feel almost guilty about that but you know I love you all

Cunts

*and pom too

xp right back at ya, big man

gyac I hate you so much right now

_ _ u t_ _ p_m

ffs zing

I am not looking forward to having to leave the house today, but once again we are missing or almost out of lots of groceries (plus missing everyone I didn’t see on the sssooomm)

I had enough food today, I need to go tomorrow and I need to do laundry and other delayed chores

You too, pom

Up for Cambridge FAP too. Good thought in dark times.

Lawks a lawd a lads
Save me from the comedown
The universe is infinitely blue
Bluetiful

Drink water before bed, lad

^^^

Well yeah sure but

I’ll post Keir to the thread unless you get up and get some right now

Look I've drunk loads of fluid today and it's not helping

Bluetered

The wust of it is I'm not as pished as I ought

Wustfil drinking

OK when I'm listening to "Sex Weed" on a loop that's bed time

Playing SAW I in bed as a John Harris tribute

that thing inside you
it were outside you
malavarice eats us up

the urge to sneak into saturnonymity

and that's what makes my life so fucking fantastic

Don't have time to be fanciful, just noting how sweet the sadness is of gazing into the shifting shades of blue at a slight remove

Which is just a way of being pointlessly always a bit sad I guess, always missing some little object, eh?

The difference between melancholy and gloom? Perhaps I’ve misinterpreted that first one.

It is, also it's a soft melancholy, like when you're tapped into the universal blue.

Lots of defrosted feelings at my end, tho I believe in the collective blue of the universe

Just needed to whitter and jot it down here, lol havent felt the urge for ages for some reason.

twhitter nest pas

Well now.

I never really know how to define melancholy. Instinctively i think of it as sort of sadness tinting everything, diluted but pervasive? Sadness itself is almost a pain (at least for someone who feels all their negative emotions physically it is too), stronger and harder to ignore.

Melancholy = there is a fundamental sadness underpinning existence and it's beautiful so that's ok

(nb there is also a fundamental joy underpinning existence probably but joy feels much more atomised/personal)

I can bask in melancholy but joy is more unsettling idk

melancholy is the pretty rainbow colours shifting across the surface of the dark petrol gloop of sadness

That’s a great way of putting it

A little bubble of black nihilism stuck in my lungs today for no obvious reason.

It's good to observe this stuff calmly until I can cough it up

There's a feeling I get sometimes when the sun's coming out, it's very nebulous and complicated and of course blue, it has wistfulness and hope and nostalgia for hope and possibility in it, unfocused memory maybe, awareness of the seasons changing in time, I get it in the Persona games sometimes too, it's like being 18 somehow or wishing I was

Lockdown spoils it tho

I'm living in a sleepy fog of netflix and biscuits.
Sometimes the biscuits are good.

there isn't much good to say about netflix, apart from that it has all 7 seasons of Voyager!

New last chance u dropped tbf

Having a bacon

Yet another curfew Friday night before Blue Saturday #419432490.

I thought about trying to sketch my blueness but fuck it, silence and diversion is easier.

I'm here to listen and nod along to all of youse tho

This probably isn't the place for it but I drank far too much on Saturday night. It was with good company, round a fire in a garden; there were cigars and glorious peaty whisky. But I didn't eat enough and had an appalling hangover and jesus do I still feel wobbly today. This always manifests, particularly when the end of the night is hazy (to say the least), as me thinking I was probably a prick and have offended people/changed their view of me. I know it's ego and guilt and booze (a heady mix) and I've checked and everyone seems fine but I can't shake it and mostly I think 'just give this shit up already' or 'why can't I have some self-control?'.

feeling that. be gentle with yourself imo.

"the fear" is a real thing the few days after exactly that situation and i used to think i knew what it was when i was in my twenties but at some stage over the last few years its an absolutely predictable mood that lingers after im out with a group and have had more than is good for me- and its never related to anything ive done (unlike, say, in my twenties)

I have that all the time after social events, even (especially?) ones I was completely sober for.