how did the musician do when they tried to cover “kiss from a rose” in the style of the breeders?they tried their best but they just couldnt Seal the Deal
― discourse stu (m bison), Monday, 14 December 2020 12:34 (three years ago) link
lol
― biped, artisan, (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 14 December 2020 15:25 (three years ago) link
what's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Alive!
― Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Tuesday, November 10, 2020 5:16 AM (one month ago) bookmarkflaglink
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher morning!
― cosmic vision | bleak epiphany | erotic email (map), Monday, 14 December 2020 15:57 (three years ago) link
haha
― Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Monday, 14 December 2020 15:58 (three years ago) link
I don't want to just sit here, I want to be part of a movement, my bowels said.
― cosmic vision | bleak epiphany | erotic email (map), Thursday, 17 December 2020 22:20 (three years ago) link
What is the pornography connoisseur's motto?"vidi, vini, dormivi"
― the serious avant-garde universalist right now (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 17 December 2020 22:25 (three years ago) link
Skeeter: Say Peter, how many Black male vocal groups can you name?Peter: Well Skeeter now that I think about it four, tops.
― brownie, Thursday, 17 December 2020 22:54 (three years ago) link
(to someone talking about their impostor syndrome) : "You're not even a real impostor"
― StanM, Tuesday, 22 December 2020 09:18 (three years ago) link
^ it's too obvious and probably old but in my mind I thought of it myself (I'm having impostor syndrome about it now, lol)
― StanM, Tuesday, 22 December 2020 09:21 (three years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/AOFXNNq.png
― pplains, Tuesday, 22 December 2020 13:48 (three years ago) link
"Santa, where do babies come from?"
"Well, Timmy, it's like this. You dash her, you dance her, you prance with that vixen. You com in it, you cupe in it, you don her and blitz in."
― flamboyant goon tie included, Tuesday, 22 December 2020 15:49 (three years ago) link
wow well done haha
― Two Meter Peter (Ste), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 16:09 (three years ago) link
i don't know. i find it a little rude, off in some way too.
― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Tuesday, 22 December 2020 16:34 (three years ago) link
santa's lying about how he gets all those toys out, he'd definitely lie to timmy and say "holiday wishes" and "traditional marriage" or some shit before winking and flying off.
― trans-panda express (m bison), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 16:54 (three years ago) link
how does santa get all those toys out?
― ffolkes (map), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 16:56 (three years ago) link
global capitalist exploitation
― trans-panda express (m bison), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 16:56 (three years ago) link
(i irl lol'd at the fgti santa fwiw)
Q: Why did the Grim Reaper return his Amazon order?
A: Wrong scythe
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Friday, 25 December 2020 03:22 (three years ago) link
Did you hear that Pharrell and Chad Hugo are trying to help their kids get started in the music business? It's a real case of Nepotunism.
― peace, man, Friday, 25 December 2020 17:13 (three years ago) link
Hearing that 1980s popular music group ABC are calling for a national lockdown on the grounds that tiers are not enough.
― Noel Emits, Sunday, 3 January 2021 17:23 (three years ago) link
Meanwhile Tuxedo Moon are reported as saying they believe zoos should remain open in the evenings.
― Noel Emits, Sunday, 3 January 2021 17:26 (three years ago) link
Some Radio 4 topical comedy level content there.
― Noel Emits, Sunday, 3 January 2021 17:30 (three years ago) link
My lols are dry
― flamboyant goon tie included, Sunday, 3 January 2021 17:48 (three years ago) link
Folks, I'm no antivaxer or conspiracy theorist, but I'm a little concerned about Bill Gates' involvement in the COVID vaccine. What if it automatically reformats our DNA?
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Wednesday, 6 January 2021 06:45 (three years ago) link
will we need a patch every month?
― StanM, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 13:06 (three years ago) link
My wife doesn't want me to get the vaccine. She says, "I like you better in a mask."
The other day, I thought I had Covid. I got dressed up for my wife and she said, "You have no taste."
I had some Covid symptoms the other day. I asked my doctor, "Are you worried?" He said, "Yeah, there's a chance you'll survive."
― dinnerboat, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 16:05 (three years ago) link
^ makes me want to try the veal
― StanM, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 16:22 (three years ago) link
what did james murphy call his home security setup of dogs with lights strapped to their heads?
the LED houndsystem
― trans-panda express (m bison), Sunday, 10 January 2021 16:22 (three years ago) link
I think I might be immune to Covid. Every time my wife sees me naked, she says, "You have an antibody."
This lockdown's been tough on us. My wife redecorated the bedroom — she put up a "Keep 6 feet apart" sign.
Work's been tough, too. I asked my boss if I could work remotely. He said, "Not even close."
― dinnerboat, Thursday, 14 January 2021 16:22 (three years ago) link
you are inching closer to a tight borscht-belt five
― early-Woolf semantic prosody (Hadrian VIII), Thursday, 14 January 2021 16:24 (three years ago) link
Keep it up, you might be able to put together a whole set
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 14 January 2021 16:25 (three years ago) link
lol xp
Sometimes I feel like my wife isn't even listening to me anymore during our conversations. In fact, I suspect she has me on mute.
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 14 January 2021 16:27 (three years ago) link
I hear you. I’m so ugly, I tried to Facetime my wife — she thought it was a butt dial.
I’m too ugly for Zoom, too. Every time I call someone, they complain about my webcam. That it’s on.
― dinnerboat, Thursday, 14 January 2021 18:48 (three years ago) link
wakka wakka wakka
― map, Thursday, 14 January 2021 19:17 (three years ago) link
You're right. This pandemic's no joke. A friend asked if I can handle social distancing. I said, "I'm married, ain't I?"
― dinnerboat, Thursday, 14 January 2021 19:59 (three years ago) link
take my wife... mask
― exist in theory (esby), Thursday, 14 January 2021 20:11 (three years ago) link
Using reconciliation to get the bigger package? Sounds like when I sleep with my ex!
― Joses Chrust (map), Tuesday, 2 February 2021 22:44 (three years ago) link
Reach around the aisle
― flamboyant goon tie included, Wednesday, 3 February 2021 02:18 (three years ago) link
and continuing the "jokes overheard in p-town" theme:
I started a substack. Come by tonight and I'll add you to the pile!
― Joses Chrust (map), Wednesday, 3 February 2021 20:02 (three years ago) link
Tried putting some bits of those CGYOOMH films into a Prophet 2000 sampler and all that came out was silence. Those Curtis filters work really well!
― Noel Emits, Sunday, 14 February 2021 17:39 (three years ago) link
So you've heard Linkin Park, but have you ever heard my Instagram band, Linkin Bio?
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Monday, 15 February 2021 23:10 (three years ago) link
So I said to the Lord,"You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.But I have noticed that duringthe most trying periods of my lifethere have only been oneset of footprints in the sand.Why, when I needed you most,you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"cos u don't wash ur ass"
― he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 16 February 2021 02:50 (three years ago) link
And Neanderthal said unto the Lord,
Fuck washing an ass
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Tuesday, 16 February 2021 05:01 (three years ago) link
what do you call it when you point and laugh at someone else's climate disaster? no-shade-enfreude
― lord of the ting tings (map), Tuesday, 16 February 2021 20:51 (three years ago) link
Donna Summer went to a bar one night in the 70s, hoping to meet a nice man. She met a dashing, peculiar man in a trenchcoat. He seemed sweet, but something was off about him that she couldn't put her finger on. After a few dates, her heart was broken when the man removed his trenchcoat and revealed he was not a man at all, but four eels stacked on top of each other in a trenchcoat.
Her heart was broken. She felt so deceived. She stopped dating for a while. Her friend was worried about her and invited her out to go to a bar a few months later.
She talked to a few guys, but didn't really hit it off. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a dashing man wearing a trenchcoat. She started to get up, and her friend smiled, but Donna then hesitated and sat back down, laughing to herself."Donna, why didn't you go talk to that man?", he asked. "You two might have hit it off!"Donna replied - "This time, I know it's four eels."
― Red Nerussi (Neanderthal), Thursday, 4 March 2021 21:49 (three years ago) link
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (Oooooo)/ I am four eels/ Never meant to make your daughter cry/ I am several fish and not a guy— joshh O))) (@JNalv) February 20, 2013
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Friday, 5 March 2021 15:38 (three years ago) link
Terrific joke
― flamboyant goon tie included, Friday, 5 March 2021 16:10 (three years ago) link
lol ledge yesterday I spent all day wondering why my 'joek' felt so derivative and a friend shared that with me and I remembered I'd seen it years earlier.
― Red Nerussi (Neanderthal), Friday, 5 March 2021 16:27 (three years ago) link
Picasso great artists etc, great job with the shaggy dog lead up.
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Friday, 5 March 2021 16:31 (three years ago) link