abysmal real names

assert (MatthewK) - Now I've got the Shel Silverstein song "I'm Being Eaten by a Boa Constrictor" stuck in my head.

My oldest granddaughter Christie Nicklaus – my son Jack’s 2nd-oldest child – just married Todger Strunk. What a beautiful wedding and an even more beautiful couple! They look like they were made for each other. Barbara and I wish them happiness and love for an eternity! @CNStrunk pic.twitter.com/lfiVBuPheu

— Jack Nicklaus (@jacknicklaus) December 14, 2020

So abysmal it's gone viral, but perhaps slightly too colourful and prurient for this thread's true purpose

The surname really makes it though.

strunk so white

Motherfuckers wanna fine em

Police have launched a manhunt for a 28-year-old wanted on suspicion of the murder of a pensioner in Essex.

Essex police are trying to find Leighton Snook after 83-year-old Donald Ralph was found dead at his home in the village of Aldham, near Colchester, just after 1pm on Tuesday.

not as flamboyant as most entries here but I just saw a reference to one Mike Michael and come on

(and sorry he's too old for his parents to be Broadcast fans)

Obviously not really fair to highlight names that are only abysmal in English, but nonetheless...

Dylan Cretin

Surely the accent aigu's absence makes it alright (not).

Jadran Duncumb

Flavia Piggins

atm I work with someone that has the last name H00fard, and I feel like a middle-schooler as I quietly snicker every time I read her name.

We've had a Fr4nk Buzz4rd at work for a few months. No relation to the Frank Chickens as far as I know.

I'm a bit torn on this: for now it feels maybe a bit "poor kid", but it would be awesome if she went on to kick absolutely everybody's butt.

V3lva L33 Sh3rman

Found in the cemetery yesterday: Fanny Mass

sure that wasn't the cause of death accidentally written on the tombstone?

it occurred to me, yes

Théotime Langlois de Swarte

Tanguy de Williencourt

Proof positive that the French Revolution has yet to complete its mission.

Together they've just released an album devoted to Proust-adjacent fin-de-siècle works for violin and piano.

in a 'too much time on ilx' moment, my company apparently has a Rh0nd@ Butt.

Quite a common surname on the Indian subcontinent.

it was more the Rh0nda (ilx meme) combined with that name that I took notice of, as it's not that weird for someone to have a last name "Butt" or "Butts"

Don't know that meme tbh.

Casey Horny

Joss Whedon

Dick Bong, posthumous Medal of Honor winner
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Bong

Was watching a 1976 episode of Kojak and it featured an actor called Uegene O'Neill. He got shot to death early in the episode and never had another acting credit.

I’ve crossed the Bong Bridge between Superior WI and Duluth MN a bunch of times and have also stayed at the Bong State Recreation Area in after a nearby Phish show where thousands of other hippies had the same idea and everyone was hoping there was a campsite number 420

Saw a name on a ticket in the queue last week and I had to wonder if it was cute or cruel if your last name is Duckworth for one to name their son Donald.

Gus Dudgeon

counterpoint: that one's good

I find Uegene O'Neill quite appealing visually

Oo-ezhenn

"Gus Dudgeon" just sounds like someone choking to death on a boiled parsnip to me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyVfkr6nsrk
cmon man

Albuquerque Cosper Head

I was reading a story about the Iced Earth guitarist who was arrested for the Jan 6 thing, and another person indicted was listed. Had to re-read it a couple times to verify that "Albuquerque" wasn't where he was from, but his first name.

counterpoint: albuquerque is a bitchin' name and should not have been wasted on a treason larper

I actually thought to put it in the great names thread, but didn't want to honor the dude.

Tory Kittles

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooper_Cronk

blake flayton

Painter-of-cowboys Frederic Remington's mother, Clarissa (Clara) Bascom Sackrider

I found a real life last name of "Dingus".

Susan Spain-Dunk

Oops I meant that for the great real names thread!

You just know she was called Dain Spunk at school

Libby Purves

Hugh McHugh

https://www.glasgowtimes.co.uk/news/19432603.hugh-mchugh-gangster-caged-major-etizolam-plant-haul/

"a known associate of Barney McGrew..."