this new vietnamese place opened down the street with a video rental place attached, it's called pho-vid 19
― cosmic vision | bleak epiphany | erotic email (map), Wednesday, 2 December 2020 03:53 (three years ago) link
Can you believe they've made almost 20 sequels to Birdemic? The new one's called Corvid 19.
― Hideous Lump, Wednesday, 2 December 2020 06:22 (three years ago) link
Gwenyth Paltrow hired Din Djarin as the new CFO of her lifestyle brand. She'd heard the famous bounty hunter wanted to protect, grow Goop (protect Grogu).
― we can dance forever at covideotheque (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 8 December 2020 07:06 (three years ago) link
My wife loathes the expression "it is what it is." Recently we were faced with a minor problem for which there was no satisfying solution and I said "that's a Hornsby all right."
"Hornsby?"
"That's just the way it is."
*wife sighs and rolls eyes*
― Cow_Art, Tuesday, 8 December 2020 10:41 (three years ago) link
Ah, but don't you believe her.
― pplains, Tuesday, 8 December 2020 13:10 (three years ago) link
I see a variant on the pirate joke I made in June has blown up on the cracker scene.
― Noel Emits, Tuesday, 8 December 2020 13:23 (three years ago) link
Is a “Brazilian wax” a nod to deforestation?
― flamboyant goon tie included, Sunday, 13 December 2020 01:20 (three years ago) link
pubes grow on trees
― Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Sunday, 13 December 2020 01:24 (three years ago) link
My wife just got back from a trip to the part of the US with the lowest population density.
Alaska?
Yeah cool, I'm sure she'd be happy to tell you all about it.
― Noel Emits, Monday, 14 December 2020 11:51 (three years ago) link
how did the musician do when they tried to cover “kiss from a rose” in the style of the breeders?they tried their best but they just couldnt Seal the Deal
― discourse stu (m bison), Monday, 14 December 2020 12:34 (three years ago) link
lol
― biped, artisan, (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 14 December 2020 15:25 (three years ago) link
what's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Alive!
― Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Tuesday, November 10, 2020 5:16 AM (one month ago) bookmarkflaglink
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher morning!
― cosmic vision | bleak epiphany | erotic email (map), Monday, 14 December 2020 15:57 (three years ago) link
haha
― Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Monday, 14 December 2020 15:58 (three years ago) link
I don't want to just sit here, I want to be part of a movement, my bowels said.
― cosmic vision | bleak epiphany | erotic email (map), Thursday, 17 December 2020 22:20 (three years ago) link
What is the pornography connoisseur's motto?"vidi, vini, dormivi"
― the serious avant-garde universalist right now (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 17 December 2020 22:25 (three years ago) link
Skeeter: Say Peter, how many Black male vocal groups can you name?Peter: Well Skeeter now that I think about it four, tops.
― brownie, Thursday, 17 December 2020 22:54 (three years ago) link
(to someone talking about their impostor syndrome) : "You're not even a real impostor"
― StanM, Tuesday, 22 December 2020 09:18 (three years ago) link
^ it's too obvious and probably old but in my mind I thought of it myself (I'm having impostor syndrome about it now, lol)
― StanM, Tuesday, 22 December 2020 09:21 (three years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/AOFXNNq.png
― pplains, Tuesday, 22 December 2020 13:48 (three years ago) link
"Santa, where do babies come from?"
"Well, Timmy, it's like this. You dash her, you dance her, you prance with that vixen. You com in it, you cupe in it, you don her and blitz in."
― flamboyant goon tie included, Tuesday, 22 December 2020 15:49 (three years ago) link
wow well done haha
― Two Meter Peter (Ste), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 16:09 (three years ago) link
i don't know. i find it a little rude, off in some way too.
― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Tuesday, 22 December 2020 16:34 (three years ago) link
santa's lying about how he gets all those toys out, he'd definitely lie to timmy and say "holiday wishes" and "traditional marriage" or some shit before winking and flying off.
― trans-panda express (m bison), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 16:54 (three years ago) link
how does santa get all those toys out?
― ffolkes (map), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 16:56 (three years ago) link
global capitalist exploitation
― trans-panda express (m bison), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 16:56 (three years ago) link
(i irl lol'd at the fgti santa fwiw)
Q: Why did the Grim Reaper return his Amazon order?
A: Wrong scythe
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Friday, 25 December 2020 03:22 (three years ago) link
Did you hear that Pharrell and Chad Hugo are trying to help their kids get started in the music business? It's a real case of Nepotunism.
― peace, man, Friday, 25 December 2020 17:13 (three years ago) link
Hearing that 1980s popular music group ABC are calling for a national lockdown on the grounds that tiers are not enough.
― Noel Emits, Sunday, 3 January 2021 17:23 (three years ago) link
Meanwhile Tuxedo Moon are reported as saying they believe zoos should remain open in the evenings.
― Noel Emits, Sunday, 3 January 2021 17:26 (three years ago) link
Some Radio 4 topical comedy level content there.
― Noel Emits, Sunday, 3 January 2021 17:30 (three years ago) link
My lols are dry
― flamboyant goon tie included, Sunday, 3 January 2021 17:48 (three years ago) link
Folks, I'm no antivaxer or conspiracy theorist, but I'm a little concerned about Bill Gates' involvement in the COVID vaccine. What if it automatically reformats our DNA?
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Wednesday, 6 January 2021 06:45 (three years ago) link
will we need a patch every month?
― StanM, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 13:06 (three years ago) link
My wife doesn't want me to get the vaccine. She says, "I like you better in a mask."
The other day, I thought I had Covid. I got dressed up for my wife and she said, "You have no taste."
I had some Covid symptoms the other day. I asked my doctor, "Are you worried?" He said, "Yeah, there's a chance you'll survive."
― dinnerboat, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 16:05 (three years ago) link
^ makes me want to try the veal
― StanM, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 16:22 (three years ago) link
what did james murphy call his home security setup of dogs with lights strapped to their heads?
the LED houndsystem
― trans-panda express (m bison), Sunday, 10 January 2021 16:22 (three years ago) link
I think I might be immune to Covid. Every time my wife sees me naked, she says, "You have an antibody."
This lockdown's been tough on us. My wife redecorated the bedroom — she put up a "Keep 6 feet apart" sign.
Work's been tough, too. I asked my boss if I could work remotely. He said, "Not even close."
― dinnerboat, Thursday, 14 January 2021 16:22 (three years ago) link
you are inching closer to a tight borscht-belt five
― early-Woolf semantic prosody (Hadrian VIII), Thursday, 14 January 2021 16:24 (three years ago) link
Keep it up, you might be able to put together a whole set
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 14 January 2021 16:25 (three years ago) link
lol xp
Sometimes I feel like my wife isn't even listening to me anymore during our conversations. In fact, I suspect she has me on mute.
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 14 January 2021 16:27 (three years ago) link
I hear you. I’m so ugly, I tried to Facetime my wife — she thought it was a butt dial.
I’m too ugly for Zoom, too. Every time I call someone, they complain about my webcam. That it’s on.
― dinnerboat, Thursday, 14 January 2021 18:48 (three years ago) link
wakka wakka wakka
― map, Thursday, 14 January 2021 19:17 (three years ago) link
You're right. This pandemic's no joke. A friend asked if I can handle social distancing. I said, "I'm married, ain't I?"
― dinnerboat, Thursday, 14 January 2021 19:59 (three years ago) link
take my wife... mask
― exist in theory (esby), Thursday, 14 January 2021 20:11 (three years ago) link
Using reconciliation to get the bigger package? Sounds like when I sleep with my ex!
― Joses Chrust (map), Tuesday, 2 February 2021 22:44 (three years ago) link
Reach around the aisle
― flamboyant goon tie included, Wednesday, 3 February 2021 02:18 (three years ago) link
and continuing the "jokes overheard in p-town" theme:
I started a substack. Come by tonight and I'll add you to the pile!
― Joses Chrust (map), Wednesday, 3 February 2021 20:02 (three years ago) link
Tried putting some bits of those CGYOOMH films into a Prophet 2000 sampler and all that came out was silence. Those Curtis filters work really well!
― Noel Emits, Sunday, 14 February 2021 17:39 (three years ago) link