Major League Soccer

Philly choked. wow. my boys get an unexpected 2nd home playoff match. a winnable one!

i think we coulda taken PHilly too tho

Philly was so bad, very surprising

I think the only team I have left to root for is Minnesota, maybe LAFC if they win tonight

A friend who bets on MLS (lol) pointed out that New England has the best away record in the league, which this year is saying something given the way teams fly in and fly out on the same day

yeah, Orlando's first road game post-restart, they looked completely zonked due to the 4 hour same day bus ride to Miami

fuck nycfc

https://theathletic.com/2213536/2020/11/23/david-villa-nycfc-alleged-harassment/

ugh.

Yikes

pic.twitter.com/2tWLwzBQP3

— MLS Images That Preceded Unfortunate Events (@ImagesMls) November 29, 2020

Idk what the fuck he was thinking

Fuck's sake Minnesota

Good to see the Loons join the long tradition of Minnesota sports failures.

i'm still crushed by our choke session against New England, but happy we had such a good year

Seattle, what a boring result

For me it's like

Fuck these guys, they deserve it

Vs

Fuck these guys

lol otm. I don't hate the Crew like I did years ago, but mehhhhhhhhh.

I didn't realize it was on, but damn, shellacking.

cheap owners see a chance to get cheaper

From ESPN colleague Austin Lindberg...MLS informs #MLSPA that it will invoke force majeure clause to terminate CBA - source. https://t.co/qmwRgrOEOx

— Jeff Carlisle (@JeffreyCarlisle) December 29, 2020

I'm really getting sick of this fucking league

they'll charge $250 million for a new franchise but screw giving the players a penny. so gross.

i make more money than some of the players. and i'm not risking permanent, life-altering injuries daily like they are.

it's fucked

Statement on Force Majeure Notice: https://t.co/b4tsOy7nSB pic.twitter.com/dLMMTrmfdd

— MLSPA (@MLSPA) December 29, 2020

With pick #60, @ChicagoFire select midfielder Mitch Guitar from @BadgerMSoccer. #SuperDraft pic.twitter.com/UCHdpCnPqS

— Major League Soccer (@MLS) January 21, 2021

I heard this guy is Bobson Dugnutt's cousin

He's no Hunter Jumper tbh

A guy named Ketchup got drafted, too. MLS has some underrated names.

When I heard about that one I was reaalllly hoping he was a Brazilian here studying and playing at a university, and that was his mononym… but alas

So proud of our Lion

https://www.mlssoccer.com/post/2021/02/24/watch-daryl-dike-scores-first-goal-barnsley-loan-orlando-city

this is some accurately funny shit

Generic MLS starting XI Attack:

LW: 3 caps for a bottom-half CONMEBOL national team, Young DP
ST: Big $ DP signing, still scores less than Gyasi Zardes
RW: Signed from a random lower European league, announcer always mispronounces their name

— Scruffy Jack (@BeardedJack) March 8, 2021

Generic MLS starting XI Midfield:

CAM: ~Classic~ Late-prime Argentinian No. 10, DP
CM: mid-20s Homegrown, fringe January Camp material, probably a fan favorite/cult hero
CDM: Forever-underrated MLS-Lifer, Max salary hit

— Scruffy Jack (@BeardedJack) March 8, 2021

Generic MLS starting XI Defense:

LB: Top Caribbean player, low key your best player
LCB: Central American you hate to see in WCQ
RCB: Jan Camp Stud, Chad Marshall Wannabe
RB: Former USL player or Superdraft pick, very affordable
GK: "Would love to see him get a USMNT callup"

— Scruffy Jack (@BeardedJack) March 8, 2021

Generic MLS Subs off the bench:

1: Youth national teamer already linked to Europe
2: MLS-Lifer who's more of a "locker room guy", former draft pick
3: Someone you traded $400K in GAM for
4: Re-entry Draft signing
5: Old player who isn't 90 mins fit anymore

— Scruffy Jack (@BeardedJack) March 8, 2021

like if I took an average of the last 3-4 years of Fire lineups every single one of those would have at least one applicable player, and some 2 or 3 deep

hahahaha that is perfect

weirdly though our LWs/RWs have had more SuperDraft players over time, as opposed to the beginning, when we were signing players from lower level Columbian squads hoping we struck gold

*Colombian

Fire preview from the Athletic:

Chicago Fire

Most important player: Gaston Gimenez

Season in a word: “Resignation” -@barker_cm

In my estimation, the most interesting thing about the Chicago Fire is that they have two separate players named “Jhon” on the roster. This team hasn’t qualified for the playoffs since 2017 and haven’t made it out of the first round since 2009. The war heroes that constitute the Chicago Fire fanbase deserve better. It doesn’t matter how good manager Raphael Wicky looks in glasses. It’s time for the Chicago Fire to give everyone reasons to care again. Maybe that’s going to come down to Gimenez at the base of their midfield, or maybe that’s going to be teenager Jhon Jader Duran, “one of the best talents in world football”. I don’t know. But if Chicago can’t compete this year, it might be time for them to reset. Again.

This is damning enough on its own, but the author omits that Duran is too young for an international transfer so he won't actually be able to play this year. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i feel like with all of the regional focus this year is going to be another weird one.

hoping Pato kicks ass for us.

Xp yeah, and to add to that, Fire and MN don't even play each other once

we had some weird blind spots like that last year too, I think with DC United, and the Revs (until the playoffs).

IT'S PATO TIME

The opening Fire goal was quite nice, and it seems like they will have quite the offense this year, along with a shambles of a defense. Four goals a game will not be out of the ordinary, I'm sure.

Four one-touch passes 🥵 pic.twitter.com/hhnwR3yxOx

— Chicago Fire FC (@ChicagoFire) April 18, 2021

^^^ the only nice moment from the Fire all year

also did the Cbus management not get the memo on dumbass pointless rebrands from last year's Fire? wtf

In Columbus, we forge paths for others to follow.

𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. 𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐮𝐬. 𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐰.#Crew96 pic.twitter.com/oN2sOWrBS9

— The Crew (@ColumbusCrew) May 10, 2021

They should have ditched the Columbus part and kept the Crew

very good commentary/analysis imo

https://www.si.com/soccer/2021/05/10/columbus-sc-crew-team-name-mls-rebrand

I cackled loud enough at this to wake the dog

MLS absolutely bangs because every week, a 17 year old named Cayden Brayden-Grayden will pull some world class shit out of nowhere and then literally Gonzalo Higuain will miss a sitter

— Tyler (@WhiskeyTy) May 13, 2021

Also salaries were released today:

https://mlsplayers.org/resources/salary-guide

Time to see who the most ridiculous disappointments are… Beric and Gimenez this means u

Nani making way less than I thought

Pato surprisingly low. Sebas Mendez, a good but not necessarily excellent midfielder, getting 550,000.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjGLa5dDfAQ

at 1:23, watch a professional goalie pathetically get punked off the ball by a winger.

lol

Got to see Dike score one live. Woo

fire are currently crashing back to earth, down 3-0 and a man short in nashville 16 minutes into the game

OCSC about to draw Toronto.

Phil Neville surely can’t have long left at Miami.