I would EXCELSIOR, but I haven't got a ZING to LOL

So now I come to you with jizz in a box
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am, with jizz in a box
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
penis tears

Lovin' Touchin' Jizzin'

When the pants
Go down
In the citay

Gentrification is when the tacos cost more than the heroin

― is right unfortunately (silby), Wednesday, 18 November 2020 22:52 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

lol, truthbomb, and implied striking imagery

the ilx hat-trick

omg silby

i mean seriously put that on a billboard in the mission

I calls em as I sees em

A+

grand work

somebody get the narcos
somebody spark the blunt
let's start the Tacos off at episode one

in awe

Honestly didn’t think I was being that witty, table table set it up I was just using ingredients

it's ok, "Blowin' In The Wind" was written in < 10 mins

Ftr, I thought it was very funny, and made my own sly little joke about Philly right after.

ie- it's definitely a city where one can eat at one of the better restaurants in the US and then go buy heroin off some dude in a trap house two blocks away.

that must do wonders for its walkability score!

Ideally we'd get an idea as to whether the heroin was also decent tbh

Artisanal, farm-to-table, organic heroin

my neighbor gets her heroin delivered. not contactless delivery though.

I opt for pick-up, at the local Subway

this all feels a bit too much like a reverse foxworthy

"If you carry two boxes of Narcan marked 'A.M.' and 'P.M.' in your pickup truck, then you might possibly be..."

I've been thinking about that silby line for the last two days

Make sure to cite me if you write a thinkpiece based on it.

maybe man alive is just hungry

or maybe I'm jonesing

Keeping up with the jonesings rly

Isn’t that Jones & Co, the fusion restaurant near the old dockyards?

Gop Will Eat Itself.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Sunday, November 22, 2020 9:20 PM bookmarkflaglink

GOP Will Eat Itself Cure For Hannity

Just want to point out I posted that particular play on words three years ago but I will give Trayce the win because she's not the one who everyone has killfiled.

okay imago, I mean Old Lunch

lol

TBH I did think when I posted it "I'm preeety sure someone's said this before? eh oh well"

Now we've got mink zombies to deal with.

― ILXceptionalism (Tom D.), Thursday, November 26, 2020 4:27 AM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

i believe you’ll find they prefer the term “nosfurrati”

― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, November 26, 2020 4:30 AM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

(xp) Nosferretu surely?

― ILXceptionalism (Tom D.), Thursday, November 26, 2020 4:38 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

well if you’re using the singular

― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand)

#onethread
#oneheart
- Jacob Marley

― velcro-magnon (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, December 1, 2020 12:49 PM (thirty-four minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Jah Humbug!

― You will notice a small sink where your sofa once was. (Old Lunch), Tuesday, December 1, 2020 12:52 PM (thirty-two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

hahahaha a+

will need sarahell to confirm if marley's ghost ever said Humbug in the source material before i lol

VAR

when I played Marley's ghost in a middle school production of ACC, I mostly shrieked wordlessly at him or wailed, you could say

Imagine a Linda Perry/Steve Tyler screech duet

― DJP, Wednesday, December 2, 2020 9:18 AM bookmarkflaglink

i love that this poll is on ile

― mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Wednesday, December 2, 2020 9:20 AM bookmarkflaglink

Finally, a Tyler Perry that white people can understand.

― pplains, Wednesday, December 2, 2020 10:00 AM bookmarkflaglink

Ha. I once used "Tyler/Perry's 'Dude (Looks Like a Lady)'" as a display name -- thinking of Joe Perry in that case.

I was getting ready to post about how I was tired of 95% of excelsiors being puns/wordplay, but Jacob Marley - Jah Humbug is ace.

aren't jokes inherently wordplay to some degree

sometimes it's just being really fucking mean to someone

those are called "pranks bro"

World cup wind-ups

aren't jokes inherently wordplay to some degree

i had a very serious discussion about comedy with my neighbor and best friend down the street, when i was 6 or 7. back in the days when it made a lot of sense that your best friend just happened to live next to you.

he was always telling "jokes", and would ask me to tell "jokes". jokes as in "a 5-year-old walks into a bar..." etc etc. i told him (this part is serious, i remember it) that the kind of jokes i liked better were like -- i didn't understand "situational" or "physical" -- someone slipping on a banana peel

and in a way i still feel like that