Real England

Gaz Coombes’ brother does something financial in Paris and is married to a McAleese.

Gaz Coombes did something in Paris, 1940-ish

This guy doesn't fit the Real England mood here as I have nothing but sympathy but I didn't know where else to share it. His wee resigned chuckle at the end slays me

Welcome to the north ✊🏻 pic.twitter.com/FOzD9yCTtI

— Darryl Morris (@darrylmorris) November 17, 2020

Very much right to appear here, I reckon. I think of this thread as a celebration as much as anything, and if that fantastic wee clip's not "Real England", I don't know what is.

The difference a second makes

This is the most British thing I have seen in ages pic.twitter.com/mDchcpe7Lc

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) November 27, 2020

and another

This is a SUCH a thing I love it pic.twitter.com/RUxR87fCQ7

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) November 28, 2020

That second one is because he stops and puts an extra happy Christmas in between saying 1 and pressing the button. Idiot.

i mean he brought it on himself in the second one by sticking in a happy christmas after one

^

lol this was the wording of a post i left in my drafts.

I'm supposed to be photographing the local switch-on next weekend, so I better bear this in mind. Just blaze away from around the "Three..." mark.

Worker woke to find word 'nonce' tattooed on forehead as two arrested for GBHhttps://t.co/CKQbYQ6h2N

— Daily Mirror (@DailyMirror) November 28, 2020

Anger as vandals change Great Torrington's name.

"To put all of these things right is costly, and a cost which will be borne by the council tax payers of Great Torrington. However, what is worse is that it is sad that some people find this appropriate to do in our lovely small community town."

https://i2-prod.devonlive.com/incoming/article4756768.ece/ALTERNATES/s810/0_Great-Torrington-Town-sign-vandalised.jpg

could have turned the rest into 'anal scoff' at a stretch

an appropriately cavalier response

"Come to Great Torrington and get your Roscoff."

More like Real Britain but

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/dec/27/hundreds-uk-tourists-flee-covid-quarantine-swiss-ski-resort-verbier

Swiss media quoted an elderly woman from London, who had self-isolated in her second home in Verbier, as saying: “For days I was put under general suspicion. It was unbearable.”

^^^

I've never had a lower sympathy rating for someone, lol

Man with 'samosa between his buttocks' among 45,000 arrests made by West Midlands Police in 2020https://t.co/8yn4RMe7Js

— Birmingham Live (@birmingham_live) January 1, 2021

Nowadays you'll be arrested and thrown in jail just for saying you've got a samosa between your cheeks

Patients have turned down the chance to have the Pfizer coronavirus vaccine because they want to "wait for the English one", a doctor says https://t.co/iNhFD2Q24X

— BBC North East and Cumbria (@BBCNEandCumbria) January 7, 2021

I want the huawei one that gives me 5g superpowers!

Real Scotland I guess

As temperatures drop, take care on those roads and mind yer cannabis plantation might no be as well hidden tae.. 👀#HashInTheAttic#BlawPatrol#BabyItsColdOutside#OpProspect pic.twitter.com/kMyCjFX0za

— Levenmouth Police (@LevenmouthPol) January 13, 2021

Real Scouse Nan

Scouse nans ha ha! pic.twitter.com/15owTXPkd3

— MOTJ GOALS (@MOTJGOALS) January 16, 2021

That cannabis tweet is amazing too.

it gives me no pleasure to inform you that we’re talking about Echt Nederland here:

Geen sneeuw op het dak van de buren? Melden van vermoeden #hennepkwekerij kan ook anoniem via @M08007000. pic.twitter.com/e5zkD0IfiX

— Politie Haarlem (@POL_Haarlem) January 30, 2015

"Teenagers offer free squirts of hand sanitiser to shoppers in Bradford - but it's super glue"
https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/west-yorkshire-news/teenagers-offer-free-squirts-hand-19654287

Story is way more disappointing than the headline suggested

can think of five or six much worse things I and my friends did in our late teens, probably shouldn't write them on an indexed forum though.

Fields of wheat, right?

I used to torment this heroin addict who was waiting around the phone box for a call by phoning it and hanging up every time they tried to pick up until he was kicking the shit out of it and screaming bloody murder. This was when I was a 25 yr old honorary teenager so I should have known better really.

Trying to imagine a write up of that in the Huddersfield Bugle or whatever, photo of the local heroin addict next to the phone box, maybe holding the receiver, doing local paper aggrieved face

Local Heroin User Left Gearless

Dead Skag Blues

"It's not fair, I'd just managed to graft some tinfoil from the corner shop and was all ready for planet gear"

Binman in Hereford told not to come back to work after being caught on camera kicking the head off a snowman

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/newslondon/binman-told-not-to-come-back-to-work-after-being-caught-on-camera-kicking-the-head-off-a-snowman/ar-BB1db8kE

That's Tupsley for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgGmYeAm0jk

conferencecall.biz/ ain't what it used to be

That was incredible

Aye

READ THE STANDING ORDERS!
READ THEM AND UNDERSTAND THEM!!

Some people aren't fit for human society

Aled the councillor seems like a right nutjob with the way he lost it, but the best but was the toilet flushing

i wasn't sure whether that was toilet flushing or some sort of demonic presence in the meeting

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/crown-green-bowlers-scatter-police-19774967

Crown green bowlers scatter as police arrive to break up illicit match

Posting on a public Facebook group, the wife of one of the bowlers said: "Who on earth sent Four coppers to Marine Park coz bowlers where [sic] having a game of bowls?
"You absolute saddos. Get a life. Stop wasting coppers time.
"Go to other places where dog walkers are gathering allegedly walking dogs but aren't abiding the 2 metre rule.
"So angry at you putting my husband in a position of not [sic] good. Show yourselves I dare you".

and that, in a nutshell, is why we're fucked

I thought [sic] was in Australia, so coming over here just to play bowls shows real commitment.

pensioners with their vaccinations, they're gonna run wild i tell you.

'6.2cm-tall man' offered priority Covid vaccine after NHS blunder https://t.co/vt2j5Fi9Wg

— Guardian World (@guardianworld) February 18, 2021

Residents of village near York are left mystified after nearly 50 drain covers vanish overnight: https://t.co/hwnvIcjiME pic.twitter.com/mCYbmA252K

— BBC Yorkshire (@BBCLookNorth) February 19, 2021

it's getting hard out there for a scrapper

I blame Jemina Cowbine