I would EXCELSIOR, but I haven't got a ZING to LOL

77 lulz

Lost one election and it turned all his hair gray.

― but also fuck you (unperson), Friday, November 13, 2020 4:04 PM (eighteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

his pubes all fell out too

― Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Friday, November 13, 2020 4:05 PM (seventeen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

when pressed for comment, Wolf only replied "I will treat you well, my sweet angel, so help me Jesus"

― Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Friday, November 13, 2020 4:14 PM (eight minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Motherfuck you are funny, Neanderthal.

wkiw Neanderthal

this reduced me to tears

raccoons are filthy trash eaters by nature though, that is the way God made them. it's better they eat fresh hotdogs and disease-free grapes from the hand of a kindly old man than get their garbage foods from dumpsters full of hypodermic needles and used condoms like they normally do
― the burrito that defined a generation, Friday, 13 November 2020 2:21 PM (three days ago)

we have a couple racoons nearby but make sure the condoms they eat are unused
― early-Woolf semantic prosody (Hadrian VIII), Friday, 13 November 2020 2:28 PM (three days ago)

city raccoons need all the nutrition they can get though. maybe just empty the useds into a saucer and set it out for them a few nights a year as a special treat, on holidays or whatever
― the burrito that defined a generation, Friday, 13 November 2020 2:34 PM (three days ago)

Good idea I really hadn't though of that, but what are what my cats going to eat now?
― early-Woolf semantic prosody (Hadrian VIII), Friday, 13 November 2020 2:41 PM (three days ago)

gonna sound like a broken record here but I've found pretty much all animals can and will eat human cum if given the opportunity
― the burrito that defined a generation, Friday, 13 November 2020 2:49 PM (three days ago)

Fine but you’re talking like I live in some kind of cum factory.
― early-Woolf semantic prosody (Hadrian VIII), Friday, 13 November 2020 2:53 PM (three days ago)

perhaps a cum factory lives in you
― it bangs for thee (Simon H.), Friday, 13 November 2020 2:55 PM (three days ago)

listen I feel like this thread has maybe gotten too personal? I'd like to just focus on the raccoons
― the burrito that defined a generation, Friday, 13 November 2020 2:58 PM (three days ago)

xp That's what my dad told me as a boy. I guess I just stopped believing.
― early-Woolf semantic prosody (Hadrian VIII), Friday, 13 November 2020 2:58 PM (three days ago)

i am sometimes reduced to tears by human cum

-Leonard Cohen

- Journey, surely

Don't stop excretin'

Hold on to that semen

Stories Of The Skeet

So now I come to you with jizz in a box
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am, with jizz in a box
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
penis tears

Lovin' Touchin' Jizzin'

When the pants
Go down
In the citay

Gentrification is when the tacos cost more than the heroin

― is right unfortunately (silby), Wednesday, 18 November 2020 22:52 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

lol, truthbomb, and implied striking imagery

the ilx hat-trick

omg silby

i mean seriously put that on a billboard in the mission

I calls em as I sees em

A+

grand work

somebody get the narcos
somebody spark the blunt
let's start the Tacos off at episode one

in awe

Honestly didn’t think I was being that witty, table table set it up I was just using ingredients

it's ok, "Blowin' In The Wind" was written in < 10 mins

Ftr, I thought it was very funny, and made my own sly little joke about Philly right after.

ie- it's definitely a city where one can eat at one of the better restaurants in the US and then go buy heroin off some dude in a trap house two blocks away.

that must do wonders for its walkability score!

Ideally we'd get an idea as to whether the heroin was also decent tbh

Artisanal, farm-to-table, organic heroin

my neighbor gets her heroin delivered. not contactless delivery though.

I opt for pick-up, at the local Subway

this all feels a bit too much like a reverse foxworthy

"If you carry two boxes of Narcan marked 'A.M.' and 'P.M.' in your pickup truck, then you might possibly be..."

I've been thinking about that silby line for the last two days

Make sure to cite me if you write a thinkpiece based on it.

maybe man alive is just hungry

or maybe I'm jonesing

Keeping up with the jonesings rly

Isn’t that Jones & Co, the fusion restaurant near the old dockyards?

Gop Will Eat Itself.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Sunday, November 22, 2020 9:20 PM bookmarkflaglink

GOP Will Eat Itself Cure For Hannity

Just want to point out I posted that particular play on words three years ago but I will give Trayce the win because she's not the one who everyone has killfiled.

okay imago, I mean Old Lunch

lol

TBH I did think when I posted it "I'm preeety sure someone's said this before? eh oh well"

Now we've got mink zombies to deal with.

― ILXceptionalism (Tom D.), Thursday, November 26, 2020 4:27 AM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

i believe you’ll find they prefer the term “nosfurrati”

― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, November 26, 2020 4:30 AM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

(xp) Nosferretu surely?

― ILXceptionalism (Tom D.), Thursday, November 26, 2020 4:38 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

well if you’re using the singular

― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand)

#onethread
#oneheart
- Jacob Marley

― velcro-magnon (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, December 1, 2020 12:49 PM (thirty-four minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Jah Humbug!

― You will notice a small sink where your sofa once was. (Old Lunch), Tuesday, December 1, 2020 12:52 PM (thirty-two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

hahahaha a+