ask a booty cleaner

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xp from the bidet thread for "posterity"

i bought a bidet attachment at the start of the pandemic in the midst of the great 2020 TP shortage but my toilet's water tank valve had limescaled shut like a vice, requiring a plumber and a world in which I felt comfortable letting a plumber into my bathroom. About a month ago, we finally had the entire toilet replaced and the bidet attached at the same time. I can definitely avow this as a major quality of life improvement.

Questions answered:

* No electricity necessary.
* The bidet doesn't use water from the toilet tank. It comes from the same pipe that feeds your faucet.
* You may need to get a new toilet seat; I found this $25 Kohler model worked well.
* First few days of first-time use definitely engendered a HEY WHAT'S GOING ON THERE sensation but you adjust super fast.
* Warm water would absolutely be preferable but as an apartment renter whose toilet is not adjacent to the sink and opted for the base model, I can tell you that you get used to cold water even in the middle of the night whilst half asleep.
* Yes, it absolutely does get you fully clean without using toilet paper at all, though you have to give it about 20 to 30 seconds to spray.
* You can dry yourself lightly with toilet paper (which reduces usage by a factor of 3-5 btw) or you can air dry for a minute or two and that generally gets the job done. Added bonus: I am finally finishing reading those old issues of National Geographic.
* The base model has a "nozzle wash" function which you can activate before and after use. It appears to keep the apparatus well cleaned and clear of clogs.
* There's a bit of clean water overspray on the underside of the toilet, but maybe i just need to adjust the angle? That's about the biggest hassle attached to use. Requires a single pane of toilet paper to mop up.
* For those with hangups about potential colonic penetration: I suppose you could, with work, double yourself up to shoot a jet of water up your own ass but given the angle of the nozzle it's not something that's likely to happen on accident.
* I am finding this works very well with a toilet bench/squatty potty.

For anyone with Crohns/Colitis/hemorrhoids, sensitive or fissure-prone excretory bits, or just general pruritius ani, i cannot recommend this enough. Several long-standing issues with itching and abrasion disappeared in the space of two weeks.

There's an argument to be made against Tushy's hyper-millenial, pro-asshole marketing approach, but the bottom line (oy) is they sell a $90 model that works and should be easy enough for almost anyone to install without a plumber. If you have the kind of structural problems that I did, a plumber should be able to fix and plug this in well under an hour and for less than a hundred bucks. I daresay you'll be able to save $150 on toilet paper within one year of installation.

https://hellotushy.com/products/classic-affordable-bidet

NB: I am a male human without female parts and cannot speak to women's experience with a bidet in general or this model in particular... though i would appreciate a woman's POV on this to share with my partner who continues to view the device as a superfluous addition to the bathroom and considers it a potential source of UTIs.

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 22 September 2020 16:55 (four years ago) link

neanderthal i'm afraid you've exceeded your quota of butt-related content for the year

trapped out the barndo (crüt), Tuesday, 22 September 2020 17:02 (four years ago) link

Hello, everyone! The world is a mess but I sincerely hope that our booties are not!

a booty cleaner, Thursday, 24 September 2020 18:18 (four years ago) link

Booty cleaner! I am so glad you are still here for us, and for our dirty, dirty booties.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Thursday, 24 September 2020 18:50 (four years ago) link

I want only the cleanest of booties for my pals on the ILX message board!

a booty cleaner, Saturday, 3 October 2020 16:41 (four years ago) link


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