mayo: the devil's condiment

the kewpie ingredient list I posted upthread (which listed MSG) was from me reading the label on the bottle I got from Amazon US

Update: Kewpie not racist, and not a Japanefied version of the golliwog stereotype. My wife is horrified/delighted I believed her.

― rb (soda), Friday, September 18, 2020 11:50 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

To be clear: she didn’t spell any of that out. I took a tiny piece of information and mentally ran with it.

― rb (soda)

I looked at the wiki too and first saw "German" and "early 20th Century" and prepared to cringe, but was pleasantly surprised.

Winiary Majonez is THE ONE if you’re after Polish mayo, which is good because it is seasoned with Polish mustard.

creampie mayonaise?

Use-a pesto instead-a

Neanderthal bringing back butthole salad to these dark times

just made a batch of gochujang mayo....feeling very powerful right now

(to make: follow a standard homemade mayo recipe but use seasoned rice vinegar + add a heaping tablespoon or so of gochujang)

I bought some gochujang for the first time recently to make kimchi fried rice, I like it!

the key to mayonnaise in general is to whisk or blend the oil in very slowly, so that the egg and other ingredients and oil can emulsify

I've made sriracha mayonnaise before but gochujang has more complex flavors and as an ingredient sounds even better

it's extremely good, I will make it again with maybe 1.5x as much gochujang and a little more lemon to counter the sweetness of the rice vinegar

fwiw non-seasoned rice vinegar is not at all as sweet

it was all I had handy, and tbh it's a tasty addition, just a touch overpowering

This thread is exactly 8 years old today. Like the mayo in my fridge!

getting off topic but my goddaughter at 10 reveled in the fact that some of the food items in my pantry were older than her

I find gochujang a bit tricky to work with in general because it tends to be a bit stiff and sticky

the key to mayonnaise in general is to whisk or blend the oil in very slowly, so that the egg and other ingredients and oil can emulsify...

― Dan S, Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Don't forget the final step to perfect mayonnaise: once the ingredients are nicely emulsified, rinse the resultant paste down the sink and never speak of it again.

i've found turning it into a sauce makes it handy for many applications
Bibim Sauce:
1/4 cup gochujang
2 tablespoons toasted sesame oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 tablespoons agave or maple syrup
2 tablespoons rice vinegar
2 tablespoons water
xp

it's great mixed with sauteed veg, tofu, have used to glaze salmon, too

it sounds good

A review of mayos by the LA Times.

https://www.latimes.com/food/story/2020-10-08/the-best-mayonnaises-you-can-buy-a-nostalgia-proof-taste-test

The winner was Kraft for those that don't (or can't) read it.

And a sidebar on Kewpie mayo.

https://www.latimes.com/food/story/2020-10-09/people-love-kewpie-mayonnaise

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/nov/08/joe-biden-irish-relatives-celebrate-ballina-county-mayo

"Joe Blewitt, 41, a plumber who is a third cousin of Biden."

stunning news

so there i was, fixing to scramble an egg, when i discovered i had no milk. nor cream, nor sour cream, nor creme fraiche, nor nothing. “but that’s terrible, cat! whatever did you do?” well i’m posting in this thread so you already know what i did: spat into the eye of G*d and scrambled an egg with mayonnaise. then cooked it. then ate it. it was fine but i can no longer be buried in consecrated ground.

It starts from desperation, but it'll end with you slathering mayo on pastrami sandwiches and licking the knife afterwards.

it will end with me shambling out into the street excreting mayo from every pore, slimetrail of mayo in my wake, feebly grasping at passers-by with my greasy mayo fingers while i weep fat mayonnaise tears

The road to hell is paved with BLTs.

this is a safe space

well, at least it used to be

Whenever I'm eating it, I'm convinced leftover roast chicken and mayo is the best flavour combo there is.

Yes! I discovered it eating some leftover Thanksgiving turkey on bread, and graduated to using it (a chili spiced version) on fish sandwiches. The key is to use it sparingly.

yeah I love leftover bird and mayo on a sandwich.

The key is to use it sparingly.

Lol I slather it on.

sandwich shop in Southampton used to do rolls with coronation chicken (mayo + curry powder) which was actually spicy and had halved grapes, absolute heaven.

was convinced this revive was as a result of this god-tier tweet

To those asking why… They want us to put mayonnaise in our coffee. I won’t tolerate it. https://t.co/JbZUcHLjBc

— Dionne Warwick (@dionnewarwick) October 7, 2021

long past time to ask dionne the viking question

while i am grateful to have experienced that ground-breaking tweet, i am curious as to why dionne warwick was following a mayonnaise’s twitter in the first place

a quiet thursday evening, winds from the northwest at 5-10 mph, fire danger moderate. i am asked to conjure up my famous fridgehoarder pie (the debased step-nephew of shepherd’s/cottage/tamale pies, exclusive to those whose refrigerators groan with produce on the edge). i will oblige.

the amalgamated base laid in the baking tray, i turn to preparation of the mashed potato lid. a chance to finish off a half-empty bag of potato flakes; how prudent, how frugal, how virtuous.

the measure of potato flakes is sufficient.

boiling water i have in abundance, gods be praised.

the dregs of a carton of flaxmilk supply one third of the milk called for, cow juice the rest.

for the unctuous component, the last of a stick of butter and the scrapings from a jar of ghee yield … half … of what is needed.

what do i do. what do i do?! the olive oil is gone. we haven’t opened the new jar of coconut oil yet, and i can’t despoil a fresh grocery item for fridgehoarder pie, it goes against the entire ethos. i scan the pantry, i scan the fridge, i rifle through drawers, i come back to the fridge again and i see it. the old upside-down squeezie bottle of mayonnaise. down to just a few spoonfuls now, but enough for what i must do. forgive me.

May God have mercy on your soul.

my fridge clearing go-to is thai vegetable curry, and I am sure one could replace the the can of coconut cream with watered down mayo.

one most certainly could not, without the earth falling off its axis!

Mayochup is where it's at.

Best Non-Fiction Writing 2022

One could, but why would one?

so i'm making a sandwich, right? quick & practical, who doesn't love a sandwich.

i don't mind a little mayo on my 'wich, but last time i only used a dab & consequently my sangwidge was unacceptably dry, so this time i'm laying down the mayonnaise with a free hand. as i do so, i amuse myself by envisioning wafer-thins wisps of bread laden with snowy drifts of mayo, inches thick -- wouldn't that be a laugh, i chortle, unaware of the horror to come.

with my bread generously slathered, i retrieve cheese from the fridge & center a single perfect slice on my foundational lubed-up bread, just so. next up, the meat. but what's this? my vegan luncheon meat alternative has vanished! someone* must have polished it off without telling me.

well, all is not lost. i reach into the veggie drawer for that lovely tomato i saw just the other day and, oh. it's squishy. hm.

with a familiar sense of creeping resignation, i poke around for the head of romaine lettuce which has, naturally, been whittled down to a nub and returned to its receptacle on the bottom shelf.

i stand & close the refrigerator door. on the counter, triumphant, is my cheese & mayonnaise sandwich.

* you know who you are

maybe i should just assemble all my ingredients *before* i start cooking

Eugh!!

I have rarely been so nauseous as the day I found out there was a product called Hair Mayonnaise.

thanks for sharing!

it’s positively childish to be anything less than enthusiastic about mayo

xp
That's right up there with Body Butter.