Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

interpellation just isn't as subtle as it used to be

krakow i think you could be right about that

if so it's another example of the classic evolution of satirical irony congealing into earnestness through years of overuse cf. every one of coogan's 'saxondale' mannerisms

I hear that advert read by Renton ala his iconic/ironic voiceover monologue in Trainspotting ("Choose Life" etc)

ha, you weren't the only person who thought that:

Choose death pic.twitter.com/ub5NL3Sa3V

— Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) September 3, 2020

"Proper bants"?

Proper bants for a proper job

The result of that layout is that I keep reading 'plastic pants' and wondering what the hell I'm missing in the World of Work

listing random shit is not marketing

"What is the DEAL with office carpets? So weird"

1) listing
2) random shit
3) is
4) totally marketing!
5) LYSOL DOUCHE

Love me a buzzword

I did have a little chuckle when I saw Irvine Welsh's tweet.

This is soooo much better. Thanks @TheGreenParty pic.twitter.com/fczDuzBjpO

— Katy Beale (@katybeale) September 4, 2020

Absolutely no buzzwords, boss jokes or proper bants

The Green Party clearly don't have bloody Skype conference calls or Microsoft Teams.

I think the green party is promising you they'll not bant around.

No bants, no tricks.

https://i.ibb.co/r7gjHCP/20200927-164341.jpg

what app is it?

Train Line - like where you check train times and order tickets 🤷🏻‍♂️

lol

it's asking for feedback...

What you’ll be doing at Pace

Taking on and responding to a variety of fast-paced client briefs; from designing a short gif, to creating a fresh animation style to bring a campaign to life
You’ll be working within the design team on exciting new pitches and client briefs, across a range of sectors
You’ll be bringing content to life with bold, stand-out creativity across various platforms, from advertising to social media
You’ll be working with a team of energetic, outgoing folk who are not just passionate about what they do as individuals, but who root for one another in their own specialisms and disciplines
You’ll be part of a purpose-led team that has a real commitment to positively impacting society and the environment
You’ll be having a laugh, every single day at work. Because the Pace team like to laugh, loudly. Just ask our neighbours!

Perks of the job

We’re based in Hull’s creative centre in the Fruit Market. So, imagine leisurely lunch-time walks around the Marina and a cheeky drink after work down Humber Street.
You’ll get your birthday off plus 25 days annual leave plus public holidays every year
You’ll be part of the company-wide bonus scheme.
You’ll enjoy lots of team events
And biscuits (we love biscuits). And coffee. And cake. And our office dog, Tilly.

When do you start?

that's... not the worst i've seen, i'll admit

Working on the loudness of my laugh before I apply

the thrusting, gif-making young laughers of humber street

Just ask our neighbours!

You got a loud laugh, girl!

https://www.fgr.co.uk/news/october-2020/news-innocent-secure-stadium-naming-rights

However, until then - and for one game only - it will officially be named the ‘innocent [insert name here] stadium. The club has even erected a new sign above the main entrance.

“We’ve missed you, Tracer”

no you fucking haven’t. you literally have not missed me. there is a database field that today’s date has triggered, and you are sending me a mailshot to try and weasel a little bit of money out of me to make this month’s figures look good so that you can boast to your colleagues and feel better about yourself on the 6:43 commuter service to radlett you disingenuous piece of...... i’m arguing with software but you get my point

i got annoyed once when an automated station announcement said "i am sorry for the late running of this service". you're not sorry you're just a pre recorded message! "we are sorry..." i could accept.

This reminds me of the train carriage signs that say something like "I am coach b, I am proud that I look and smell nice but if you have any concerns then you can let my bosses know by texting this number"

"ah'm no a grass, coach b"

this is close enough to the same thing to post it here instead of "worst TV ads"

the recent Asda ads have all been pretty brutal, featuring a delightfully quirky buffoon who loves Asda so much he makes stan videos for them, but there's one current one where the spokesclown thanks Asda for all they're doing to keep people safe during the pandemic, so we have an advert for Asda, paid for by Asda, where we're invited to praise Asda for their awesomeness. somehow this just seems next level.

him and his disgustingly cute family, prostituting themselves for Asda/Walmart

We stand against discrimination🏳️‍⚧️ pic.twitter.com/xAWca1Wak5

— innocent drinks (@innocent) February 2, 2021

^ predictable replies to that

tl;dr: lots of transphobes are now boycotting Innocent

Do many companies actually follow 'regular' people (as opposed to other brands, orgs or celebs) on Twitter?

https://i.ibb.co/sQNyMmx/20210202-183750.jpg

It's a classic example of how people and organisations can have both good and rather naughty in them.

https://assets.website-files.com/5aece6d7c3605124d5c9c30b/5b5d3e515bb9b02a990e466c_Givebutter%20Logo%20Main.png

Yarraville news @AsFarce: https://t.co/fwyOS6rzVA

— unwanted fuckery (@hailants) March 22, 2021

“I actually put that question to the grade sixes at St Margaret’s Primary School in Maribyrnong, and all 41 kids were very clear that they wouldn’t run onto the road just to look at circles,” he said.

lol

Ordered a book from a second hand place that looked quite good, the type of company you're happy to give business to. And then they emailed this confirmation

(Your book(s) wanted to write you a personal note - it seemed unusual, but who are we to say no?)

Holy moly! It's me... it's me! I can't believe it is actually me! You could have picked any of over half a million books but you picked me! I've got to get packed! How is the weather where you live? Will I need a dust jacket? I can't believe I'm leaving Dunfermline, Scotland already!

I can't wait to meet you! You sound like such a well read person. Although, I have to say, it sure has taken you a while! I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but how would you like to spend five months sandwiched between Jane Eyre (drama queen) and Fundamentals of Thermodynamics (pyromaniac)? At least Jane was an upgrade from that stupid book on brewing beer. How many times did the ol' brewmaster have one too many and topple off our shelf at 2am?

But hey, enough about me, I've been asked to brief you on a few things.

We sent your order to the following address:

And now I dont want to deal with them ever again

that is terrible

that's hands down the worst

omg -- that is so horrible it is hilarious!

Oh dear god.

i would've thought hard about cancelling my order

my heart is breaking imagining the clueless lonely dork stuck in dunfermline behind that

better world books